Use Eye Contact only when they Agree with you #SalesTip

11 years ago

Very interesting....

I've always found it helpful to look at someone when talking, with a smile, and nod a lot while listening.

Just seem warm and friendly... as if they're the only person in the room.

but on the flipside, I just read that if you stare at the opposite sex, and make eye contact with them for more than 3 seconds straight, it's showing that you're interested in them and it also signals you're available?

This may explain the elbows from the wife when we're out and about...

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Aaron Doud

11 years ago

It's what we are taught as sales people to do. But as often the case, sales training is often not correct. Time to shake up the sales training world. Get training focused on the sales professional vs. focused on selling the training to the GM & Owner (aka telling them what they want to hear).

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kenmichaels

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Aaron Doud

It's what we are taught as sales people to do. But as often the case, sales training is often not correct. Time to shake up the sales training world. Get training focused on the sales professional vs. focused on selling the training to the GM & Owner (aka telling them what they want to hear).

Man, that's the truth.

The way is self perpetuates is almost evil. Most definitely harmful.

Anyone with any real world experience can see it happening right here
in this forum ... on a daily basis.

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Claude Whitacre

11 years ago

I don't remember where I learned this, but I was aware of it.

I look people in the face, not in the eyes. If you are only a few feet away, they know the difference.

And, yeah, after a few seconds...the signals get confused.

On the opposite side of that, if you are looking in their eyes, and they suddenly look into your eyes...and you instantly avert your gaze? It is a signal that they are dominate.

When we are talking, our heads are moving, our hands are gesturing...but if you keep looking directly into their eyes, it stands out.

Another tip is, after they ask a question, even if I instantly know the answer, I look down a little like I'm giving it serious thought. Yeah, three seconds is really a long time to look directly into someone's eyes.

Cats do it, but they aren't selling anything.

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Aaron Doud

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I look people in the face, not in the eyes. If you are only a few feet away, they know the difference.

I didn't point this out and I should have. You can look at someone and not look in their eyes.

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

On the opposite side of that, if you are looking in their eyes, and they suddenly look into your eyes...and you instantly avert your gaze? It is a signal that they are dominate.

This is a great point. Just remember in some sales you want them to "think" they are in control and dominate. I love dominating from a position of weakness. But I think of life too much like a chess board despite the fact I don't like playing that game.

You can make a lot of sales if you know how to let someone think they are "winning" and dominating.

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Another tip is, after they ask a question, even if I instantly know the answer, I look down a little like I'm giving it serious thought. Yeah, three seconds is really a long time to look directly into someone's eyes.

This is something I always do for two reasons.

1. Like you said if you act like you are thinking about that makes the answer more important and valid in their minds.

2. I tend to talk fast and can out talk my brain. These moments let me catch back up and plan how I will turn the answer into another question to uncover a potential benefit to show.

"Benefit Asking" as I call it. Where every question I ask is to uncover or reenforce a benefit and I try to avoid ending any thing I say with a statement. I always try to end with a question.

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Claude Whitacre

11 years ago

I don't remember where I learned this, but I was aware of it.

I look people in the face, not in the eyes. If you are only a few feet away, they know the difference.

And, yeah, after a few seconds...the signals get confused.

On the opposite side of that, if you are looking in their eyes, and they suddenly look into your eyes...and you instantly avert your gaze? It is a signal that they are dominate.

When we are talking, our heads are moving, our hands are gesturing...but if you keep looking directly into their eyes, it stands out.

Another tip is, after they ask a question, even if I instantly know the answer, I look down a little like I'm giving it serious thought. Yeah, three seconds is really a long time to look directly into someone's eyes.

Cats do it, but they aren't selling anything.

Originally Posted by Aaron Doud

It's what we are taught as sales people to do. But as often the case, sales training is often not correct. Time to shake up the sales training world. Get training focused on the sales professional vs. focused on selling the training to the GM & Owner (aka telling them what they want to hear).

Man, you got that right.

Originally Posted by Aaron Doud

So avoiding eye contact isn't rude. Staring behind someone is. You just have to look at something else and save eye contact for the big moments of agreement. "This floor plan would really work well for your family of 6, wouldn't it?"

Yeah, the person can easily tell where you are looking. Look just past them? It looks very strange. If they look at something and you keep looking at them in the eyes? It looks like you're stalking them.

Selling is theater.

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mjbmedia

11 years ago

If someone doesn't give me eye contact when they're trying to impress me then they impress me far less, I don't mean stare, I mean look me in the eye when they're telling me something important, emphasise it more, confirm their honesty, integrity if you like. If they're saying the same thing and their eyes are looking past me or round the room I consider they are either fibbing or at least not as genuine as they'd like me to think.

