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Critique my direct mail copy!

by TheBigBee
11 replies
What: A Local Co-Op Mailer - free of charge.

How: We take their merchant processing in exchange for putting them in a local co-op mailer. The merchant processing (credit card processing) company pays us, and we use a portion of those revenues to get their offers out. Earns more than collecting checks and it's a great foot in the door for the other services we offer.

Inspiration: EWEN MACK!!! THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR GENIUS!

Goal: To get them to call in. I do not want them e-mailing or even visiting the site until they have called in first.


Copy:

About these mailers you're paying to be featured in... Check of all that apply to you...

You do not think that spending money to be featured next to your competitors makes much sense.

You are not excited about shelling out the cash but feel like you must in order to stay competitive.

You think that spending a ton of money to get people in waving coupons for steep discounts is slightly absurd.

You think the only real winners on these deals are the people who cash the checks you write to them.

You are open to other options as long as they do not cost you any money.
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you might be interested in speaking with me about turning one of those annoying monthly bills into a money maker.

Call me and I will walk you through the process of getting your offers into 10,000 to 50,000 local mailboxes without spending any money, and without the presence of your competition.


Signature

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I welcome you guys' thoughts!
#copy #critique #direct #mail
  • Profile picture of the author savidge4
    Originally Posted by TheBigBee View Post

    Copy:

    About these mailers you're paying to be featured in... Check of all that apply to you...

    I think the whole concept falls flat starting at the headline. If you were in a conversation with someone.. and it turned a bit to the negative side, could you see yourself saying....

    "And another thing.. about the mailers..."

    and even the lines below are negative:

    yours:
    "You do not think that spending money to be featured next to your competitors makes much sense. "

    suggested:
    Do you think that spending money to be featured next to your competitors makes much sense?

    I think when you go in this direction.. "if you answered NO to any of the above questions.. we can help call us now for a FREE consultation and learn how..."

    All of the No's become yesses in agreement to your ideas and concepts... So when they call you, you have already started the line and conditioning of a yes.
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    • Profile picture of the author TheBigBee
      Originally Posted by savidge4 View Post


      I think the whole concept falls flat starting at the headline. If you were in a conversation with someone.. and it turned a bit to the negative side, could you see yourself saying....

      "And another thing.. about the mailers..."

      and even the lines below are negative:

      yours:
      "You do not think that spending money to be featured next to your competitors makes much sense. "

      suggested:
      Do you think that spending money to be featured next to your competitors makes much sense?

      I think when you go in this direction.. "if you answered NO to any of the above questions.. we can help call us now for a FREE consultation and learn how..."

      All of the No's become yesses in agreement to your ideas and concepts... So when they call you, you have already started the line and conditioning of a yes.

      Interesting points of view. I appreciate your very precise feedback.

      It is something I struggled with... I spent about 90 minutes off and on on this short letter...

      I contemplated the getting them into a "Yes" mode vs. "negative." In the content I create for my primary company I find that the more negative and incendiary the better.

      Ex; "7 Ways Your Competitors Are Eating Your Lunch" vs. "7 Tricks You Can Use To Win Locally." The negative line tends to out perform - significantly.

      I guess what I will do is split test - having them say "yes" vs. "no."

      Thanks again!
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      • Profile picture of the author DABK
        I'm with Savidge on this one. I would move from thinking to feeling?

        Do you like it when you pay for advertising and you get featured right next to one of your competitors? When your prospect is given a choice between you and another company? On your money?

        And you need a much better headline

        To All Business Owners Who Want Better Returns From Their Mailer Ads

        ?
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      • Profile picture of the author savidge4
        Originally Posted by TheBigBee View Post

        "7 Ways Your Competitors Are Eating Your Lunch" vs. "7 Tricks You Can Use To Win Locally." The negative line tends to out perform - significantly.

        The Negative headline is great ( in this case ).. but how do you back this up? "Are your competitors doing this? are the doing that?"

        If you are using Ewens Guest Test as the base here... its not about ALL the marks being checked.. JUST ONE is needed.. THAT is the beauty of the piece. It is basically reaching out to what was it 7 different but specific target clients and their personal pains.

        You kind of are going after 1 target and trying to reinforce.

        As an example.. what if I the business owner, does not advertise where my competitors do? What if I have no problem spending money on mailers? What if I don't offer deep discounts and still get results? What if I believe the winning is mutual? would I still be interested in other options?

        I think you are gambling on the idea that someone is going to say yes straight across the board... and the way I look at it, you would be targeting the bottom of the barrel type clients?

        Are you tired of deep discounting to get people through the door?

        Would you like to find a avenue of marketing that separates you from your competition?

        These points elevate your stance, make it far more clear ( in my eyes ), and starts to broaden your target.
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        • Profile picture of the author TheBigBee
          Originally Posted by savidge4 View Post

          The Negative headline is great ( in this case ).. but how do you back this up? "Are your competitors doing this? are the doing that?"

          If you are using Ewens Guest Test as the base here... its not about ALL the marks being checked.. JUST ONE is needed.. THAT is the beauty of the piece. It is basically reaching out to what was it 7 different but specific target clients and their personal pains.

          You kind of are going after 1 target and trying to reinforce.

          As an example.. what if I the business owner, does not advertise where my competitors do? What if I have no problem spending money on mailers? What if I don't offer deep discounts and still get results? What if I believe the winning is mutual? would I still be interested in other options?

          I think you are gambling on the idea that someone is going to say yes straight across the board... and the way I look at it, you would be targeting the bottom of the barrel type clients?

          Are you tired of deep discounting to get people through the door?

          Would you like to find a avenue of marketing that separates you from your competition?

