Please review my new landing page

It looks very wordy, could use a little more imagery. other than that it cool

hmm thanks for the comments, the only reason it is so wordy is because I wanted to detail my connection to the product in order to establish a "know, like, trust" relationship with the reader which theoretically would increase sales. I also didnt add a million pictures because I saw that on other landing pages and it was just too much, it just looked cluttered and unorganized, which resulted in my first impression beign that I wanted to leave. WFChris do you mind clarifying where exactly would benefit from more imagery? thanks

I though that the site was well structure and its java to text ratio look to be be great for SEO ranking.

thanks derek...not entirely sure what you mean by the java to text ration (im way new to blog and website design) but if you say its good ill take ur word for it lol.

I agree with everyone. It is well structured. A little wordy but it works for this site. Good luck with everything.

once again thanks for all the comments, I finally finished everything (opt in box, review, pics, all that stuff) to those that are saying it is wordy..any suggestion on how to shorten it? Or is it fine to just leave it as is.

For people who want to just buy the product I would add a button at the bottom with a big buy information. Some folks just want to go through and buy the ebook

Read the book "Don't make me think" by Steven Krug, short read and very good info on landing pages

Hi G,

A few things.

Hook me in. Tell me or at least give me a compelling hint as to what wonderful thing you're going to do for me up front, at the top of the page, in a headline or subhead.

The purpose of each line is to compel people to read the next line. There's a lot of material here that takes a while to get you where it's going, and many of your readers will not stick around long enough to get there with you.

Let's look at your headline and the first couple-three paragraphs...

OK, positives. 'How to...' is good and tends to pull well.

But this sounds so matter-of-fact and yet vague ('handle' it? What do you mean by that? What specifically are you going to show me how to do? How's that going to feel instead?), I'm not feeling much here.

Even something as simple as...

...might be an improvement, as at least it tells the reader what they might learn how to do by reading the page and can get an image and try on how that will make them feel. Big, bold claims do that like little else does as long as you can back it up.

Once you've got their attention, then you have to build confidence and validate your claim, as you rightly set out to do here. But make the claim and grab their attention first.

Split-test some different headlines and see what converts best.

Next, first paragraph....

Should be "If you're reading...", contraction of "you are"

Admittedly, I'd use this (or a sub-headline) to continue to make (and flesh out, just a bit, the opening claim and sink the hook a little deeper to keep them reading. But getting the reader to get into the feeling of the problem and it's emotional weight to them *very* early in the process is good, in my experience.

Paragraph 2:

OK, this deepens the pain of the current situation so that they become even more aware of how badly they want and need things to change and, consequently, how much they need to take action to do something about it. Good structure.

You can make this even better by shifting the reader's point of view from the observer to his own experience here.

So, something like...

Next paragraph:

OK, you've got way too much in this poor block o' text!

People read easier if there's whitespace and padding. And you want your page to be a greased slide that makes it the easiest thing in the world, the so-simple-it's-irresistible thing to just keep reading.

You've also got too many ideas jammed in there. Think of paragraphs as simple little things. One-thought-wonders, only a sentence or two, easily digestible and each one leading to the next paragraph, the next thought easily and naturally.

So if I were going to re-write this off the top of my head, I might say...

Now you can tell them a short, emotionally evocative version of your story, because they're getting the idea that it can be their story too and that possible future is hooking them in.

You've been through the same thing, you're like them, you can understand them, so they can be like you and find the secret you found and, just like you, use it to get their outcome.

Again, keep in mind I'm just tossing this shiznit in offa the top of my head. I'm sure that with a little experimentation you'll find something even better along these lines.

Right after a really brief version of what happened, a call to action. Then the testimonial. Then another call to action. Then features + benefits, call to action, structure the deal and an up-sell, call to action, wrap it up, PS, restatement of offer, call to action.

Other than that, ditch the sidebar, shrink or do away with the title graphic (not appropriate for this kind of page, it's not adding anything and pushing too much stuff beneath the fold, especially once you make the text more readable with whitespace, bigger body font size... above the fold space is precious!!).

Seriously, buy a url and a cheap multi-site hosting package and get a ton more flexibility and credibility all in one go for less that a night out to dinner.

That's all I got time for. I hope even if it's not the way you want to go that it's helpful to you and inspires some new thinking!

Be Well,

Michael Perez

Yeah, get rid of the sidebar. It doesn't help. Your welcome
message should be part of your sales letter. If you really
want to collect e-mail addresses, put that within your sales
copy and not hiding off to the side.

Your text would flow better with some eye-catching and
attention-grabbing bold sub-headings.

Hang in there!
-David

You have created a friendly layout - that I can easily work my eyes down the page.

However, I was a little confused at what the actual main topic is. I originally thought I was going to read about "How to Handle a Breakup" - the actual working your way through the breakup and getting over it.

Instead you switched gears and made it "How to Get Your Ex Crawling Back to You". If this is the main topic of your site, I would suggest re-wording your title. See what keywords searchers are typing in when looking to win the favor of their Ex's.

Also, bring more attention to the words, "she is actually more interested in me now than when we first met". This statement sells to me more then, "wow" and "amazingly".

You are off to a good start and have pertinent content. Just remember that people don't like to read a web page, they like to skim it. I would check out more sales pages that get the conversion and mimic what they are doing with their layout: ex// 100% guarantee boxes, testimonials, headlines and sub-headlines.

Good Luck. Keep it Up!