Can't decide which flyer to go with!

by Alexbarber 61 replies
Hello all! I'm new to this forum and came here looking for your professional opinions. I'm stuck on which flyer to go with. I would like Your opinions and will take ANY criticism. I came here because I believe and trust everyone here knows (or has a close idea lol) what works and what doesn't.

Here's the two proofs. Please note that there will be 2 runs for these flyers. The first (below) will be for attention only and the second run flyers will be modified with a grand opening date, special offers and a coupon.




Please I need your input on these as we need to get these printed asap!

Thanks in advance!



Alex
#offline marketing #decide #flyer #with@#$##
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  • Profile picture of the author Damien Brock
    easy. Second one
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  • Profile picture of the author animal44
    Neither have anything to say why I should change my Barber... or even take the trouble of trying you out.

    Where's your compelling offer...?
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
      Thanks for replying. Good question and point! There will be 2 rounds of flyers. 1st round is just for attention and 2nd round will have a grand opening date and $5 off coupon . With that aside.. which one of the two would you prefer?

      Thanks in advance,

      Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author SARubin
    OK, If you're gonna force me to choose between the two... I guess I'd pick #2

    The cartoon characters add a little cuteness, and personality. (and the cuteness is good, because you've got Al standing there with his cap on backwards, high top shoes, and a straight razor in his hands. And if it wasn't a cartoon, you'd probably be scaring people away )

    Also, your pre-headline could be more compelling. I think I get what you're trying to say, with the "independently owned" and "local neighborhood barber" angle.

    But neither one is making much of an offer, or solidly calling out your target audience. So in this case I'd say the shorter one is better.
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
      I REALLY appreciate your feedback! When you say you prefer the "shorter one " I assume you're referring to the headline? With regards to offers/ calling out target audience, this is the first run of flyers and it's going to be for attention only. On the second run of flyers were going to add pricing,hours, grand opening specials/ offers along with a coupon.

      Thanks again for your input it really helps a lot!!

      Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author SARubin
        Originally Posted by Alexbarber View Post

        When you say you prefer the "shorter one " I assume you're referring to the headline?
        Yes, the shorter one is just quicker, and easier to grasp. The one that says "New and known neighborhood barbers... etc." is a bit clunky to read.

        Originally Posted by Alexbarber View Post

        With regards to offers/ calling out target audience, this is the first run of flyers and it's going to be for attention only. On the second run of flyers were going to add pricing,hours, grand opening specials/ offers along with a coupon.
        Excellent. As long as you know that you need all those things, then you should do fine.

        All the best,
        SARubin
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  • Profile picture of the author Oziboomer
    In both examples you are failing to use the real estate on the flyer.

    Any graphic artist will always stroke your ego by giving you a design where the business name and other business info is the most prominent.

    The only thing going for either is the end result photographs.

    If someone wants a cut like the photo they may be interested.

    Why would you waste valuable paper and distribution costs on an exercise promoting your ego?

    Think about calling out to people who want a haircut.

    "Hey Goldie, Are your locks looking dreadful?"

    "Want to change your look?"

    Anything to call out to people looking for a new cut.

    If you are going to make an offer don't waste a mailing or distribution without a solid offer from the first go.

    You will just waste money if you think it's cool to distribute something without an offer.

    There are three vital components you must consider.

    You need to find the right target market.

    You need a solid headline.

    You need a solid offer.

    If you think wasting a lot of space on BRANDING when you are new is a good idea then ignore my comments.

    When I started in business I could have put my business name as the biggest thing in all my signage and promotion but my name wasn't known.

    Instead I called out to the prospects.

    "Looking for a picture frame?"

    "Is your home picture-poor?"

    Once known you can do the fun stuff and ego stroking.

    When unknown the primary purpose of any communication is to get customers to come and try you out.

    I'd think carefully about the cost of printing and distribution.

    If I was a new barber I'd be offering FREE Haircuts.

    I'd be offering a prize for the person who shed the most locks.

    I'd be promoting to WOMEN who want their man to look good.

    Tell me....are you more likely to look at a picture of a guy with a hot girl running her fingers through his hair or some photos of guys sitting in the chair?

    Why do you think every rap video has hot women, hot cars, money, gold, jewellery etc?

