Two Sentence Horror Stories

by Kurt
154 replies
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I saw a web page that had some two sentence horror stories. Anyone care to create their own?

I was awoken by strange sounds after sleeping very comfortably on my brand new velvet sheets. That's when I realized the sounds I heard were from shovels covering my coffin with dirt.
  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    I recorded threats to my life made by an escaped serial killer that used to live next door on an old cassette player and was listening to them just after sunset before taking them to the police. That's when I noticed I forgot to put the cassette in the tape player.
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  • Profile picture of the author Midnight Oil
    Around three a.m. I stumbled into a low-rent bar on the way home from a long night of partying, ordered a Bloody Mary and looked around at the handful of patrons. They stared back at me, licking their lips and opening their mouths just enough for me to see their long, sharp teeth.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      My car broke down on the highway, when a nice truck driver offered me a ride. After I got in his truck, I heard a click, as he asked "So, where did you think you were going?"
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    The door-to-door vacuum salesman had just started his demonstration by pouring dirt and dust on my carpet from a variety of decorative containers. That's when a news flash came on the TV and warned the public to be on the lookout for an extremely violent patient that had escaped from the asylum and broken into a vacuum cleaner shop and the local mortuary and stolen a dozen urns filled with the remains of recently cremated people.
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  • Profile picture of the author JimDucharme
    I filed my taxes.
    I told the absolute truth.
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  • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
    As my head rolled across the gravel, my greatest fear was no longer death.
    It is landing face down.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    "Do you take this woman to be your wife?"

    "I do."
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      "Do you take this woman to be your wife?"

      "I do."

      The woman gasped at the horror of spending the rest of her life with this terrible man, as she heard..."Do you take this man, Dan Riffle, to be your husband?"


      The only thing more horrible to the young woman, was the the next thing out of the preacher's mouth..."You may kiss the bride".
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    I was trapped in a room of ravers dancing to Michael Jackson songs. There was no exit.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    A one sentence horror story:

    The only pizza place in town went out of business.
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    Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
    Great stuff folks!

    This is all I can think of at the moment.


    The BJ the hooker gave me was so good it felt like no condom was on...
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    • Originally Posted by TLTheLiberator View Post

      Great stuff folks!

      This is all I can think of at the moment.


      The BJ the hooker gave me was so good it felt like no condom was on...
      Dude, he said horror story, not whore story!
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    The tracks, relatively fresh and well formed in the moist dirt, weren't any animal I recognized, either, and I shuddered to think of how large the beast must be that made them and knew I had to get back to the rig fast. That's when I heard the strange growly rumble and looked up into the tree above me.
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      The tracks, relatively fresh and well formed in the moist dirt, weren't any animal I recognized, either, and I shuddered to think of how large the beast must be that made them and knew I had to get back to the rig fast. That's when I heard the strange growly rumble and looked up into the tree above me.
      Damn, woman! You sure can write.


      Originally Posted by KimW View Post

      The sentence is death.
      There is no second sentence.
      Wow. I was going to say that myself, Honest...Um....I just forgot....

      Brilliant play on words. Almost a Haiku.
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      • Profile picture of the author Midnight Oil
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Brilliant play on words. Almost a Haiku.
        Gesundheit.
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          As the dis-satisfied customer swung the Bex Bissell repeatedly around and around gaining momentum for the inevitable contact with Claude's head. Claude realized with growing horror that he'd never be able to sell it to anyone else.

          The Ultimate Horror Two Lives Destroyed...

          As Riffle pressed the post button to commit the damning evidence that he had painstakingly researched using private detectives that would destroy Claude's credibility and silence his comments on the OTF once and for all. He realized how much he would miss the sarcastic banter that he had devoted his life too and how empty his life would be from now on.
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        • Profile picture of the author MrFade
          In a scary night, with a thunderstorm, I was alone on a road with my punctured car. A man gave me lift and the awkward moment when he asked "Do you believe in GHOSTS when they're driving."
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      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Damn, woman! You sure can write.
        LOL yeah - only 3 grammatical errors in one sentence. Impressive, huh?
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        Sal
        When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

          LOL yeah - only 3 grammatical errors in one sentence. Impressive, huh?
          So? Writing is different from spelling and grammar.

          It's why I have my books proofread.
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  • Profile picture of the author KimW
    The sentence is death.
    There is no second sentence.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Little Claude and Danny had strayed a ways when they heard the bell, and hoping they could avoid detention and get back by time the second bell sounded, turned and ran toward the building at full speed. They were able to hear the second bell ring even though they stood, dumbfounded, looking at the open field and wondering how a whole building could just disappear.
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    I peered into the dark to see what was upsetting Frisky, who stood on the bed, hackles raised, teeth barred and growling deeply, staring intensely toward the closet. I'd never seen one of my stuffed animals so thoroughly agitated.
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    As I heard a crowd cheer, I felt a strange combination of intense pain and a sense of freedom. That's when I saw the blood flowing from my headless body laying next to the guillotine.
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      I was excited on that hot summer day as the gentle breezes caressed and cooled the sweat that had developed on my face while I was hunting for wild raspberries just on the edge of the woods in the golden field.

      I spotted an old weathered barrel and decided to sit down on it for a little reprieve from hunting and lugging two full buckets of raspberries around when I noticed a humming noise and then saw the huge swarm of yellow jackets flying out of the side of that barrel much too late.



      Okay, it may not seem like a horror story to you, but I'm deathly allergic to yellow jackets, anaphylactic allergic that is. I'm talking certain death...


      Terra
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      • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
        Ha, Sal!

        You go girl!!