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Aaron Doud

11 years ago

Originally Posted by mjbmedia

If someone doesn't give me eye contact when they're trying to impress me then they impress me far less, I don't mean stare, I mean look me in the eye when they're telling me something important, emphasise it more, confirm their honesty, integrity if you like. If they're saying the same thing and their eyes are looking past me or round the room I consider they are either fibbing or at least not as genuine as they'd like me to think.

So you don't follow their eyes when they are talking yet looking at something else. That means you are a rarity as instinct makes people look were you are looking. Which is good to remember when selling even if you are not avoiding eye contact.

So avoiding eye contact isn't rude. Staring behind someone is. You just have to look at something else and save eye contact for the big moments of agreement. "This floor plan would really work well for your family of 6, wouldn't it?"

No one is saying you never look them in the eyes. The article and myself are both saying that always using eye contact is bad and if they disagree with you eye contact will make them disagree more. So intelligent use of eye contact (consciously or subconsciously) is best.

The problem is that is not what we train people to do. We train them to maintain eye contact. Which is hurting their communication and thus hurting their sales.

BTW I know that isn't what you meant I just said it this way to be more poignant and to reinforce the point that not giving eye contact isn't rude if you handle it correctly.

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mjbmedia

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Aaron Doud

So you don't follow their eyes when they are talking yet looking at something else. That means you are a rarity as instinct makes people look were you are looking. Which is good to remember when selling even if you are not avoiding eye contact.

So avoiding eye contact isn't rude. Staring behind someone is. You just have to look at something else and save eye contact for the big moments of agreement. "This floor plan would really work well for your family of 6, wouldn't it?"

No one is saying you never look them in the eyes. The article and myself are both saying that always using eye contact is bad and if they disagree with you eye contact will make them disagree more. So intelligent use of eye contact (consciously or subconsciously) is best.

The problem is that is not what we train people to do. We train them to maintain eye contact. Which is hurting their communication and thus hurting their sales.

BTW I know that isn't what you meant I just said it this way to be more poignant and to reinforce the point that not giving eye contact isn't rude if you handle it correctly.

First off I didn't bother reading the piece I just commented on the overall post/thread.

No if they were in my office and looked behind me, I'd already know what was there, it's my office so why would I need to look at a wall I see every day just because they're looking at it for some reason.

To be fair and I respect your reply was fair too, I wouldn't expect total eye 2 eye contact as Edwinn Starr would have it but I wouldn't expect them to avert their eyes when they were supposedly trying to engage or convince me of some key point or whatever part of the communication would be key in each scenario.

Just because someone in a INC.com piece has said something, doesn't mean theyre right, someone else will do a different piece in there in the next couple of weeks saying the opposite and then where will we all go?

eg if someone is saying the price and justifying it (without going into that should already have been done ) and they are looking anywhere but at me for the key points I am thinking this isn't coming from their heart, but from their textbooks/training , theyre selling to me not the bloody wall or window, though they might understandably choose to look at the picture of my wife instead of me, Im the one that says yes and signs the cheques.

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Rus Sells

11 years ago

This is about opposing values/beliefs so I don't really see how this pertains to sales by any means.

If you are in front of a qualified prospect you already have a certain degree of matching beliefs (with respect to the product or service) with the prospect. At some level the prospect believes like you do that he needs the service you are selling so eye contact is very important in this situation. That's my opinion and I back it up with 20+ years of face to face sales experience.

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Aaron Doud

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Rus Sells

This is about opposing values/beliefs so I don't really see how this pertains to sales by any means.

If you are in front of a qualified prospect you already have a certain degree of matching beliefs (with respect to the product or service) with the prospect. At some level the prospect believes like you do that he needs the service you are selling so eye contact is very important in this situation. That's my opinion and I back it up with 20+ years of face to face sales experience.

I disagree because sales people are one of the least trusted of all professions. People don't trust sales people so they naturally "disagree" with them. So sales people are almost always dealing with prospects who don't "agree" with them since they don't trust them. There is always a question of how much agreement there is and by the end the hope is you have build a load. Thus why eye contact is so important during tie downs yet when closing you need to present with eye contact then remove eye contact so as not to pressure them.

Similar in reason to why you never show a feature without using a proper Benefit Sandwich, as I call it....

Top Bun: No feature should ever be shown unless the prospect has personally showed an interest in a benefit of said feature.

Meat: You show the feature focusing only on the benefit(s) they have already expressed interest in.