    I wouldn't be doing the obvious things you are thinking.

    Best regards,

    Ozi
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
      Very good and solid points! I can assure you this flyer has NOTHING to do with ego, but if that's how we're coming off then we got some rethinking to do! So question for you and everyone for that matter... Let's forget about the content for a moment and I want to hear what you think about the cartoon graphic. Please advise if we should go with or without and why?

      Thanks so much, this means a lot!!

      Alex
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    • Profile picture of the author Ian Jackson
      Originally Posted by Oziboomer View Post

      In both examples you are failing to use the real estate on the flyer.

      Any graphic artist will always stroke your ego by giving you a design where the business name and other business info is the most prominent.

      The only thing going for either is the end result photographs.

      If someone wants a cut like the photo they may be interested.

      Why would you waste valuable paper and distribution costs on an exercise promoting your ego?

      Think about calling out to people who want a haircut.

      "Hey Goldie, Are your locks looking dreadful?"

      "Want to change your look?"

      Anything to call out to people looking for a new cut.

      If you are going to make an offer don't waste a mailing or distribution without a solid offer from the first go.

      You will just waste money if you think it's cool to distribute something without an offer.

      There are three vital components you must consider.

      You need to find the right target market.

      You need a solid headline.

      You need a solid offer.

      If you think wasting a lot of space on BRANDING when you are new is a good idea then ignore my comments.

      When I started in business I could have put my business name as the biggest thing in all my signage and promotion but my name wasn't known.

      Instead I called out to the prospects.

      "Looking for a picture frame?"

      "Is your home picture-poor?"

      Once known you can do the fun stuff and ego stroking.

      When unknown the primary purpose of any communication is to get customers to come and try you out.

      I'd think carefully about the cost of printing and distribution.

      If I was a new barber I'd be offering FREE Haircuts.

      I'd be offering a prize for the person who shed the most locks.

      I'd be promoting to WOMEN who want their man to look good.

      Tell me....are you more likely to look at a picture of a guy with a hot girl running her fingers through his hair or some photos of guys sitting in the chair?

      Why do you think every rap video has hot women, hot cars, money, gold, jewellery etc?

      I wouldn't be doing the obvious things you are thinking.

      Best regards,

      Ozi
      THIS is good, sound advice. It adds well-articulated flesh to what I was thinking...

      which was "there's no way I'd go anywhere near you because you look like nothing more than a couple of punks"

      No disrespect! I'm sure you're two well-meaning, hard working guys, but that's not what I get from the graphic.

      Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    To make it simple, I would place the statements "Men's cuts.Seniors cuts..."etc at the top. It's not a great headline, but at least it tells what you do.

    "Independently owned. Come check out your new and known neighborhood barbers Al and Zee" isn't a headline. It offers no benefit, no reason to read further.

    What makes your barbershop different? Better? Is there an offer? A discount? A reason to get a hair cut from you, and not the guys down the street?

    "All haircuts include optional neck shave. Ask about our fresh fades" is at least part of an offer. It should go directly under the headline.

    My suggestion is that you don't get these printed as they are. It will feel like you are doing something, but these are not flyers that will get any results.

    The headline has to make an offer..a promise..that grabs attention.
    For example, "Make your first impression, a great impression"

    Or better yet, "Our Cuts Are All Designed To Get You Noticed" or even "Get Yourself Noticed!".

    "We won't just cut until you are done. We aren't done until you (and your friends) are impressed".

    And an offer...maybe a coupon that can be clipped out and handed in, would be a huge help. For example, "New customer special. Your first cut is only $5" And make it a coupon.

    There are a few copywriters here that could make this "brochure" really pay off.

    But if you print one of the ones you have, it's money wasted. I promise.
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
      Awesome advise! We're definitely not doing these coming soon ones anymore. Just one with a now open that includes offers and what we do
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Some excellent advice from Claude and others - but one more thing.

    "Coming Soon" is vague - am I supposed to keep checking to see if you have "arrived"? How about a date - or issuing flyers advertising your opening day or opening week?
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      How about a date -
      Well........OK.

      Originally Posted by DABK View Post

      I understand that you're going to use the 1st flyer for awareness purposes. However, good offers really increase awareness.