        Terra
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      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        I was excited on that hot summer day as the gentle breezes caressed and cooled the sweat that had developed on my face while I was hunting for wild raspberries just on the edge of the woods in the golden field.

        I spotted an old weathered barrel and decided to sit down on it for a little reprieve from hunting and lugging two full buckets of raspberries around when I noticed a humming noise and then saw the huge swarm of yellow jackets flying out of the side of that barrel much too late.



        Okay, it may not seem like a horror story to you, but I'm deathly allergic to yellow jackets, anaphylactic allergic that is. I'm talking certain death...


        Terra
        What can we say? If the birds don't get ya, the bees might.
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        Sal
        When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        I was excited on that hot summer day as the gentle breezes caressed and cooled the sweat that had developed on my.....


        Terra
        I'm sorry Terra, I couldn't read any further than that. I got too excited. And I beat Riffle to teasing you.
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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      As I heard a crowd cheer, I felt a strange combination of intense pain and a sense of freedom. That's when I saw the blood flowing from my headless body laying next to the guillotine.
      That's scary, but not near as scary as the only pizza joint in town going out of business.
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    I excitedly read and reread my mega-million dollar lottery ticket to confirm that I had the winning numbers. I overlooked the expiry date.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Claude smiled as I nearly suffocated in the deep, hazy fog of the most putrid stench ever created in the history of the known universe. That's when I told myself I'm never pulling Claude's finger again.
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  • Profile picture of the author candoit2
    Saw this one on FB.

    Justin Bieber goes to jail. Writes "Free JB!" on wall in protest.

    Learns cellmate is dyslexic
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    "This stew sure is good".

    "Wait, where's the urn holding Uncle's ashes?"
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    "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

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    • Profile picture of the author Kurt
      Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

      "This stew sure is good".

      "Wait, where's the urn holding Uncle's ashes?"
      How about:

      During my studies of primitive people, I stayed with a tribe in Papua New Guinea and the Chief's wife told me we were having stew for dinner. After a devouring a couple of bowls, I discovered what she really meant was, we were having Stu for dinner.
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  • Profile picture of the author SteveJohnson
    "Mama, wake up."

    "MAMA, WAKE UP!"
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    The 2nd Amendment, 1789 - The Original Homeland Security.

    Gun control means never having to say, "I missed you."

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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by SteveJohnson View Post

      "Mama, wake up."

      "MAMA, WAKE UP!"
      Reminds me a little of Hemingway's supposed "Shortest Story Ever Told":

      For sale: baby shoes.
      Never worn.
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      Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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      • Profile picture of the author SteveJohnson
        Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

        Reminds me a little of Hemingway's supposed "Shortest Story Ever Told":

        For sale: baby shoes.
        Never worn.
        I almost didn't post it. It's almost too emotional.
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by SteveJohnson View Post

          I almost didn't post it. It's almost too emotional.
          I dig it. Trust me.
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        • Originally Posted by SteveJohnson View Post

          I almost didn't post it. It's almost too emotional.
          I just figured she had it coming.
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  • Profile picture of the author SteveJohnson
    Icarus flew higher and higher above the water on the wings that his father Daedalus had made for him with feathers and wax, the feeling of freedom, of flight, engulfing his soul with joy.

    He lifted his face to the sun, basking in its warm rays, then, gazing upon the objects bound to his arms that had given him such freedom, thought, "Uh oh."
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  • Profile picture of the author seomaster5
    I was going to the washroom and felt someone is following me but when i turned around nobody was there....

    I was sleeping at night and suddenly felt my body heavy i was feeling someone is up on me i wanted to shout but my voice does not comes out

    These two are real incidents with me.
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  • Profile picture of the author twister85
    The scary truth, tomorrow is not friday!

    The day after tomorrow is not friday either :-O
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      "Richard, there's been a horrifying event"

      "...the pubs run out of beer".
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Randall and Riffle /deceased

        Claude Randall private detective, stood at the graveside of his recently deceased insufferable, annoying partner with a smug look on his face as he admired his ex partners wife's beautiful form and calculated what would be a reasonable time before he made a move.

        Suddenly Dan (Hopkirk) Riffle appeared beside him in a white suit. "It's alright Claude, Jeanie cant see or hear me, only you Claude, only you, there is a curse, I cant get into heaven for a 100 years so I thought I would stick around with you and help you solve crimes."
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          Randall and Riffle /deceased

          Claude Randall private detective, stood at the graveside of his recently deceased insufferable, annoying partner with a smug look on his face as he admired his ex partners wife's beautiful form and calculated what would be a reasonable time before he made a move.

          Suddenly Dan (Hopkirk) Riffle appeared beside him in a white suit. "It's alright Claude, Jeanie cant see or hear me, only you Claude, only you, there is a curse, I cant get into heaven for a 100 years so I thought I would stick around with you and help you solve crimes."
          And then Claude Randall said "So...it's OK with you if I hit on your wife?"
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          • Profile picture of the author Daniel Evans
            "Is FaceBook dead?"

            "No, no, it's not".
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Terra was about to post an innocent story about riding a pony

              And Dan and Claude were waiting with evil intent.
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              • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                Terra was about to post an innocent story about riding a pony

                And Dan and Claude were waiting with evil intent.
                And Ianfear63 is next.
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                • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                  Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

                  And Ianfear63 is next.
                  Why would Terra ride him?
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                  Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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                  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                    Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                    Why would Terra ride him?
                    You just made me read posts and put together what you are talking about.

                    I actually have a pretty good line in response to "Terra riding him"...but if Terra isn't participating, it isn't much fun.

