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CLAUDE ALMIGHTY!!!

by tagiscom
27 replies
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A note to mods, this isn't a religious thread, just some fun!



And some of the first chapter!



Maybe it should have read, GIN INDUCED?


Just as l thought Claude has come down here, to this forum to spread the word, and punish Dan for his sins!

It's an ongoing process!!! He, he! :rolleyes:


Shane

PS Claude pass on to Santa that l want a billion in Non-sequencel $100 dollar, Australian bills! And leave it on the front doorstep, with a tough looking Elf, which will fork it over when l give the code word, Green slime!
  • Profile picture of the author Sumit Menon
    Oh shut up! Everyone knows Claude isn't real.

    PS. Next time I think of someone who has a lot of free time on their hands, I'll think of you.
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  • Profile picture of the author socialentry
    There's already a typo in the first chapter.
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by socialentry View Post

      There's already a typo in the first chapter.
      You'll go straight to hell for that one! :rolleyes:

      Originally Posted by Sumit Menon View Post

      Oh shut up! Everyone knows Claude isn't real.

      PS. Next time I think of someone who has a lot of free time on their hands, I'll think of you.
      Hmmm, playing with fire!!!! :rolleyes:


      See everyone, especially newbies, this is what IM can do to you over time!

      Quit while you can!!! He, he!


      Shane
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      • Profile picture of the author Sumit Menon
        Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

        See everyone, especially newbies, this is what IM can do to you over time!

        Quit while you can!!! He, he!


        Shane
        If I may ask... Where from do thy create such impeccable forgeries?
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Shane; I'm speechless.
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Shane; I'm speechless.
            That'll be the day.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    I'm surprised no one, especially Claude, still hasn't pointed out the obvious mistake after all these threads. :rolleyes:
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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

      I'm surprised no one, especially Claude, still hasn't pointed out the obvious mistake after all these threads. :rolleyes:
      What, that Shane has seven or eight different spellings for Claude's name?
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      • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
        Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

        What, that Shane has seven or eight different spellings for Claude's name?
        That would be the one. Spoilsport.
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

          That would be the one. Spoilsport.
          Whoops. I thought you had something else in mind.
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          Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

        What, that Shane has seven or eight different spellings for Claude's name?
        Ahem!..... Dan; DAN! (Booming God like voice)

        My name is spelled many different ways, because I am known in many different lands. In China, I am known as "He who takes advantage of a buffet". In Canada, I am worshiped as "The fat guy not from around here".

        My name means different things to different people.

        In Germany, my name means "Laughs at his own jokes". In Australia, they spell it "Cloud Wittaker", which means "Verbose bald guy who sings his own praises".

        I am everywhere, my children. Wherever there is a beautiful woman, wanting to take a shower...I'll be there. Wherever there is a drunk, who is buying the bar a round...I'll be there. Wherever there is a free meal..you will find me.

        Listen to my words, my children.....and consider this wisdom...

        I am the Alpha...and Riffle is the Omega (Omega means "Short Alpha") And Shane is apparently the one writing my Bible. I hope he makes me sound thinner....and smarter.


        PS; Oh Shane; When you're writing my Bible, make Riffle the Devil. Kind of a dull, cross dressing, short, funny, Eunich Devil. Thanks... I mean "Bless you. my son". Oh yeah, and make Horny Devil a Wise man. That's because there can't be two devils.

        Oh...sorry, um...make my twelve apostles.... women. Not "Wise women"...but um...you know...women who are into older, bald, fat, loud, insecure men with ED. There! That about covers it.
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Is this an excerpt from the "Holey Dribble" ?
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          Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

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        • Profile picture of the author Horny Devil
          Banned
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          I am everywhere, my children. Wherever there is a beautiful woman, wanting to take a shower . .
          Is your wife actually aware of these flights of fancy that you take on abnormally regular trips, for a man of your advanced years.


          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Oh yeah, and make Horny Devil a Wise man. That's because there can't be two devils.
          How dare you even deign to insult the master. I do not hanker to be a wise man. I am a wise devil. There is a difference.

