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Direct Mail didnt work for me! Heres my Script

by Bobster0007
15 replies
I sent out 90 letters since last thursday and have not recieved any call backs. I included a "Google Places / Maps" screen shot of their main keyword with their business obviously not showing. I also included the letter below along with another page with some search type stats for people using online searches for local business. These people need my help badly. How can they not see this? Why is my phone not ringing? I am honestly dazed and confused. :confused: Hardly anyone has an optimized places page. Its unreal actually. I can see the obvious gold mine but it seems that even though i was clear, they dont seem to see what i do. What did i do wrong?






Hello,

As you may already know, the majority of people searching for a local service or product, now use the internet via their smart phone or computer.

Unfortunately you are no where to be seen. You have no chance to get their call.Im sure that you are advertizing somewhere but why not claim your share of these phone calls? We can't depend on people driving by our location and seeing a car that catches her eye.

The dominate search engine used is Google. Using "Googles keyword Tool" I found the most searched keyword phrase for Used cars is "Used Cars Atlanta" whichs gets an average of 5400 local searches per month. You really can't find more laser targeted customers than these keyword phrases that are targeted toward the people that are looking for a business like yours.

You may wish to target that keyword phrase and or keywords that are specific to your chosen area of specialties. Only the businesses that are seen can claim their fair share of those phone calls.

If you are not familar with how "Google Places" works its like this. When someone types in a search that Google thinks is relevent to a local service or product, then "Google maps" display a map with all of these local businesses represented by a red dot.

There will be 7 highly sought after chosen businesses that will have a spot on the left in the organic search results. If your business is not here, you have no chance to recieve that new client. But someone will and why not you? Also, when your "Google Places" is Optimized you also will be seen on the local business search Directories such as Yellowbook, Superpages, Merchant Circle, Judysbook etc...giving your business even more exposure.

"Google Places" originally was called "Google Local". And this is completely separate from your existing website if you have one. This is where your online search customer initially finds you and calls you directly or clicks on your link to go to your website.

The reason that you don't show up for any keyword searches is because Google doesn't think you are relevent enough to be noticed and ranked highly. Or at least not more important than all of the businesses that rank ahead of you now.

I can get you noticed, respected and ranked on the first page for any keyword(s). I have made this brief for you. If you can give me 10 minutes of your time, I will stop by and answer your questions and quickly be able to show you instead of just telling you.

I am just starting my business. I am starting out offering very attractive pricing just to prove that i will provide real value to your business. I am so confident that i will work strickly on a contingency basis.There is no risk for you. Call Me Now!

Sincerely,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
#direct #mail #script #work
  • Profile picture of the author Bruce NewMedia
    Many factors can kill a mailing...

    For starters, were any of these recipients doing any current advertising?..were they big spenders in YP, or anywhere you could find?

    Also, just quickly glancing at your letter, I think it needs a lot of work.
    It's long, without getting any attention at the beginning. It provides way too much history and and facts that owners don;t care about it. You're attempting to cover way too much ground in a letter that should only be seeking a 'call or inquiry'. That's it.

    The 'close' is not at all what I use, and characterizing yourself as 'new' has no advantage, but instead adds one more problem. PM me, I'll give you some other suggestions that may help.
    _____
    Bruce
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    • Profile picture of the author sjohn
      Maybe there's too much detail and not enough curiosity for them to call back.
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    • Profile picture of the author 0898
      Hey Bobster,

      Like Bruce said, it's too long. You need to be super-short and to the point. I just spent 5 minutes cutting it back to this... hope it helps.

      Ian

      -----

      Hello,

      Do you know that 5,400 people type "Used Cars Atlanta" into Google each month?

      Your customers are trying to find you using Google. Unfortunately, right at this second, you are nowhere to be seen.

      You don't show up because, right now, Google thinks that other businesses are more important than yours.

      I can change that.

      Let me know when you have 10 minutes. I will stop by and show you how I can get you Google to notice and respect you enough to put you on the first page when your customers type in "Used Cars Atlanta".

      Give me a call.