                    Terra? Sweet innocent Terra? Come out, come out, wherever you are....
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                    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                      You just made me read posts and put together what you are talking about.
                      See? I told you the lessons would help.
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                      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                        Speaking as a miniature horse with typing skills the prospect of being ridden by Terra is freaking me out somewhat!
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                      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                        Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                        See? I told you the lessons would help.
                        And I appreciated the lessons. But do we have to be shirtless? And I still don't see how the olive oil helps.


                        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                        Speaking as a miniature horse with typing skills the prospect of being ridden by Terra is freaking me out somewhat!
                        Folks: "Miniature horse" is Ian's old Indian name. And the only reason he's freaked out by the thought of being ridden by Terra...is that Terra is a woman.

                        Have I just crossed the line? Terra?

                        Riffle started it, I'm pretty sure
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                        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                          And I appreciated the lessons. But do we have to be shirtless? And I still don't see how the olive oil helps.
                          Putin yes. Claude nyet!
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                        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                          And the only reason he's freaked out by the thought of being ridden by Terra...is that Terra is a woman.
                          Terra's not a woman. She's a grandmother.


                          <runs for cover>
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                        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                          And I appreciated the lessons. But do we have to be shirtless? And I still don't see how the olive oil helps.




                          Folks: "Miniature horse" is Ian's old Indian name. And the only reason he's freaked out by the thought of being ridden by Terra...is that Terra is a woman.

                          Have I just crossed the line? Terra?

                          Riffle started it, I'm pretty sure
                          Perceptive. I'm actually from the Couchatta Casino Resort Tribe. The Terrakees were actually adversaries of ours. Vicious and relentless, we lost many customers in the great Indian Casino wars of 2009.

                          Miss Terror K was their leader. (name changed for forum posting) No wonder I'm quaking in my pink boots!
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                  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
                    Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                    Why would Terra ride him?
                    I hate it when I have to explain my jokes.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                    Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                    Why would Terra ride him?
                    Not sure about Terra, but I could see a shirtless Vladimir Putin giving him a ride.
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                • Profile picture of the author Enfusia
                  Help, I've fallen.

                  And I can't reach my beer!
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                  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                    Dan.
                    Riffle.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
                    Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                    Claude, I'm starting to think Mr. Gaskill doesn't approve of our antics.
                    Sure Dan, that's why I wrote this...

                    Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

                    It's part of the entertainment down here in the lounge.
                    Some guys can take a little ribbing and ... and then there's Dan. :p


                    @ Claude - Nice try, but no one will believe I wrote that because you used too many multi-syllabic words for it to be from me. :rolleyes:
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                    • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
                      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

                      . Even though the cells are nonconvex, they can always be sliced nicely into vertical strips, which makes them suitable for boustrophedon motions. The original vertical decomposition could also be used, but the extra cell boundaries would cause unnecessary repositioning of the robot.
                      Not sure I understand it, but it sounds horrifying.
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                    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

                      Sure Dan, that's why I wrote this...



                      Some guys can take a little ribbing and ... and then there's Dan. :p


                      @ Claude - Nice try, but no one will believe I wrote that because you used too many multi-syllabic words for it to be from me. :rolleyes:
                      Easy, Dennis. I was just joshing, as well.
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                      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                        Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill
                        Sure Dan, that's why I wrote this...



                        Some guys can take a little ribbing and ... and then there's Dan.


                        @ Claude - Nice try, but no one will believe I wrote that because you used too many multi-syllabic words for it to be from me.




                        Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                        Easy, Dennis. I was just joshing, as well.
                        Dennis; Don't be fooled by Riffle. Sure, he comes on all nice like...but then he asks you to take off your shirt for some "artistic portraits". The evening ends with lots of crying and regret.

                        And if he offers you some popcorn, don't reach into the tub of popcorn!

                        I'm tired of all the lies. My wife bought me a gun with Riffle's name written all over it. Apparently, hundreds of these "Riffle guns" have been sold recently.

                        We have to protect ourselves.
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                        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                          Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill
                          Sure Dan, that's why I wrote this...



                          Some guys can take a little ribbing and ... and then there's Dan.


                          @ Claude - Nice try, but no one will believe I wrote that because you used too many multi-syllabic words for it to be from me.






                          Dennis; Don't be fooled by Riffle. Sure, he comes on all nice like...but then he asks you to take off your shirt for some "artistic portraits". The evening ends with lots of crying and regret.

                          And if he offers you some popcorn, don't reach into the tub of popcorn!

                          I'm tired of all the lies. My wife bought me a gun with Riffle's name written all over it. Apparently, hundreds of these "Riffle guns" have been sold recently.

                          We have to protect ourselves.
                          Surely you mean the Rifle or the famous Riffle Rifle used in the Terrakee wars. They are very accurate and can target sarcasm for up to 400 yards. Not to be confused with the Gaskill gun that was used in the Martain bunny photoshop cull of 2012.
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                          • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
                            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                            Surely you mean the Rifle or the famous Riffle Rifle used in the Terrakee wars. They are very accurate and can target sarcasm for up to 400 yards. Not to be confused with the Gaskill gun that was used in the Martain bunny photoshop cull of 2012.
                            Fluffy or normal bunnies?
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                            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                              Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

                              Fluffy or normal bunnies?
                              Worked best on the normal short-haired ones but they did do a late modification on it for the long haired ones where in case it missed the body of the rabbit due to the deceptive long hair it released a deadly gas based on the signature of the rabbits body heat. Hence the name, Gaskill Gun. It was originally called the Shane Shooter.
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                          • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
                            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                            Surely you mean the Rifle or the famous Riffle Rifle used in the Terrakee wars. They are very accurate and can target sarcasm for up to 400 yards. Not to be confused with the Gaskill gun that was used in the Martain bunny photoshop cull of 2012.
                            I have to admit, a Gaskill gun sounds particularly lethal.
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                            • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                              Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

                              I have to admit, a Gaskill gun sounds particularly lethal.
                              Yes it does!