      That's a very good point. Awareness can be a byproduct of a great offer. In fact, it will be easier to remember.

      And, I hate to say this...but every time I see an ad that is supposed to increase awareness, it's just a way for an ad rep...or graphic designer...to justify an ad's existence.


      Originally Posted by Oziboomer View Post


      "Looking for a picture frame?"
      That's a great headline. I'm serious. Just saying what you sell is better than just about any clever headline I've read. My single most profitable headline in my retail store is
      "Allergies? Pet Hair Problems? Have We Got A Vacuum Cleaner For You". It grabs the attention of the people we want to read the ad. And that's the purpose of a headline.


      Originally Posted by Oziboomer View Post

      If I was a new barber I'd be offering FREE Haircuts.
      Best idea, I think. Your costs are almost nothing, and as a marketing move...one of the most proven. I'd just give free haircuts for a month. You want lines around the corner..andf you want to take photos of the lines, to be used in later ads.

      The best graphic in an ad is a real photo of a long line around the building...of people trying to get in your store. In fact, a good line would be "We apologize for the wait. But it's worth it. Ask the guy leaving..with a big grin on his face"
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
      Very valid point! We're only going to be doing a flyer that states "now open"

      Thanks and if you can give some input on the cartoon graphic that would be awesome!

      Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author DABK
    I'd too not choose either one. For the reasons mentioned above. Also, because the color scheme makes things hard to read.

    Why is 'independently owned' the first thing on your flyer? (Nothing in the rest of the flyer refers to anything that has to do with independently owned.)

    I understand that you're going to use the 1st flyer for awareness purposes. However, good offers really increase awareness.
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
      Thanks for your input! It's supposed actually state "independently owed and operated". Why state that? Because of all the franchises that have been popping up left right and center. Most people tend to stay away from those places and we want to make it clear we're not another franchise and promise to give more attention and quality. Especially because we're going in a neighborhood that was in dire need of a barbershop!.

      Can you also give some advise about the cartoon graphic?

      Thanks so much!

      Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by Alexbarber View Post

        Thanks for your input! It's supposed actually state "independently owed and operated". Why state that? Because of all the franchises that have been popping up left right and center. Most people tend to stay away from those places and we want to make it clear we're not another franchise and promise to give more attention and quality. Especially because we're going in a neighborhood that was in dire need of a barbershop!.

        Can you also give some advise about the cartoon graphic?

        Thanks so much!

        Alex
        The cartoon graphics are a plus, but they are not what is going to make the flyer work. An attention grabbing headline and a great offer will make it pay.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    If you offer "free" - make it a smart "free"....

    "Bring a friend - pay for one - get one free"

    "Bring your son - get two for one."

    Use the free option or 1/2 off or whatever to get more heads in the door...

    You get the idea.
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  • Profile picture of the author ThePromotionalGuy
    Hellor Alexbarber,

    This may sound "Old School" but

    "GRAND OPENING - (DATE)" is still working in 2017.

    The public always and I mean ALWAYS wants to see the newest thing. They flock to grand openings.

    Grand openings with prizes is a grabber. Incorporate your flyer.

    "Bring this flyer in and receive...blah, blah blah."

    This allows you to track your results as well as grabbing attention.

    Then once you know your results from your first flyer campaign. This leads you to create a new flyer campaign.

    But remember this, always and I mean ALWAYS have an irresistible offer.

    Give your buyer a reason to get up from their couch, grab their keys and head over to your place of business.

    Chinchilla
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  • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
    Very good and valuable input and advise so far! I would love some feedback on whether to use the cartoon graphics or not please! Thanks everyone you all are awesome!

    Regards

    Alex
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    • Profile picture of the author ThePromotionalGuy
      Hellor Alexbarber,

      Originally Posted by Alexbarber View Post

      Very good and valuable input and advise so far! I would love some feedback on whether to use the cartoon graphics or not please!
      Advice is fine. But let your marketplace show you what attracted them to you.

      Do split tests. Send out half your flyers with the graphics, the other half without.

      As the flyers come in keep track of how many you receive from each group.

      Also key your flyers. This let's you know which area of your community, the flyers are generating the most business.

