Need parenting advice

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Hi everyone

I am a father of 2 boys ages 5 and 2. I love them very much. My 5 year old is very laid back and we get a long great. I take him out everywhere. He has my personality. Super outgoing funny and personable. My 2 year old is very serious and doesn't like hugs. A little standoffish. But he does have some funny qualities that comes out once in a while.

On the other hand even though my 2 year old is only 2 he is out of control. My wife is a stay at home mom and I work. I am having trouble relating to him and don't feel that close bond I do with my 5 year old. My 2 year old has no clue what listening is.

Everything I say is either no or stop constantly because he will either hurt himself or it is just very annoying. He screeches very loud when he wants something but I think it's out of frustration as he doesn't know how to speak in full sentences yet. I am a very impatient person and yell at him because he is so annoying. It is also partially because I lack patience so I have to be honest with myself. Something I am working on to so I can be a better parent. Any advice would be great

I know I am going to get a lot of mixed opinions and views on this one but I only want honest advice. I have a few screws loose myself I need to work out. In a nutshell I'm married 9 years and never been married or divorced.
#advice #parenting #therapist
  • Profile picture of the author Horny Devil
    Banned
    There are much more appropriate forums than this to seek the kind of advice you need. This is primarily an IM forum, and this is the chill out zone for it. You're going to get maybe a few constructive replies but otherwise leave yourself open to all sorts of crazy answers.

    I strongly suggest you seek assistance from those qualified in the parental field in the area you live, or if you have to seek advice online then do a Google search for a forum specific to your needs. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author Audrey Harvey
    I dunno, the off topic forum is an appropriate place for this post, and the WF has a huge variety of people of all ages, experiences and nationalities. Why not ask here, as well as other parenting forums?

    These are my thoughts, for what they're worth. Must admit, and this may sound awful to some, but I raised my kids the same way I raised my dogs. No, not with shock collars and liver treats
    Look for and reward positive behaviour, then stop rewarding inappropriate behaviour, and redirect it into something more appropriate. It takes time and patience but I reckon it has a better outcome than yelling or punishing.

    Originally Posted by nyc4626 View Post


    Everything I say is either no or stop constantly
    Look for the positive. Find something, anything, your child is doing right, or well, and praise it with words and a hug. Your interactions with your child need to be pleasant for him, he needs to feel secure and enjoy being with you to build a rapport. Balance the no or stop with more positive interactions. You might have to look hard to see anything positive in the early stages, but there will be something.

    Stop rewarding the negative. If your son's screeching is getting attention (eg you yelling), then stop giving him attention when he does it. Encourage him to shhh and as soon as he's quiet, then interact with him, help him to show you what he's after. My friend's 2 year old son is learning words for things, so maybe teach him the words for a few of the common things he wants, so he starts to learn to express himself better.

    That sort of thing seems to have worked for my two, they're 11 and 14 now and are quite nice people. Worth a thought maybe.
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Certainly get local expert help for the only things
    on earth likely to really remember you after you
    are gone. Your kids of course.

    Two very, very important things for you to learn.

    1) There is nothing wrong with your kid that is not like you
    or the other kid and don't try to make him otherwise, or ever
    be disappointed, or ever express disappointment. Find things
    to appreciate and respect.

    2) He's only two. Sheesh.

    Dan
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    It might be wise to consult with an expert on autism spectrum conditions for your two-year-old, just to see if it might apply to him.

    I would suggest, see what really captures your two-year-old son's interest and provide him with A LOT of it. adjust to him, don't force him to adjust to you. Let his genius emerge. That'll be the hot-air balloon that lifts everything up with it.
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      You have received some excellent advice thus far but I'd like to add just a few things.

      First and foremost, you must remain calm if you want your child to be calm. When he is out of control, stoop down til you're are eye level, make direct eye contact and gently place your hand on one of his shoulders and speak calmly. Continue speaking calmly no matter what.

      Also, it would be of great benefit to spend some alone one on one time with your two year old, whether you go for a walk, play on the floor with blocks or cars or whatever. Your 5 year old will be there when you are done.

      I also have a question for you, rather some clarification, really.

      You said:

      In a nutshell I'm married 9 years and never been married or divorced.
      So, are you married or not? :confused:

      Terra
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    • Profile picture of the author Lloyd Buchinski
      Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

      I would suggest, see what really captures your two-year-old son's interest and provide him with A LOT of it. adjust to him, don't force him to adjust to you. Let his genius emerge. That'll be the hot-air balloon that lifts everything up with it.
      I like tb's understanding. It goes along with my all time favorite quote about parenting.

      Everyone who comes to this world brings a gift to this world. A parent can help the person sort out what that is. Prem Rawat
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      The KimW WSO

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  • My husband and I had a really tough time when my daughter was 2. I was a stay-at-home mom hen, not working, and my husband worked nights. I was sleep deprived because she would have these night terrors almost every night. And when my husband gets home from work, he also ends up not getting any sleep because my daughter would have a tantrum every couple of hours. And she always seems to be looking for ways to hurt herself. We child-proofed practically every inch of our apartment and she keeps finding inventive ways to get around that and get her fingers and toes stuck into things.

    So I can definitely relate to what you're going through.

    Like MissTerrak, my mom suggested that my husband and I should find ways to be calm as a family and on our own with our child. For me, I started walking with her around our neighborhood, just looking around and talking. My husband's quiet time with my daughter is rubbing her feet and reading to her before he goes to work. As a family, we got into the habit of waking up early to cook breakfast together before going to church.

    It took a while but eventually her behavior did improve. I guess she was just as stressed as we were. Maybe she just needed us to show her how to calm and still have fun.

    I hope my story helps you. But by far you are the best judge on what would work best for your family. It may feel hopeless now but it will get better; just don't give up.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      Two year olds can be extremely hard to deal with - they don't call it the "terrible two's" for nothing. But every child has a different level of "terrible" so perhaps your older son was easier at age 2. This second son must compete with his brother for your attention and the only way he knows to do it is to misbehave.

      I am a very impatient person and yell at him because he is so annoying. It is also partially because I lack patience so I have to be honest with myself. Something I am working on to so I can be a better parent. Any advice would be great
      Your son is annoying? He's two - that's his job right now. You certainly don't do him any good yelling at him. Have you asked your wife her opinion of what the problem might be and whether the problem is the child or you?

      If you are showing a preference for and more attention to your older son....the young one's behavior may be meant to get your attention any way he can. You definitely need to spend time separately with your sons.
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    • Profile picture of the author nyc4626
      Great advice thank you.
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    • Profile picture of the author nyc4626
      I appreciate everyones replies. I read through all of them and always looking for ways to improve as a parent. Getting an outsiders input is better then family advice sometimes
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