                              And Dennis, I just want you to know that I'm not a bunny of any kind.


                              Terra
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                              • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                                Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                Yes it does!

                                And Dennis, I just want you to know that I'm not a bunny of any kind.


                                Terra
                                Dennis, be careful how you respond to this.

                                Correct response: "Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am, no inference was intended."

                                Incorrect response: "Ohh I'm really scared"

                                The Terror'k family do not like any slight's against there own and respond with ruthless violence. There would be no funeral for you as they would not be able to find the pieces.

                                Even with the Gaskill Gun if you hit one with it, it would be the bullets funeral tomorrow. The grandchildren are the worst, they catch the bullets in their teeth and chew them and regard the lethal gas as a flavour enhancment.

                                The mafia pay THEM protection money.

                                Terra's thick, luxuriant hair (when she gives it permission to grow) when cut is so strong it is purchased by Superman to weave so he can have more than one outfit to wear when the other one is at the cleaners.

                                Speaking from experience here. Be Warned.

                                Notice how Hey Sal has not posted in the last 24 hours. Already gone as the comic reference to the Betty Boop frilly jacket at the end of her masterful post was frowned upon.

                                I don't expect to be around much longer for saying this but had to warn you.
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                                • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
                                  Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                  And Dennis, I just want you to know that I'm not a bunny of any kind.


                                  Terra
                                  Well, there goes that fantasy. :rolleyes:


                                  Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                                  Dennis, be careful how you respond to this.

                                  Correct response: "Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am, no inference was intended."

                                  Incorrect response: "Ohh I'm really scared".
                                  Too late!
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                                  • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                                    Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

                                    Well, there goes that fantasy. :rolleyes:
                                    Oh no! Don't you go around accusing me of being a fantasy killer! If it helps, when I was 19 and living in Texas, I went to a Halloween party dressed as that kind of bunny.

                                    Terra
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                                    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
                                      Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                      Oh no! Don't you go around accusing me of being a fantasy killer! If it helps, when I was 19 and living in Texas, I went to a Halloween party dressed as that kind of bunny.

                                      Terra
                                      What to say in reply to that?? So many options. This is like eating at a giant buffet... you can't just take some of everything because there's too much food, so you have to pick and choose carefully. Let's see, should I respond by saying....

                                      1. So, you want me to fantasize about you, don't you?
                                      2. I always knew you were a little saucy under that ladylike veneer.
                                      3. No pics, no proof -- no proof, it didn't happen.
                                      4. Terra, stop flirting with me in front of everyone, I'm blushing!
                                      5. Did you take pictures like those kind of bunnies too?

                                      On and on, the buffet never ends.
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                                      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                                        Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

                                        What to say in reply to that?? So many options. This is like eating at a giant buffet... you can't just take some of everything because there's too much food, so you have to pick and choose carefully. Let's see, should I respond by saying....

                                        1. So, you want me to fantasize about you, don't you?
                                        2. I always knew you were a little saucy under that ladylike veneer.
                                        3. No pics, no proof -- no proof, it didn't happen.
                                        4. Terra, stop flirting with me in front of everyone, I'm blushing!
                                        5. Did you take pictures like those kind of bunnies too?

                                        On and on, the buffet never ends.
                                        Welcome to our world. Terra-"The Gift That Keeps On Giving"
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                                        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                                          Welcome to our world. Terra-"The Gift That Keeps On Giving"
                                          You know, I came up with several things to say in response to that, but half way through typing them, I had to backspace them out because your potential responses to what I was saying went running through my head.

                                          I finally gave up, lol.

                                          Terra
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                                          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                                            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                            You know, I came up with several things to say in response to that, but half way through typing them, I had to backspace them out because your potential responses to what I was saying went running through my head.

                                            I finally gave up, lol.

                                            Terra
                                            I also had several responses, but you wouldn't have liked them either.
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                                          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                                            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                            You know, I came up with several things to say in response to that, but half way through typing them, I had to backspace them out because your potential responses to what I was saying went running through my head.

                                            I finally gave up, lol.

                                            Terra
                                            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                                            I also had several responses, but you wouldn't have liked them either.
                                            And I had several responses to anything Riffle said about what you said! Check and Mate!

                                            And Terra...you shouldn't have those ideas. You're a Grandmother, for crying out loud. Of course, I'm married to a grandmother....

                                            But I have an excuse. I'm a Jack-ass and you aren't. You're a pure...motherly...caring....loving.....angelic.... ..cookie baking....grandmother.
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                                            • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                                              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                                              And I had several responses to anything Riffle said about what you said! Check and Mate!
                                              Sure, but mine were funny.
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                                      • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                                        Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

                                        What to say in reply to that?? So many options. This is like eating at a giant buffet... you can't just take some of everything because there's too much food, so you have to pick and choose carefully. Let's see, should I respond by saying....

                                        1. So, you want me to fantasize about you, don't you?
                                        2. I always knew you were a little saucy under that ladylike veneer.
                                        3. No pics, no proof -- no proof, it didn't happen.
                                        4. Terra, stop flirting with me in front of everyone, I'm blushing!
                                        5. Did you take pictures like those kind of bunnies too?

                                        On and on, the buffet never ends.
                                        Er, ah, umm...

                                        None of the above.

                                        Terra
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                                        • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
                                          Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                          Er, ah, umm...

                                          None of the above.