      Chinchilla
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  • Profile picture of the author domainiac
    There is a guide written by paul mcquillan that I think was titled "mail and grow rich". You definitely should read this and I think you will look at your flyers completely different and some of the comments made on this thread will make a lot more sense.

    No idea where to find it but I think he is a member on warrior.
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
      Oh believe me everything makes sense and thanks I'll look up that guide
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  • Profile picture of the author treka
    If I had to choose one I'd say the second one but as others have said you could probably get your message across more effectively. Drop the independently owned and go with the grand opening that someone else mentioned.

    Personally I'd also give serious thought to doing some Facebook ads. You can target very specifically and offer maybe a free haircut on your birthday or a complete package for grooms prior to their wedding etc etc.
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  • Profile picture of the author rprieto60
    Actually, I don't like either one, but number two is a bit better. They're both too busy. Simple is better. The background makes the smaller lettering hard to read. Remember the K.I.S.S. method.

    Also, you give no reason why I should visit your shop instead of my regular barber. People tend to resist change unless there's a compelling reason.

    I also think that the words Coming Soon should be at the top, above your logo. Move the logo down and have the list of services directly below it.

    Lastly, have you thought of adding a viral component to the flyer? For example, everyone who visits is entered into a drawing for something valuable (such as a years worth of free haircuts or something like that)? You could get a boatload of people visiting just for the chance to win, and once you have them visit the first time, it's a whole lot easier to get them to return when they see what great service you provide.

    All they have to do to enter is provide their name and cell phone number (or send a text to a number you have set up for text marketing purposes) so they can be notified via text if they win. Now you have a bunch of phone numbers where you can blast out announcements of special offers to past customers. There's even a way to use Twitter to do that so people don't see who else is getting the message.
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  • Profile picture of the author Pancho L
    The cartoon in flyer # 2 makes a big visual diffrence. My brain reacted in a positive way when I saw flyer # 2.

    You won't wrong picking # 2
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  • Profile picture of the author TMets5
    I like the second one best. the characters on bottom right are cool but may be better served on upper left near the business logo....just where the eyes naturally go first then flow down. The print under coming soon appears to be quite small and a bit difficult to read. Very cool and attractive overall
    Best of luck
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  • Profile picture of the author brookeharper08
    I'd go with #2 but I'd rather put the services right at the top rather than below the "coming soon" banner.
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  • Profile picture of the author Paulk59
    I like the second one, but i would try to have a special offer and a specific target date instead of coming soon. Just my opinion, good luck !
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  • Profile picture of the author Joshua Young
    I like the graphic in the second one but I like the first one better. The print under Coming Soon needs to be a little bigger or more prominent.
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Um.....

    We are talking about the least important part of the flyer.

    It reminds me of a salesperson who ignores completely sales training, prospecting techniques, work habits, and their approach...but keeps asking people if he should wear the blue socks or the black socks.

    And the reason some keep talking about the graphics id because that's what they understand about advertising.

    In fact, most ad reps think that advertising knowledge is really just understanding graphic design.

    Like reviewing a book, and basing your review on the font used...or the thickness of the paper used.

    You need an attention grabbing headline. You need a compelling offer. You need a call to action.

    This is a Marketing Forum.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tahreem Saeed
    I like the second one, more clear and neatly design. All the best
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  • Profile picture of the author umc
    I happen to like the characters. It shows personality. I agree that you should have some more finite offers on it and your USP, but showing some personality is good as well. You have plenty of room there for all of that. It doesn't have to be some old-school long form sales letter.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by umc View Post

      I happen to like the characters. It shows personality. I agree that you should have some more finite offers on it and your USP, but showing some personality is good as well. You have plenty of room there for all of that. It doesn't have to be some old-school long form sales letter.
      Of course...it should look good.
      Of course....the illustrations look good.
      Of course....it should show some personality.

      Everything you say is right. But if it doesn't have a compelling headline and an offer it's just a picture. My guess (and it's only a guess) is that the OP really wants butts in their chairs.

      And the OP liked your post. The bad thing about that is that you are saying what he wants to hear (which is also true). But that isn't going to help him.

