Anger Management for all Offliners

47 replies
When I have the occasional bad day and need to take it out on someone, I don't take it out on my loved ones anymore...I got the idea one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. May I please speak with Robin Carter?"Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.

I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills orhad a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you'reinterested in the Caller ID program?"He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, (I had his number on speed dial ), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?""Yes, it is.""Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front.""What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said."When's a good time to catch you, Don?""I'm home every evening after five.""Listen, Don, can I tell you something?""Yes?""Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole .1."Hello." "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)"Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed."Make me," I said."Who are you?" he asked."My name is Don Hansen.""Yeah? Where do you live?""Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."Then I called Asshole .2."Hello?" he said."Hello, asshole," I said.He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!""You'll what?" I said."I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.Then I called Channel 2 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.NOW, I feel better.This anger management really works!
#anger #management #offliners
  • Profile picture of the author jasonthewebmaster
    Banned
    LMAO! I needed that...
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  • Profile picture of the author oda
    Thank-you!

    I just ran through the steps and am heading down to the Blue house on the corner. Instead of waiting months I just rang them every 6 minutes exactly for the last 3 hours. (Instant gratification)
    I can already hear sirens.

    This is so cooooollll.
    Gotta go Bye....

    Oda
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    • Now that is called TAKING ACTION good job keep up the good work if you get on tv don't forget to mention us we have special discounts for A............s



      Originally Posted by oda View Post

      Thank-you!

      I just ran through the steps and am heading down to the Blue house on the corner. Instead of waiting months I just rang them every 6 minutes exactly for the last 3 hours. (Instant gratification)
      I can already hear sirens.

      This is so cooooollll.
      Gotta go Bye....

      Oda
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  • Profile picture of the author Luther Landro
    Originally Posted by Anthony seoserviceagents View Post

    ""Listen, Don, can I tell you something?""Yes?""Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up
    I literally burst out laughing at this part.

    Reminds a little of the Mustafa Tapes / Jerky Boys tapes. Will try this method.
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  • Profile picture of the author Qamar
    Hahahahahha.....I almost fell off my chair reading this....
    Good one!



    Qamar
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  • Profile picture of the author philboy uk
    So its you who keeps ringing me !
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  • Profile picture of the author Mr Bill
    CLASSIC!

    The last part was pure genius and as I kept reading it just kept getting and better with every phrase!!
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  • Profile picture of the author paydayloan
    Meditation helps good to get rid of anger and stress in daily life. i practice daily for few minutes and it keeps me 24 hours peaceful and relaxed. Meditation is simple to practice to overcome unnecessary thoughts.
    i started practicing from 5 years and saw great results in my behaviors and the way i look towards the world and relationships around me. now i am living a very cool and joyful life. There are lot of books available in online about meditation but i prefer to read OSHO meditation books which helps to learn real meditation techniques.
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    • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
      Originally Posted by paydayloan View Post

      Meditation helps good to get rid of anger and stress in daily life. i practice daily for few minutes and it keeps me 24 hours peaceful and relaxed. Meditation is simple to practice to overcome unnecessary thoughts.
      i started practicing from 5 years and saw great results in my behaviors and the way i look towards the world and relationships around me. now i am living a very cool and joyful life. There are lot of books available in online about meditation but i prefer to read OSHO meditation books which helps to learn real meditation techniques.
      this sounds more like a case of mediation
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  • Profile picture of the author Mr Bill
    True.

    I still prefer the first method though...lol
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  • Profile picture of the author Benjustin
    same like that of the Horrible Bosses movie

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  • Profile picture of the author m2carbine
    Hahahaha, that is a good ice breaker for the day. What a way to undergo anger management! Thanks, you made me laugh for today.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mac the Knife
    AWESOME! So great to get a piece of true entertainment here from time to time. Thanks for taking the time to put this out there...hahahaha

    Mac
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  • Very funny. Good tip.
    I really need to read something like this today. Thanks Anthony!
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  • This is my laugh of the day! lol...
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  • Profile picture of the author Centurian
    Anthony. Anthony. Anthony.

    I almost fell out of my chair laughing so hard.

    Well your strategy is also great for cheering people up as well as anger management.

    Laughter is a good medicine. I'm gonna have a great day.

    Thanks for sharing and caring.
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    • I am glad you liked it
      i agree laughing is the best medicine


      Originally Posted by Centurian View Post

      Anthony. Anthony. Anthony.

      I almost fell out of my chair laughing so hard.

      Well your strategy is also great for cheering people up as well as anger management.

      Laughter is a good medicine. I'm gonna have a great day.

      Thanks for sharing and caring.
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  • Profile picture of the author NicholasCollins
    Man I remember reading this same joke on an old BBS WaaaaaY back in the day. Guess I am showing my age. Brought back great memories of how the web used to be and how it has evolved. Nice share.
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  • Profile picture of the author Teravel
    If this is a true story, I am deeply ashamed of being in the same species as you. Isn't there enough hate in the world?