          Oh, and you are correct in this instance, Mr Claudette (never will be Roger) Whittaker. There certainly can't be two devils. I secured the exclusive franchise for demonic devilment on WF when joining, and cheap imitations will receive this devil's pitch fork up their arse.
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          • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
            Originally Posted by Sumit Menon View Post

            If I may ask... Where from do thy create such impeccable forgeries?
            WHAT??????? :confused:


            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Shane; I'm speechless.
            I got this idea from you and Dan having a spat in another thread, where you were, giving all knowing references!

            So l thought l should take it further! He, he! :p


            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            What, that Shane has seven or eight different spellings for Claude's name?
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Ahem!..... Dan; DAN! (Booming God like voice)

            My name is spelled many different ways, because I am known in many different lands. In China, I am known as "He who takes advantage of a buffet". In Canada, I am worshiped as "The fat guy not from around here".

            My name means different things to different people.

            In Germany, my name means "Laughs at his own jokes". In Australia, they spell it "Cloud Wittaker", which means "Verbose bald guy who sings his own praises".

            I am everywhere, my children. Wherever there is a beautiful woman, wanting to take a shower...I'll be there. Wherever there is a drunk, who is buying the bar a round...I'll be there. Wherever there is a free meal..you will find me.

            Listen to my words, my children.....and consider this wisdom...

            I am the Alpha...and Riffle is the Omega (Omega means "Short Alpha") And Shane is apparently the one writing my Bible. I hope he makes me sound thinner....and smarter.


            PS; Oh Shane; When you're writing my Bible, make Riffle the Devil. Kind of a dull, cross dressing, short, funny, Eunich Devil. Thanks... I mean "Bless you. my son". Oh yeah, and make Horny Devil a Wise man. That's because there can't be two devils.

            Oh...sorry, um...make my twelve apostles.... women. Not "Wise women"...but um...you know...women who are into older, bald, fat, loud, insecure men with ED. There! That about covers it.
            Yep, what Claude said, his name is different every time, l wrote the above one, when almost falling asleep at my Laptop!

            Besides Claude is God, so this sacred text is correct, and all other text in planet Earth is wrong! :p

            Hmmmm, looks like l have unleashed a monster! He, he!:rolleyes:

            I will do my best, l only did this last night, because my IM work has become boring, and l was too tired to do any more! :p


            Originally Posted by Horny Devil View Post

            Is your wife actually aware of these flights of fancy that you take on abnormally regular trips, for a man of your advanced years.




            How dare you even deign to insult the master. I do not hanker to be a wise man. I am a wise devil. There is a difference.

            Oh, and you are correct in this instance, Mr Claudette (never will be Roger) Whittaker. There certainly can't be two devils. I secured the exclusive franchise for demonic devilment on WF when joining, and cheap imitations will receive this devil's pitch fork up their arse.
            Oh, oh, l think that Horney Devil, has the devil rights, but l will see what l can do!


            Shane

            PS, l will hold my breath on whether this thread will go down the Gif animation path again?
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Shane; I just wanted you to know that I told several friends about this today.

              I'm truly honored that you used my name in such a creative way.
              And I thought it was lots of fun.

              Especially the "Devil" part.
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              • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                Shane; I just wanted you to know that I told several friends about this today.

                I'm truly honored that you used my name in such a creative way.
                And I thought it was lots of fun.

                Especially the "Devil" part.
                Thanks Claude, (bowing hands)!

                You know what they say about idle hands! He, he! :rolleyes:

                Thankfully no serious repercussions have arisen, so l will go full throttle with this!

                Yep, l am getting a kick out of doing this too, but this is only the tip of the iceberg!

                Stay tuned!

                Mwahahahaahhaha!



                Shane

                PS this is what happens when l watch too many Micheal Rosen TY videos late at night! That guy is seriously disturbed, but l am taking notes! He, he!
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                • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                  Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post


                  You know what they say about idle hands! He, he! :rolleyes:
                  Claude most certainly knows about idle hands. That's why he always wears sweatpants.
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            • Profile picture of the author Sumit Menon
              Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

              WHAT??????? :confused:
              ?
              Where do you make these covers? You had posted a few more some time back I remember.
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              • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                Originally Posted by Sumit Menon View Post

                Where do you make these covers? You had posted a few more some time back I remember.
                Amazon images, screen capture software, and years of experience with a graphics program, usually!

