Anxiety

Join a sport or a team. For instance a league.
Baseball, softball, bowling, soccer, billiards,darts .... something that is a TEAM event.
Something that has consequences when you lose.

Only join a league that you have interest in.

It doesn't matter if you suck at the "game" The lessons you will learn
are invaluable. They will be life long lessons you will never forget.

Such as working together. learning and understanding your and your team mates
strengths and weaknesses, as well as a myriad of other things that will provide you
with direct benefits when it comes to sales.

A few examples; people watching. There is so much you can learn ...
if you just watch and pay attention. It doesn't not matter if they are
squabbling over a corn dog, who pays the bill this week or
complete strangers wanting to fight or fukc.

It will a teach you important things.
Don't drink or get high when your doing it. That removes the "clinical "
memory process that allows you to deduce what the experience teaches.

Being on a team event that has consequences will also teach you about yourself.

Are you a pressure guy, the goto guy .. the fall guy... the accidental leader?
the one no body cares about. can you handle criticism and advise.. regardless
of how it / what the intentions are when its delivered.

do you have the drive to learn, excel, lead. Be the best?
do you crumble or fold when you are the last chance for the team to
win or move ahead in a tourney.

A lot of games are equally about patience as skill.
So is sales. So is relationships ( with yourself and with others). So is life.

One of the reasons I suggest a league is most leagues move around different venues
most have tournaments with quite a few outsiders showing up to watch.
Its designed that way to make the league operators and the business hosting
the events money.

It will be super uncomfortable at first. Time will improve that.
and THAT will help with your anxiety around people you do not know.

leagues are a fantastic place for net working. Not making sales, just finding out who is who
and them finding out who you are.

and the other. You can always get lucky and find something you love.
I had your same issues, I joined a league. I now play with the pros.

and I love every minute of it.

As far as anger. It is easy to be angry when your not confident or happy.
Also, I think every male has anger issues ... until they out grow it
or find something that helps them alleviate it. Even the rich ones.
Even the ones handed a silver spoon, they still walk around
pissed off all the time. Age and life experiences fix that.

So will a league bro...

I bet THIS was not a response you ever expected on a bizz forum ...
much less from a known salesman

The way to solve, this issue is to simply be around more people. I kinda understand your situation, becoming a marketer has kinda put me in front of my
Mac most of the days. You need to go out and meet people, I gave a local BNI group a try. Meet different people and see what they can say, 2 heads is always better than 1.

For anger, you need to channel that anger in a positive way. Maybe start some meditation classes. Anger stems from certain things, try to eliminate those things that simply piss you off....

Depending on the severity of your anxiety it could actually require the use of some therapy and even meds. I'm a rather anxiety ridden person, and anxiety often triggers anger/rage when the anxiety builds up within a person. It is the byproduct of the anxiety. Sometimes it is about feeling out of control. I have a lot of social anxiety issues (in addition to general anxiety), and it isn't as simple as being around more people. In fact, that can make it worse if I push myself to be around people when I don't feel up to it. Much, much worse. I love college football and my wife and I have season tickets. However we arrive before most people enter the stadium, sit in the seats, and let the stadium fill in around us. If I walk in to a full stadium, it can be too much. So maybe there is a way that you can be around people that calms you too.

I guess it depends on where your anxiety truly stems from. If you isolate too much, then getting around people can help. If you can be around people and it doesn't help but rather worsens it, then you may need professional help.

I know one thing that helps me is getting adequate sleep. If I'm well rested, I can be around people more. If I'm not, it can be bad.

So socialentry if I understand you correctly you're one of us.

Welcome to our exclusive club.

All of us, me included are dealing with our own issues.

I have parents that never wanted me and a father who when I was 18 came into my life trying to get me to sign over a life insurance policy of $1,000,000 in the event I died. When I refused to sign it would be 10 years later that I would see him again but for only a few months.