    On the other hand, if this is a work of fiction, and you wrote it to relieve your stress without causing harm to others, than I applaud your creativity and encourage you to continue.
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    • if you read carefully you see the name of the story guy is chris mine is Anthony so THIS IS A JOKE just to cheer up the offliners


      Originally Posted by Teravel View Post

      If this is a true story, I am deeply ashamed of being in the same species as you. Isn't there enough hate in the world?

      On the other hand, if this is a work of fiction, and you wrote it to relieve your stress without causing harm to others, than I applaud your creativity and encourage you to continue.
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  • Profile picture of the author Adaptise
    Hmm, this reminds me of a true story a friend told me. He worked in a call center as a telesales rep. He'd get all sorts yelling at him and calling him names. One day a particularly offensive person made his blood boil.

    Instead of taking it out on the guy, my friend turned around and continued cold calling clients. The thing was, if he ever had to leave a voicemail message, he would introduce himself as the guy who pissed him off, and leave THAT guy's work number.

    A few month's later my friend "checked up" on the guy who had pissed him off. He had quit his job. Not sure if it was from all the random "returning you call" calls, but it seemed too coincidental not to be....although not sure why he didn't just change his extension....

    In any case, I decided right there, never be rude to anyone who knows more about you than you know about them....!
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  • Profile picture of the author Centurian
    Hey guys be sure to rate this thread 5 stars at the top right of the post.

    This is an all time classic!
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  • Profile picture of the author centextkt
    I was having a rough day today, but that one brightened it all up for me. Thanks Anthony!
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  • Profile picture of the author SoundsGood
    Originally Posted by Anthony seoserviceagents View Post

    This anger management really works!
    Gee, I was planning on doing some business with you... but now I don't want you to know ANYTHING about me!
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  • Profile picture of the author PaulFL
    Funny! Reminds me of an episode of the old TV show Wings.
    Some guy was bitching to make sure Helen gave him decaf or he'd be awake all night. She said, "Tell you what, if you're kept awake, call me." She gave him a phone number - and regular coffee.

    The next day, Roy comes in complaining that some guy kept him awake all night because he kept calling to complain about coffee!
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  • Profile picture of the author EugeneA
    Hahaha, I'm not even sure what to say.

    This could become a new found habit
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  • Profile picture of the author jerkul
    Hahahaha, that was hilarious. If you are bored, get a skype subscription and call up 2 random people in your area and have some good laugh.

    PS: Don't forget to mute your microphone!
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  • Profile picture of the author Patricia Sphar
    I got up on the wrong side of the bed today--I read every post on this thread and I feel GREAT! This is just absolutely lovely, Anthony!!
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  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
    Banned
    Originally Posted by Anthony seoserviceagents View Post

    When I have the occasional bad day and need to take it out on someone, I don't take it out on my loved ones anymore...I got the idea one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. May I please speak with Robin Carter?"Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.

    I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills orhad a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.

    So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you'reinterested in the Caller ID program?"He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me.

    I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, (I had his number on speed dial ), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?""Yes, it is.""Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front.""What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said."When's a good time to catch you, Don?""I'm home every evening after five.""Listen, Don, can I tell you something?""Yes?""Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

    But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole .1."Hello." "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)"Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed."Make me," I said."Who are you?" he asked."My name is Don Hansen.""Yeah? Where do you live?""Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."Then I called Asshole .2."Hello?" he said."Hello, asshole," I said.He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!""You'll what?" I said."I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.Then I called Channel 2 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.NOW, I feel better.This anger management really works!

    Dude ... you have issues. I'd think about about anger management counseling if I were you. To carry on these vendettas over a long period of time over such inconsequential things ... well, your reaction seems very out of proportion. Just saying ... and please, don't start calling me. :p
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  • Profile picture of the author SeeksSteven
    LOL This was a priceless read. Good laugh...
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  • Profile picture of the author srtyker
    Nice. Clients do sometimes forget that offliners or service providers are after all humans. This treatement is sometimes well-earned by them , but practiced on discretion in realtime. Perhaps this is a good pretext for a blockbuster movie to be made on the life of a successful offliner.
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  • Profile picture of the author KingOfMusic
    This is the funniest crap on WF! Thanks a lot for that hilarious stuff LOL!
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  • Profile picture of the author Scitknot9
    Hahahahahahahaha........this is great!! Good to hear some humour amongst all the serious advice and questions on the forum!!

    Great stuff, thanks a lot!!

    Scott
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  • Good ideas! No longer will those inconsiderate dirt-bike riders, flicking rocks and dust up all over my trailer, from the next block go unanswered.
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  • Profile picture of the author danielkanuck
    Dude i might have to get you some Prozac for that bi-polar post you just created lol. No just kidding, your post is ridiculously funny lol.
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  • Profile picture of the author uppergrade
    Classic!!!!
    I am still laughing. Your anger management is sooooooooo Good. Great idea.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mar
    There are a couple of regulars in a store that I know who could do with some of this LOL - are you hiring out??

    I missed this first time round and had such a good chuckle at the possibilities

    Mar
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