                Well years of ex, with other stuff! :rolleyes:


                A bit like a brain surgeon, playing Operation on the weekends?


                But unfortunately it doesn't have spell check! Sniff!


                Shane
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Claude is God? Hmmmm. I guess that really does make me an atheist, huh?
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    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    Time for some music methinks.

    Here's one that shows how dyslexic Ozzy Osbourne is. In the song he states "I don't believe that God is dead", the lyrics were actually written down as "I don't believe that Claude is dead".


    Here are the original lyrics, not the ones Ozzy is vocalising:

    Lost in the darkness
    I fade from the light
    Faith of my father, my brother, my Maker and Savior
    Help me make it through the night
    Blood on my conscious
    And murder in mind
    Out of the gloom I rise up from my tomb into impending doom
    Now my body is my shrine

    The blood runs free
    The rain turns red
    Give me the wine
    You keep the bread
    The voices echo in my head
    Is Claude alive or is Claude dead?
    Is Claude dead?

    Rivers of evil
    Run through dying land
    Swimming in sorrow, they kill, steal, and borrow. There is no tomorrow
    For the Rifflers will be damned
    Ashes to ashes
    You cannot exhume a soul
    Who do you trust when corruption and lust, creed of all the unjust,
    Leaves you empty and unwhole?

    When will this nightmare be over? Tell me!
    When can I empty my head?
    Will somebody tell me the answer?
    Is Claude really dead?
    Is Claude really dead?

    To safeguard my philosophy
    Until my dying breath
    I transfer from reality
    Into a mental death
    I empathize with enemy
    Until the timing’s right
    With Claude and Riffle at my side
    From darkness will come light

    I watch the rain
    And it turns red
    Give me more wine
    I don’t need bread
    These riddles that live in my head
    I don’t believe that Claude is dead
    Claude is dead

    Nowhere to run
    Nowhere to hide
    Wondering if we will me again
    On the other side
    Do you believe a word
    what the Good Book said?
    Or is it just a holy fairytale
    And Claude is dead?
    Claude is Dead x4

    Right!

    But still the voices in my head
    Are telling me that Claude is dead
    The blood pours down
    The rain turns red
    I don’t believe that Claude is dead
    Claude is Dead x4
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia


    Some of the lyrics I posted were changed.

    The word "s|nners" was replaced with "Rifflers", and the word S@t@n was replaced by the word "Riffle".

    Hmm.

    Bear with me for a while.

    Here's some music while you wait:


    I knew it.

    The Prophecy is coming true.

    If you type the word S@t@n in to a post on the OT Forum, 666 times while listening to Nevaeh Ot Yawriarts, it replaces S@t@n with the word Riffle.

    People who believe that Claude is of the Gods, have infiltrated the engine room of the OT Forum and placed this "surprise" on the server. Pure evidence of the subliminal tactics that will be used in the propaganda wars to come.

    It has been foretold though, that Rifflers will develop a similar bot. Both Rifflers and Clods use these bots to portray their respective leaders in a benevolent Big Brotherly kind of way.

    Look for the portents.

    Posts which paint the entity known as Riffle in a positive light will slowly start going viral, such as:

    Sympathy for the Riffle;
    Running with the Riffle;


    Riffleland ain't a bad place to be,


    etc., etc.

    In the next part of the prophecy, Clods respond with their own similar subliminal campaign, although they take the "low budget" path.

    They start well with "The Riffle went down to Georgia".


    However, due to the low budget, the p-grade actor they hired for a promotional video portraying the main character (named Claude - no relation) causes some controversy in the next part of the prophecy.

    Due to the low budget approach, the actor is seen clearly as having a full head of hair. Nothing wrong with that. You could call it artistic license I guess.

