Seasoned Warriors: Don't miss your chance to shoot down the n00b....

by MrBware

Posted: 12 years ago 11 replies

WEB DESIGN

Hi Guys,

Please review my sales page website for my local stop smoking hypnosis service:
www . StopSmokingMacarthur . com (. au)

How can I improve it?
Where is the low hanging fruit?
Am I crazy to expect a sign up? And more importantly, How would I remedy that?

Thank you - much appreciated.

#chance #miss #n00b #review #seasoned #shoot #warriors

MrBware 12 years ago

No one wants to take a shot at the n00b?
- Thanks
- 2 replies
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- AnniePot 12 years ago
  
  It's a very bland site - I'm sure with the subject of smoking you could include some very graphic images. You also need to dress up your text content. Nothing catches the eye.
  
  I would also strongly suggest that you forget trying to make an initial sale and offer a free report to build a mailing list, then sell to that. The money really is in the list and without it you will be losing so many opportunities.
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
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- GMD Banned 12 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by MrBware
  
  No one wants to take a shot at the n00b?
  
  I guess I'm game:
  
  As soon as one gets to the "website" (and I'm using the term "website" quite loosely) it reeks of looking spammy, poorly formatted, and simplistically amateurish.
  
  Were I truly looking for a way to "stop smoking" I'd click right off your site if I somehow managed to find it.
  
  It's also totally wrong as a "local" website offering this service/product. At least have some graphics of some poor saps smoking it up in Macarthur or something...
  
  There's tons of errors on your page: from spelling, to grammar, to badly formatted text and paragraphs.
  
  While you have something there to work with, I'd say, on the whole, it's poor quality and obviously slapped together hastily in some desperate attempt to sucker some poor soul into a sale...
  
  ...you don't at all justify the $100 cost (and you give a pretty lame excuse as to why you don't have any "testimonials" about your product).
  
  I could go on-and-on here, but you get the idea hopefully!
  
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rosetrees 12 years ago

Ok. My 2c worth.

It's completely the wrong kind of site for a local service. It looks and reads like a sales page for a downloadable product.

If I want to see a local hypnotist, I don't want a load of blah about how you aren't going to charge me $5k, not even $1k, no not even $400 etc, etc

I want to know where you are, what your qualifications are, what you look like (a photo is always an excellent idea for a local therapist), what your opening times are, how to find you, what services you offer.

You can then add a sign-up box and your special offer for March, or first 10 customers, or whatever, in a sidebar.
- [ 1 ] Thanks
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BenStyle Designs 12 years ago

Make the background color black, remove all text and only have one field for email with NO button, try that and come back
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- 1 reply
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- Birdi 12 years ago
  
  honestly ...
  
  it looks like a sales page, if your just trying to capture an email address, just stick with a landing page/squeeze page which is small to the piont and gives away a free gift of good value simple.
  
  What you have at the moment is good, but you would expect a product to be sold to you... honestly just create a simple squeeze page to capture the email address, sell some benefits of opting into your list, and thats should be it, at the moment it's a long list for capturing an email address.
  
  Birdi
  
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Cataclysm1987 12 years ago

If you are trying to capture e-mails, you should keep it short and simple.

Send them to a short squeeze page with a great opt in, then send them to this sales page.

And get a professional on ODesk to edit the graphics and ad copy on your site. Right now it looks awful.
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blogfreakz 12 years ago

Ok I've check on it it really looks like an ad page to me it looks like it was created on a wordpage or something if you wanted to capture the essence of an ad page you should put in a lot of effort on the graphic side just my 2 cents.
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MrBware 12 years ago

OK, Thank you everyone for your contribution.
I will take (some of) these comments on board and fix it up.

But, I have to say I'm a little disappointed not all of you really went for it like GMD.

Thanks again guys.
- Thanks
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gruss 12 years ago

I am agreeing with a lot of the things that are being said here already, but I will give a couple of suggestions that you might not have heard.

Please take on board this is just a suggestion.

I build a lot of websites for local businesses and one thing most of them have in common is that they look like a local business. (I think you did a decent job of creating a landing page for a downloadable product)

Most of my sites are built using simple WordPress themes, but still look professional (IMHO).

If you go down the path of using WordPress, a couple of simple to use themes you might like to consider include ColorWay by InkThemes and and ToomMorel Lite also by InkThemes.

Both themes are decent looking and incredibly simple to use, just fill in the boxes, upload some images where indicated and away you go (paint by numbers type web design).

You might like to add some kind of popup upon entry that asks people to subscribe to a mailing list, but you will probably need some kind of free download to encourage them to join.

If you want to book appointments, you might like to consider a plug in called Fast Secure Contact Form for your contact form and enabling Meeting Scheduler - by vCita. This a a contact form that can take meeting requests for you too, with vCita enabled.

It might even open up online consulting opportunities for you, because you can use it to hold online web meetings, which are paid for.

Please PM me for some links if you would like to see what these templates look like when implemented (they do look somewhat different than the developers examples)(.

Hope this is helpful and best wishes with you online ventures
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- MrBware 12 years ago
  
  Thanks Gruss,
  
  I'm thinking at this point I'll probably have to bite the bullet and go for some sort of "Blog Squeeze" landing to build a list; as well as clean up & move the sales page somewhere out back where I can discretely send local subscribers.
  
  This is just a lot more work, which I was attempting to get out of for now, but alas, no......
  
  That being said, I was always going to do it / get it done, just after I had a few signups - when I would be able to pay to hold the rooms & be OK with using up the day job holidays.
  (and ideally transition to profitable before they ran out...)
  
  Thanks
  
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