      Sincerely,
      XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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    • Profile picture of the author Tracy411
      Originally Posted by brucerby View Post

      Many factors can kill a mailing...

      For starters, were any of these recipients doing any current advertising?..were they big spenders in YP, or anywhere you could find?

      Also, just quickly glancing at your letter, I think it needs a lot of work.
      It's long, without getting any attention at the beginning. It provides way too much history and and facts that owners don;t care about it. You're attempting to cover way too much ground in a letter that should only be seeking a 'call or inquiry'. That's it.

      The 'close' is not at all what I use, and characterizing yourself as 'new' has no advantage, but instead adds one more problem. PM me, I'll give you some other suggestions that may help.

      Bruce
      _____

      Hi Bruce and Bobster,

      First of, I think it is awesome that you are taking action, even if the direct mail method of getting contacts is not working so well right now. That happens at the beginning, but you have to begin somewhere before you can get anywhere. Don't get too discouraged. Instead, try to look at what happened as a learning experience, pull the lessons from it, and apply them to your next go of it.

      I have to agree with Brice. This is more or less what I was thinking. Definitely too much explanation and history was given in the letter. As Bruce said, business owners don't know or care about that stuff, for the most part. It comes off too much like information overload. I understand what you were thinking though. You wanted to make them understand the concept. I think that it is great that you had that desire, but in my experience, unless someone respects or has a good feeling for you first, they are not necessarily going to care about what you have to say. Know what I mean? Ian's (0898) letter is leading in the right direction, in my opinion. You want to keep what you say simple, and make them curious enough about how your knowledge and skills could benefit their business to contact you.

      Someone also made the point that you didn't send out enough letters to really have done a true test. My advice right now would be to edit that letter, more along the lines of what Ian proposed, and then mail out, but this time, assuming you have the funds to do so, to more people. Make sure you have a targeted list to call though as no campaign will be successful without that. Where did you pull the names you targeted, if I might ask? That can make all the difference in the world.

      With some persistence and effort, I am sure you will get where you want to go with your business. I wish you much success now and always.

      Tracy
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      • Profile picture of the author Bobster0007
        Wow, I dont usually get such great feedback. I Thank and appreciate each response. I can see it being a bit much but i thought it was necessary to give enough info so that they could clearly "pick up what im putting down". I figured that they would think im just another guy trying to sell something of no real value to them if im not fairly clear with info that benefits them. But hey, im new and i guess i shouldnt be thinking yet....lol.... I targeted lawyers, A/C guys and used car lots. I entered each main keyword-city and started on page 2 of the "G places" to find targeted businesses. Im also wondering how many of these letters actually made it to the owners hands? Those gate keepers can guard the phone and mail. Hard to say i guess.
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        • Profile picture of the author scarab
          Originally Posted by Bobster0007 View Post

          Wow, I dont usually get such great feedback. I Thank and appreciate each response. I can see it being a bit much but i thought it was necessary to give enough info so that they could clearly "pick up what im putting down". I figured that they would think im just another guy trying to sell something of no real value to them if im not fairly clear with info that benefits them. But hey, im new and i guess i shouldnt be thinking yet....lol.... I targeted lawyers, A/C guys and used car lots. I entered each main keyword-city and started on page 2 of the "G places" to find targeted businesses. Im also wondering how many of these letters actually made it to the owners hands? Those gate keepers can guard the phone and mail. Hard to say i guess.
          Bobster, I always heard that you are supposed to sell the 'Sizzle' and close on the Steak or something along that line. Heck I don't even know if that comment is relevant these days.
          Signature

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        • Profile picture of the author Bobster0007
          Originally Posted by brucerby View Post

          Many factors can kill a mailing...

          For starters, were any of these recipients doing any current advertising?..were they big spenders in YP, or anywhere you could find?

          Also, just quickly glancing at your letter, I think it needs a lot of work.
          It's long, without getting any attention at the beginning. It provides way too much history and and facts that owners don;t care about it. You're attempting to cover way too much ground in a letter that should only be seeking a 'call or inquiry'. That's it.

