Critique my script please

5 replies
Hey guys,

Based upon my experiences in the last month or so I rewrote a script ... arguably I copied a lot of stuff, and most of it is not original.But I just wanted to take baby steps toward writing my own scripts because I know that someday I will have to write original ones where there will be no cookie-cutter guidelines...

Basically, it's the bower method from John Duhram but I just rewrote the script to match my own personality and try out new things. Patched stuff I learned on the job and stuff I've seen in videos/articles/WF/etc.

Just gonna be lazy with the web design part and will probably end up doing a homstead page or something.

Originally Posted by script

Good morning/afternoon

This is Mark Olivier from [Company name] Web design group. How are you doing today? Fantastic, now the reason for this call is that I help businesses get ready for the mobile age. If you have 60 seconds, I'd like to share an idea with you, sounds fair enough?

(helpful)First, just a couple of quick question so I won't waste your time?

-What have you done so far on marketing?
-I've checked out your business on the internet before calling. You do not currently have a website is that correct?
-Just for suitability purposes,are you doing well or are you struggling a bit? how are autumn and winter season for business?

The ideal prospect is somebody that knows he needs a website, but he wants something extremely basic. Name,address, contact information,pictures, maybe a google map. That's it.

Based on what you just told me, let me tell you this: the product is a perfect match for you. For a limited time only, I am allowed to offer [industry] in [prospect's city] FREE website design if they take our hosting services for only 24.95$ a month. This would put your name in front of your whole community. Usually our web design services are priced at 800$ and up. Would you like to get started today?

Once the deal has been closed:

What is the # on your credit card? CVV? Name on it?
Could I please have your e-mail address?

Congratulations, you have taken the right decision for your business. Expect an e-mail within the next 24-48 hours asking you to confirm your contact information, as well with further instructions.Have a nice day sir.


Ok, here are the rebuttals but honestly I'm not going to rebutt unless I sense a certain kindness of character and interest. If people really want to hassle then I'm just going to move on because at 25$ a month with no contract its peanuts.



Rebuttals/brushoffs/etc

Not interested

As I mentionned sir, we offer FREE web design for each customer that takes up hosting with us.

Prospect goes on random topic
Oh, that's so great, I love random topic as well . By the way, you were saying ...?

What's the catch?

As long as you're hosting with us, you get to keep the design but we won't allow other companies or designers to touch our design.However, there's no contract . If you want something else.... We can do that too, but right now the deal is so good . Sounds fair enough?


Can I have a number where I can call you back?

I have such a hectic agenda, I have already promised [real number] of my clients in [real number] different cities that I'd take care of their websites for them. Can you imagine the complexities of the different time zones? That is why taking a decision today is really the only option... Sounds good?


Do I get a domain name?

So that you don't have to pay more, we give you a subdomain under ours.
However,for a nominal 20$ fee, you can get your own. You have to renew it yearly, but don't worry, everything is automatically charged to your credit card so you don't have to worry about it. So what do you say about getting started today sir?

Let me think about it

In real estate, it's location location location. In my industry, it's timing timing timing. Already there's [real number] of business owners that have taken advantage of this limited time offer. That is why it is best that you decide today. There's no contract either. Believe me, you'll be very very impressed. Sounds fair enough? [...]All right, would you like to pay by Mastercard, Visa or American Express?

I don't have time for this

I hear you .The true beauty of the program is that it is incredibly easy to get started. All that is required is 5 minutes of your time to send me a couple of pictures as well as confirm your contact information. Sounds fair enough?[...] Marvellous, which is better for you: Visa, Mastercard or American express?

Do I own the design?Do I have access to my website?

No, part of the deal is that for us to offer it to you to such a low price, you get to keep the design for as long as you are hosting with us. We're not gonna allow another persons to make changes to it for this small amount. Our lead programmer has built websites since he was in elementary school and throughout university. There's no contract either so you pay us only for results. Believe me... you won't be sorry. Sounds fair enough? Would you like to get started today?

Don't want to get scammed/pay by credit card

I hear you. You can send us a check instead however I'd suggest the credit card because in the event you want your 25$ back, you can call us or you can simply call your bank to charge back. It is actually the safest method of payment. Also, it's much easier for you as well because you don't have to send a check every month to Montreal. Believe me, you won't be sorry.

Scam (part deux)

Honestly, you wouldn't be giving us any more account information then would be printed on the check you would send us. This is just easier for our record keeping purposes.

Send me fax/e-mail

Why do you want me to send an e-mail? I'm the expert, you have me live on the phone to answer your questions. What can an e-mail tell you that I cannot tell you right now?

I don't have money

[Ok, if they don't have money for 25$ they're waaaay too cheap and I'm just gonna hangup]

We already have a website

All fair sir, have a nice day. [Hangup]

We already have someone working on it

All good, have a nice day.[Hangup]
#critique #script
  • Profile picture of the author iAmNameLess
    eh... don't ask people on here to critique it, there are only a few that actually do anything.

    Anyway, test it.. that's all you can really do with everything. Learn from your own results, because my results are going to be different than yours!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6978150].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Aaron Doud
      Originally Posted by iAmNameLess View Post

      eh... don't ask people on here to critique it, there are only a few that actually do anything.

      Anyway, test it.. that's all you can really do with everything. Learn from your own results, because my results are going to be different than yours!
      QFT. This man is doing this day in and day out. His advice is solid. And in the long run learning to test and tweak will make you better.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6978192].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author KristofferIM
    If you're selling mobile sites. I'd present it more like a problem.

    Think about opening with "I was on your site with my phone today and noticed it wasn't prepared for mobile visitors".

    Hope that helps.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6978244].message }}
    • "but I just rewrote the script to match my own personality and try out new things."

      maybe this fit's your style!

      sounds like I called you at a bad time? they will say what's this about

      You are probably as busy as I am, can you give me 60 seconds ...and you tell me if you want to continue the conversation, fair enough?


      OR

      glad I'm able to speak to you, but I only have a few minutes. will tell you why I'm calling in 2 minutes...and you tell me if you want to keep talking, sound good?

      sell yourself 1st (respect Time), and when you know them and their biz., details, talk #'s. IMO

      good luck
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6978659].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author ambrking
    One tip I can give you is: Do not memorize your script. It is best that you understand what you are selling. When calling, you will get different responses, if you rely on your script, you might get lost. Try to be conversational, that way you will not sound too much like a salesperson.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6982022].message }}

Trending Topics