Bottom Bun: Ask a question to reenforce how said feature gives them the benefit that related back to what they said.

Example:(based on real sales)

Top Bun -
"You mentioned before you wanted a bunk house. How many people would you like to sleep?"

"We have three kids and I know they want to bring friends along. So I guess five plus" - Top Bun

Later during presentation.....

Meat -
"The reason I wanted to show you this model was because it had so many sleeping areas. I know you said you would need to sleep the two of you plus your three kids and even at times their friends.

As you can see here we have the queen bed up front for the two of you. You'll notice the bunk area is on the opposite end of the coach so you can have some privacy.

Now back here in the bunk area we have three bunks. So when it is just you and the kids they will each have a bunk of their own. Now do you see that "drawer" under this bottom bunk?"

"Yes"

"Go ahead and pull that out. As you can see there is a hidden trundle bed so now in the bunk area you can easily sleep 4. But if one brings a friend I am sure the others will as well. So let's go out into the main area. Here you see you have the couch and dinette. As I mentioned before couches and dinettes always turn into beds but this floor plan makes that even better.

See the couch? That isn't a futon style like most. It actually folds open to become an air mattress hide-a-bed. So instead of sleeping one you can easily sleep two here.

Over here on the dinette you can see that it is a u-shaped dinette. So while eating you have loads of room for the kids and all their friends. Just grab two or three more chairs for this side and you can easily get them all at the table.

But we were talking about sleeping. And as you can see this is wider and longer. In fact when you turn it into a bed even a tall person like me can fit on it. Plus it is wide enough for two people." - Meat

Bottom Bun -
"Look over all the sleeping areas. As I showed you can sleep 10 without anyone using a sleeping bag inside or a tent outside. Based on what you said early you needed to sleep at least five plus nine or more (one friend each) often. Do you think this floor plan would work based on your large family and friends?

"Yes I think it would."

"Looks like between this u-shaped dinette and the picnic table you find at most campgrounds you should be able to feed nine plus people even on a rainy day. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes I had not really thought about seating at a table if it was raining. That will help when we are all camping."

"And if they want to bring a lot of friends I am sure you can see how you could easily fit a few sleeping bags on the floor as well due to the dual slides. Do you think that is something you might do."

"Not so sure we want to have that many kids with us. Think we might put them out in tents at times like you suggested."- Bottom BunGreat part about that last line is it is also a Top Bun for the outside door to the bathroom. Which I would go into right way.

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Rus Sells

11 years ago

It's "CAR" sales people who according to Gallup are the least trusted profession so it's really incorrect in saying that "sales people" are the most mistrusted because sales people isn't a profession, its a skill that's applied and used in various industries. So the trust or lack there of has more to do with the industry the sales person is in, not expressly the person.

Examples:
Pharmaceutical
Capital equipment
Real estate
Roofing
Cars

Originally Posted by Aaron Doud

I disagree because sales people are one of the least trusted of all professions. People don't trust sales people so they naturally "disagree" with them. So sales people are almost always dealing with prospects who don't "agree" with them since they don't trust them. There is always a question of how much agreement there is and by the end the hope is you have build a load. Thus why eye contact is so important during tie downs yet when closing you need to present with eye contact then remove eye contact so as not to pressure them.

Similar in reason to why you never show a feature without using a proper Benefit Sandwich, as I call it....

Top Bun: No feature should ever be shown unless the prospect has personally showed an interest in a benefit of said feature.

Meat: You show the feature focusing only on the benefit(s) they have already expressed interest in.

Bottom Bun: Ask a question to reenforce how said feature gives them the benefit that related back to what they said.

Example:(based on real sales)

Top Bun -
"You mentioned before you wanted a bunk house. How many people would you like to sleep?"

"We have three kids and I know they want to bring friends along. So I guess five plus" - Top Bun

Later during presentation.....

Meat -
"The reason I wanted to show you this model was because it had so many sleeping areas. I know you said you would need to sleep the two of you plus your three kids and even at times their friends.

As you can see here we have the queen bed up front for the two of you. You'll notice the bunk area is on the opposite end of the coach so you can have some privacy.

Now back here in the bunk area we have three bunks. So when it is just you and the kids they will each have a bunk of their own. Now do you see that "drawer" under this bottom bunk?"

"Yes"

"Go ahead and pull that out. As you can see there is a hidden trundle bed so now in the bunk area you can easily sleep 4. But if one brings a friend I am sure the others will as well. So let's go out into the main area. Here you see you have the couch and dinette. As I mentioned before couches and dinettes always turn into beds but this floor plan makes that even better.

