12 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
12 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Something sucks! Is it my copy? Layout? Offer???

by NyNyDanDan
9 replies
Hello WF! Results don't lie - and my lack thereof is telling me that something about my sales page or offer sucks. I've been studying the art of copy writing for sometime now and feel my page has the elements required to convert. But...my conversion and even opt in rate is anemic. And, I'm even trying to show the guys who land on my site that I genuinely give a damn by presenting my photo and personal email address right at the top of the page - I'm trying to show that I wish to serve first, sales come second. Anyhow, dating site attraction for men is my niche. So please have a look at my site here and offer me your comments: http://theattractherfactor.com/

I will PM a direct download link for the book (assuming that you are curious to read it) for offering me your feedback. Lastly, I'm open to working with JVPs and very generous sale shares for anyone who might want to work with me on this as a consultant.

Thank you everyone in advance for any feedback you can offer!
#advice #copy #dating #layout #offer #sucks
  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    I know that you've received feedback before on this sales page, so not sure how much of it you've implemented. Looks like you haven't.

    The first thing I notice when looking at your page is how busy it is above the fold.

    You've got a header graphic with text, photos on the side, photo of you, picture of your book, 5 different tabs to click on, a couple of headlines...what is it that you want people to focus on? There's way too much going on here.

    The headline is very pedestrian and doesn't really connect with what the market really wants. Honestly, I think your whole positioning is missing the mark here.

    Also you're immediately telling people what they'll get in your book before even giving them a reason to stick around and read your message. You're trying to sell the book before establishing why they need it.

    The whole layout and design is dated, it's hard to read and looks cheap. Get a decent sales page template and you'll be able to lay everything out properly.

    I think you're wasting a lot of time trying to fix what you've got, when you would be better off starting from scratch. The design, the copy, all of it.

    Study what successful people in this niche are doing and use that as a starting point.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9603187].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Tim R View Post

      I think you're wasting a lot of time trying to fix what you've got, when you would be better off starting from scratch. The design, the copy, all of it.
      This.

      Clearly and definitely, this.

      I looked a while ago, and didn't post because I couldn't come up with the sort of tactful wording like that seen throughout Tim's post above, and I didn't want to sound offensive/rude. But it's all like something chaotic and hugely overdone, out of the 1990's. It comes across almost as a "macabre pastiche of its genre". Sorry!

      Honestly, you'd be far, far better off abandoning this and starting from scratch.

      .
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9603268].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author NyNyDanDan
      Originally Posted by Tim R View Post

      I know that you've received feedback before on this sales page, so not sure how much of it you've implemented. Looks like you haven't.
      Hi Tim - you are correct, I have in the past sought advice on this page. But - I had implemented the advice of the WF members. Anyhow, I modeled this approach from this link a member had tipped me off to last time: Guaranteed to Get a Date Guide I was also taking elements from DoubleYourDating.com

      But I see what you mean, my page does have a lot going on.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9603476].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
        Originally Posted by NyNyDanDan View Post

        Hi Tim - you are correct, I have in the past sought advice on this page. But - I had implemented the advice of the WF members. Anyhow, I modeled this approach from this link a member had tipped me off to last time: Guaranteed to Get a Date Guide I was also taking elements from DoubleYourDating.com

        But I see what you mean, my page does have a lot going on.
        You got misguided advice. "Guaranteed to Get a Date Guide" also sucks. No wonder you're struggling.

        Here's a clue: Alexa #6,331,000.

        - Rick Duris
        Signature
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9603508].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Tim R
        Originally Posted by NyNyDanDan View Post

        Hi Tim - you are correct, I have in the past sought advice on this page. But - I had implemented the advice of the WF members. Anyhow, I modeled this approach from this link a member had tipped me off to last time: Guaranteed to Get a Date Guide I was also taking elements from DoubleYourDating.com
        Yep, like Rick said, that sales page is crap.

        I'd also venture to say that you didn't 'model' that site as much as you just blatantly ripped it off.

        Checking out other sites to get ideas is fine, lifting their copy word-for-word is not.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9603532].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    No offense, but you clearly don't understand how guys make decisions to buy this kind of stuff.

    Sorry, but it's a rewrite.

    - Rick Duris

    PS: "If you’re reading this, it means you’re interested in internet dating." Yawn.

    Where's the EMOTION?

    Find a copywriter who understands the dating market.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9603313].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author NyNyDanDan
    Hey all - thanks for the tough love! Keep it coming please; this is the kind of feedback a newbie needs!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9603488].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Mark 99
    This can't be saved... It's just words on a page. If you are going to do this yourself you need to study a bit more and discover what men want and how to write copy that sells. Like RIck pointed out you must have emotion in the copy. something that your target market can really relate to and cling hold of. Sadly It's not what you are selling. It seems very forced if I can put it that way. All the best
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9604212].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
    I wonder when someone is going to have a site like this for average or even below average looking people. Sniff...I feel left out....

    ELMO
    Signature
    Mark "Elmo" Ellis
    "When It Comes To High Response Copy - I've Got Your Back!"
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9604272].message }}

Trending Topics