          The 'close' is not at all what I use, and characterizing yourself as 'new' has no advantage, but instead adds one more problem. PM me, I'll give you some other suggestions that may help.
          _____
          Bruce
          Pm'ed

          Originally Posted by sjohn View Post

          Maybe there's too much detail and not enough curiosity for them to call back.
          Well i thought it took presenting benefits would create interest to call.

          Originally Posted by 0898 View Post

          Hey Bobster,

          Like Bruce said, it's too long. You need to be super-short and to the point. I just spent 5 minutes cutting it back to this... hope it helps.

          Ian

          -----

          Hello,

          Do you know that 5,400 people type "Used Cars Atlanta" into Google each month?

          Your customers are trying to find you using Google. Unfortunately, right at this second, you are nowhere to be seen.

          You don't show up because, right now, Google thinks that other businesses are more important than yours.

          I can change that.

          Let me know when you have 10 minutes. I will stop by and show you how I can get you Google to notice and respect you enough to put you on the first page when your customers type in "Used Cars Atlanta".

          Give me a call.


          Sincerely,
          XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
          Thanks for your help!


          Originally Posted by danielkanuck View Post

          Sounds like a case where you created the product first, and then tried to find a market. This is backwards. You should first find the market and the problem, and then find a product that will help to solve these people's problems.

          Plus another thing... a true direct mail "test" would be considered no less than 1,000 pieces. 90 letters aren't enough to say whether or not the market is unresponsive or not.
          Not sure where youre coming from here..... I mean i saw that each one was not on the first page for their keywords. So i thought that meant there is a need in this market for higher rankings on GPlaces. Thanks tho!



          Originally Posted by Tracy411 View Post

          _____

          Hi Bruce and Bobster,

          First of, I think it is awesome that you are taking action, even if the direct mail method of getting contacts is not working so well right now. That happens at the beginning, but you have to begin somewhere before you can get anywhere. Don't get too discouraged. Instead, try to look at what happened as a learning experience, pull the lessons from it, and apply them to your next go of it.

          I have to agree with Brice. This is more or less what I was thinking. Definitely too much explanation and history was given in the letter. As Bruce said, business owners don't know or care about that stuff, for the most part. It comes off too much like information overload. I understand what you were thinking though. You wanted to make them understand the concept. I think that it is great that you had that desire, but in my experience, unless someone respects or has a good feeling for you first, they are not necessarily going to care about what you have to say. Know what I mean? Ian's (0898) letter is leading in the right direction, in my opinion. You want to keep what you say simple, and make them curious enough about how your knowledge and skills could benefit their business to contact you.

          Someone also made the point that you didn't send out enough letters to really have done a true test. My advice right now would be to edit that letter, more along the lines of what Ian proposed, and then mail out, but this time, assuming you have the funds to do so, to more people. Make sure you have a targeted list to call though as no campaign will be successful without that. Where did you pull the names you targeted, if I might ask? That can make all the difference in the world.

          With some persistence and effort, I am sure you will get where you want to go with your business. I wish you much success now and always.

          Tracy
          Thanks Tracy.....Im trying...lol
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          • Profile picture of the author Bobster0007
            Ok guys heres the laugh of the day fir ya! I let my visiting teenaged niece address the envelopes and send them off. When i checked my mail box tonight, All of my letters were returned to me.... all of the addresses were reversed so i sent them all to myself. lol...it sucks but is funny... now i wondering if i would have gotten any action from them or not? Nobody liked it here so i guess i better change it to more like what 0898 said. hmmm...
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            • Profile picture of the author e30drifter
              Originally Posted by Bobster0007 View Post

