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Is this effective? (PLEASE CRITIQUE MY SALES LETTER)

by mscherrah
9 replies
Hello,

I have written a sales letter I plan on emailing to businesses on Google Places who do not have video on their listing. I am taking the advice of another warrior member (Texan-something I believe) and offering testimonial videos. I am not the best at writing sales copy, so I would really appreciate criticism.

THanks!


Hello!

My name is Matt Scherrah, I am a partner/co-owner of One Sun Media Group, a video production company in Pittsburgh. I am writing you today, because while looking for XYZ SERVICES, I found your Google Places site, and I noticed you do not have any videos on the listing!

Google Places is a very important tool for marketing yourself and your services. When people are looking for local results, Google Places is the best place to look for information, directions, services, and, most importantly, reviews and testimonials!

One of the best ways to use Google Places to your advantage is to provide searchers with the most information possible. Give them your hours, your address, phone number, and more. Another important feature that many people leave out of their Google Places listing is video.

Adding video to your Google Places listing makes your listing more viable to the person searching for you. They are able to see you, your business, service, etc. They get the feeling they can connect with you better than they can with those other "faceless" competitors.

A great way to add video to your Google Places listing while also providing people with information about you and your services is through video testimonials.

Video testimonials allow searchers to see first-hand what satisfied customers have to say about you and your business! Many times, these testimonials alone are what will bring more business to your doorstep!

For as little as $xxx.xx I can produce video testimonials for you to post on your Google Places listing, your own website, Youtube, and other video sharing sites. I will also put them on our website, our Youtube channel, and our Facebook page! That is a lot of exposure for not a lot of money!

For more information about how we can help you get more clients by offering consumers video testimonials of happy customers you have served, please reply to this email, or call us at xxx-xxx-xxxx

Thank you for taking the time to consider my offer.

Matt Scherrah
Partner/Co-owner
One Sun Media Group
www.onesunmediagroup.com
#critique #effective #letter #sales
  • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
    I haven't had time to look through your whole letter - one thing is for sure:

    Remove the price and the pitch!

    The goal of your letter must be to secure a meeting, a phone call, or a request for more info.

    It takes more than this email to build trust. Plus you need to know that they really want - you can only get that through interaction.

    Don't rush it!

    P.S. Just out of curiosity, how are you planning to get those testimonials produced?
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    • Profile picture of the author mscherrah
      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post


      P.S. Just out of curiosity, how are you planning to get those testimonials produced?
      I didn't even think about not putting the price/pitch in the letter. It makes total sense not to try to sell at first contact. Thanks so much.

      As for your question, I own a video production company, and we are trying to expand into offering web videos for GP, YT, websites, etc.

      Matt
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      HD Video Production Services
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    • Profile picture of the author Deidra Renee
      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

      I haven't had time to look through your whole letter - one thing is for sure:

      Remove the price and the pitch!

      The goal of your letter must be to secure a meeting, a phone call, or a request for more info.

      It takes more than this email to build trust. Plus you need to know that they really want - you can only get that through interaction.

      Don't rush it!

      P.S. Just out of curiosity, how are you planning to get those testimonials produced?
      I agree about removing the price and pitch..this email is wayy too long I didn't read through the whole thing either (no offense) but if I couldn't a business owner more than likely won't either..they get solicitations literally everyday.. A simple *hey you don't have a video, a few other choice words, and give me a call to get your video today* will be fine without all the other information
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  • Profile picture of the author Nail Yener
    The best feedback will be your response rate.

    I am also trying email marketing to get some clients for some mobile services. I was expecting that I would get a lot of interested buyers from the first email that I sent out. But as you might guess, out of 250 emails I got only 3 replies telling that they are not interested.

    Then I realized what I was doing wrong and created another email from scratch and now the response rate is much better. I haven't got my first client yet but I have 3 people that are interested and we are talking about the details now.

