Voicemail Messages to Dentist -- Critique

Let us know how it turns out.

Unfortunately, I work an 8-5 job so leaving voicemails during the weekend would work best for me.

I didn't see this before or I would have commented and gave constructive criticism and advice.

I would assume, based on what I read, that it did not go over very well at all. For Abel's sake I hope I'm wrong. But right off the top I see several issues that are bound to hurt this campaign.

1. Calling and leaving messages after hours isn't great. Voicemails will never be as effective as talking to a person directly. True sometimes they can't be avoided, but when they can (and in this case they could), I believe it's best to avoid it. The fact is, people may not like telemarketers, but it's much easier to press "delete" on a message than it is to hang up on a live person. By and large, even though most people say they'll do it, most really don't like to.

2. I think I can...

This isn't The Little Engine That Could. You need to be more direct and confident. If you don't KNOW you can help them, why should they put their trust in you when you don't have it in yourself?

3. However I'm thinking about starting a...

They definitely don't need to know you're currently an IT analyst, but even if you choose to volunteer that piece of information, do NOT go down the road of telling them that you might be starting a company. Again you lose them with your lack of confidence. You're supposed to BE the expert, not convince them that it is conceivable that someday in the future you just might become an expert. :rolleyes:

No, no, no... that just won't work! Why are you only "thinking about starting a consulting firm"? Why haven't you already started one? And why on earth are you soliciting me before you have done so?

I could go on, but I won't because it isn't my desire to beat you up. Besides that, if you're going to be leaving messages... two to four sentences is all you really need anyway. And you've already exhausted them. There's really no point in critiquing it any further, because by this point you have already lost your audience.

In closing, I fear that this response comes off rather harsh and makes me look like an a-hole, but I hope that's not the case. In truth, I'm just trying to give you a dose of truth because I believe that will serve you a lot better in the long run than filling your mind up with false bravado.