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How To Say No ( To clients,co- workers & even your Boss!!!)

by natas105
15 replies
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Piles of paperwork on your desk, because you said can handle it by saying YES. An all nighter again, because you get project after project. And where are your co- workers? Are they working late with you or are they having dinner at home, with their families? Is everyone asking for your help and assistance, so you get behind? Frustrating, I know! Now, I know what you're thinking. I can't just say NO. Things will get awkward. There's a promotion is coming up. Can't say NO to the BOSS, can you? Is there any
good way to refuse to do something your boss asks? Actually, there are several!

Here are some a quick scripts for you to help you say NO ...business style!


Script 1.Frame your responses so that the first word your boss/ coworker hears is
yes,not a NO.
For example:Yes,I'd love to be a part of that project. Unfortunately,another client/project is taking up all my time.


Scipt 2: Just say NO;don't offer any reasons for your refusal.
Simply say,"I'm so sorry, but it's not possible".Then change the subject. Otherwise, you invite the person to challenge your excuse.

Frame your refusal as it's not possible,
as opposed to "I can't", so it sounds like the reasons are beyond your control.

Make sure your body language conveys NO by standing/sitting up straight and looking the asker in the eye.



Script 3. If you can't be that abrupt, slip
your NO between two positive statements.

For example, I'm so flattered you asked!
Unfortunately, I can't do it. But aren't you nice to think of me"! End on a positive note by complimenting the person. It will take the sting out of your rejection. We're all suckers for a compliment,even if we suspect it's insincere.



Script 4. Offer an alternative if you can, such as:"Why not ask Paul? I'm sure he'd love to". This is especially satisfying
if you know Paul will dread the request.

This script doesn't even even require a NO, AND can be followed by script number 3, if necessary.



Script 5. If you feel guilty about declining, make the person a specific counter offer.
Say: "I can't do ---- (request), but here's what I can do---- (counter offer".




TIP:Take the sting out of your refusal by following up with a concession: "I'm really sorry that it's not possible for me to stay late tonight. But I'll cancel my plans for the rest of the week to see that this gets done. Who can be angry at that????


Good luck!
  • Profile picture of the author ThomM
    Or you could just say no, that always worked for me.
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    • Profile picture of the author Karen Blundell
      learning to just say "no" can be hard for people who are givers.
      I personally have a lot of trouble with it but it is getting easier as I get older, more confident, and care less about what people think about me.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    I find that "what's in it for my wallet" works real well. Of course, I'm the employee that usually just gives them a quick "Um.......yeah.........F*** that" when bosses start to pile it on. They know when they're using you as a pack mule and letting them know you know, too, usually keeps them away for a long time.
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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  • Profile picture of the author natas105
    I agree. That's why I thought these scripts might be helpful to those who are having difficulty saying no. Me personally, I'm halfway there. I'm able to say no, but.....I still say no too nicely, which basically makes me have to say NO a couple of times more often. Need to work on my I don't give a crap attitude, I guess. Haha
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    • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
      This is probably not what you are looking for.

      http://www.warriorforum.com/mind-war...ll-myself.html

      Joe Mobley
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      Follow Me on Twitter: @daVinciJoe
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    • Profile picture of the author HeySal
      Originally Posted by natas105 View Post

      I agree. That's why I thought these scripts might be helpful to those who are having difficulty saying no. Me personally, I'm halfway there. I'm able to say no, but.....I still say no too nicely, which basically makes me have to say NO a couple of times more often. Need to work on my I don't give a crap attitude, I guess. Haha
      Never convey a don't give a crap attitude. The idea you want to get across is lightly veiled anger at being asked to do exorbitant amounts for little or no return (read: be taken advantage of because you are mild mannered). It's the attitude that you will go the extra mile with justifiable demands but will turn and walk if they attempt to push you over lines into indentured servitude.
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      Sal
      When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
      Beyond the Path

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      • Profile picture of the author natas105
        Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

        Never convey a don't give a crap attitude. The idea you want to get across is lightly veiled anger at being asked to do exorbitant amounts for little or no return (read: be taken advantage of because you are mild mannered). It's the attitude that you will go the extra mile with justifiable demands but will turn and walk if they attempt to push you over lines into indentured servitude.
        This right here is what I'm talking about! I couldn't have said it better than you just did. Well done.
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  • Profile picture of the author fsiegel
    Banned
    Saying no can be a little harder to some andreally easy to others. These scripts can be really helpful to some that find it hard to saying no. And alway remember that you should say no when you know you're reached your limit.
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  • Profile picture of the author natas105
    Exactly! But, before you say NO to anybody, make sure that you're clear on whether or not you actually want to do the project.
    Sometimes you really want to do it, but you just need more money or time. What I suggest you to do then is to come up with a new agreement or ask for more time.We tend to say No too soon, as well as saying Yes while we should have said No.
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  • Profile picture of the author ronrule
    If you're talking about client work, this may help (unpaid change requests are the worst):
    How to Avoid Getting Stiffed by Clients

    If you're talking about an employer-employee relationship, there's a more simple solution: manage expectations. If you think working 12 hour days is going to get you noticed, get you raises, and help you move up the ladder so one day you aren't having to do as much, you'd be wrong. Why would I take the person willing to work the hardest off of the job they're great at? You're staying right where you are, buddy, you're awesome.

