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critique my landing page :)

by fnoperi1
19 replies
It may not be perfect, but most likely gonna make a few adjustment through traffic testing. Took me a whole week to write the short ebook, lol.
Lose Weight & Get Slim
#critique #landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author MSC
    Too simple, not enough information, adding video explaining all would be perfect, then you would not need much text.
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  • Profile picture of the author sandman123
    One of my worst is better
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    Let me show you how to make hundreds of extra $'s weekly .. Click here.
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    • Profile picture of the author RobertoM
      Originally Posted by sandman123 View Post

      One of my worst is better
      This is the worst comment I ever read. Your post does not contribute at all in this thread. You can do it better, man
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      • Profile picture of the author sandman123
        Originally Posted by RobertoM View Post

        This is the worst comment I ever read. Your post does not contribute at all in this thread. You can do it better, man
        The idea was to show and perhaps give him some ideas .. ever heard of thinking outside the box .. wow .. some folks are Soooooo sensitive
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        Let me show you how to make hundreds of extra $'s weekly .. Click here.
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew74
    Get ideas off some of the top ranked weight loss sites and copy them.
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  • Profile picture of the author komplexed
    You need to post some results,something like positive reviews from someone who received ebook explaining how good it is and that all things..also put a video so it will raise the conversion rate.You could also enable facebook comments and make 25-30 positive comments like 1-2 comment per 1-2 day.. etc dont post them all on the same day.
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    • Profile picture of the author thesilvershield
      It could be better if you ask a question on the top, you can take attention to the problem in this way. Something like 'Is it too hard to lose weight?'

      Then you can give the solution. Say something like 'It couldn't be easier with these tips'. You could use better bullets, more colorful and larger ones, ticks would be fine.

      Also, try to use the subject 'you' for the points you highlight. It would become more personal this way.

      Finally, the arrow could be bigger and flashy or animated. You can easily do it with photoshop.

      Hope these helps. Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author bleepli
    Try adding a few more lines of content, with a catchy title and description...
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  • Profile picture of the author nudelkuchen
    Little bit less of content and not very serious
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  • Profile picture of the author kirch
    Invest atleast five bucks for a good looking LP- fiverr !
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    .

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  • Profile picture of the author fnoperi1
    thank you guys. i made a few changes though.
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  • Profile picture of the author Professor Chaos
    I think is one of the worst and ugliest LP's I ever saw..

    That being said, they say the ugliest converts better than the ones that look professional.

    This is what I would do since I sell diet/weight loss and usually my LP's convert pretty high... Copy this guy; How to Build Ripped, Shredded Muscle Fast Without Any Fat
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    • Profile picture of the author fnoperi1
      no I'm not trying to focus on beauty design. whatever converts better, I had 4 different images, colors, and whatever convert it better it i change it. i was trying to get free traffic on yahoo answers. i answered 2 different questions, and with 1 click from that user they opt in.
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    • Profile picture of the author fnoperi1
      Originally Posted by Professor Chaos View Post

      I think is one of the worst and ugliest LP's I ever saw..

      That being said, they say the ugliest converts better than the ones that look professional.

      This is what I would do since I sell diet/weight loss and usually my LP's convert pretty high... Copy this guy; How to Build Ripped, Shredded Muscle Fast Without Any Fat
      yep, yours is not sexy too, lol.
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  • Profile picture of the author Professor Chaos
    Ok, do this.. Get 5 dollars..

    Go here and purchase;
    Askmrfrank will brand a weight loss video niche with your website and message for $5, only on fiverr.com

    It will look like this (with your message) ;

    Then put the video as your header.. Test and test again..
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  • Profile picture of the author rising_sun
    Banned
    Simple ,make it attractive,
    increase information,that can give you more traffic.
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  • Profile picture of the author Greedy
    - Either make it into a squeeze page or into landing page. So make it shorter clean and more concise with nothing below the fold. Or longer and going into more detail.

    - Make the title one color.

    - Make the sign box fit better.

    - Would add an video like Professor Chaos.

    - Look these other successful LPs from Adwords and see what you can learn.

    Atkins Community
    Liposuction with Liposonix
    DietPillUniverse.com - Diet Pills, Appetite Suppressants, Fat Burners & More

    - You can do a lot to improve your graphic design.

    Bottom line, there is a lot of room from improvement. BUT you are on the right track, don't stop now.
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  • Profile picture of the author mudfishsoftware
    Do some reading on colors as well. Blue is a great unisex color, but generally does not work as well with women. If your doing targeting specifc should do some research on this.

    Purple = Older Woman
    Blue = Unisex (Younger males)
    Green = Middle Aged Women
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  • Profile picture of the author Parry
    A clean white background works well. Also some attention towards the box like a red arrow will pull the persons attention there and he will fill in the box. The lady's figure is much too distracting for comfort ;-)
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