Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please

Will KZ · 28th Oct 2015, 02:41 PM

Dear Warriors,

I am very new to all of this, apologies if this is in the wrong place. I have created a product designed to help men suffering from sexual health issues. I have a pitch page, but being a beginner I am sure it is filled with mistakes.

I would be grateful for any criticism you can offer, although constructive is preferred. Thank you in advance, here is the site - Hard as a Rock: Multiple Strategies to resolve Common Male Sexual Health Issues including ED, PE and DE

Will

Will KZ · 30th Oct 2015, 06:31 AM

No comments? Can I assume it is perfect then? Or is it in the wrong section?

imsirigiri · 31st Oct 2015, 02:36 AM

Looks like a page from the 90s.

You need to make it more trendy and flashy Will. Or else, it's a dud.

If I were to come across this kind of crappy looking site, I will just hit the close button without even reading a single word.

high_plains_drifter · 31st Oct 2015, 12:44 PM

Looks outdated and the 'same ol' landing page design
No reviews/case studies or testimonials
Cant preview the book or download a sample
$30 for a book!
How many pages?
Who are you, why should I trust you? Are you a doctor or qualified in any way?

rusilja · 1st Nov 2015, 09:27 AM

The langing page itself is fine, some may say it's outdated but it's more than enough to make sales.
Add a whole bunch of testimonials & reviews.
Security/satisfaction badge images would help as well.

Write an "about you" section, why would people trust you?

Just add those things and keep improving

Will KZ · 1st Nov 2015, 02:47 PM

Ok, thank you very much to everyone for your advice, will incorporate it as best I can.

Egyfitness · 2nd Nov 2015, 02:12 AM

Stock images

Boring headline ( I actually lost attention while reading it)

I can create better book cover on MS paint

And the opt-in form in the end....sorry..but why would I care to "stay in touch?"

Sorry brother..this page wont work at all.

Start with a story.. a big problem..then you found a breakthrough that solved the problem , ur life changed..lives of customers changed..testmonials..educate and entertain..offer money back gurantee

Who are you sending this page to anyways ?

Egyfitness · 2nd Nov 2015, 02:16 AM

Most ideas are natural and healthy
Should lead to a better understanding of your body
Great for regaining self-esteem
May be a great help in your relationships

Most..better..great..may be ?? should lead ?

Remove these words. Be specific..illustrate benefits clearly

Use numbers..percentages..draw a clear picture

Instead of most ideas... 25 natural method to solve the problem..etc

Will KZ · 4th Nov 2015, 06:18 PM

Thanks for your input, have been super busy last few days but should get around to updating the page as per all of your suggestions in the next couple of days.

spock0149 · 8th Nov 2015, 02:34 AM

There's a lot to improve, but here's a few ideas:

1. Refund Policy? Always good to include. I see you have one, but it's good to have a link to the policy under the purchase button too.
2. Safety of purchase - is the site secure, does it use SSL encryption etc?
3. Strikethrough markdown, e.g. strike out $39.99 and make it $29.99
4. Scarcity - perhaps have something like - 'Only ten more copies at this price'
5. Scarcity - Time limit. Maybe have a timer saying that the price only holds for ten minutes
6. Could you use an @hardasarock.net email address?? Better than a generic gmail.
7. Testimonials

Hope that helps!

kamikaza · 8th Nov 2015, 11:29 AM

In my opinion you should work on your sales copy, right now there's like no sales copy writing involved..
It's not persuasive, does not talk to visitor's emotions. Check out some Clickbank's sales pages for a reference, also note, they are at least 3-5 times longer for a reason.

shaunybb · 8th Nov 2015, 01:28 PM

hey there you want our opinion so here is mine. Not to offend you but hopefully help you!!

Your HOOK (main title) is weak, this needs to be improved. Its one of the most important elements to a sales pages.
The use of colours is not done very well, change this. In the main title I mean,
Show proof of who you are! A photo or video will add the trust factor and people will resonate with you more.

Have a good day!

smasif15 · 9th Nov 2015, 04:25 AM

Hello I really appreciate for taking such a step towards your goal.

never mind since you have admitted that you are not aware about so many things regarding your niche!
One thing i can suggest is to take service from well known landing page builder like Instapage,unbounce,leadpages and Zestapps as well. Those are really good for building your outstanding landing page . hope it serve your purpose

28th Oct 2015, 02:41 PM	#1
Will KZ Warrior Member Join Date: 2015 Posts: 4 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: Dear Warriors, I am very new to all of this, apologies if this is in the wrong place. I have created a product designed to help men suffering from sexual health issues. I have a pitch page, but being a beginner I am sure it is filled with mistakes. I would be grateful for any criticism you can offer, although constructive is preferred. Thank you in advance, here is the site - Hard as a Rock: Multiple Strategies to resolve Common Male Sexual Health Issues including ED, PE and DE Will

30th Oct 2015, 06:31 AM	#2
Will KZ Warrior Member Join Date: 2015 Posts: 4 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: No comments? Can I assume it is perfect then? Or is it in the wrong section?
	www.hardasarock.net

31st Oct 2015, 02:36 AM	#3
imsirigiri Verified Warrior ✔ War Room Member Join Date: 2011 Location: Firefox Browser Posts: 247 Thanks: 40 Thanked 56 Times in 51 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: Looks like a page from the 90s. You need to make it more trendy and flashy Will. Or else, it's a dud. If I were to come across this kind of crappy looking site, I will just hit the close button without even reading a single word.
	Need a Technical Support VA on an Hourly Basis? \|\| Need AdSense Microniche Sites Research and Development? PM me.

