This Restaurant Wants to Be the Worst Rated on Yelp!

by sbucciarel Banned
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This Restaurant Wants to Be the Worst Rated on Yelp, and the Reviews Are Indeed Hilarious 25% off for your 1-star critique
Story here http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/restau...larious-160299

Owner says this has been the best advertising campaign he's launched in years. Ratings here:
Botto Italian Bistro - Richmond, CA | Yelp


The visit would have been enjoyable, but the waiters are all naked but for loin cloths. I mean, who can concentrate on dinner with a scantily dressed hunk with a muscular torso swinging around on vines, delivering your pizza? And besides, they charge extra for bread and they don't change the TV channel ... EVER.
They will not deliver to my area. Unacceptable.
I should mention that I live in NJ.
I haven't even eaten here nor been in the state of CA in about 10 years and I can still tell you this place sucks. Way to stick it to Yelp Botto!
Ugh. Don't EVEN get me started!

No really, I can't start. I never ate there. I live in Florida for Christ's sake.
Why are cats allowed in here? Do you use Vaseline to make the noodles glisten? I might eat here again.
Used to be a laundromat and tattoo parlor, kept the laundromat. Bring your dirty clothes and plenty of quarters. Pet friendly, saw two cats, three monkeys and a ferret. In the ice bucket challenge, they use ice made from the tears of super models.
Last night, 2AM, I was beginning to head for bed. I was hungry, and had a bit of a craving for pizza. I shrugged, and finished up my homework. Before I knew it, half an hour had passed, and still nobody from Botto had arrived at my door with something delicious.

The restaurant industry lives or dies on anticipating the desires of their diners. Botto failed to anticipate my craving. Instead they closed doors at their regular hours. Further, I have it on good authority that they don't even deliver. I dare not even inquire if they have any professionally trained psychics on staff. Utterly abysmal.
I thought this place was OK when I was in town looking for some local Italian but even the mediocre food couldn't be overcome by the stench of Yelp! haters.

How DARE you question the Gods of Yelp, who know far better than anyone else who is a real customer and who is a disgruntled ex-employee. If you think you are fit to question them you're no better than they are...waitaminnit -- NO ONE IS BETTER THAN THEY ARE! I hope you rot in hell you ungrateful *******s! And no, I don't likea the sauce!
As a New Orleans resident, I am appalled at Botto Bistro. I gave the appropriate one star review, and I am waiting on my well deserved 25% discount on my delivery order. Terrible customer service experience at the phone. I called on Saturday at 12:15pm(CST) and it went straight to voicemail! What is this nonsense of hours of operation? It's look at the time, it's lunchtime. GO BACK TO ITALY CERRETINI!
You are like a fake noodle! AN IMPASTA!!!!!!!!!!!! To top this all off I had create a yelp account to post this...
What do you mean you don't deliver to San Diego?! I think that is no fair at all!!! I guess I will just eat what I have around the house. And on a side note Yelp can eat my a$$!
Eek! Me thinks not! Too many hookers and crackheads outside the restaurant... the restaurant bathroom had a couple of homeless folks inside as well, including a crazy cat lady taking a bath in the sink and washing her personal items... YUK!
f I could give this cesspool of putrid filth a lower rating, I would certainty do so with no hesitation.

I was in California on vacation and decided to look up menus of restaurants in the area. I was intrigued by their, seemingly, appealing food choices.

I could not have been more wrong.

Every item I ordered was either made incorrectly, not cooked properly, or the wrong item altogether.

When I brought this to the waitress' attention, she told me to 'get bent' and flipped me the bird.

45 minutes later, she brought out different random food items and threw them onto the table while cackling loudly and singing Metallica songs with fervor.

At this point, is when I attempted to leave but was stopped, taken into a basement, and left in a trap that would lead to my certain death. My only hope of escape was to train the many rats to chew through the ropes that bound me and crawl through my own blood to safety.