                                          Terra
                                          I knew that. You do know I was just kidding around, right? The comment I responded to was just too easy to resist. I'm weak like that sometimes.
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                                          • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                                            Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

                                            I knew that. You do know I was just kidding around, right? The comment I responded to was just too easy to resist. I'm weak like that sometimes.
                                            Of course I know that. You are too much of a gentleman for anything otherwise.

                                            Yeah, I know. I apparently am an easy target for such things, lol. I have to work on that.


                                            Terra
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                                    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                                      Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                      Oh no! Don't you go around accusing me of being a fantasy killer! If it helps, when I was 19 and living in Texas, I went to a Halloween party dressed as that kind of bunny.

                                      Terra
                                      You say you USED to live in Texas past tense?

                                      A little worried because that's where live now
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                                      • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                                        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                                        You say you USED to live in Texas past tense?

                                        A little worried because that's where live now
                                        Ha, yeah, that was a long time ago. You're safe ...

                                        For now - Muahahahahahaha!

                                        Terra
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                                    • Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                      Oh no! Don't you go around accusing me of being a fantasy killer! If it helps, when I was 19 and living in Texas, I went to a Halloween party dressed as that kind of bunny.

                                      Terra
                                      Was Texas a state back then?

                                      Come to think of it, was Halloween a holiday back then?
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                                      • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                                        Originally Posted by Hopeless Bromantic View Post

                                        Was Texas a state back then?

                                        Come to think of it, was Halloween a holiday back then?
                                        Ok, now you're just being mean.

                                        I could reciprocate the meanness by saying something like get your big uncomely stinky feet out of my face or something, but I won't because being mean is not part of my character. Well, unless it's absolutely necessary.


                                        Terra
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                                        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                                          Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                          Ok, now you're just being mean.

                                          I could reciprocate the meanness by saying something like get your big uncomely stinky feet out of my face or something, but I won't because being mean is not part of my character. Well, unless it's absolutely necessary.


                                          Terra
                                          Since when are you not mean? :confused::rolleyes:
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                                          • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                                            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                                            Since when are you not mean? :confused::rolleyes:
                                            You must have missed my disclaimer. :p


                                            Terra
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                                        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                                          Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                          Ok, now you're just being mean.

                                          I could reciprocate the meanness by saying something like get your big uncomely stinky feet out of my face or something, but I won't because being mean is not part of my character. Well, unless it's absolutely necessary.


                                          Terra
                                          Sooooooo, what your saying is that you begged Hopeless Bromantic to put his stinking feet in your face....he complied......your husband came home, and now you are trying to say that it wasn't your idea. I didn't even get started on how his feet were "Uncomely". Terra, the feet aren't the part of a man that does that. Please...there may be children reading this.

                                          Oh, what a tangled web we weave.....


                                          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                                          Sure, but mine were funny.
                                          Now, that was just hurtful.
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                                          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                                            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                                            I didn't even get started on how his feet were "Uncomely".
                                            Uncomely. Is that when it goes back in? That's not natural. He should see a doctor.




                                            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                                            Now, that was just hurtful.
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                                            • Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                                              Uncomely. Is that when it goes back in? That's not natural. He should see a doctor.
                                              ...said the dude who sees a proctologist who operates out of the back of his van.

                                              (Hey, that makes a good horror story, too!)
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                                          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                                            Hopeless Bromantics feet are so large that when he goes to a reflexologist they have to use cattle-prods to have any effect.

                                            His shoes are made from modified Kayaks.
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                                            • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
                                              Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                                              Hopeless Bromantics feet are so large that when he goes to a reflexologist they have to use cattle-prods to have any effect.

                                              His shoes are made from modified Kayaks.
                                              Naa ... It is a trick. He just wants all the ladies to think that. :rolleyes:
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                                          • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                                            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                                            Sooooooo, what your saying is that you begged Hopeless Bromantic to put his stinking feet in your face....he complied......your husband came home, and now you are trying to say that it wasn't your idea. I didn't even get started on how his feet were "Uncomely". Terra, the feet aren't the part of a man that does that. Please...there may be children reading this.

                                            Oh, what a tangled web we weave.....
                                            No, I am not saying that at all. You really need to reel in your imagination, Claude. And if you can't, at least leave me out of your run away thoughts.

                                            If the feet aren't the part of the man's body that stinks, then just which one does?

                                            Wait, wait wait! No, don't answer that question. I forgot for a second that I was talking to Claude the Wild Imaginator.


                                            Terra
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                                            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                                              Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                              No, I am not saying that at all. You really need to reel in your imagination, Claude. And if you can't, at least leave me out of your run away thoughts.

                                              If the feet aren't the part of the man's body that stinks, then just which one does?

                                              Wait, wait wait! No, don't answer that question. I forgot for a second that I was talking to Claude the Wild Imaginator.


                                              Terra
                                              Miss Terra; I'm so sorry. My internet has a Parental Block on it and I can't read your suggestive post. All I got was "Feet...man's body..."
                                              :rolleyes:

                                              This post was a gift to Riffle.

                                              Oh, and thanks for making me look up "Imaginator" to see if it's a real word.
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                                              • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                                                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                                                Miss Terra; I'm so sorry. My internet has a Parental Block on it and I can't read your suggestive post. All I got was "Feet...man's body..."
                                                :rolleyes:

                                                This post was a gift to Riffle.
                                                Haha!

                                                Well, you had better take that parental block off or you'll never be able to read Riffle's posts again!

                                                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                                                Oh, and thanks for making me look up "Imaginator" to see if it's a real word.
                                                You're welcome. It was my pleasure. :p


                                                Terra
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                                • Profile picture of the author HeySal
                                  Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                                  Dennis, be careful how you respond to this.