See the couch? That isn't a futon style like most. It actually folds open to become an air mattress hide-a-bed. So instead of sleeping one you can easily sleep two here.

Over here on the dinette you can see that it is a u-shaped dinette. So while eating you have loads of room for the kids and all their friends. Just grab two or three more chairs for this side and you can easily get them all at the table.

But we were talking about sleeping. And as you can see this is wider and longer. In fact when you turn it into a bed even a tall person like me can fit on it. Plus it is wide enough for two people." - Meat

Bottom Bun -
"Look over all the sleeping areas. As I showed you can sleep 10 without anyone using a sleeping bag inside or a tent outside. Based on what you said early you needed to sleep at least five plus nine or more (one friend each) often. Do you think this floor plan would work based on your large family and friends?

"Yes I think it would."

"Looks like between this u-shaped dinette and the picnic table you find at most campgrounds you should be able to feed nine plus people even on a rainy day. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes I had not really thought about seating at a table if it was raining. That will help when we are all camping."

"And if they want to bring a lot of friends I am sure you can see how you could easily fit a few sleeping bags on the floor as well due to the dual slides. Do you think that is something you might do."

"Not so sure we want to have that many kids with us. Think we might put them out in tents at times like you suggested."- Bottom BunGreat part about that last line is it is also a Top Bun for the outside door to the bathroom. Which I would go into right way.

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Aaron Doud

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Rus Sells

It's "CAR" sales people who according to Gallup are the least trusted profession so it's really incorrect in saying that "sales people" are the most mistrusted because sales people isn't a profession, its a skill that's applied and used in various industries. So the trust or lack there of has more to do with the industry the sales person is in, not expressly the person.

Examples:
Pharmaceutical
Capital equipment
Real estate
Roofing
Cars

There are many types of sales people but when it comes to sales most people think car sales which as you pointed is the specific career that is mistrusted. In the average consumer's mind (including business owners and managers) there is little distinction from one group of sales people to another. Though there are some professions that we would think of as sales and they might not. For example realtors often don't face this issue as they are not seen as Sales People by the general public.

We as a group (sales professionals) are still judged by our worst members (the mythical Used Car Salesman) and honestly still judged based on how those sales people "ripped off" their grandparents. This mistrust of sales people is not logical nor is it based in facts. It is an emotional response to a modern myth. The "Used Car Salesman" is an archetypical villain and one that nearly universal in our (American) culture.

This myth of the Salesperson out to "get you" is a cultural myth. And no matter how people who sell but don't sell cars like to pretend it doesn't apply to them it does. Hell it applies to the guy making $8/hr at Best Buy selling TVs. I've managed in retail and I know it to be true. The second the prospects sees you as a salesman this cultural myth floods into their subconscious mind. And for some the reaction is conscious, they literally prepare to battle the dark foe before them.

So I disagree that is has to do with the industry vs. the vocation. If the prospect considers you a sales person this negative bias exists. They don't care rather you are selling cars, iPads, or advertising. You are trying to sell them something and people hate being sold. Of course they love buying but that is another story.

If your vocation is selling and the prospect considers you a sales person this myth will cause subconscious distrust of you. This is why so much "sales training" focuses on how to avoid acting like a "sales person". It's why we have titles like consultant and specialist.

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Rus Sells

11 years ago

Well Aaron I cannot agree with you. I think you are making a overly general assumption unless you have an unbiased poll that can sway my perspective.

Originally Posted by Aaron Doud

There are many types of sales people but when it comes to sales most people think car sales which as you pointed is the specific career that is mistrusted. In the average consumer's mind (including business owners and managers) there is little distinction from one group of sales people to another. Though there are some professions that we would think of as sales and they might not. For example realtors often don't face this issue as they are not seen as Sales People by the general public.

We as a group (sales professionals) are still judged by our worst members (the mythical Used Car Salesman) and honestly still judged based on how those sales people "ripped off" their grandparents. This mistrust of sales people is not logical nor is it based in facts. It is an emotional response to a modern myth. The "Used Car Salesman" is an archetypical villain and one that nearly universal in our (American) culture.

This myth of the Salesperson out to "get you" is a cultural myth. And no matter how people who sell but don't sell cars like to pretend it doesn't apply to them it does. Hell it applies to the guy making $8/hr at Best Buy selling TVs. I've managed in retail and I know it to be true. The second the prospects sees you as a salesman this cultural myth floods into their subconscious mind. And for some the reaction is conscious, they literally prepare to battle the dark foe before them.

