Did your parents change as they got older?

I noticed the same thing in our family, my son is an only child so the grand parents spoil him rotten, I raised him firm, to respect the hard work that it takes to make a buck, I don't feel that there is anything wrong with it as he has turned out just fine and understands that money doesn't grow on trees. I think that grandparents spoil there grandchildren to make up for what they maybe couldn't give us, after all they did there job, you turned out alright didn't you?

I noticed the same thing too. My parents were very strict, critical and negative. I was punished for getting anything less than an A in school. They had favorite children and I wasn't one of them. When my son was born they lavished him with the affection they withheld from me and treated him like he was a prince. He has a great relationship with them and I barely speak to them. I'm thrilled for him but believe me... even after all these years it still hurts.

Bonnie

Ken,

Grandparents are often EXPECTED to be generous. Maybe she feels more secure now.

My parents haven't changed. My mother, before she died, changed a LOT but all was because she had alzheimers.

Steve

Her role with you was to make you a man, which she did.

Now that that work is over, she gets to enjoy the fruits of
her "work" - her grandchildren.

What a neat idea! I salute you.

Maybe they felt that by being hard on you, that you would be strict with your children and they could lavish their love on "the little visitors." I tend to agree with the various comments made thus far. I don't have kids but I reckon that is how my parents would think.

Dear kenmichaels. Very nice thread!
Sometime ago I heard someone saying "people don't change, they only change their behavior" either way as time passes by, everything changes. That's natural.
What you've mentioned is not only seen with grandsons/daughters but also favorable attitudes towards much younger brothers/sisters, female/male, successful/unsuccessful and the list goes on. Every family is different and every person is different too. You are responsible for your own child and you are the one who decides how you will raise him. The principles your parents gave you are the once that you will pass to your kids, who will later thank you. So basically you are his main source of influence, not anyone else. Money will come handy in the future, so it's good that your mother helps you and your kid to save up for college-uni. Appreciating a shovel and a map will give him a chance to understand, to love and value work. The part of you trying not being irritated or insulted might have to do with other factors. Look at it in a positive way.
Kind regards.

I just checked my birth certificate, and my Mum and Dad's drivers licenses, and yep, they're the same people.

My parents mellowed as they got older.

Heck, my 2 eldest kids think I'm 'way less strict with my 2 youngest than with them. They'd be correct there as well.

I like thinking, nobody woke up one day and said, jeepers! Today I'm going to mess up my kid! We all do the best we can.... but as we get older, our energy levels start leveling off.

I've raised my kids to think that going the dollar store is a treat. Hopefully their ability to save and look towards the future will continue.

Should be interesting to see what they'll end up thinking of us in 30 years....

I think we belong to the same family!!

My dad was always SO strict, it was a joke. First day of school my brother and I always got the same lecture... if you get a spanking in school, expect one when you get home!

More than once he told me "I'm not here to be your friend, I'm your father!'.

I'm certainly not complaining, because he taught me to take responsibility for my actions, and A LOT more.
Then when he got older I was shocked to see how he mellowed - it was like he did a 180.

Guess that happens as we age.
Jenny

While it is never a good idea for parents to "spoil" children, it is always a good idea (and fun too) for grandparents to spoil grandchildren. Resistance is futile. Go with the flow.

The problem is all mine ... and I know it.

I was raised a certain way. I did not like it. It truly sucked. However ...
When I finally came to grips with adulthood ... I realized how important they were
and how much they helped me.

I expected to raise my boy on most of those principles / idealism / teachings.

Like I said ... I KNOW it is my problem ... not hers.

She loves my boy and she shows it. That alone is a miracle that I can and will support.

of course its so natural

I was a second child and my parents were far less strict with me than with my sister. It might have just been the times, too, though. Our whole society was becoming more lenient during the early 70's. My dad's gonna be 90 this summer, though, and the only way he's changed in about forever is that he doesn't play tennis anymore, and hasn't played raquetball since his emergency surgery to take out his gallbladder in March. Of course, it's getting really hard for him to find guys near his age bracket to play with anymore, too.

Conversely, I'm seeing myself swaying more toward a lot of his ideologies as I am getting older.