My birth mother deliberately moved away and never left a forwarding address. It took close to 5 years to locate her. When I did and called the first words out of her mouth were, "How'd you get this number?" I haven't seen any of my relatives in over 20 years and none of them ever wanted to know their grandchildren.

Now some might think I was a bad kid and got in trouble with the law. Nope. I did what I was told, worked hard from the time I turned 10. Was very involved in school through sports, drama class and journalism.

When you talk about anger issues it brings back my own memories of despair and loneliness. I remember back in my senior year of high school I turned 18 mid year.

That morning I went to school and when I got home the locks were changed and all of my belongings were sitting in brown paper bags.

The odd part about my youth is that my younger brother was a hoodlum and was in trouble with the law all the time and my family always enjoyed listening to all the scrapes got into.

Even to this day some 40+ years later I have depression and self-esteem issues that plaque me but for me my comfort comes from reading scripture. I'm not at all religious or some kind of preacher. I read to calm myself down and to find wisdom.

What has helped me with my issues is realizing things I have that I take for granted and be thankful for them.

For instance I'm the only person in my family who has been married to the same woman for nearly 30 years. I have 5 grown children and now 8 grandchildren.

I have great health and the last time I saw a doctor was well over 20 years ago.

If I could advise you I would just say be thankful for what you do have. Don't take yourself to serious and by all means stay in touch with the rest of us.

We are all humans first and business people second.

One final thought: laugh a lot and laugh at yourself and get great at telling jokes. People love to laugh so they too can forget their troubles.

I think the majority have a low-level stress response to meeting new people.

People that have had depression have an excess of cortisol in their bodies which makes them hyper-sensitive. If you are a naturally perceptive and introverted person this can magnify your issues to other people.

The good news is that the human mind can adapt to nearly any situation. You are nervous socialising because that's not something you regularly do. Your anxiety can progressively be broken down by pushing your comfort zone a little every day; joining clubs and chatting to strangers will make you realize this is all in your head.

The quicker you realize that you aren't that important the less anxiety you'll feel. When you start to realize that people are simply too self-absorbed to really consider you, let alone make some sort of judgment about you the better as well. They are more afraid about what you think of them to make those kind of distinctions.

Anger makes you feel powerful but it doesn't hurt or affect anyone but you.

Most of anger I think comes down to having broken or unrealistic expectations about life. It's the judgment that hurts you, not what someone says or what happens to you.

I was in the similar position until I decided to move and live more in alignment with my values, doing what I wanted to do.

The anger does eventually go away but you can't be passive about it.

The more you socialize the easier this is going to be in the long-term. There's really no way around it.

You can also consider what your automatic thoughts are which are causing the stress response.

And then go a step deeper and re-evaluate your foundational beliefs about yourself or other people which give credibility to the thoughts.

I wrote a post that deals with this headtrash on cold calling, but I assure you the same principles apply here too.
http://www.warriorforum.com/offline-...ospecting.html

Matthew.

Social anxiety can happen for a lot of reasons. But the most common reason is it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Like the more you avoid social situations, the worst the anxiety will become. The more of a recluse you become, the worse you will be when you leave your home.

It can also be biologically caused by your adrenal glands. Some people just go into fight or flight mode and have very sensitive adrenal glands. A bad diet, lots of sugar and caffeine can screw up cortisol / adrenaline production and make you anxious overtime. It can also cause high blood pressure / hypertension and other things that will make you feel on edge. Only solution to this is to take betablockers or take better care of yourself.

It can also be like a dozen other things. I may just be pathological. As in part of your temperament. And a persons basic temperament can not be changed. But you can alter that way you respond to things through therapy, practice, medicine and tons of other crap.

What I find helps me most is just taking care of myself. A good balanced diet, low sugar, exercise (weights) and running keeps me chill most of the time. But if I do not work out and eat bad for a few weeks, I immediately notice myself becoming more anxious and on edge. I become more aggressive, less agreeable, and can develop an attitude. I think its a mix of genetics and hot italian blood. Which is why I workout in the first place like I said, it keeps me chill and relaxed.