I write this from the hospital. They say I will never fully recover...

All in all, I would definitely go back and recommend it to anyone!
  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    Looks like a legal way to slander yelps rating system.

    That whole yelp social awareness thing is funny on it's own.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rick Rodd
    Yelp turns into 9gag in a Snap! Priceless...
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  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
    Banned
    Yeah ... some really hilarious ratings from people who have never eaten there and didn't know about the place until the media picked this story up. Now they're famous. lol. A lot of free press.

    It appears that both users and ad customers of Yelp are not very happy customers either. Here's people rating Yelp on Yelp's site.

    Yelp - Financial District - San Francisco, CA | Yelp
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  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
    Banned
    It gets even funnier. First time I've ever used Yelp is today to see those reviews. I pressed the "Useful" button on the ones I liked.

    I am now banned from Yelp. lol.
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    • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
      Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

      It gets even funnier. First time I've ever used Yelp is today to see those reviews. I pressed the "Useful" button on the ones I liked.

      I am now banned from Yelp. lol.
      That's a T-shirt.
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  • Profile picture of the author gradeus
    Seeing Yelp lose this battle is delicious, even if they are winning the war--for eyeballs, influence and ad dollars. Working in the review space, I've long believed that Yelp's farcical review "filter" favors negative reviews, whether or not they are legitimate. (Yelp's allegiance, after all, is to the consumer who turns to Yelp to differentiate among fundamentally similar options.) These guys brilliantly exploit that--with more guts than I ever could have!
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      It's one of the smartest advertising ideas I've ever seen. It's a lot more fun to give a terrible review...and easier to ask for one. It's also far more tempting to read terrible reviews. The fact that they are mostly silly, appeals to some of the readers, maybe most of them. And, of course, makes the whole thing fun.

      It's free marketing.

      It's viral.

      I wish I thought of it.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        It's one of the smartest advertising ideas I've ever seen. It's a lot more fun to give a terrible review...and easier to ask for one. It's also far more tempting to read terrible reviews. The fact that they are mostly silly, appeals to some of the readers, maybe most of them. And, of course, makes the whole thing fun.

        It's free marketing.

        It's viral.

        I wish I thought of it.
        Oh come on, everyone knows your store is crap, they just like the Clown that runs it. Brilliant marketing

        Today at work my supervisor talked about a woman in purchasing who was putting up printouts of memo's from HR in her cubical. Now we do have a website that offers discounts to employees in education but when I read it I thought wow. 126 bucks for 5-6 days vacation in Florida (4-5 star hotel) plus a free Royal Caribbean 5-6 day cruise to the first 500 callers. She said, take it, and show it to your dept. I'm getting these faxed to me.

        As I re-read it though I saw it was non specific, memo from HR to All Employees (not the name of college employees) and then the fine print at the bottom, to unsubscribe from this faxed communication dial this number.

        A scam, probably trying to get you to dial a premium number.

        Fooled her though. I wrote a note on it, Scam, do not pursue, pointing out the anomalies and put it on her desk, she came over and thanked me!

        Clever stuff though.

        If true, would have been really pissed as am going on a 7 day Royal Caribbean cruise in a couple of weeks.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post


          If true, would have been really pissed as am going on a 7 day Royal Caribbean cruise in a couple of weeks.
          Royal Caribbean appreciates the two week warning.


          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          Oh come on, everyone knows your store is crap, they just like the Clown that runs it.

          You insensitive Basta3d.

          The clown died a week ago. He was the best manager I ever had. He left me his shoes. I'm moving in next week.

          And my store is not "Crap". What I sell is crap. My store is actually not that bad.

          My store motto is "Selling at ridiculously high prices since 1987. Service with a smirk!".
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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Royal Caribbean appreciates the two week warning.





            You insensitive Basta3d.

            The clown died a week ago. He was the best manager I ever had. He left me his shoes. I'm moving in next week.

            And my store is not "Crap". What I sell is crap. My store is actually not that bad.

