Need help with my Sales Page

probo · 24th Aug 2015, 10:43 PM

HI, Iam stuck

I know how to generate traffic but trying to get the rights words for my Custom SEO service is become a real challenge.

I can't figure out how to create a killer sales page. Something unique and that no one is doing.

My SEO Hybrid service is unique and i can't get it down in words.

Can some guru help me out.

here is my landing page work in progress.
Online Marketing - Online Marketing, SEO & Web Design for Tourism Industry

Thanks in advance!

Jake Howard · 27th Aug 2015, 05:19 AM

Hi Probo,

I am no guru, but I wouldnt get so hung up about trying to come up with something that is so unique that no one else is doing because:

A) There may be a reason why no one else is doing it. Because it might not work
B) Trying something unique could work, but it could also fail. At best, there is probably a 50/50 chance it will work.

Rather than trying to strike it rich with a unique idea, you are better off going to the leading websites in your field, and seeing what they do. What makes them and their website so good. What ideas can you imitate / improve on your page.

At first glance, your website seems to be ultra modern. But the more I look at it, the more things just dont seem or feel right. I have listed a couple of examples below:

1. There is too much text in the paragraph starting with "A Hybrid Software..." Whilst reading it, I drifted off, like when my wife tries to tell me about her day. You need to simplify that text man. At the moment, that text is quite longwinded and complicated.

2. There is no spacing between that paragraph, the circle logos, and then the heading underneath. It is too cramped.

3. The company logos may look a bit more classy being greyscaled. Full colour they can look a bit cheap and tacky, especially that busy purple hotel one.

4. Little Critter / Little Critter / Little Critter. I am assuming that these are the name of the package. Why are they the same, and why are the 2nd and 3rd packages identical?

5. DETAIL OF OUR SERVICE. I don't even know if that makes sense

6. Is there a need to display/repeat the date on the photos? It doesnt even look like the date is relevant to anything.

7. I don't mind 5 of the 6 photos you have chosen to use, but dead set, that stock photo you have got of the team of actors sitting around the table all high fiving one another, is one of the best I have ever seen. For a couple of minutes there, I honestly thought it was your team, and had no idea that it was just a group of people paid to look like imbeciles. Dead set, what are they high fiving about? I don't think I have ever seen any group of people outside of stock actors high 5 like that. And what has it got to do with Social Media. It is more like a photo for Social Morons. I am still trying to work out though if the chick in the striped shirt is hot, but I can't tell because the pointless date is in the way.

Anyway mate, I am just stirring you up. But hopefully you find some of my ramblings useful.

Cheers

Jake

KyleChapman · 27th Aug 2015, 10:24 AM

At first glance I'd say your page is honestly painful to read. The text is massive!

My eyes don't know where to look.I think you have some eyepath issues.

Secondly, you are right about the copy. I'm not 100% sure what you are offering without having to dig. Most people aren't going to dig. If they don't know what you're about in the first 3 seconds they will bounce.

It appears to me that you are struggling with what to say, so you kept adding descriptions of things. In my opinion it has made the page messy.

If you'd like, PM me and I can show you a few layouts that are more eyepath friendly.

annayangweb · 4th Sep 2015, 01:17 AM

The homepage looks fancy but when I try to learn more information about the services, these pages are full of words but lack tempting points.

Shiril · 7th Sep 2015, 02:38 AM

I think too much is going on. The main picture looks stretched and doesn't really tell me anything about your business. Like others said, the font size isn't correct. The loading time isn't good either, I ran a PageSpeed test and it received 48/100. I think with some fine-tuning this could look very professional, the overall layout needs to be simplified.

smartprofitmoney · 7th Sep 2015, 02:53 AM

Hello, Change your landing page, like said above, wrong design, try using a landing page creator or instabuilder.com no aff link just saying, this is what the pros use, and you can change the design to something that no one has, but try to use a simple design, I have used almost all of them, for landing pages and sales page, IB is the best.
Thank you
MWD

24th Aug 2015, 10:43 PM	#1
probo Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: 2012 Posts: 92 Thanks: 3 Thanked 24 Times in 10 Posts	Need help with my Sales Page Share on: HI, Iam stuck I know how to generate traffic but trying to get the rights words for my Custom SEO service is become a real challenge. I can't figure out how to create a killer sales page. Something unique and that no one is doing. My SEO Hybrid service is unique and i can't get it down in words. Can some guru help me out. here is my landing page work in progress. Online Marketing - Online Marketing, SEO & Web Design for Tourism Industry Thanks in advance!
	Find AI Experts on AiExperts.Me Get Ahead or Left Behind.