      One thing I have learned (only one?) in decades of advertising my businesses...
      You have to know more about advertising than your ad rep, graphic designer, or printer.
      Ad reps never study advertising. I have no idea why. But I've never met an ad rep that has read a single book on how to advertise a business. It simply never occurs to them.

      To them, your ad is simply a picture. If it looks good, they think it's a good ad. But it won't bring people in for haircuts. And after the third time the OP sends out flyers like this, he'll come to the inescapable conclusion that "Advertising doesn't work in this town".
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      • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
        Lol Claude.
        After all the valuable advice and info we got from this thread, do you actually think we're going to mail out a flyer with just 2 big cartoon graphics on it and call it a day? I really appreciate your feedback and everyone else's for that matter. Believe me .. like I said.. after all I've read , we're DEFINITELY going to do it right by including compelling offers while keeping the flyer visually pleasing and interesting and hopefully that will give the reader enough reasons to either come in, or convince a friend/ family member to come in!

        Thanks everyone SO much you've all been very helpful ! When we're done tweaking the flyer I'll update the thread with the new one.

        Alex.
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      • Profile picture of the author umc
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Of course...it should look good.
        Of course....the illustrations look good.
        Of course....it should show some personality.

        Everything you say is right. But if it doesn't have a compelling headline and an offer it's just a picture. My guess (and it's only a guess) is that the OP really wants butts in their chairs.

        And the OP liked your post. The bad thing about that is that you are saying what he wants to hear (which is also true). But that isn't going to help him.

        One thing I have learned (only one?) in decades of advertising my businesses...
        You have to know more about advertising than your ad rep, graphic designer, or printer.
        Ad reps never study advertising. I have no idea why. But I've never met an ad rep that has read a single book on how to advertise a business. It simply never occurs to them.

        To them, your ad is simply a picture. If it looks good, they think it's a good ad. But it won't bring people in for haircuts. And after the third time the OP sends out flyers like this, he'll come to the inescapable conclusion that "Advertising doesn't work in this town".
        Um, if we're going to go with "everything you say is right", then why do you then act like I didn't state:

        "I agree that you should have some more finite offers on it and your USP, but showing some personality is good as well. You have plenty of room there for all of that."

        I mentioned that he needed more than just the cartoon characters. Him liking my post doesn't mean that I'm just telling him what he wants to hear. I told him that he needed more, I was just addressing the cartoon as well because he had asked about it. You guys had given him more specifics on the offers and such. I'm not sure why you're acting like my post somehow leaves that out. Nothing I said was exclusive.

        It's not like I told him that his flyer was pretty and people would go gaga over it, or that people love cartoons so he should just do that.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by umc View Post

          Um, if we're going to go with "everything you say is right", then why do you then act like I didn't state:

          "I agree that you should have some more finite offers on it and your USP, but showing some personality is good as well. You have plenty of room there for all of that."

          I mentioned that he needed more than just the cartoon characters. Him liking my post doesn't mean that I'm just telling him what he wants to hear. I told him that he needed more, I was just addressing the cartoon as well because he had asked about it. You guys had given him more specifics on the offers and such. I'm not sure why you're acting like my post somehow leaves that out. Nothing I said was exclusive.

          It's not like I told him that his flyer was pretty and people would go gaga over it, or that people love cartoons so he should just do that.
          My mistake is that I skimmed your post, and frankly forgot the second part as I was typing my response. It was my mistake, and I apologize.

          Originally Posted by savidge4 View Post

          Characters or not.. both cards suck. Just the fact that you feel the need to plaster the logo across 33% of the card says enough for me. ( and we are not talking sweet nothings in my ear )

          The only thing going for these cards is that the address is as big as it is... but no phone number? no web address? no facebook? Instagram is big and all... but all your eggs in one basket?

          Barber shops are... hmmm... institutions. Its almost a whole subculture in itself. There are movies based on barbershops for goodness sakes. I would say that barber shops are... are... a poor mans country club... once a week you go in and tighten up lookin all Gucci.. hang out with the boyz for a fast minute and go on with your day.

          You have a job interview... you hit up the barber the night before.. you have a hot date.. you hit up the barbershop that afternoon. hittin da club.. sure nuff your hittin the barber shop that afternoon. Its about looking good to feel good.

