Does Daycare Sometimes Mess Kids Up?

How does a 3 year old "act a little paranoid" around another 3 year old?

I've noticed in my own family when children enter good day care programs they advance quickly in social interaction. If you have different families - different day cares - what is the common denominator?

It may not be bad day care - but that exposure to other kids has changed how these children choose friends or play interactively. Also true is entering day care for the first time often signals a change in a family and that is a critical factor for kids.

The mind of a child: at age 4 my grandson announced he no longer liked to play with the little girl next door. Why? "She's not smart - she doesn't even KNOW who Mrs. Monty is"....Mrs. Monty was his favorite day school teacher.:p

Schools do often stifle and even punish creativity. They are especially harsh towards actual critical thinking. As a wee lad, I was once punished for providing documentation that proved the ancient Maya had a written language, since it didn't coincide with the current dogma of the time. School experience is commonly especially harsh towards kids in the autism spectrum.

I guess I have questions on whether it can actually affect IQ much, one way or another, since the general idea promoted is that IQ is as consistent as the speed of light (lol), as ingrained as DNA. Unlike every other thing that involves cognitive function, eg getting better at basketball or French with practice. There are many unresolved questions surrounding IQ tests and scoring in general, and the tendency of people who score high would likely to be in support of them, lol.

In the US, the better day care facilities now have cameras that allow parents to go online and see what their child is doing at any time during the day. It's a great improvement.

Both my kids went to preschool at a private religious-run school -- daycare, nap time and learning activities for 3 and four-year olds, kindergarten and daycare for 5 year olds. Breakfast, lunch and snacks were provided, as well as field trips, lot of indoor and outdoor activities, including a library and lots of toys. This daycare was a converted, private grade school with lots of outdoor space with fresh air, grass and trees with supervised play. We used to have problems picking up the younger son when it was time to go home as he didn't want to leave

For my kids, it was the ideal situation and a great start for all the kids who went there, but that was a long time ago.

I don't know what the daycare situations are in my area now, other than it is horribly expensive and I see daycare businesses in places I would never want to leave a kid. Unfortunately, most of my friends are all older now, so that's not something where we pass information back and forth.

Unfortunately, no matter where you go, there are always going to be kids that cause problems and pass the virus on to the others unless the providers are constantly watching and correcting behavior.

If these kids that are going to daycare are not good playmates for your son, it's probably best if you would make some other arrangements since you really, really don't want him to pick up their current problems. If you are good enough friends with their parents, perhaps they might talk about it. Just removing your child from the situation might be best. And, do find out what daycare they are going to as you might want to avoid it should the need arise to send your son to one.

Man, I'd look into Montessori if I were you. Rather than try to "mold" young minds into what "they" think children should be, the Montessori philosophy is all about acknowledging that children are natural learners and they themselves are best equipped to guide their own learning.

Larry Page of Google fame described the influence that Montessori had on himself as such:

There's not much structure and rules in a Montessori pre-primary education. Part of the philosophy is that a child can determine when the time is right to learn a certain subject, or that a child is capable on their own in choosing what activity they need according to their own developmental needs. The Montessori teacher's role is not to tell kids what they are to learn. He or she will instead act as a helper to the learning child, facilitating the child's learning based on the path the child has chosen.

If I've learned anything about you and your son based on your past posts, I'd say that you value individuality and you both tend to go against the grain. If that's true, then I think you'd like the Montessori way of doing things.

An earlier post was right - socialization, socialization, socialization.

The question is - how much socialization does a pre-schooler actually need - or is even good for them? Remember - when a kid is at home, they are learning to be. They are learning how to occupy their time. They need to be creative, sometimes with help from mom and dad, but they have to learn to think and do on their own. Once they hit the institutions, their time is completely structured for them. They miss a LOT of self education.

They also have someone else directing what they learn and think. They might miss, and the parents might miss clues about subjects that are extremely exciting to the kid just because they don't have the free time to wander into their own interests. I already knew what interested me when I entered kindergarten. Kids there from preschool knew the routine already, but didn't know much about being on their own. They were always looking to the teacher for instruction. They talked about cartoon characters - I was into dinosaurs, wildlife, and whittling. While it is harder for kids without pre-school to "socialize" to the pack - when not with the pack they are so much better off on their own.

I'd avoid institutionalizing my kid any way possible. Back then, I'd have sent the kid to public school at the right age, though. The way schools are now, I'd never let a child of mine walk in the front door of one - at any age. Knowing how you are expected to act in a large group of people, and how to obey authority isn't in my priority of what a kid really needs to learn.

You nailed it, Gary!

Stay involved every step of the way, no matter what it takes.

With my youngest, over and beyond what we did with his older two sisters, I took on the Board Of Education fighting for him not to be labeled as ADD/ADHD and be put on meds or kicked out, and won. Turns out he was gifted with an exceptionally high IQ combined with being a kinesthetic learner rather than having ADD/ADHD. A kinesthetic learner basically learns by physical activity rather than listening to lectures or watching demonstrations or activity and they make up only about 5% of the population.

After that battle, I actually went to work for the district in his school so I could keep an eye on what was going on around there.

Absolutely be involved no matter how involved you must be!


Terra