Boast About Yourself Here

You ever learn the elbow crack trick that they teach in karate and whatnot? Flex and straighten arm at same time until elbow joint cracks.

And she writes great song lyrics too.

At one time, I could arguably be called the World's Greatest In Home Vacuum Cleaner Salesman. Here are a few of my accomplishments...

I have two streets in my town where everyone bought a vacuum cleaner from me. I've sold 24 in a row. That means nothing to most, but in the in home sales business..it's unheard of.

I've set and then broken my company record for net sales in a week (but never for the whole month)

I've made enough money Monday-Friday, to pay cash for a new car that Saturday.

At the trade association annual trade show in Las Vegas, I've been a paid speaker (the only paid speaker) every year for the last 11 years. Once, the Keynote speaker.

When I attend these events, I still hear people whispering to each other "That's him" It used to happen more often, but I've stopped selling in people's homes several years ago.

I've written three books on selling and advertising. They are consistently in the top 100 in their category for sales on Amazon. The fourth book, One Call Closing will be on Amazon before the end of next week.

I now speak at trade associations and niche marketing groups. It pays really well, but it's becoming a chore.

I own a retail store with my wife, and it's doing well. I spend almost no effort on it. And I run my speaking business and my online marketing business out of there.

I'm an expert in Ba Gua, a Chinese martial art. Although I could handle myself, the appeal is the geometry of the movements, not the fighting.

Now for the flip side.
I have no sense of direction, and get lost easily. I can't cook at all. I have no idea how to do any repairs on my car. I look my age, and it ain't pretty.
I have no carpentry skills, no ability in sports (I barely know what game is being played.). I can't play any card games, or chess. I speak no foreign language.

I've taken IQ tests, and they always tell the same story. Dull normal in every area except geometric pattern solving...seeing patterns....sequential thinking..and I score 180 in that area. I'm very visual. I don't remember the name, I visualize the letters of the name in front of me. I see the name, and then read it. I've sort of learned to think with my strengths and bypass my weaknesses. But it doesn't always work. I don't remember phone numbers...I remember the pattern the number makes on the touch tone phone. I have no musical talent, and no knowledge of music, musicians. I know nothing about wines, cigars, cars...I have no traditions, no cultural appreciation for finer things. When I shop for suits, I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no fashion sense.

I've been told that I'd be good at Chess, but I have no idea, and no interest.

Although I'm in sales, I don't really feel close to people. I have few social skills. Those I have, I had to learn as an adult, just to pass as "a nice guy".
I seriously thought I was a sociopath for years. My son is the same way.

I've been described by friends as "An inch wide and a mile deep".

And in almost no situation is that a good thing.


Added later; Oh my God. I didn't realize that these answers were tongue in cheek. Oh well, I already spent the time typing, so I'm keeping it.

I do a lot of that. I have never had a nightmare, though.

I can top it. I met "The Riffle". And I hope to again.

When I typed "I'm an inch wide and a mile deep" I thought for sure that you would grab that and beat me with it. I am deeply deeply disappointed that you don't care enough to insult me.
I still care enough to insult you.

Now, that's clever.

I was busy most of this afternoon and evening working with a client. I actually came back to delete my post, because after I thought about it...it's pretty narcissistic to write a post like that..where the sole purpose is to brag. But you guys were so gracious, I decided to leave it up.

For some reason, this was even funnier the second time.

While we're at it, most of mine are adventures in all types of different settings. Some are more serious than others, but adventures, just the same. Action packed adventures.

I love them!

The second most frequent type of my dreams are discovery ones. In these, I discover new things, things that are new to me, not necessarily the world, but in some I discover old paces where historical events have taken place and finding them is like being transported back in time.

I love those too!

I actually love my dreams...most of the time.

Terra

It's like that with my son. When we're out, a lot of people greet him by name, pretty much treating me like I'm his bodyguard, lol.

I would have guessed that's when you wink and say, "Please do." :p

Do you find dreaming about condiments discomforting then?

I find it very bizarre that so many do not experience an occasional nightmare.

I serial dream. I'll dream I'm in a particular environment in a dream - and know what is elsewhere, then dream I'm in that elsewhere in another dream. Never quite the same as the real places. Used to have running dreams about my home town after I left there - things weren't always where they were in real life, but were always the same place dream to dream. That was strange. I enjoy serial dreaming.

But I've never eaten major amounts of "crisps" - which I'm thinking are either french fries or potato chips?

What kind of crisps are you having in Chiang Mai?

Stop it! You're Messing With My Mind!

I recently dreamed I was in a nice home, with a new wife and my parents were there with my new in-laws. I must have been starting to wake up, because I remember saying;

"Wait a minute, I'm not married to you...I've never even met you"
"I've never been here before..."
"Mom, Dad...I'm very sorry..you aren't real. I know you're dead."
"None of this is real, I'm leaving"

And with that, I flew through the roof (Yup, just like Superman) and woke up.

I have some kind of Superman fixation. In nearly every dream (except for the lost with amnesia dreams) I can fly just like Superman, have Godlike strength, and sometimes, even have the costume. And I'm nearly always defending the Earth or loved ones from vampires, the mafia, demons, slimy aliens, zombies, or some vast unbeatable army. And I'm always too little too late. I can never fight everything coming at us. It isn't a heroic dream. It's a dream where people are dying horribly around me, and I can't stop it.

Variations of the same dream, every night. I used to be the victim in the dreams. a vampire/monster/demon was chasing me, and I was seconds away from dying...the whole night.

I remember the night I turned and fought back. I was a kid, but I don't remember exactly how old. I know it was a dream, and that I really didn't do anything. But the next day, I felt extremely proud of myself.

From that point on, I was doing battle. Weird.

Some day, maybe when I'm 85 years old...I'll win.

I think you'll find this interesting.

In my dreams, if I'm talking to one of my parents, or my brother (all are gone)
we will be engaged in conversation. But as soon as I realize that it couldn't possibly be them, they simply stop talking. They look at me with a blank expression...and maybe walk away. I don't even have to tell them that I know they aren't real.

It's like they are animated, and suddenly there is nobody at the controls. They may look at me, but with a blank stare.

I'm not precisely sure what causes that, but it's interesting to me.

I managed to unwittingly infuriate a lot of mods at another place.

Gave myself an extra bon-bon for my first ban, ever, in 20 online years.. :p

That was weird, lol.