          Your not selling hair cuts.. you are presenting a cultural experience. This is something your father did.. this is something his father did.. this is something your fathers father did. This is heritage.. this is passing the torch across generations.. this is a corner stone of male America.

          You need to dig deep young buck... you need to bring the past to the present.. you need to remind the youth of today of the heritage and history of a true barber experience. From Dapper to Gucci Zee and Al got this!
          Inside this post is some truly masterful copywriting. I hope Alexbarber uses some of it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Pat H
    Alexbarber, one additional point I don't think anyone yet brought up is a typo in the first line of both ads: " Come Checkout Your New Neighborhood Barbers." Check out should be two words like you have it on the bottom of both ads: "Check Us Out On". Checkout written as one word has a different meaning.
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  • Profile picture of the author savidge4
    Characters or not.. both cards suck. Just the fact that you feel the need to plaster the logo across 33% of the card says enough for me. ( and we are not talking sweet nothings in my ear )

    The only thing going for these cards is that the address is as big as it is... but no phone number? no web address? no facebook? Instagram is big and all... but all your eggs in one basket?

    Barber shops are... hmmm... institutions. Its almost a whole subculture in itself. There are movies based on barbershops for goodness sakes. I would say that barber shops are... are... a poor mans country club... once a week you go in and tighten up lookin all Gucci.. hang out with the boyz for a fast minute and go on with your day.

    You have a job interview... you hit up the barber the night before.. you have a hot date.. you hit up the barbershop that afternoon. hittin da club.. sure nuff your hittin the barber shop that afternoon. Its about looking good to feel good.

    Your not selling hair cuts.. you are presenting a cultural experience. This is something your father did.. this is something his father did.. this is something your fathers father did. This is heritage.. this is passing the torch across generations.. this is a corner stone of male America.

    You need to dig deep young buck... you need to bring the past to the present.. you need to remind the youth of today of the heritage and history of a true barber experience. From Dapper to Gucci Zee and Al got this!
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    • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
      Thanks for your inpu, but I suggest you go back and read how many times I've mentioned time after time that the flyer is going to be totally changed and focused on promotions/ compelling offers so either you totally ignored that fact or somehow missed it. All good anyway.. I really appreciate your feedback and I'll say it once more.. we're TOTALLY revamping the flyer thanks to all the awesome advice we got from here.. After all.. isn't that why I came here in the beginning?
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  • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
    Hello all. We worked on the flyer today, keeping your valuable suggestions in mind and this is what we came up with. This is obviously not final, and also consider that this is just a screenshot off my phone, so resolution is going to appear poor and letters may be hard to read (as is).. With that aside, we're still looking for your valuable, honest/unbiased input☺.

    Thanks in advance!!

    Alex
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    • Profile picture of the author savidge4
      Originally Posted by Alexbarber View Post

      Hello all. We worked on the flyer today, keeping your valuable suggestions in mind and this is what we came up with. This is obviously not final, and also consider that this is just a screenshot off my phone, so resolution is going to appear poor and letters may be hard to read (as is).. With that aside, we're still looking for your valuable, honest/unbiased input☺.

      Thanks in advance!!

      Alex
      I think you could stand to lose some of the "WE" and insert more Zee and Al.

      "Hip"? you need to goto youtube.. watch the likes of jacksepticeye, or Sara Dietschy or WolfieRaps.... They speak a language - a language you should spend some time and learn

      "Why try us out"? I would say "Why Trust Us?" I would work in being treated like Fam... How you look is a representation of our work.. we take pride in your appearance.

      You need to think Bad and Boujee everything needs to be all Gucci... you need to raise up.. raise up fire as heat... right now, it reads like some 50 yr old ad exec wrote it
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      • Profile picture of the author Oziboomer
        Originally Posted by savidge4 View Post

        I think you could stand to lose some of the "WE" and insert more Zee and Al.
        Absolutely - less "we"

        Remember people are not looking for a barbershop, they are looking for a haircut....

        ...or better still they are looking to FEEL BETTER about their hair.

        Bad hair day? Never at Al and Zee's.

        The "we" bit would be better if it was just --->

        "Affordable real haircuts by experts"

        "Get the haircut you want"

        At least you've now got an event with food, drink and prizes.

