Does this make sense?

by vicdd

Posted: 11 years ago 12 replies

OFF TOPIC

I didn't really know where to post this thread.
I would like to get your opinion about a writing matter.
I'm planning on writing come content for my newsletter ahead of time, and I've recently wrote my first "article". English is not my first language, obviously, so I've ordered Proofreading on fiverr from a high rated seller (the gig included spelling, grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure check), but what I've got back is really just some spelling mistakes corrected.
So I'm going to paste a short chunk of the article, and I would like to ask some native speaker for an honest opinion: is what I write readable/good enough to post on a website/in a newsletter, or should I search for another proofreading or other kind of editing?
I'll be really greatful for some advice.

Most of us tend to completely overlook the power of enchanting and gemming at low levels. And why wouldn't we? The first time I heard I should tweak my gear at low level, I had one answer: "lol, u mad? is +2 agility really going to make a difference? get a life!" Sound like something you would say? You couldn't be more wrong! Well, it all adds up. If you compare stats of 2 players of the same class at level 50, one being fully tweaked and the other one being the cheap *******, you will see a significant difference. Not only will the first one boost his/her DPS/HPS, but also survivability--just calculate how much time you've spent running all the way to get your stinky corpse through half of the map just because you've lacked that 100 extra hp.

Lori Kelly 11 years ago

Good thinking about having someone edit your content.

Most of us tend to completely overlook the power of enchanting and gemming at low levels. And why wouldn't we? The first time I heard I should tweak my gear at low level, I had one answer: "lol, are u mad?

Is +2 agility really going to make a difference? Get a life!" Does this sSound like something you would say? You couldn't be more wrong!

Well, it all adds up. If you compare stats of two players of the same class at level 50, one being fully tweaked and the other one being the cheap *******, you will see a significant difference.

Not only will the first one boost his/her DPS/HPS, but also survivability--just calculate how much time you've spent running all the way to get your stinky corpse through half of the map just because you've lacked that 100 extra hp.
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vicdd 11 years ago

Thank you Lori!
Now I see that the Proofreader overlooked some things (in a short paragraph, and there is a lot of this text). I'm going to search for someone else to do the editing, as I'm just not able to spot those errors myself, and there must be many (I'm mostly concerned about sentences not making sense, etc.)
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Alexa Smith

Banned 11 years ago

Originally Posted by vicdd

should I search for another proofreading or other kind of editing?

I can't really read and understand it, so I'll give this question a big, clear, unambiguously stated "yes", and hope not to offend you.

If it helps, reliable proofreading/editing services here include those of these two Warriors ...

View Profile: laurencewins
View Profile: Jacqueline Smith

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HeySal

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Alexa Smith

I can't really read and understand it, so I'll give this question a big, clear, unambiguously stated "yes", and hope not to offend you.

If it helps, reliable proofreading/editing services here include those of these two Warriors ...

View Profile: laurencewins
View Profile: Jacqueline Smith

^^^ what she said.

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Kay King 11 years ago

my "audience" is around 16-30

Considering the topic and audience - I expect they understand exactly what you are talking about.

It could be "neatened" but I think your points get across. Not every piece of writing must be perfect in sentence structure and grammar. I have a feeling you are writing in the way your target market talks about gaming.

I didn't have the impression of "really good writer" but that's not your goal here. More importantly I didn't get the impression of "not good in English" so that's a plus.
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LarryC 11 years ago

Wow, I read through that and have no idea what it's about, lol. I assume it refers to some type of game? I think someone would have to be a little familiar with the topic to properly judge the quality of the writing. The style does seem very casual, though, and the above corrections made by Lori are valid. Not capitalizing the first letter of a sentence is sloppy proofreading.
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- vicdd 11 years ago
  
  Thank you all for your insights!
  Yes, I'm in the gaming niche, so entertainment, and my "audience" is around 16-30, so I intend to be casual and informal. Maybe I've chosen a wrong piece, as this is the only non-capitalized part of the article, and I think the Proofreader left it as it is on purpose, because of the quotes.
  But anyway, I'm going to need a lot of proofreading badly
  
  Thanks
  
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LarryC 11 years ago

When hiring a proofreader, I would ask for someone familiar with that niche. Otherwise, they could easily miss something. For example, I don't know what "gemming, "tweak my gear" or DPS/HPS mean, so if there was a typo or other mistake I wouldn't spot it.
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- vicdd 11 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by LarryC
  
  When hiring a proofreader, I would ask for someone familiar with that niche.
  
  It's not that easy to find someone like that
  
  Thanks
  
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travlinguy 11 years ago

Fiverr is definitely not the place to purchase anything having to do with writing or proofreading. For your market I think it's okay to leave a bit of the abbreviated texting-style writing in but I wouldn't go overboard. Alexa has given you a couple of good proofreaders to start with.

I didn't know what enchanting and gemming were so I went to joystiq.com and became more confused than before. It's going to take someone with an understanding of gaming to do this right. Good luck.
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Victor Edson 11 years ago

If English isn't your first language, some thought needs to be put into making your content flow better, which wasn't done with this article.

I woulda done something like:

Most of us completely overlook the power of enchanting and gemming our gear at low levels. And why wouldn't we? The first time I heard someone say I should tweak my gear at a low level, I thought, "lol, u mad? +2 agility won't make a difference, get a life noob!” But if that sounds like something you would say, you couldn't be more wrong! It all adds up, in more way than one. If you compared stats of 2 players of the same class at level 50, one being fully tweaked and the other one having the wrong gear and enchants, you'd see a significant difference. Not only would the first one have a boost in his/her DPS/HPS, but also survivability—just calculate how many times you've been running all the way back to pick up your stinky corpse halfway through the map just because you didn't have that 100 extra hp.
- [ 1 ] Thanks
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travlinguy 11 years ago

Here's my suggestion. Forget having anyone write it for you. You're a much better writer than many native English speakers. Write your posts, articles, etc. and simply have your writing proofread.

Here's something I don't often get to say. There are a few markets where word and letter perfect text isn't nearly as important as relating to your audience. I believe gaming is one of those markets. It's obvious you know what you're talking about (even if some of us don't ) so don't try and fix something that's already working. Write your best stuff and just have someone go through it and dust it off a bit.
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Does this make sense?

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