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I lived in a town so small...

by Joe Mobley
14 replies
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I lived in a town so small...

The town prostitute was a virgin.

We shared the town drunk with the next town.

The biggest industry was a 400 pound Avon lady named Mildred.

:rolleyes:

Joe Mobley
  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    Our town is so small--

    ...our high school reunions are held in whoever's van has the most gas.

    ...the golf course only has 9 holes . . . all on the same green.

    ...when someone suggests going out to eat no one has to ask where.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      My town is so small the "Welcome to Wooster Ohio" sign is painted on both sides.


      The town is so small there is just one phone. you just call and ask for "Bob", and nobody has to ask you his last name.

      The town is so small that the only paved road is the driveway.

      The town is so small there are no addresses. You just send the letter to "Dan Riffle, Wooster Ohio...and someone will read it to him.
      (See what I did there?)

      It's so small that the term "Shop locally" is impossible to obey.

      It's so small there is no newspaper delivery. The one reporter writing the paper, is the only one that receives it.

      The town is so small, that the sewer system is a bucket.

      I own a vacuum cleaner store. The town is so small, that the only way I make a living, is to sell the same vacuum cleaner...to my wife, over and over again.

      And......

      My town is so small, there has never been a murder. Because it takes two for there to be a murder.
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      • Profile picture of the author joseph7384
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        The town is so small there are no addresses. You just send the letter to "Dan Riffle, Wooster Ohio...and someone will read it to him.
        (See what I did there?)
        He,he,he,he,he,he,he,he,he,he,he,he.
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      • Profile picture of the author Horny Devil
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        My town is so small the "Welcome to Wooster Ohio" sign is painted on both sides.


        The town is so small there is just one phone. you just call and ask for "Bob", and nobody has to ask you his last name.

        The town is so small that the only paved road is the driveway.

        The town is so small there are no addresses. You just send the letter to "Dan Riffle, Wooster Ohio...and someone will read it to him.
        (See what I did there?)

        It's so small that the term "Shop locally" is impossible to obey.

        It's so small there is no newspaper delivery. The one reporter writing the paper, is the only one that receives it.

        The town is so small, that the sewer system is a bucket.

        I own a vacuum cleaner store. The town is so small, that the only way I make a living, is to sell the same vacuum cleaner...to my wife, over and over again.

        And......

        My town is so small, there has never been a murder. Because it takes two for there to be a murder.
        A valiant effort for only a solitary "thanks". Do you not think the late film sometimes more appealing?
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Horny Devil View Post

          A valiant effort for only a solitary "thanks". Do you not think the late film sometimes more appealing?
          Sniff....Only one "Thanks" from Sal.....I'm so lonely....and unloved...and petty about it....:rolleyes:
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          • Profile picture of the author ThomM
            My town is so small the "Welcome to Wooster Ohio" sign is painted on both sides.
            Heck my town was so small the "Welcome to" and "Now Leaving" where on the same side.
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            Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
            Getting old ain't for sissy's
            As you are I was, as I am you will be
            You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.

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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    My town is so small that it tripled in size when Claude Whitacre held a seminar here. All three of his fans were in attendance.
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    Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      My town is so small that it tripled in size when Claude Whitacre held a seminar here. All three of his fans were in attendance.
      Dan; Three fans!? Heck, three fans is a goal of mine!
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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      My town is so small that it tripled in size when Claude Whitacre held a seminar here. All three of his fans were in attendance.
      Were there any other mechanical devices in attendance?
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

        Were there any other mechanical devices in attendance?
        Only battery operated and only in Claude's room.
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        Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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        • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          Only battery operated and only in Claude's room.
          Does Claude know what you were doing in there?
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          Selling Ain't for Sissies!
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
            Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post

            Does Claude know what you were doing in there?
            He's knows I'm the one who called the police.
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            Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              He's knows I'm the one who called the police.
              Dan; Yes, you called the police. And I agree that confessing was the right move for you. I'm very proud of you. I'll see you when you get out..in three years.

              Prancer.
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              • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                In the UK the following pre-requisites are required.

                A Village has to have 2 hairdressers, a Chinese or Indian takeaway, a small church, 2 overpriced food stores, a village hall and a tv repair shop. Oh and 2 pubs. You have to have at least 4 people living there in residential housing. Believe it or not this village actually exists and I lived there for 5 years. St Stephen In Cornwall.

                A Town in the UK has to have a lot more shops, residential areas and a trading estate. If you build a Cathedral in a town or a village it will be re-named a city. This is true! All citys in the UK have a Cathedral.

                In America, a rolled up newspaper in the middle of the road is classed as a city! As long as people occupy it! Slight exaggeration on that one.
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