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I Decided To Sell My Hoover ...

by Jonathan 2.0 Banned
19 replies
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Because it was just collecting dust. : P

...

If you keep this joke and say it with the correct delivery, I promise it will get a good laugh or at least a "kudos."
: )

In fact it won an award:

BBC News - Tim Vine wins funniest Edinburgh Fringe joke award
  • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
    My Hoover sucks.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
      Banned
      Originally Posted by positivenegative View Post

      My Hoover sucks.
      Lol. That was actually an old slogan ... "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux." : P
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        He got the same award in 2010 for this.

        "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
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        • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
          Banned
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          He got the same award in 2010 for this.

          "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
          (Haha.) Awesome. : )
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  • Profile picture of the author ForumGuru
    Banned
    Eureka!!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    I am sure Claude has a plethora of hoover jokes he could suck you in with.
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      I am sure that if you walked into Claude's Hoover store, and noticed some cobwebs, he would say...

      They are for demonstration purposes!

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      • Profile picture of the author peterj
        I was in love with my Goblin HouseMaid.

        She was a little beauty, it was a sad day when she went.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by laurencewins View Post

      I am sure Claude has a plethora of hoover jokes he could suck you in with.
      Amazingly, there are a very very limited number of vacuum cleaner jokes.

      The one I hear...every day....without fail....is

      "How's business? I bet it sucks"

      If you think about it, there is little incentive to sit down and think of vacuum cleaner jokes.


      "I decided to sell my Hoover ...because it was collecting dust" is funny, and one I hadn't heard before.

      When I used to sell in people's homes, a few times...someone would ask if I ever used my vacuum cleaner to pleasure myself. Usually, young...mildly drunk..girls. I would just say "Yes", and continue as if nothing happened.

      They weren't going to buy anyway. And it was fun, playing with them.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Amazingly, there are a very very limited number of vacuum cleaner jokes.

        The one I hear...every day....without fail....is

        "How's business? I bet it sucks"

        If you think about it, there is little incentive to sit down and think of vacuum cleaner jokes.


        "I decided to sell my Hoover ...because it was collecting dust" is funny, and one I hadn't heard before.

        When I used to sell in people's homes, a few times...someone would ask if I ever used my vacuum cleaner to pleasure myself. Usually, young...mildly drunk..girls. I would just say "Yes", and continue as if nothing happened.

        They weren't going to buy anyway. And it was fun, playing with them.
        Didn't they chuck you out for doing that though?
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          "I always dress up when I go to the Dyson Ball"

          "The Dyson ball picked up my lottery ticket, it was a rollover"

          "The Riccar is the Rolex of vacuum cleaners, does it tell the time, no!"

          "The Hoover Picks up dirt, J Edgar dished it out"
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        When I used to sell in people's homes, a few times...someone would ask if I ever used my vacuum cleaner to pleasure myself. Usually, young...mildly drunk..girls. I would just say "Yes", and continue as if nothing happened.
        Yes boys and girls, sadly this is how the "beats as it sweeps" feature was first developed.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          Yes boys and girls, sadly this is how the "beats as it sweeps" feature was first developed.
          Kurt; Amazingly, I've never heard that joke before. A pretty good one, too.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            I was just posting this elsewhere.

            I was seriously thinking of making my motto "Service With A Smirk".

            It wouldn't help sales, but I'd think it was hilarious.

            My radio ad rep wanted me to give a slogan. I suggested "If It Sucks, We Sell It!".

            It would have been a serious mistake. But I thought it was funny.
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          • Profile picture of the author Kurt
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Kurt; Amazingly, I've never heard that joke before. A pretty good one, too.
            You set 'em up. I knock 'em down.
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          Yes boys and girls, sadly this is how the "beats as it sweeps" feature was first developed.
          "No loss of suction to thwart your eruption"
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  • Profile picture of the author WalkingCarpet
    Banned
    I saw this as 'I decided to sell my hooker'
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  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    So, Claude, you didn't even get my joke?
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by laurencewins View Post

      So, Claude, you didn't even get my joke?
      Lawrence; Of course I did. And thank you for reminding me.
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