              Ok guys heres the laugh of the day fir ya! I let my visiting teenaged niece address the envelopes and send them off. When i checked my mail box tonight, All of my letters were returned to me.... all of the addresses were reversed so i sent them all to myself. lol...it sucks but is funny... now i wondering if i would have gotten any action from them or not? Nobody liked it here so i guess i better change it to more like what 0898 said. hmmm...
              lol...that's pretty funny...don't know how much you know about direct mail, but as far as I have read about it...response is pretty much 1%-2% if it's good list and great letter.
              So I don't think 90 letters will be enough for you to actually say if it's working or not.
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              • Profile picture of the author Bobster0007
                Originally Posted by e30drifter View Post

                lol...that's pretty funny...don't know how much you know about direct mail, but as far as I have read about it...response is pretty much 1%-2% if it's good list and great letter.
                So I don't think 90 letters will be enough for you to actually say if it's working or not.
                Well i dont know hardly nothing other than what my mind thinks sounds good to me. I actually thought mine was a compelling letter that would be hard for them not to want some of that traffic action. But i was actually thinking that i should get 3-5 gigs from those letters. lol... but judging by the professionals here, I need to take another approach.
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                • Profile picture of the author e30drifter
                  Originally Posted by Bobster0007 View Post

                  Well i dont know hardly nothing other than what my mind thinks sounds good to me. I actually thought mine was a compelling letter that would be hard for them not to want some of that traffic action. But i was actually thinking that i should get 3-5 gigs from those letters. lol... but judging by the professionals here, I need to take another approach.
                  I don't think there is anything wrong about direct mail...it's just that you may have little unrealistic expectations...read some stuff on copywriting...anything from Dan Kennedy, Gary Halbert, John Carlton...just read some of their ideas...and test your headlines and text on craigslist...use some ad tracking service for craigslist "craigslist ad tracker" comes to mind...
                  and find out which headlines people are reading...otherwise you are just wasting your money and at the end think it didn't work...I am sure it all works, just figure out what is working...
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  • Profile picture of the author danielkanuck
    Sounds like a case where you created the product first, and then tried to find a market. This is backwards. You should first find the market and the problem, and then find a product that will help to solve these people's problems.

    Plus another thing... a true direct mail "test" would be considered no less than 1,000 pieces. 90 letters aren't enough to say whether or not the market is unresponsive or not.
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    • Profile picture of the author T2007
      Sorry Daniel, but I disagree. This service cannot be sold as a gadget, so 1000 pieces are not needed.

      IMHO, three things are needed to improve this approach:

      1. Personalization; such as a screenshot or reference to their site, for instance, and preferably addressing the owner by name;

      2. Focus on generating curiosity by writing about benefits (i.e. want more clients? vs. you are in page 7 of Google); and,

      3. Not trying to sell on the first contact (like in the last paragraph of that long letter). The purpose should be generating curiosity to incite a call for more information.

      Tammy

      Originally Posted by danielkanuck View Post

      Sounds like a case where you created the product first, and then tried to find a market. This is backwards. You should first find the market and the problem, and then find a product that will help to solve these people's problems.

      Plus another thing... a true direct mail "test" would be considered no less than 1,000 pieces. 90 letters aren't enough to say whether or not the market is unresponsive or not.
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  • Profile picture of the author Webjutsu
    Here's a direct mail I used with some success. Got 1 out of every 50 letters I sent out. I would include a screen print of their business ran through the getlisted(dot)org site showing their score. Letters were printed out in color and sent in a white 9x12 envelope with stamps, hand addresses, no return address.I was using it to sell a $500 local directory package but have since moved on to bigger and better things. I still have a bunch of these site to rent out but have got so many referrals I'm too busy with another niche(martial arts schools). With a little tweaking I"m sure it would work for you. I used a pre-ranked site as further proof.

    Subject : I'm Trying To Clean-Up Malvern Dentistry!
    My name is Glenn Wallace and for the next 30 days I'm offering my services to Malvern dentists that need help cleaning up their local listings in the search engines.
    Many prominent Malvern dental practices just can't be found by new potential clients online when searching via Google, Yahoo or Bing.

    This is a problem that can be easily fixed!
    As you provide expert service in dental care, I provide expert service in local search marketing.
    The attached screen print shows the current state of your visibility in the local directories. Whether you use my services or not you need to fix this for your business to be found on the internet and get more new clients via the web.

    Can I prove I know what I'm talking about?
    I sure can!
    Go to Google and do a search for "dentist malvern".
    Does your practice show up on the first page of the search results page? I'm in the Top 10 search results and I'm not even a dentist! The website listed below is my site I ranked for a number of search terms for people looking for a Malvern dentist to show you I know what I'm talking about.


