I made a video for my potential offline clients, let me know what you think.

Hi Lazy!

I watched all the way through. I thought over all, it's not bad, but it could be better. Regardless of how I state them, the following are observations and only my opinions.

I found the entry weak, for a number of reasons.

At first, you kind of flounder around a bit. (Although once you got going, it was much stronger.) If you have to, make yourself some cue cards... that should help.

During this time, the screen is virtually static... (distracting mouse movement doesn't count... and I have this problem too... ). You are losing your audience. Why not have a static screen with your picture, web address, other contact info etc. then transition into the Google screen? Or, if you are going to do a series of videos, create a repeatable graphic intro that you can use on each of them. That will help with branding, too.

Most importantly, you should introduce yourself at the very beginning of the video, and then hook your audience by telling them what they are going to discover by watching the video... "Hi, my name is Lazy. Give me five minutes and you'll discover how Google can give your local company a real boost in business..." Obviously using your real name here...

Because you asked for a critiique, I may have been listening closer than your target audience will, but I thought the comment that "it's imperative that you contact me" was more likely to turn prospects away... I doubt if that is even what you intended to say... more likely you wanted to impress on them that it is imperative to their business longevity to get listed in Google Local, so they should call you.

I also noticed that in two different places, you said they should call you because you were very good at getting into the top spots... the first time, you gave no proof to back it up. I'd recommend not saying it until you are backing it up with proof... maybe ask them a question like "Why should you call me to... ? Because I have a history of getting businesses in the tops spots..." assuming you have gotten other businesses in those spots other than your own. If not, obviously you'll need a different reason...

The other thing that really stuck out is you giving them your cell phone number. Don't do it! Send them to a web site. You can put your cell number on the site. Then if you ever have to change the number, your video won't be obsolete. (And if you put your cell number on a youtube video, you'll need to change the number sooner or later!)

Your exit should also have a contact information screen. Something they can see while they write down what they need.

After all those observations, I'd like to stress again, that overall, the video was good. I've seen a lot worse come from some well known marketers.

Again, these are my opinions, and they are based on wanting to see you succeed!

See you tomorrow night?

-Anita

I thought it was pretty good. I was about to say you should have introduced yourself but just read where you say this is a follow up video from a series and the introduction takes place on another video.

Overall very good, a few too many "ahhhhh's" but I am guilty of that myself when I do my videos. Good job and good luck!

I think you should also use a scarcity tactic.
Let them know that you will only be working with one dentist, or one lawyer in the Huntington Beach area. So, if they would like to see an increase in business... To call you before their competition does.

One thing I noticed is that your site didn't come up #1 for "huntington beach advertising" when I typed it in. It came up #3 for me. ... Pretty good, but it's not what your video shows. This could be because you seem to be logged into your Google account when you shot this video. Also, I'm not in the area, so we may be getting different results because of that.