Three Reasons to Quit Drinking

by Kurt
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    The last one? Riffle's wife has the same experience every morning.

    And truth be told, so does my wife.
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    • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      The last one? Riffle's wife has the same experience every morning.

      And truth be told, so does my wife.
      Come on Claude, you're being a little tough on Riffle
      there.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

        Come on Claude, you're being a little tough on Riffle
        there.
        What does not kill a Riffle, makes him stronger.

        Riffle can take it. I only pick on people I like and respect.

        You have to admit, it was funny.
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          What does not kill a Riffle, makes him stronger.

          Riffle can take it. I only pick on people I like and respect.

          You have to admit, it was funny.
          Now, I don't want to speak for ol' Biz, but I think you might have missed the joke there, Claude.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            Now, I don't want to speak for ol' Biz, but I think you might have missed there joke there, Claude.
            OK, is the joke that I implied (unconsciously) that my wife also wakes up next to you?

            You have to explain it to me. And I want it dripping with sarcasm and droll humor.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kurt
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      The last one? Riffle's wife has the same experience every morning.

      And truth be told, so does my wife.
      I don't care if the orangatan was smiling. If I see Claude "come to" after a drunken stupor cuddling with a happy ape, I'm calling PETA!
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

        I don't care if the orangatan was smiling. If I see Claude "come to" after a drunken stupor cuddling with a happy ape, I'm calling PETA!
        Kurt; The Monkey told me her name was Rita....not Peta.
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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Kurt; The Monkey told me her name was Rita....not Peta.
          Which explains why Claude's only has this song on his iPod:

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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Kurt; The Monkey told me her name was Rita....not Peta.
          Reason #4 not to drink. Looks like when you're drunk you're just a tad gullible. The orang's name is really Fred, and he's a guy. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
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          • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
            Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

            Reason #4 not to drink. Looks like when you're drunk you're just a tad gullible. The orang's name is really Fred, and he's a guy. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
            Nothing wrong with Fred being a male monkey? Did I read that right? :confused:

            Wait until Dan finds out Claude has been sleeping with and male Orangutan.

            This won't end well.

            Won't end well at all.
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            • Profile picture of the author Kurt
              Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

              Nothing wrong with Fred being a male monkey? Did I read that right? :confused:

              Wait until Dan finds out Claude has been sleeping with and male Orangutan.

              This won't end well.

              Won't end well at all.
              That quote was a running joke on Seinfeld that they'd use whenever there were discussing anything related to being gay.

              BTW Richard, it almost sounds like you are implying that it would be OK with Claude having sex with a "monkey" (actually, it's an ape) as long as it was female?

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              • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
                Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                That quote was a running joke on Seinfeld that they'd use whenever there were discussing anything related to being gay.
                Oh good, for a fleeting moment I thought...

                Thanks for pointing that out too, shows my lack of watching Seinfeld.
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

              Nothing wrong with Fred being a male monkey? Did I read that right? :confused:

              Wait until Dan finds out Claude has been sleeping with and male Orangutan.

              This won't end well.

              Won't end well at all.
              I'm not gay!

              That orangutan told me his name was Rita! He lied to me, and took advantage of me. The lipstick had me fooled.

              But I had no idea it was a Dude Monkey. I'm a victim of circumstance!

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              • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                I'm not gay!

                That orangutan told me his name was Rita! He lied to me, and took advantage of me. The lipstick had me fooled.

                But I had no idea it was a Dude Monkey. I'm a victim of circumstance!

                I'm a victim of circumstance - YouTube
                The old "the monkey slipped me a mickey" excuse? We'll need something more original than that.
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                • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                  Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                  The old "the monkey slipped me a mickey" excuse? We'll need something more original than that.
                  He didn't slip me a Mickey. But it was dark, and he has four hands!

                  I knew something was up, when I counted five thumbs....but I was in the moment. After I found out it was a male monkey, we had a serious argument..

                  The make up sex was awesome though.....

                  Wait..I mean....um.....Riffle....um....not gay....um....promises were made....gifts exchanged.....

                  OK, I had sex with a male monkey! ..but who hasn't!? Am I right?! Who's with me here?


                  For the love of God! Someone get me out of this!
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                  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                    He didn't slip me a Mickey. But it was dark, and he has four hands!

                    I knew something was up, when I counted five thumbs....but I was in the moment. After I found out it was a male monkey, we had a serious argument..

                    The make up sex was awesome though.....

                    Wait..I mean....um.....Riffle....um....not gay....um....promises were made....gifts exchanged.....

                    OK, I had sex with a male monkey! ..but who hasn't!? Am I right?! Who's with me here?


                    For the love of God! Someone get me out of this!
                    And now for the latest "Any Which Way But Loose" sequel: Claude and Clyde!

                    In a world filled with trials and tribulations, love, and private relationships,
                    Claude gives a whole new meaning to the line "Right turn Clyde".
                    (Not that there's anything wrong with that Richard.)

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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    You guys are always funny. x:rolleyes:
    (Note there is an x before sarcasm, so I mean
    I am being serious. I hate it when I have to
    explain my jokes.)

    Oh yeah: lol
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  • Profile picture of the author duplication
    Come on man are you serious?
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  • Profile picture of the author JimDucharme
    Damn it! I want three good reasons to start drinking! Oh wait, we've got Rob Ford...I'm good.

    Regards,
    jim
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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by JimDucharme View Post

      Damn it! I want three good reasons to start drinking! Oh wait, we've got Rob Ford...I'm good.

      Regards,
      jim
      Isn't just being Canadian enough?
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      Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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      • Profile picture of the author JimDucharme
        Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

        Isn't just being Canadian enough?
        God help me...it used to be enough!



        Regards,
        jim
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  • Profile picture of the author seomaster5
    Hmmm i dont drink but will suggest leave this bad habbit
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      Originally Posted by seomaster5 View Post

      Hmmm i dont drink but will suggest leave this bad habbit
      Habit?

      In the land you claim to live, we've been brewing alcohol for thousands of years, long before the Romans arrived.

      If I enjoy a port after Sunday dinner, or an Irish coffee on special occasions, or perhaps a champagne at a wedding - Are you saying that is a bad habit?

      How can someone who drinks alcohol in moderation be considered as someone with a bad habit? That doesn't even qualify as a habit, let alone a bad one.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    I'm steering clear of this one.

    It's just too easy. (Apparently, like Claude.)
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      I'm steering clear of this one.

      It's just too easy. (Apparently, like Claude.)
      Can't .....Stop....Myself!

      Cannot....Let.....Riffle....have....the ...last ....word......

      It's....like...Kryptonite......feel...weak........

      Need...my....ego....stroked.......

      Tell...me...I'm....pretty........
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      • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Can't .....Stop....Myself!

        Cannot....Let.....Riffle....have....the ...last ....word......

        It's....like...Kryptonite......feel...weak........

        Need...my....ego....stroked.......

        Tell...me...I'm....pretty........
        Sal thinks you're pretty.
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