                                  Correct response: "Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am, no inference was intended."

                                  Incorrect response: "Ohh I'm really scared"

                                  The Terror'k family do not like any slight's against there own and respond with ruthless violence. There would be no funeral for you as they would not be able to find the pieces.

                                  Even with the Gaskill Gun if you hit one with it, it would be the bullets funeral tomorrow. The grandchildren are the worst, they catch the bullets in their teeth and chew them and regard the lethal gas as a flavour enhancment.

                                  The mafia pay THEM protection money.

                                  Terra's thick, luxuriant hair (when she gives it permission to grow) when cut is so strong it is purchased by Superman to weave so he can have more than one outfit to wear when the other one is at the cleaners.

                                  Speaking from experience here. Be Warned.

                                  Notice how Hey Sal has not posted in the last 24 hours. Already gone as the comic reference to the Betty Boop frilly jacket at the end of her masterful post was frowned upon.

                                  I don't expect to be around much longer for saying this but had to warn you.
                                  Hmm. So you can tell time? I didn't even know you existed when I wasn't here to observe you. Guess I need to discuss this with Michio Kaku. Something has gone bizarrely wrong.

                                  When Sal realized that the personalities she wrote had taken on a life of their own, she felt very guilty for what she'd done to her society. Planning to be gone into the mountains for a weekend she plotted how to keep them all reigned in until her return, but after consulting a local physicist, assumed that the space/time warp of the OT forum would keep them from causing mayhem to the general public in her absence and shut down the computer without a second thought.
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                                  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                                    Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

                                    Hmm. So you can tell time? I didn't even know you existed when I wasn't here to observe you. Guess I need to discuss this with Michio Kaku. Something has gone bizarrely wrong.

                                    When Sal realized that the personalities she wrote had taken on a life of their own, she felt very guilty for what she'd done to her society. Planning to be gone into the mountains for a weekend she plotted how to keep them all reigned in until her return, but after consulting a local physicist, assumed that the space/time warp of the OT forum would keep them from causing mayhem to the general public in her absence and shut down the computer without a second thought.
                                    OMG someones pretending to be Hey Sal.
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                              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                                Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                                Yes it does!

                                And Dennis, I just want you to know that I'm not a bunny of any kind.

                                Terra
                                I was dating a girl (decades ago), and we were with my parents. My girlfriend ordered a salad. My Dad said "So you like greens, eh?"

                                And I told my Dad "Yeah, She eats like a bunny too"

                                It took my Dad 5 minutes to quit laughing.
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                                • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                                  I was dating a girl (decades ago), and we were with my parents. My girlfriend ordered a salad. My Dad said "So you like greens, eh?"

                                  And I told my Dad "Yeah, She eats like a bunny too"

                                  It took my Dad 5 minutes to quit laughing.
                                  Uhh, I don't get it.


                                  Terra
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  • Profile picture of the author alistair
    I woke up hearing strange noises coming from the bathroom and fearing it was an intruder I crawled out of bed, grabbed my gun and shot blindly through the door.

    When everything had gone silent and I opened the door, to my horror I'd accidentally not on purpose killed my girlfriend, but my worst fear was that if it went to court I wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Maschke
    The "fountain of youth" virus has gone terribly wrong, and death has eluded the human race for two weeks now. The experiments have begun.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Terra's smile was broad but did not reach to her eyes as she printed out the list of real names and addresses from her Internet investigation. "Those self-entertained, naive little idiots never saw this comin'," she spat as she snapped the silencer on her Sig Sauer M400 semiautomatic, picked up her car keys and US road atlas from the table, then, realizing it was still a tad chilly outside, grabbed her pink lacy jacket with the Betty Boop patch on the back on her way out the door.
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    I'm too lazy to be creative.

    Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today, I wish, I wish he'd go away...
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      OMGosh!

      Spend a day recording and editing an audiobook for a client and log on to find this?

      Hey Riffle Piffle, That's Glamor Gran to you, sir! I am a woman, wife, mother and a Glamor Gran as well as being a lady! And you had better watch it because you were number 1 on my list and my Sig Sauer M400 semiautomatic has your name written all over it!!

      Claude, I'll excuse your lack of self control in becoming excited over my horror story because of the fact you offered to hold down that snake of a friend of yours for me. However, I won't be needing it. I've got that covered quite nicely. I know that you don't believe in premonitions, but you just experienced one in Sal's last post of this thread.

      Sal, Ha! Perfection, girlfriend!

      lanfear63 Ha! I thought that was pretty clever being as I am 1/4 Cherokee. But, leave it at that as I defeated you once and am more than willing to do it again!

      Terra
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        OMGosh!

        Spend a day recording and editing an audiobook for a client and log on to find this?

        Hey Riffle Piffle, That's Glamor Gran to you, sir! I am a woman, wife, mother and a Glamor Gran as well as being a lady! And you had better watch it because you were number 1 on my list and my Sig Sauer M400 semiautomatic has your name written all over it!!

        Terra
        Terra; Wanna buy some bullets?
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        And you had better watch it because you were number 1 on my list and my Sig Sauer M400 semiautomatic has your name written all over it!!

        Seems a little obsessive to write my name all over your weapon...
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          Seems a little obsessive to write my name all over your weapon...
          That's what I was thinking when you insisted on showing me your tattoo of my name on your "weapon".

          You disgust me.



          Terra; FREE bullets. I'll pay for overnight shipping.
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            That's what I was thinking when you insisted on showing me your tattoo of my name on your "weapon".

