Help with my Squeeze and Sales Page

Anthony, you can't expect any experienced members to virtually rewrite your sales page for you free of charge - because a virtual redesign is probably what it needs. But the sales page shouldn't be your main concern. You need first to concentrate on building a base of prospects - either by your own authority or credibility, or by paying to borrow somebody else's. Otherwise, there'd be no reason for anyone to purchase anything from you even with a world-class sales pitch - and that's if you manage to get your pitch in front of them in the first place.

This is why going into the MMO niche is almost always a bad idea for anyone who hasn't already made money online. It's a crowded market packed with gazillions of identical wannabes, making it almost impossible to differentiate yourself from the masses.

Looking at your post history, I see that you've been trying to make a dent in the MMO market since you joined the forum. Why not try your hand in another niche - perhaps one to which you could bring some of your own experience and authority?

You must be at the medicine cabinet a lot, Anthony... if you think anyone is paying $200 and $500 for a product with barely any copy on the page. You're mad.

The squeeze pages look like they were transported from the 90's.

The worrying part, is that clickfunnels already have built in templates that are from today's era. Why haven't you used them?

All squeeze pages look tacky. All of them have an out-of-place sign up form at the top of the page which don't blend or match anything else on the page.

There's nothing to say about the sales pages, because as far as I can tell, they are non-existent. No copy.

Ask yourself: Would YOU sign up on those pages? Would YOU buy a $500 product from a page with no copy?

I bet you wouldn't, and yet, you expect others to do so. I get that we are not always our market, but that's just taking the piss buddy.

If you're struggling for a while now, maybe it's time to look at your approach. You're clearly pretending to be what you're not. Maybe find a niche that you can actually add some value to. You know?

By the way - those offers you have for $200 - $400 and $500 look like crappy PLR software you could buy for, I dunno,. 9 bucks. Is that right or am I mistaken?

If I'm right, then shame on you for trying to rip people off.

I couldn't see any difference between your A/B versions.

The design is not good. For opt-ins simple is best. Yours are not clear or direct.

Try this formula:

Headline
Sub-head
Bullets of Benefits
Call To Action

I agree with Frank, you shouldn't be promoting IM. If you must, then use a page builder with templates for squeeze pages. Doesn't CF offer templates?

OK Anthony,
I'm going to try and be polite here because I see that at least you're trying to make something work. And I do want to help you out.

Of course a lot of it depends on where you're getting your traffic from, and how targeted they are. But as far as your sales message goes...


Simply put... Your sales copy, as it stands right now, serves as a good example of what I try to warn young copywriters against using.

It looks like you're simply trying to plug power words, trigger phrases and gimmicks into your sales pitch.

For example - I visited your opt-in page and was greeted with...

You are about to know the "shocking secrets" that most Internet marketers & Copywriter's never tell and let You know


For starters, that's not even a good sentence structure. It's choppy and doesn't flow smoothly. But more important, it's not believable.

"Shocking secrets" that Internet marketers & Copywriter's never tell? Really?

Sorry buddy, but you can't just plug a power phrase like "shocking secrets" into every headline and expect it to work. Especially when there's 10,000,000 websites that are already revealing those "secrets", and none of them are all that "shocking".

Ten years ago you might have gotten away with it, but now those claims lack believability, trust, and authenticity.


Now in all fairness, if you just play the numbers game you might still get some response. If you send 10,000 people to your page you might get a small percentage of opt-ins? And then you might get a few of those opt-ins to actually buy something from you. (but that's a big "maybe if you get lucky" scenario)

And your sales page isn't much better. When I visit it and I'm greeted with...


STOP - Exclusive Behind The Scenes Magic For The People...

"Who Else Wants An Incredible Robot Copywriting Tool That Build Your Sales Converting Web Pages Just By Filling In The Blanks In Minutes!!!"

Well, to avoid repeating myself, just read what I said about your opt-in page headline. Because it applies to your sales page also.

And honestly, if that's the kind of copy your software pumps out then you're going to have a hard time selling it. Especially for $200.


I've said it before, in other posts, and I'll say again...

STOP trying to rely on gimmicks and parlor tricks in your copy. And spend a little more time learning how to connect with your audience in an authentic (and empathetic) way.

Then you can use some of those "power words" and formulas to help you spice it up, and to speed the process along. But you shouldn't rely on them for the foundation of your sales message.



My best advice for you right now, Anthony, is to take a step back and ask yourself...

Do you actually believe in what you're selling? And do you truly believe that your product can help your customers improve their lives?

If the honest answer is "NO" then find something else to sell.

If the answer is "YES" then your first job is to make me believe that you enthusiastically believe it yourself. In an authentic, sincere, and trustworthy way.


Once you get this mindset as your foundation, then you can start writing your copy.