31st Oct 2015, 12:44 PM	#4
high_plains_drifter Still im untangible War Room Member Join Date: 2010 Location: London Posts: 777 Thanks: 92 Thanked 100 Times in 77 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: Looks outdated and the 'same ol' landing page design No reviews/case studies or testimonials Cant preview the book or download a sample $30 for a book! How many pages? Who are you, why should I trust you? Are you a doctor or qualified in any way?
	Want to know why your website is NOT converting? Have a UX expert review your site for just $29

1st Nov 2015, 09:27 AM	#5
rusilja a.k.a. healzer War Room Member Join Date: 2011 Posts: 108 Thanks: 41 Thanked 32 Times in 28 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: The langing page itself is fine, some may say it's outdated but it's more than enough to make sales. Add a whole bunch of testimonials & reviews. Security/satisfaction badge images would help as well. Write an "about you" section, why would people trust you? Just add those things and keep improving
	Crypto trade signals and A.I. generated predictions

1st Nov 2015, 02:47 PM	#6
Will KZ Warrior Member Join Date: 2015 Posts: 4 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: Ok, thank you very much to everyone for your advice, will incorporate it as best I can.
	www.hardasarock.net

2nd Nov 2015, 02:12 AM	#7
Egyfitness HyperActive Warrior Join Date: 2014 Location: Egypt Posts: 188 Thanks: 107 Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: Stock images Boring headline ( I actually lost attention while reading it) I can create better book cover on MS paint And the opt-in form in the end....sorry..but why would I care to "stay in touch?" Sorry brother..this page wont work at all. Start with a story.. a big problem..then you found a breakthrough that solved the problem , ur life changed..lives of customers changed..testmonials..educate and entertain..offer money back gurantee Who are you sending this page to anyways ?

4th Nov 2015, 06:18 PM	#9
Will KZ Warrior Member Join Date: 2015 Posts: 4 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: Thanks for your input, have been super busy last few days but should get around to updating the page as per all of your suggestions in the next couple of days.
	www.hardasarock.net

8th Nov 2015, 02:34 AM	#10
spock0149 HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: 2010 Posts: 134 Thanks: 71 Thanked 5 Times in 4 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: There's a lot to improve, but here's a few ideas: 1. Refund Policy? Always good to include. I see you have one, but it's good to have a link to the policy under the purchase button too. 2. Safety of purchase - is the site secure, does it use SSL encryption etc? 3. Strikethrough markdown, e.g. strike out $39.99 and make it $29.99 4. Scarcity - perhaps have something like - 'Only ten more copies at this price' 5. Scarcity - Time limit. Maybe have a timer saying that the price only holds for ten minutes 6. Could you use an @hardasarock.net email address?? Better than a generic gmail. 7. Testimonials Hope that helps!
	Work on Your Terms. Perform Errands for People in Your Community, Get Paid.

8th Nov 2015, 11:29 AM	#11
kamikaza Active Warrior Join Date: 2011 Posts: 68 Thanks: 8 Thanked 14 Times in 11 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: In my opinion you should work on your sales copy, right now there's like no sales copy writing involved.. It's not persuasive, does not talk to visitor's emotions. Check out some Clickbank's sales pages for a reference, also note, they are at least 3-5 times longer for a reason.

8th Nov 2015, 01:28 PM	#12
shaunybb Underground Affiliate :) Join Date: 2015 Location: Canada Posts: 1,126 Thanks: 874 Thanked 488 Times in 330 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: hey there you want our opinion so here is mine. Not to offend you but hopefully help you!! Your HOOK (main title) is weak, this needs to be improved. Its one of the most important elements to a sales pages. The use of colours is not done very well, change this. In the main title I mean, Show proof of who you are! A photo or video will add the trust factor and people will resonate with you more. Have a good day!

9th Nov 2015, 04:25 AM	#13
smasif15 Active Warrior Join Date: 2015 Posts: 70 Thanks: 4 Thanked 13 Times in 13 Posts	Re: Rip My Pitch Page Apart Please Share on: Hello I really appreciate for taking such a step towards your goal. never mind since you have admitted that you are not aware about so many things regarding your niche! One thing i can suggest is to take service from well known landing page builder like Instapage,unbounce,leadpages and Zestapps as well. Those are really good for building your outstanding landing page . hope it serve your purpose
	To know more or if you need any sorts of help https://www.zestapps.com/ https://bd.linkedin.com/pub/s-m-asif/a0/a93/82b E-mail : s.m.asif@zestapps.com E-mail:abrar.arroza@gmail.com