        It still needs some work to get the best outcome.

        It starts with the HOOK.

        What is your hook?

        best regards,

        Ozi
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    • Profile picture of the author ThePromotionalGuy
      Hellor Alexbarber,

      I like the changes so far...

      But...

      On the front of the card, your question "Are you looking for a new and hip barbershop?" I would replace it with an offer like you have on the back of your card.

      Sample Text:

      Grand Opening Party
      April 15th, 12-5 pm
      Stop By For
      FOOD - DRINKS - PRIZES
      AND
      Enter to Win Haircuts For a Year

      Give This Postcard to Zee or Al and you will also get
      $5.00 OFF your First Haircut

      Make the front side a straight up offer. Don't him haw around. Get right to the point. Do keep the Zee and Al graphics as shown. This visual ties the offer to you or your partner.

      When customers stop by with the card you can have a lot of fun joking about the graphics, "Does this drawing make my nose look too big?"

      Just remember your reader is only interested in 2 things when they get your post card: "What's In It For Me and How Do I Save Without Spending a Lot of Money?"

      Backside with more information is great, but it should tie in with your offer. Do keep the images or show before and after photos. If you have testimonials to insert, that is a huge plus. Also keep the $5.00 OFF offer shown on the back as a reminder of your current offer.

      Chinchilla

      Originally Posted by Alexbarber View Post

      Hello all. We worked on the flyer today, keeping your valuable suggestions in mind and this is what we came up with. This is obviously not final, and also consider that this is just a screenshot off my phone, so resolution is going to appear poor and letters may be hard to read (as is).. With that aside, we're still looking for your valuable, honest/unbiased input☺.

      Thanks in advance!!

      Alex
      Signature
      Force-Communication - "It is the noble art of causing a client, a customer, or a prospect to perform a positive act as the direct result of reading your words." - Herschell Gordon Lewis
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      • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
        Much appreciated! Thanks so much for taking the time to weigh in your thoughts!

        Alex.
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      • Profile picture of the author SARubin
        Originally Posted by ThePromotionalGuy View Post


        On the front of the card, your question "Are you looking for a new and hip barbershop?" I would replace it with an offer like you have on the back of your card.

        Sample Text:

        Grand Opening Party
        April 15th, 12-5 pm
        Stop By For
        FOOD - DRINKS - PRIZES
        AND
        Enter to Win Haircuts For a Year

        Give This Postcard to Zee or Al and you will also get
        $5.00 OFF your First Haircut



        Chinchilla
        Wow, Chinchilla,

        What you call "sample text" is better than a lot of stuff I see going to print these days.

        Very nice
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          First, call out who your message is to
          so that they know it's for them and only them.
          This means a much higher response as if you called out someone's name in a crowd,
          you get their attention.

          In this case married mothers.

          Why?

          Because they want their boys and man to look well groomed,
          if you haven't noticed.

          It's intriguing to them that guy's "get it" with the message.

          Walk in a bit scruffy and walk out a million bucks?

          "Yes please!"

          Get complimented for your stylish guys?

          "Yes please!"

          Obviously, you would add you location, hours, phone number and photo of
          the barbers.

          Best,
          Ewen

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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          What the last two posters said.....

          I'll just add that rather than a $5 discount, you should tell them the price. $5 off doesn't mean anything unless you know what the price is.

          I know you are enamored with your business...your vision...I get that. But people reading the postcard for the first time want to know;
          What do I get?
          How much does it cost?
          Where do I get it?

          Nobody reading the postcard feels like you do. You have about 3 seconds to grab them by the face and yell "Hey! I'm talking you you! Look At what you get! "before they throw the postcard away.
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    • Profile picture of the author SARubin
      Originally Posted by Alexbarber View Post

      With that aside, we're still looking for your valuable, honest/unbiased input.

      Thanks in advance!!

      Alex
      Hi Alex,

      It's definitely looking better! I see you've even got Al smilin' with that straight razor in his hands , nice

      Have to agree about the "we" part being a little over used. I wrote about this on my website a while back. I won't bore you with the entire article, but here's a blurb from it, for you to think about...