    (photo left out as I don't have enough posts to show links)


    I can get you there as well!


    Though I am contacting the top 18 Malvern dentists that from my research need this service via this mailing, I can only work with the first 3 that contact me.
    If you would like to get your practice's internet presence straightened out once an for all, please contact me immediately!
    I am offering a simple local listing 'Fixer-up' Package that will serve to introduce myself and my services and assure your practice is setup correctly in the local directories. You listing will distributed to the most important local search directories.

    Search Engines such as Google, Yahoo, Bing
    Online Yellow Pages (Superpages, Yellowpages, YellowBook)
    Social Networks such as Yelp
    Portals and Guides such as AOL MapQuest, CitySearch
    Cell Phones and Mobile (BlackBerry and iPhone)
    411 Directory Assistance
    In-Car GPS Navigation and Telematics such as OnStar
    and hundreds more

    In addition I will optimize your listing in the Big 3 (Google, Yahoo and Bing). and make sure your business has claimed them to prevent others from doing so and harming your listing.
    Once again this offer is for the first 3 Malvern dentists that contact me.
    Hope to hear from you.... Please call me at or email me at xxxxx for more information.
    Sincerely,


    It worked for me....
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    • Profile picture of the author e30drifter
      Originally Posted by Webjutsu View Post

      Here's a direct mail I used with some success. Got 1 out of every 50 letters I sent out. I would include a screen print of their business ran through the getlisted(dot)org site showing their score. Letters were printed out in color and sent in a white 9x12 envelope with stamps, hand addresses, no return address.I was using it to sell a $500 local directory package but have since moved on to bigger and better things. I still have a bunch of these site to rent out but have got so many referrals I'm too busy with another niche(martial arts schools). With a little tweaking I"m sure it would work for you. I used a pre-ranked site as further proof.

      Subject : I'm Trying To Clean-Up Malvern Dentistry!
      My name is Glenn Wallace and for the next 30 days I'm offering my services to Malvern dentists that need help cleaning up their local listings in the search engines.
      Many prominent Malvern dental practices just can't be found by new potential clients online when searching via Google, Yahoo or Bing.

      This is a problem that can be easily fixed!
      As you provide expert service in dental care, I provide expert service in local search marketing.
      The attached screen print shows the current state of your visibility in the local directories. Whether you use my services or not you need to fix this for your business to be found on the internet and get more new clients via the web.

      Can I proved I know what I'm talking about?
      I sure can!
      Go to Google and do a search for "dentist malvern".
      Does your practice show up on the first page of the search results page? I'm in the Top 10 search results and I'm not even a dentist! The website listed below is my site I ranked for a number of search terms for people looking for a Malvern dentist to show you I know what I'm talking about.


      (photo left out as I don't have enough posts to show links)


      I can get you there as well!


      Though I am contacting the top 18 Malvern dentists that from my research need this service via this mailing, I can only work with the first 3 that contact me.
      If you would like to get your practice's internet presence straightened out once an for all, please contact me immediately!
      I am offering a simple local listing 'Fixer-up' Package that will serve to introduce myself and my services and assure your practice is setup correctly in the local directories. You listing will distributed to the most important local search directories.

      Search Engines such as Google, Yahoo, Bing
      Online Yellow Pages (Superpages, Yellowpages, YellowBook)
      Social Networks such as Yelp
      Portals and Guides such as AOL MapQuest, CitySearch
      Cell Phones and Mobile (BlackBerry and iPhone)
      411 Directory Assistance
      In-Car GPS Navigation and Telematics such as OnStar
      and hundreds more

      In addition I will optimize your listing in the Big 3 (Google, Yahoo and Bing). and make sure your business has claimed them to prevent others from doing so and harming your listing.
      Once again this offer is for the first 3 Malvern dentists that contact me.
      Hope to hear from you.... Please call me at or email me at xxxxx for more information.
      Sincerely,


      It worked for me....
      I like it...thanks for sharing...
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