Would this be a good Email to send to a potential client?

Profile picture of the author TimGreen1 by TimGreen1 Posted: 06/12/2012
Hi,

I was looking at your website and noticed the layout was slightly outdated and some areas are unfinished. I also noticed your website has no Google Places Function or Mobile Web Design.

In the modern age of technology and Mobile Phones getting increasingly popular, Google Places and Mobile Web Design are essential if you wish to attract more customers.

1/5 of every search for a business is done through a mobile device and 1/3 of those are local. This means you are missing out on valuable customers looking to access your site through Mobile devices.

My name is Tim Green and I offer Online Marketing solutions for small to medium sized businesses.

Some services I offer are:

Web Design
Mobile Web Design
Search Engine Optimization
Local Search Engine Optimization
Google Places Optimization
Online/Offline Marketing

I am able to offer these services at very competitive prices and I have attached some previews of my work so you can get a feel for what I do.

If you are interested in any of my services please don't hesitate to reply to this Email or give me a call at: 0123456789

Thanks for your time,
Tim Green
#client #email #good #potential #send

  • Profile picture of the author TimGreen1
    TimGreen1
    Originally Posted by TheBlogger View Post
    I'm no expert, but looking at it from a site owner's perspective I'd add some personalised stuff in there. Start by addressing the site's name/site owner's name if you have it.

    Also when you mention the site in question's layout etc. you might want to mention colours etc. so site owners know you didn't just copy and paste the email out again and again.

    Takes a bit longer, but might turn 100 'straight-to-trashers' into at least 100 readers.

    All in theory though! I'm completely new to this.
    Thanks for the tips. Didn't think about that!
  • Profile picture of the author TimGreen1
    TimGreen1
    Originally Posted by TheBlogger View Post
    I'm no expert, but looking at it from a site owner's perspective I'd add some personalised stuff in there. Start by addressing the site's name/site owner's name if you have it.

    Also when you mention the site in question's layout etc. you might want to mention colours etc. so site owners know you didn't just copy and paste the email out again and again.

    Takes a bit longer, but might turn 100 'straight-to-trashers' into at least 100 readers.

    All in theory though! I'm completely new to this.

    Any ideas for the subject? Don't want to sound to spammy.
  • Profile picture of the author Matt121
    Matt121
    Originally Posted by TheBlogger View Post
    I'm no expert, but looking at it from a site owner's perspective I'd add some personalised stuff in there. Start by addressing the site's name/site owner's name if you have it.

    Also when you mention the site in question's layout etc. you might want to mention colours etc. so site owners know you didn't just copy and paste the email out again and again.

    Takes a bit longer, but might turn 100 'straight-to-trashers' into at least 100 readers.

    All in theory though! I'm completely new to this.
    It is, in fact, a good idea. If readers of this e-mail see that there are no "specifics" then it can be a result of an e-mail blast, which in my experience will immediately result in your e-mail being marked as spam.

    As for the title of your e-mail, you can try to personalize it as well. You can try "Site redesign for [website URL]" or something like that.
  • Profile picture of the author iAmNameLess
    iAmNameLess
    Email like this is very inefficient for generating business. BUT... emails can work if you put the numbers into play. However, your email copy sucks. Shorten it up, make it quick, 99.9% of people are going to delete it anyway... make it short enough to catch their eye while they're about to delete.
  • Profile picture of the author webmarketer8
    webmarketer8
    That's exactly how I structured my sites, only to end up with no clients. hahahaha Anyways, I think iAmNameLess gave some great ideas.
  • Profile picture of the author SmithR
    SmithR
    I would also suggest to make it shorter and more eye catching.
    You have to be more aggressive.

    Do searches on google for businesses doing what you are offering
    and copy what there doing.

    Test...test...test...until you find the right one.
  • Profile picture of the author everge
    everge
    I would keep it short and include how you will get more clients for them......Businesses need more profits and more customers and all we need to do is show them how we will do this...
  • Profile picture of the author JerrickYeoh
    JerrickYeoh
    I don't think its a good idea to point out people mistake and weakness at the 1st sentences which usually unwelcome and take as spam .
    Why not said something good about their service and website then only point out some improvement they need to do to get more traffic and sales and just promote your services.
    Get some catchy subject email would be best .
  • Profile picture of the author IsaacWendt
    IsaacWendt
    Another thing you need to watch out for is the emails not even getting through. I had this problem and I really don't know why.
  • Profile picture of the author pricelance
    pricelance
    With the suggestions you should have a very good email.
  • Profile picture of the author Bayo
    Bayo
    No.

    The first reason is because it basically is you focused and does not speak to any reason why the business owner should take action.

    This is the type of email that I get delivered to my business inbox on a regular basis and that I use in my coaching as a good example of what not to do. YOu may get some success but it won't be anything you can plan for the future of your business on because you cannot anticipate what your results are going to be into the future.

    Because sending emails is relatively free, it doesn't mean that it shouldn't deliver value up front.

    So not an email that I would recommend sending if you were asking me for my honest opinion.

    BAYO

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