So I disagree that is has to do with the industry vs. the vocation. If the prospect considers you a sales person this negative bias exists. They don't care rather you are selling cars, iPads, or advertising. You are trying to sell them something and people hate being sold. Of course they love buying but that is another story.

If your vocation is selling and the prospect considers you a sales person this myth will cause subconscious distrust of you. This is why so much "sales training" focuses on how to avoid acting like a "sales person". It's why we have titles like consultant and specialist.

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Aaron Doud 11 years ago

Originally Posted by Rus Sells

Well Aaron I cannot agree with you. I think you are making a overly general assumption unless you have an unbiased poll that can sway my perspective.

If I come upon some good info I will try to remember to pass it on. Till than I have no problem agreeing to disagree. I am glad you personally have faced it so little you don't believe it exists.
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Claude Whitacre

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Aaron Doud

We as a group (sales professionals) are still judged by our worst members (the mythical Used Car Salesman) and honestly still judged based on how those sales people "ripped off" their grandparents. This mistrust of sales people is not logical nor is it based in facts. It is an emotional response to a modern myth. The "Used Car Salesman" is an archetypical villain and one that nearly universal in our (American) culture.

Yup. You never see salespeople in movies in a positive light. They are always portrayed as either evil, desperate, or con men.

Pretty much the same as politicians and lawyers. Although politicians and lawyers are generally portrayed as wealthy.

I've run into the "Salesmen can't be trusted" mental block (well justified at times) in retail, with in home sales, and selling my high end local online marketing service.

What's funny to me is that now that I am an author? They think of me as a celebrity. Silly.

So;
Salesman=bad
Salesman who wrote a book=Celebrity.

Celebrity is better than credibility. Nobody would ask Brad Pitt if he had a list of satisfied clients, to sell online marketing services. Again, funny.

Humans are fun to watch.

Added later; There are salespeople that are in professions like Russ said that most people don't automatically mistrust. Selling medical equipment to hospitals, for example. But that's not what people think of when you say "Salesman".

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Aaron Doud

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Yup. You never see salespeople in movies in a positive light. They are always portrayed as either evil, desperate, or con men.

Pretty much the same as politicians and lawyers. Although politicians and lawyers are generally portrayed as wealthy.

Yeah I have noticed that out of those only sales people are shown to not be rich. In fact they are likely shown to be lower middle class to lower class minus wall street versions but I think wall street is a separate animal. Our society likes to demonize the rich so that makes sense. Yet the sales person is not rich.

Does that mean as a society we view them as worse then the rich evils? Or does it mean that we view them as kind of a tragic evil?

Interesting to think who are the great mythical villains in our society?
I can personally think of 5.

Politicians
Lawyers
Wall Street/Bankers
Salesmen
The Enemy (this one changes over the years from the British to Nazis to Communists to Terrorists/Muslims)

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Added later; There are salespeople that are in professions like Russ said that most people don't automatically mistrust. Selling medical equipment to hospitals, for example. But that's not what people think of when you say "Salesman".

Yeah as long as the customer doesn't consider you a Salesman you are fine. Realtor being the example I always use. I do like your idea of using relative celebrity as a way to get past it as well.

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misterme

11 years ago

I think some friendly direct eye contact is needed when talking with anyone but you also need to break eye contact from time to time otherwise it's creepy because it's not about dominating the other person by boring through their eyeballs. It's about signaling confidence and transparency.

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mjbmedia

11 years ago

I also think in places like this forum people try to create this utopia of selling, we are not sales people we are there to help them with their business etc, we don't want them to consider us sales people, if they do we have lost.
I go into a business to help them but they know I am going to sell them something , my time and knowledge is too valuable to give it for free , I don't hide that fact, a consultant still sells else they wont be around for long, arguing over semantics and whether they think Im a sales person or a consultant, I don't really care as long as I give them great value and they give me a great big payment every month, they can call me what they like, especially if it allows them to tell those they influence about me,

"this sales guy, came into my office and sold something to me last week and its already delivering results, look at this, here's his card, hold on I will give him a call now so you can speak with him" V
"this consultant came to see me, told me loads of interesting things, then left, I cant remember much of it now and forget his name"

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Anne0521

11 years ago

It depends. I don't think making an eye contact is a bad idea. I found it irritating when I talk to a person who doesn't look me in the eye. I can't determine whether he/she gets what I'm saying if she's not looking at me.

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tritrain

11 years ago

I would think that, during moments when it is important to convey honesty, looking someone in the eye is very important. This would be an important part of building trust and respect. But everything in moderation.

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