          These points elevate your stance, make it far more clear ( in my eyes ), and starts to broaden your target.

          A bunch of gold in here. We are targeting ONLY those who are spending money in on local co-op mailers. If they aren't spending money, we have no interest in speaking with them.

          A couple of months ago I went out door to door to experiment with 9x12. I was asking for checks, and not under this model. I remember people really digging the fact that their competitors would not be featured. I also see SOOOO many small business funding files submitted by business owners who hate that they have to go this route, and they project that on us... so I may have allowed that "saltiness" to spill over here.

          Thanks for presenting a different perspective... back to the drawing board...

          FYI - We intend to get letters out today, measure results, and then iterate / optimize on a large format, targeted mailer. So we do kind of wanna be like Ewen in this regard but don't want to flush a ton of cash down the toilet if the messaging isn't right.
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          • Profile picture of the author savidge4
            Originally Posted by TheBigBee View Post

            We are targeting ONLY those who are spending money in on local co-op mailers. If they aren't spending money, we have no interest in speaking with them.
            I get what you are saying here. I personally buck this idea every chance I get. In my local market space.. .. there are 5000 business' give or take, and maybe 100 use mailers of any kind, let alone co-op mailers. So for me to target those already spending money I might have a reach of maybe 60 customers - BUT there are 4900 out there.. finding the ones that ARE spending money ( and not on mailings ) is the key here.

            I would say the piece needs to speak to those that ARE using the method, and those that look at it and think its a crap idea. It opens up your width of prospect availability.

            I have a few employees. I have them bring in all of the mailers they get when they remember. I have a list of every company that uses co-op and eddm not just at my office location but from areas around me. Inside of a month or 2 you could have this very detailed list for yourself. Just ask friends from around the area to keep all the mailers for you. I think you would find it amazing how small the list really is.

            The other thing I have done is open up the local newspaper and write down every last company that has an ad. You can also in some cases look at radio and TV station websites and see who advertises there.

            You start developing a picture of WHO is spending money on advertising in your area. And then you can start comparing one list against the other, if they are spending money in one category.. they are more likely to be open to spending money in another.

            CO-OP for me is the gateway to EDDM. If they are not spending money on mailers I will try to get them in on a CO-OP piece. if there is success in that model, I then hit them with the EDDM method. positioning and upselling.. that's what we do right?

            And above all else... get on the phone today with your local DirecTv, Exede, and Hughesnet dealers. they have cash in hand ( as in free cash to them - co-op cash ) to spend on advertising like this.
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            • Profile picture of the author TheBigBee
              Originally Posted by savidge4 View Post

              I get what you are saying here. I personally buck this idea every chance I get. In my local market space.. .. there are 5000 business' give or take, and maybe 100 use mailers of any kind, let alone co-op mailers. So for me to target those already spending money I might have a reach of maybe 60 customers - BUT there are 4900 out there.. finding the ones that ARE spending money ( and not on mailings ) is the key here.

              I would say the piece needs to speak to those that ARE using the method, and those that look at it and think its a crap idea. It opens up your width of prospect availability.

              And above all else... get on the phone today with your local DirecTv, Exede, and Hughesnet dealers. they have cash in hand ( as in free cash to them - co-op cash ) to spend on advertising like this.

              I made a list of the 25 most "coupon waving" cities and correlated that list to ValPak.com. Naturally, we resarched ValPak's pricing and business model along with LocalFlavor and others for example. Here are some quick results:
              1. Cleveland Ranks #8 most "coupon waving" city and has 234 ValPak participants who pay upwards of $2,000 a year.
              2. Denver is #9 and has 241 participating.
              3. Dallas Ranks #15 and has 385 participating.

              Our calculus was that inasmuch the culture of these towns is to fetch a coupon wherever one is to be found, these businesses are "pressured" in by a combination of the ValPak Sales rep; "let me show you some stats about coupon waving in your city" + other local businesses...

              With that in mind we figured we need only 18 in any city to sign up and these will go out EDDM style. They will go out EDDM style which will also include delivery to local businesses. On the mailers we were hoping to rope in the ones who are not spending money by having a prominent call to action; "DON'T MISS OUT. GET YOUR BUSINESS FEATURED FREE HERE NEXT GO ROUND."

              The idea was that the business owners who have turned ValPak down have done so because they find the solution too expensive, they already work with 9x12'ers, or they think spending money on advertising is dumb. I literally got an e-mail reply from a test campaign to scraped e-mails that read; "No thanks. I don't waste money on advertising."

              I just have this natural aversion to spray and pray marketing! I also want to keep the sales cycle as short as possible as it's "technically" a group sale.
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              • Profile picture of the author savidge4
                Originally Posted by TheBigBee View Post

                "No thanks. I don't waste money on advertising."
                This may not mean that they don't SPEND money.. they just don't "waste money" this could be an indicator of not breaking the threshold of benefit?


                I would be all kinds of kind and polite to talk with that person to find out what their thoughts were.
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                • Profile picture of the author Barry Unruh
                  Originally Posted by savidge4 View Post

                  I would be all kinds of kind and polite to talk with that person to find out what their thoughts were.
                  Or at least do a quick search and find out what kind of business they have...you might find out they are about to go under.

                  Every time I heard a business make a comment like that, and mean it, they were struggling to get business, and thought they could not afford advertising.
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  • Profile picture of the author Barry Unruh
    Headline: OH CRAP! They put my ad beside my competitors again!
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    • Profile picture of the author TheBigBee
      Originally Posted by Barry Unruh View Post

      Headline: OH CRAP! They put my ad beside my competitors again!
      In the words of Scott Van Pelt from ESPN; "USEFUL!"
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