    Seriously though, the trouble is it becomes expected. If you're consistently "that guy" who's staying at the office until 8PM on your own accord, I'm not going to have a problem asking you to. It's not about trying to be a slave driver or squeeze more work out of someone, it's just that you've established yourself as a person who has no problem with staying late to get the job done. That doesn't make you any more valuable than the guy who compartmentalizes and leaves at a consistent time every day to be home in time for dinner with his family, and won't give you an edge toward getting promoted.

    Sometimes, truthfully, it can even backfire on you. If you're always working late, maybe it's because you aren't efficient enough to get it done during normal hours.
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  • Profile picture of the author natas105
    Exactly Right! The last thing you want is people taking you for granted. It's better to excel and impress than "be the guy or gal that is always working late. You're their no 1 person to go to.
    I do believe it can be hard to reverse the situation. Since people are used to you saying yes and working late, the question then becomes: How to START saying No and STILL impress your boss?
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    • Profile picture of the author AprilCT
      It was very difficult for me to pass up overtime hours, but I do remember uttering the words: "are you trying to kill me?" and was "rewarded" was a cold can of pop personally delivered to my desk. Work overload always went to those who did it and many others had plenty of free time during the day (a big gripe.) Unfortunately, saying no to my one boss was impossible because he always preferred giving me the job, knowing it would be done if I had to stay there all night to finish. If something did get passed to someone else, it was still my job to totally flyspeck every detail so there was never a time to get out of doing it. I'm so glad those days are over.
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  • Profile picture of the author rickdangelo
    Natas105: The tips you posted are pretty good. I know a lot of people have a hard time saying no and up to now they still can't say no even if things get pretty out of hand. Thanks for sharing this.
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    • Profile picture of the author natas105
      Thank you Rick. That's exactly why I created this thread. I appreciate your awesome compliment!
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  • Profile picture of the author bluej244
    Originally Posted by natas105 View Post

    Piles of paperwork on your desk, because you said can handle it by saying YES. An all nighter again, because you get project after project. And where are your co- workers? Are they working late with you or are they having dinner at home, with their families? Is everyone asking for your help and assistance, so you get behind? Frustrating, I know! Now, I know what you're thinking. I can't just say NO. Things will get awkward. There's a promotion is coming up. Can't say NO to the BOSS, can you? Is there any
    good way to refuse to do something your boss asks? Actually, there are several!

    Here are some a quick scripts for you to help you say NO ...business style!


    Script 1.Frame your responses so that the first word your boss/ coworker hears is
    yes,not a NO.
    For example:Yes,I'd love to be a part of that project. Unfortunately,another client/project is taking up all my time.


    Scipt 2: Just say NO;don't offer any reasons for your refusal.
    Simply say,"I'm so sorry, but it's not possible".Then change the subject. Otherwise, you invite the person to challenge your excuse.

    Frame your refusal as it's not possible,
    as opposed to "I can't", so it sounds like the reasons are beyond your control.

    Make sure your body language conveys NO by standing/sitting up straight and looking the asker in the eye.



    Script 3. If you can't be that abrupt, slip
    your NO between two positive statements.

    For example, I'm so flattered you asked!
    Unfortunately, I can't do it. But aren't you nice to think of me"! End on a positive note by complimenting the person. It will take the sting out of your rejection. We're all suckers for a compliment,even if we suspect it's insincere.



    Script 4. Offer an alternative if you can, such as:"Why not ask Paul? I'm sure he'd love to". This is especially satisfying
    if you know Paul will dread the request.

    This script doesn't even even require a NO, AND can be followed by script number 3, if necessary.



    Script 5. If you feel guilty about declining, make the person a specific counter offer.
    Say: "I can't do ---- (request), but here's what I can do---- (counter offer".




    TIP:Take the sting out of your refusal by following up with a concession: "I'm really sorry that it's not possible for me to stay late tonight. But I'll cancel my plans for the rest of the week to see that this gets done. Who can be angry at that????


    Good luck!
    I prefer script 3. It's not that harsh and it sounds positive.
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