            You disgust me.
            Yeah, but you had to be impressed that it fit your full name: Claude Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorf Whitacre.
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              Yeah, but you had to be impressed that it fit your full name: Claude Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorf Whitacre.
              Terra; I'll load the gun.
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        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          Seems a little obsessive to write my name all over your weapon...
          You think so? What ya gonna do about it? Huh?

          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Terra; FREE bullets. I'll pay for overnight shipping.
          Thanks, Claude!

          But I only need one. I'm an ace shot! My Dad taught gun safety for the state and shooting lessons as well. He began teaching me at a young age. I got this.


          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Please tell us the story of the frog and the scorpion. I've never heard it.
          I'm sure I have told it before, but in case you missed it:


          Oh, so who is the scorpion and who is the frog? Am I missing something?


          Terra
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post


            Oh, so who is the scorpion and who is the frog? Am I missing something?


            Terra
            Terra; Are you kidding? I can't even remember what this thread is about. If you are looking for a cohesive thought, don't look at me.
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            • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Terra; Are you kidding? I can't even remember what this thread is about. If you are looking for a cohesive thought, don't look at me.
              Then don't post your avatar!!:p

              I think it's about Two Sentence Horror Stories, you know, something like this:

              I woke up on my day off, yawned and stretched, made my way to the kitchen, prepared my coffee with just the right amount of cream and sugar and made my way over to my computer to get my daily dose of entertainment with great expectation.

              I wiggled my fingers, logged on to my computer, then to the Warrior Forum and looked for the OT lounge and...

              there wasn't one!

              Only better, lol!

              Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

              Glamor Gram,

              Can you tell the story of the two wolves?

              And the one about the two monks where one helps the woman
              across the stream even though he's not sposed to?

              Huh, can ya, can ya?
              Yep!

              I grew up hearing the story of the two wolves.




              And I believe the other one goes something like this...

              The Japanese zen master Tanzan and the monk Ekido came across a beautiful girl who was unable to cross a stream.
              Master : I will carry you across the stream.
              Girl : Master, thank you and farewell!
              The two of them continued walking for half the day...
              Monk : We monks do not go near women right? Why did you do that earlier?
              Master : Er, what woman are you referring to? I put her down long ago, are you still carrying her?

              (The one who carried the girl across the stream had no feelings of lust. He acted spontaneously and with nonchalance. Is the other monk not the one who all along had lustful desires?)


              Terra
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Terra; Are you kidding? I can't even remember what this thread is about. If you are looking for a cohesive thought, don't look at me.
              Dan must not be around.
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              • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
                Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

                Not sure I understand it, but it sounds horrifying. Of course, my insignificant disruption is often oblique in design, and by design, which in turn causes derivative infractions of sudden onset absurdity.
                Two can play at that game, you know.

                Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                Easy, Dennis. I was just joshing, as well.
                I know, I know. I was joshing as well, again, thus the :p-face I inserted after the comment.

                Sheesh, I get taken seriously when I'm joking, and some don't take me seriously when I am. I'm going to have start adding a "mood indicator" to my posts.


                Mood: Seriously, I'm kidding.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    A true life horror story...

    The hijackers overwhelmed the unsuspecting crowd with ease. Dan and Claude had successfully run another Warrior Forum thread completely off course.
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    • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

      A true life horror story...

      The hijackers overwhelmed the unsuspecting crowd with ease. Dan and Claude had successfully run another Warrior Forum thread completely off course.
      All because I don't explain my jokes. Sigh.
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      • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
        Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

        All because I don't explain my jokes. Sigh.
        No, because Dan and Claude always hijack threads. It's what they do. It's part of the entertainment down here in the lounge.
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        • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
          Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

          No, because Dan and Claude always hijack threads. It's what they do. It's part of the entertainment down here in the lounge.
          Just like scorpions always sting.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

            Just like scorpions always sting.
            Please tell us the story of the frog and the scorpion. I've never heard it.
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            • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
              I just bought Claudes book in his signature.

              Richard Van will be the first UK review. The End.




              (If that doesn't scare seven colours of s***e out of you I don't know what will. On a serious note I did just buy it and I'll leave a nice review (unless it really is awful) with just the one picture of you and Dan making love. Shane will be making the image for me. He said he'll add some spaceships too)
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              Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

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              • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

                I just bought Claudes book in his signature.

                Richard Van will be the first UK review. The End.




                (If that doesn't scare seven colours of s***e out of you I don't know what will. On a serious note I did just buy it and I'll leave a nice review (unless it really is awful) with just the one picture of you and Dan making love. Shane will be making the image for me. He said he'll add some spaceships too)
                You should read Claudes Blog. It's got an endorsment from Carl Sagan. Check his sig!
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            • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Please tell us the story of the frog and the scorpion. I've never heard it.
              Claude, I'm starting to think Mr. Gaskill doesn't approve of our antics.


              P.S.: Richard, it really is a great book. It cured my insomnia is less than three minutes!!
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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                Claude, I'm starting to think Mr. Gaskill doesn't approve of our antics.


                P.S.: Richard, it really is a great book. It cured my insomnia is less than three minutes!!
                That make two things you do in less than three minutes that makes you want to go to sleep.

                Here is a PM that Dennis sent me a couple of days ago;

                Ahem...

                "Dearest Claude. I know how important and busy you are. If I sound like I'm complaining, please forgive me. But that troll, Dan Riffle is getting on my nerves. You keep posting witty (If I say Brilliant, am I gushing?) posts, and that lowly snake Riffle keeps riding on your coat tails. Who does he think he is? Please feel free to post whatever you like, as your posts are the highlight of my experience on this forum. But try to ignore Riffle. You say that you've met him. Is he really as ugly as they say? Anyway, keep up the good work. Your biggest fan, Dennis."

