Squeeze Page Critique: Please Help me Out Warriors!

There doesnt seem to be any focus to the page. What am I supposed to look at first? How does the information flow?

A good idea at this point would be to print the page out - so it prints onto a single sheet of paper. Then draw boxes around each piece of 'content' give those boxes rating 1 - 5, 1 being most important information for new customers, 5 being least.

If the numbers aren't in the right hierarchical order then re-order your content accordingly.

If the number are in the right place (or once you've moved the elements) then go grab a grid from a website (google: 960 grid system). Now start blocking out content and content flow, use box outs and key lines to define content better. Think about how a brand new user to you site will be presented information. What's the first and most clearest thing you want to say to them and show them? What supporting information will come next to re-inforce that message? what other access points to content and calls to action are then required?

Scrolling background is distracting and superfluous.

I just looked at your site. The header is attractive. However, by placing the product and price before the list of features, it seems that you think the product is going to sell itself. With a product like an inversion machine, not everyone is going to be familiar with it, or if they are familiar with it, they may have some resistance to hanging upside down. Plus there will be some resistance to the price. So I would put the problems first, and then show the solution - also explaining why your solution is the best, in spite what might appear to be disadvantages. Then, after your visitor is excited about your product, put the price. Hope that this helps - Dee Ross

Whoa! There is a lot going on here!

I agree with Creative Eye. Way too much... too much graphics, not enough text for relief... Usually with websites, beginners use too much text, and don't add enough graphics or graphic elements for eye relief. Your's is the opposite - way too much graphics crammed together.

The page needs more white space between the pretty pictures.

Start with an irresistible offer headling which features a benefit tying into the problem - golfers with back pain. But remember, they don't just want the back pain to go away, they want to play golf better. And they want to play golf better so that they can beat their buddies at golf. And they want to beat their buddies at golf so that they can feel like a winner again.

Just drill down to the core emotional benefits. And sell the product to those core benefits.

Then feature the video, the "How Does the Back System Work". and the testimonials, etc.

At the bottom should be the price.

At $400 bucks, you've got to really connect with your visitors if they are going to plunk down that kind of money. And it is going to take more than just pretty graphics. You've got to write some compelling copy.

And you absolutely positively have to have a money back guarantee. With a seal, and larger than life. And be absolutely bullet proof.

And if you can get a Better Business Bureau sticker or other mark of approval, that would be helpful.

Hope this helps.

Mike D.

Hi,

I take it you are not interested in SEO at all. Everything is images. Plus if its a landing page for an affiliate program I'd add an optin box with an offer of some kind of ebook on Golf Fitness or something. Then make the book promote all the stuff that the back stretcher would help with... but give plenty of other helpful free advice.

I'm thinking your gonna get a lot of people bounce off that site when they see the price. Maybe have a squeeze page with a Golf ebook as your number one strategy and then have a regular website with all the stuff you include on that page.

When people spend that much money I think they are going to want to see a regular looking website with all the contact, privacy, money back guarantee options...

But thats just my opinion.

God luck with it all.

Cheers

Max

Hi everyone,

I made changes to the page that were recommended, please have a look at the updated landing page and give me any help you can!


The Back Revolution System a Golfers Dream - Develop more power, greater endurance, and amazing flexibility in your swing

Thanks for taking the time to look and comment, it is very appreciated.

-Ryan

I had a look at your original squeeze page a couple of days ago, it was really a mess

Your latest update is much more easy to read, with a nice flow. I'm not even a golfer, but I still "just had to" scan/read the sales pitch.

I think this has a pretty good flow. The graphics work very well for this. My only suggestion would be to put the price below the fold. While the video is loading, my eyes go toward the price, and initially i am already hesitant because I don;t really know about the product. I would put the price further down on the page.

Also looking at the source, there isn't much SEO design into it. add some alt tags to your images to help out a little bit especially if you are going to use PPC where it looks at content for Quality score.

Good Luck

-Geoff

Thanks for the comments, I'm glad that the simpler page make more sense.


Anymore comments? I'd really appreciate it!