    Do not expect to make a deal with just the first email. And be ready for creating a 2nd, 3rd and even 4th reply email template depending on the replies you will get. I started with a long email like yours but it got really poor response. The second version is a lot shorter and its response rate is much better.

    Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author redlegrich
    To help establish your credentials offer something like a report on how video can help promote your business on and off line. Provide an overview of best practices and how best to highlight your business. Use the letter as an opportunity to establish yourself as the authority on using video to enhance a companies web presence and then get them to go to your download page, enter their email and send them the report.
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  • Profile picture of the author roypreece
    Put a headline in your letter which makes them read the whole thing.

    You wrote:
    "Hello!

    My name is Matt Scherrah, I am a partner/co-owner of One Sun Media Group, a video production company in Pittsburgh. I am writing you today,"

    To get more of them to read the letter you might try:

    Hello!

    Quick and Easy Video for your Google Pages!

    My name is Matt Scherrah, I am a partner/co-owner of One Sun Media Group, a video production company in Pittsburgh. I am writing you today ...


    Those interested in video will read on.
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    • Profile picture of the author BradleyC
      Originally Posted by roypreece View Post

      Put a headline in your letter which makes them read the whole thing.

      You wrote:
      "Hello!

      My name is Matt Scherrah, I am a partner/co-owner of One Sun Media Group, a video production company in Pittsburgh. I am writing you today,"

      To get more of them to read the letter you might try:

      Hello!

      Quick and Easy Video for your Google Pages!

      My name is Matt Scherrah, I am a partner/co-owner of One Sun Media Group, a video production company in Pittsburgh. I am writing you today ...



      Those interested in video will read on.
      Lead generation is a whole different beast of which most do it wrong! For one, you DO NOT SELL. You create interest!!

      Especially with email, short is better.

      Peak their interest and make them want to know more.

      No prices, unless they're aware of the price of it and yours is significantly lower which would be a strong benefit. Most, however, have no idea what the prices are for these services so it's best to not mention it in a lead generation piece.

      Plus, in the lead generation stage they really don't care who you are or who you work for. All they care about is WIIFM ... what's in it for me! That's it.

      Therefore, do not waste that very valuable 1st paragraph with introducing yourself. Instead, jump right into why they should be interested in video and why they should contact you.

      The self-serving benefit driven headline and the offer are the two most important parts.

      Video On Your Website, Google Places and Listings Provides a 280% Higher Return Than Direct Mail!

      or

      Video Speeds Up The Decision To Buy By 72%. That's One Big Reason Why You Need A Video On Your Google Places Listing (and Website and Other Online Listings)!

      Dear <Name>, (side note: try to get their name)

      Not only does video speed up the decision to buy by 72%, it's 280% more effective than direct mail or trying to surf through a website to find information.

      We are helping businesses throughout <STATE> place very professional and very compelling video's on their Google Listing (and other key places). The outcome for these businesses has proven to be very financially rewarding!

      In fact, they were so impressed and happy with the testimonial video's, many asked us to put together a 60 second product info-commercial.

      If you'd also like to take advantage of the power of video and would also like a professional looking video that will have your potential prospects mesmerized by it and anxious to talk to you, contact me at (phone) or (email).


      (Create an urgency or make them an irresistable offer)



      Now, keep in mind, I threw this together without giving it a whole lot of thought. But it should give you an idea.

      Bradley
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  • Profile picture of the author Ashley Gable
    I would definitely expand on how testimonials bring in more money.

    Also I like how you referred to their competitors who dont have video as "faceless". A strong appeal to most small business owners who understand the importance of relationships with their customers.

    Another thing you could do to highlight the advantage of having a more "active" listing is show two Google Places page screenshots, one without video, and one with. If the comparison is different enough, it could work to your advantage.

    Ashley
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  • Profile picture of the author TheKeys
    Make sure you show how their business can gain from this. It's almost like a story - you don't want to give away the ending too soon.

    But like many warriors have said you are going to get a lot of "no" at first but keep reworking and rewriting it till you find the right method.
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