Can I get a Constructive Critique

I am drafting a direct mail letter that I want to send out to local businesses. Here is my draft letter with title, body and closing. Can I get a constructive critique…RR

--------------My Direct Mail Letter---------------------

[Title] Track, Measure and then Manage your Advertising…

Biz Owner Name,

[Body] Every advertising effort needs to be pulling its weight and adding money to your bottom line. To be sure your advertising is really doing its job you need to track, measure and then manage. With most cases each small business has no money to advertise but knows it needs to advertise.

Is that you? If so then…

First you need to identify then list the ways you are currently advertising. Do you have a business phone, good walk in traffic for your location, business signage, brochure, logos, business cards or some other advertising? Just list them…Attached to this letter is my incomplete list of your business advertising.

Next, can you track each of the advertising methods on your list?

With your list completed next you need to identify how you measure each of the different advertising ways and understand how each is working to add profit to your bottom line. Then identify each of the conversion ratios for each advertising effort. So what is conversion ratio?

If you want some help to measure and determine your conversion ratio contact us for your no obligation marketing strategy meeting. In this meeting we will identify your complete advertising list then show you how to track and measure the current advertising efforts.

In closing,

[Closing] As said by Philip Sidney, “Either I will find a way, or I will make one.” We are here to make you a way to be successful. We are focused on the different ways to make your business profitable. Find your way today and call us here [phone number].

Salutation,

PS: We are looking forward to working with the first 5 businesses in [city].