            My store motto is "Selling at ridiculously high prices since 1987. Service with a smirk!".
            That was meant as a compliment. You enhanced your stores presence by putting yourself out there so I reckon a good few customers come to see the star of you-tube. I have seen pictures of your store. Looks a fine establishment to me. The amazingly word cramped parking sign outside is a masterpiece though. Still got that?

            Yes a 7 day cruise starting on the 12th, so looking forward to it. funnily enough I did a 10 day one on the very same ship back in 2008. Best vacation of my life. It was re-furbished earlier this year and looks splendid, got a balcony room too. And, a casino to try out my methodologies on. Sails from Galverston to 3 islands.

            Here is a vid of that ship. If you have never been on a cruise, trust me, do it once you will be hooked. Royal Caribbean is the best! The vid starts of with a bit of Texas, houston and the butterfly sanctuary in Galveston, beautifully done account of someones vacation.

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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

              That was meant as a compliment. You enhanced your stores presence by putting yourself out there so I reckon a good few customers come to see the star of you-tube. I have seen pictures of your store. Looks a fine establishment to me. The amazingly word cramped parking sign outside is a masterpiece though. Still got that?
              First...I would never take offence at anything you said to me. I assumed you were joking.

              As far as a cruise. I've asked my wife, and she said I could go with you.

              I'll bring the cocoa butter. Maybe you should give your wife the good news.

              Or I could just jump out of a cake and surprise her.
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              • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post


                Or I could just jump out of a cake and surprise her.
                Make sure the emt's are on notice.
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              • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                First...I would never take offence at anything you said to me. I assumed you were joking.

                As far as a cruise. I've asked my wife, and she said I could go with you.

                I'll bring the cocoa butter. Maybe you should give your wife the good news.

                Or I could just jump out of a cake and surprise her.
                Of course, would love for you to come along but glad you got permission from your wife first. . Hope you don't snore much, the wife does so bring earplugs.

                Ensure you bring a suit for the captains formal dinner night and suitable leather attire and studded collar for the cake surprise.

                You are also allowed to bring one Riffle aboard. They don't mind because he will easily fit snugly into one half of your suitcase.

                Cruise Liners are big fans of One Liners.
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                • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                  Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                  You are also allowed to bring one Riffle aboard. They don't mind because he will easily fit snugly into one half of your suitcase.

                  Cruise Liners are big fans of One Liners.
                  For a free cruise? I'll make sure he fits.
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                  • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
                    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                    You are also allowed to bring one Riffle aboard. They don't mind because he will easily fit snugly into one half of your suitcase.
                    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                    I'll make sure he fits.

                    If the cap fits, wear it.

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                    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                      Originally Posted by positivenegative View Post

                      If the cap fits, wear it.

                      Finding a cap like that , that would fit my head...is like trying to stuff Riffle into a suitcase.

                      Believable, but impractical.

                      My head is actually an FAA approved flotation device.

                      Riffle is actually FDA approved shark bait.
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              • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                First...I would never take offence at anything you said to me. I assumed you were joking.
                Classic example of denial.

                Or I could just jump out of a cake and surprise her.
                Jump out of a cake? Never. Eating your way out of a cake is much more believeable.
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              • Profile picture of the author SteveJohnson
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                ...Or I could just jump out of a cake and surprise her.
                Make sure the top of the cake is pointed into the boat, not toward the ocean.
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                • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                  Originally Posted by SteveJohnson View Post

                  Make sure the top of the cake is pointed into the boat, not toward the ocean.
                  Imagine it..

                  The top of the cake bursts open and out comes Claude. SUPRIZiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeee.... SPLOOSSHHHH!!!

                  I will get a rubber ring says the steward, oh, he already has one, oh, my mistake, that's not rubber.