      The problem with a lot of advertising is, most business owners (and sadly, most advertising agencies) write ads from the company's point of view. Starting with the attitude "What can we say to impress everyone with how great we are?"

      And the copy ends up sounding something like this

      we provide quality... we're great... we've been in business for 100 years... we have a ton of awards... our customers love us... etc. etc. blah, blah, blah.

      Copy like that gets a predictable response from your audience. And that response is "Who Cares?"

      You see, no cares about how great you are, until they know how much you care about helping them.


      Here's a simple test you can use whenever you write a sales piece

      Without reading into the message, just count the number of times you use the words me, I, we, us, our or any other word relating to you and your company.

      Then count the number of times you see the words you or yours, or any words that relate to your audience.

      Now, if the words relating to your audience don't show up twice as many times as the words relating to you, then you've got it backwards, my friend.

      Hey, I'm not trying to embarrass you. That's what a lot of the advertising we see everyday looks like. And that's one reason a lot of advertising doesn't work. If you want to stand out from the crowd, then you need to be better than that. And I'm here to help you.

      All the best,
      SAR
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      • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
        I can't thank you enough.. I'm being honest! I'm humbled by all the support you're giving, and you don't even have to! Again.. THANK YOU.

        Alex.
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  • Profile picture of the author innn
    The second one
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  • Profile picture of the author helisell
    Go buy Claudes book on small business advertising.
    You'll just cringe that you're asking such inane questions when you've read it.
    People here are being polite but the truth is both ads suck. There is no merit whatsoever in either of them. They will cost you money and produce nothing and in fact even if business takes off....how would you know if it was the ad's?

    Do yourself a big favour....buy his book.
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    P.M. me if you'd like a three paragraph (max) no holds barred, response to any marketing or sales problem you may have..

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  • Profile picture of the author Alexbarber
    Hello everyone! Here's an update on our postcard. We'd love to hear your valuable opinions on it. Thanks in advance!

    Alex

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    • Profile picture of the author Oziboomer
      Originally Posted by Alexbarber View Post

      Hello everyone! Here's an update on our postcard. We'd love to hear your valuable opinions on it. Thanks in advance!
      Alex
      You're going to lose people's interest in helping you when it looks like you didn't take any of the advice given by a number of people who know what they are doing and have done so for many years.

      If you would act on the real help you've received earlier on this thread you wouldn't be coming back with another graphic artist's idea of what a good advert is.

      You shouldn't be asking for advice on this one.

      You should be telling us how it is working for you.

      Best regards,

      Ozi
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    • Profile picture of the author DABK
      Warning: I'm going to sound mean but I'm not doing it out of meanness, on the contrary:

      You went from bad to very bad.

      Did anybody read: "Auburn Station Barbershop was designed and built to be a neighbourhood barber shop with the intention of capturing the community nature of a traditional barber shop with a modern twist" and the rest?

      By the way, what's the modern twist? You never said.

      Who cares what your intention was? Who cares what you wanted to capture? How you want me to feel when I leave? What the hell does it even mean that you take great pride in men's hair cutting? That you spend waaaaay too much time to give one cut?

      I only care about this: Do I get a good hair cut? Do I like the price? Do I like the time I spend in your shop?

      Did you notice I do not care about your capturing intents? (Besides the fact that the thrust of those sentences is wrong (focused on what you want, on what you think you did), it's really, truly, and really badly written.

      All of that in fewer words:
      Want a good cut at a price you're going to like?
      Want to have fun while you get your hair cut?

      Originally Posted by Alexbarber View Post

      Hello everyone! Here's an update on our postcard. We'd love to hear your valuable opinions on it. Thanks in advance!

      Alex

      Save
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  • Profile picture of the author qmanagerindia
    The second one is good and looks like professional.
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  • Profile picture of the author Edward Firs
    You say you're going to use them as flyers. Is this A4 size or what?

    One comment I'd make is that the larger type can be read easily but you have a lot of smaller stuff too. All type should be able to be read at one glance. The small stuff may be ignored, is it important?

    If not - take it off.
    If it is important - make it bigger.

    Why not make your haircut models, with clearer backgrounds, not just messy looking photos?

    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author flopitdown
    If I am not too late, I´d go with flyer 1.
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