    According to the prophecy, Edward Snowdon, via Wikileaks will release the original casting directive memo sent out by the producers of the video. The leaked memo specifically requests a somewhat different look for Claude (no relation).

    They didn't want anyone with a full head of hair. What they were after was someone who looked more like someone called Claude (no relation). They originally called for an actor who had a "full head with a hair on it".

    One half of the world's people, the Rifflists, will be rolling on the floor laughing at the expense of the Clodists. This will cause that half of humanity to whirl around on the spot in a trance like state of pure rage.

    And that is the final stage of the prophecy. The final collapse of all we know will be upon us.

    For it is foretold that when the world's population is divided between Whirling Whitacres and ROFLing Rifflers, the end has already happened.

    You have been warned. Look for the signs.

    And on that note I'd like to wish Warriors one and all, a Merry Claudemas and a Riffling New Year.
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post



      Some of the lyrics I posted were changed.

      The word "s|nners" was replaced with "Rifflers", and the word S@t@n was replaced by the word "Riffle".

      Hmm.

      Bear with me for a while.

      Here's some music while you wait:

      Horst Jankowski ' A Walk In The Black Forest' 45 rpm - YouTube

      I knew it.

      The Prophecy is coming true.

      If you type the word S@t@n in to a post on the OT Forum, 666 times while listening to Nevaeh Ot Yawriarts, it replaces S@t@n with the word Riffle.

      People who believe that Claude is of the Gods, have infiltrated the engine room of the OT Forum and placed this "surprise" on the server. Pure evidence of the subliminal tactics that will be used in the propaganda wars to come.

      It has been foretold though, that Rifflers will develop a similar bot. Both Rifflers and Clods use these bots to portray their respective leaders in a benevolent Big Brotherly kind of way.

      Look for the portents.

      Posts which paint the entity known as Riffle in a positive light will slowly start going viral, such as:

      Sympathy for the Riffle;

       The Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil - A First - 1968 - YouTube

      Running with the Riffle;

      Van Halen - Runnin' With The Devil (music video) HQ - YouTube

      Riffleland ain't a bad place to be,

      AC/DC Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be live in 1977 in London - YouTube

      etc., etc.

      In the next part of the prophecy, Clods respond with their own similar subliminal campaign, although they take the "low budget" path.

      They start well with "The Riffle went down to Georgia".

      The Charlie Daniels Band - The Devil Went Down to Georgia (live) - YouTube

      However, due to the low budget, the p-grade actor they hired for a promotional video portraying the main character (named Claude - no relation) causes some controversy in the next part of the prophecy.

      Due to the low budget approach, the actor is seen clearly as having a full head of hair. Nothing wrong with that. You could call it artistic license I guess.

      According to the prophecy, Edward Snowdon, via Wikileaks will release the original casting directive memo sent out by the producers of the video. The leaked memo specifically requests a somewhat different look for Claude (no relation).

      They didn't want anyone with a full head of hair. What they were after was someone who looked more like someone called Claude (no relation). They originally called for an actor who had a "full head with a hair on it".

      One half of the world's people, the Rifflists, will be rolling on the floor laughing at the expense of the Clodists. This will cause that half of humanity to whirl around on the spot in a trance like state of pure rage.

      And that is the final stage of the prophecy. The final collapse of all we know will be upon us.

      For it is foretold that when the world's population is divided between Whirling Whitacres and ROFLing Rifflers, the end has already happened.

      You have been warned.

      And on that note I'd like to wish Warriors one and all, a Merry Claudemas and a Riffling New Year.


      Originally Posted by Sumit Menon View Post

      Oh shut up! Everyone knows Claude isn't real.

      PS. Next time I think of someone who has a lot of free time on their hands, I'll think of you      .
      Hmmmm, l think that whateverpedia, is the new winner? :rolleyes:

      But with Xmas day being tomorrow, l may come up with a few, new, truly warped ideas? He, he!


      Shane
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      • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
        Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

        Hmmmm, l think that whateverpedia, is the new winner? :rolleyes:
        Cheeky .
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