                  Back in the cabin, Dan Riffle is awoken from his usual Terra K wet dream, hearing the (girly) cry's for help from his friend he bursts out of the suitcase and thrusts his head through the open porthole. Hey, Claude, he says to his friend 100 feet below, grab hold of my Goatee and I will haul you up. Claude almost gets his hand on the shiny grey hair, but then...

                  To late, as the 100 foot wave that Claude caused hitting the water crashes into the ship, pulling them all down into the murky depths.

                  On second thoughts we will leave out the cake surprise.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                    Imagine it..

                    The top of the cake bursts open and out comes Claude. SUPRIZiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeee.... SPLOOSSHHHH!!!

                    <snip>

                    To late, as the 100 foot wave that Claude caused hitting the water crashes into the ship, pulling them all down into the murky depths.
                    Despite what the deniers claim, Claude swimming in the ocean is the leading cause of rising sea levels.

                    BTW, did you know "tsunami" is Japanese for "claude"?
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                    • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
                      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                      Despite what the deniers claim, Claude swimming in the ocean is the leading cause of rising sea levels.

                      BTW, did you know "tsunami" is Japanese for "claude"?

                      Mr Whitacre is most upset at these allegations and wishes to give give notice of his intent to instigate legal action. He further wishes it to be known that he is a landmass - as clearly defined in a recent geographical survey conducted by National Geographic - and not a tsunami, beached walrus, or iceberg as are some of the more common conceptions sweeping the WF boards..
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                  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                    Imagine it..

                    The top of the cake bursts open and out comes Claude. SUPRIZiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeee.... SPLOOSSHHHH!!!

                    I will get a rubber ring says the steward, oh, he already has one, oh, my mistake, that's not rubber.

                    Back in the cabin, Dan Riffle is awoken from his usual Terra K wet dream, hearing the (girly) cry's for help from his friend he bursts out of the suitcase and thrusts his head through the open porthole. Hey, Claude, he says to his friend 100 feet below, grab hold of my Goatee and I will haul you up. Claude almost gets his hand on the shiny grey hair, but then...

                    To late, as the 100 foot wave that Claude caused hitting the water crashes into the ship, pulling them all down into the murky depths.

                    On second thoughts we will leave out the cake surprise.
                    Okay, now you've gone too damn far. You have now insulted me.

                    My goatee hair is not gray.
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                    • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
                      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                      Okay, now you've gone too damn far. You have now insulted me.

                      My goatee hair is not gray.
                      Grecian or Gray Away?

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                    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                      Okay, now you've gone too damn far. You have now insulted me.

                      My goatee hair is not gray.
                      I know that, it's just the gray squirrel hair extensions you use.

                      Your heroism spawned this mariner rhyme..

                      The man with the hundred foot goatee
                      Let it hang down the side of a boatee
                      Hair of brown and of gray
                      Had indeed saved the day
                      As Claude grabbed it to keep him afloatee
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      • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
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        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        It's one of the smartest advertising ideas I've ever seen. It's a lot more fun to give a terrible review...and easier to ask for one. It's also far more tempting to read terrible reviews. The fact that they are mostly silly, appeals to some of the readers, maybe most of them. And, of course, makes the whole thing fun.

        It's free marketing.

        It's viral.

        I wish I thought of it.
        I agree. It's so viral, it's still going on. Taken on a life of it's own. I spent way too much time reading the reviews and getting a kick out of them. I'm certain that if I went to San Fran, that I would eat there.

        And Yelp didn't do themselves any favors by not complying with his wishes and just removing the listing. There are many negative digs at Yelp throughout the reviews. Yelp was so pissed that he offered 25% off for a negative review, that they sent him a warning letter, saying he's in violation of their TOS ... lol. He said that he abides by the laws of the US, not Yelp. That he didn't place the listing there, so therefore did not agree to any TOS, which is quite true. A customer listed them.
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  • Profile picture of the author st0nec0ld
    ahaha seriously, this is one of the hilarious yet effective way of marketing.
    True it is, let the people do the job for yah haha!
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