                I was as surprised as anyone by how complimentary Dennis was.
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                • Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  That make two things you do in less than three minutes that makes you want to go to sleep.

                  Here is a PM that Dennis sent me a couple of days ago;

                  Ahem...

                  "Dearest Claude. I know how important and busy you are. If I sound like I'm complaining, please forgive me. But that troll, Dan Riffle is getting on my nerves. You keep posting witty (If I say Brilliant, am I gushing?) posts, and that lowly snake Riffle keeps riding on your coat tails. Who does he think he is? Please feel free to post whatever you like, as your posts are the highlight of my experience on this forum. But try to ignore Riffle. You say that you've met him. Is he really as ugly as they say? Anyway, keep up the good work. Your biggest fan, Dennis."

                  I was as surprised as anyone by how complimentary Dennis was.
                  Well, Claude and Riffle are both highly annoying, but on those rare occasions where there's any wit passing between them, it nearly always originates with you, Claude.

                  Historical note: Gaskill guns, although powerful, were also very unwieldy and known for frequent explosions when their triggers were pulled.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                    Originally Posted by Hopeless Bromantic View Post

                    Well, Claude and Riffle are both highly annoying
                    Pot meet kettle.
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                    • Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                      Pot meet kettle.
                      Clearly you and your threadmate agree with me, then.
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                      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                        Originally Posted by Hopeless Bromantic View Post

                        Clearly you and your threadmate agree with me, then.
                        Nope, just highlighting that you're also a member of the club.
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                        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                          Nope, just highlighting that you're also a member of the club.
                          Yup, you're now a member of the round head with sunglasses club.
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                  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                    Originally Posted by Hopeless Bromantic View Post

                    Well, Claude and Riffle are both highly annoying, but on those rare occasions where there's any wit passing between them, it nearly always originates with you, Claude.

                    Historical note: Gaskill guns, although powerful, were also very unwieldy and known for frequent explosions when their triggers were pulled.
                    I have to agree with Dan here, they are the best comedy duo since Bonny and Clyde.
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                    • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
                      Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                      I have to agree with Dan here, they are the best comedy duo since Bonny and Clyde.
                      Don't you mean Bunny and Clyde?
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                      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                        Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

                        Don't you mean Bunny and Clyde?
                        No they are the best comedy duo on Mars
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            • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Please tell us the story of the frog and the scorpion. I've never heard it.
              Well, Grasshopper, it goes like this....
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Glamor Gram,

    Can you tell the story of the two wolves?

    And the one about the two monks where one helps the woman
    across the stream even though he's not sposed to?

    Huh, can ya, can ya?
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  • Profile picture of the author MikeTucker
    Grew-up with those two, great stuff.

    Another from adulthood:

    "Remember me? I'm pregnant!"
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    ...A tachyon enters a bar.

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  • Profile picture of the author MikeTucker
    OH MissTerra, you're such a Lady...

    It's the other things bunnies are known for doing a lot of... :p
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Originally Posted by MikeTucker View Post

      OH MissTerra, you're such a Lady...

      It's the other things bunnies are known for doing a lot of... :p
      :rolleyes:

      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      You're so adorable!
      Thanks!

      Er, I think, lol!


      Terra
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    And the kayaks keep him from going down the shower drain.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

      And the kayaks keep him from going down the shower drain.
      He keeps his toenails long to avoid that.
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      • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        He keeps his toenails long to avoid that.
        TMI TMI TMI
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    There's a new product out for dickheads - Viagra Nasal spray.

    Thought a few of our guys in here might like to know that.
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    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      There's a new product out for dickheads - Viagra Nasal spray.

      Thought a few of our guys in here might like to know that.
      LMAO!

      That's a good one, Sal!


      Terra
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    • Profile picture of the author David Braybrooke
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      There's a new product out for dickheads - Viagra Nasal spray.

      Thought a few of our guys in here might like to know that.
      Thank God! Because the tablet form was definitely not working for me.
      My sex life owes a debt of gratitude to you lovely Sal .... shall keep you posted!
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      There's a new product out for dickheads - Viagra Nasal spray.

      Thought a few of our guys in here might like to know that.
      If you get a stuffed up nose, inflamed nostrils, loss of smell or a really big nose lasting up to 4 hours, call your doctor right away.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      There's a new product out for dickheads - Viagra Nasal spray.

      Thought a few of our guys in here might like to know that.
      You had me at dickheads.
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      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        You had me at dickheads.
        I knew that. Thought a few of you needed something shiny to catch your attention for awhile. I could feel a few feathers being ruffled all the way from here.
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        • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
          Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

          I knew that. Thought a few of you needed something shiny to catch your attention for awhile. I could feel a few feathers being ruffled all the way from here.
          I think I just heard Paul's brain explode.
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          • Profile picture of the author HeySal
            Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

            I think I just heard Paul's brain explode.
            Pauls been listening to this crap for over a decade now. His brain has too much plasticity any more to explode. It might kinda ooze out of his ear now and again, though.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Braybrooke
    I awoke with a start, as the cold, pathetic situation of my personal reality suddenly dawned on me..
    It was true, the Gods from their vaunted heights had decided my fate; I'd been banished to the far corners of a mundane cyber existence, destined to read and reply to an endless number of threads on the Off Topic section of the Warrior Forum ... (Cue demented bloodcurdling screams of insane terror ...)
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    Back on the theme of 2 sentence horror stories:

    I logged on to the OT Forum to catch up on the important stuff that's going on in the world. Imagine my horror when I found out it had been replaced by this one.
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    Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
    So that blind people can hate them as well.
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