27th Aug 2015, 05:19 AM	#2
Jake Howard HyperActive Warrior Join Date: 2007 Location: , , Australia. Posts: 133 Thanks: 16 Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts	Re: Need help with my Sales Page Share on: Hi Probo, I am no guru, but I wouldnt get so hung up about trying to come up with something that is so unique that no one else is doing because: A) There may be a reason why no one else is doing it. Because it might not work B) Trying something unique could work, but it could also fail. At best, there is probably a 50/50 chance it will work. Rather than trying to strike it rich with a unique idea, you are better off going to the leading websites in your field, and seeing what they do. What makes them and their website so good. What ideas can you imitate / improve on your page. At first glance, your website seems to be ultra modern. But the more I look at it, the more things just dont seem or feel right. I have listed a couple of examples below: 1. There is too much text in the paragraph starting with "A Hybrid Software..." Whilst reading it, I drifted off, like when my wife tries to tell me about her day. You need to simplify that text man. At the moment, that text is quite longwinded and complicated. 2. There is no spacing between that paragraph, the circle logos, and then the heading underneath. It is too cramped. 3. The company logos may look a bit more classy being greyscaled. Full colour they can look a bit cheap and tacky, especially that busy purple hotel one. 4. Little Critter / Little Critter / Little Critter. I am assuming that these are the name of the package. Why are they the same, and why are the 2nd and 3rd packages identical? 5. DETAIL OF OUR SERVICE. I don't even know if that makes sense 6. Is there a need to display/repeat the date on the photos? It doesnt even look like the date is relevant to anything. 7. I don't mind 5 of the 6 photos you have chosen to use, but dead set, that stock photo you have got of the team of actors sitting around the table all high fiving one another, is one of the best I have ever seen. For a couple of minutes there, I honestly thought it was your team, and had no idea that it was just a group of people paid to look like imbeciles. Dead set, what are they high fiving about? I don't think I have ever seen any group of people outside of stock actors high 5 like that. And what has it got to do with Social Media. It is more like a photo for Social Morons. I am still trying to work out though if the chick in the striped shirt is hot, but I can't tell because the pointless date is in the way. Anyway mate, I am just stirring you up. But hopefully you find some of my ramblings useful. Cheers Jake
	www.inksigns.com.au

27th Aug 2015, 10:24 AM	#3
KyleChapman Conversion Specialist Join Date: 2015 Location: United States Posts: 51 Thanks: 0 Thanked 10 Times in 10 Posts	Re: Need help with my Sales Page Share on: At first glance I'd say your page is honestly painful to read. The text is massive! My eyes don't know where to look.I think you have some eyepath issues. Secondly, you are right about the copy. I'm not 100% sure what you are offering without having to dig. Most people aren't going to dig. If they don't know what you're about in the first 3 seconds they will bounce. It appears to me that you are struggling with what to say, so you kept adding descriptions of things. In my opinion it has made the page messy. If you'd like, PM me and I can show you a few layouts that are more eyepath friendly.
	I've done conversion work for many big companies such as Expedia, The Boston Globe, Kobo Books, Firestone and more... Kyle Chapman - CEO - Conversion Marketing Services a Conversion Rate Optimization Firm

4th Sep 2015, 01:17 AM	#4
annayangweb Warrior Member Join Date: 2015 Posts: 9 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Need help with my Sales Page Share on: The homepage looks fancy but when I try to learn more information about the services, these pages are full of words but lack tempting points.

7th Sep 2015, 02:38 AM	#5
Shiril Warrior Member Join Date: 2015 Posts: 3 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Need help with my Sales Page Share on: I think too much is going on. The main picture looks stretched and doesn't really tell me anything about your business. Like others said, the font size isn't correct. The loading time isn't good either, I ran a PageSpeed test and it received 48/100. I think with some fine-tuning this could look very professional, the overall layout needs to be simplified.

7th Sep 2015, 02:53 AM	#6
smartprofitmoney WordPress Expert War Room Member Join Date: 2013 Location: CA. Posts: 308 Thanks: 39 Thanked 86 Times in 72 Posts	Re: Need help with my Sales Page Share on: Hello, Change your landing page, like said above, wrong design, try using a landing page creator or instabuilder.com no aff link just saying, this is what the pros use, and you can change the design to something that no one has, but try to use a simple design, I have used almost all of them, for landing pages and sales page, IB is the best. Thank you MWD
	Custom Blog Design, WordPress & FaceBook Expert