25 replies
Hey guys,

I had this landing page created for me and I'm not sure if it's going to convert well. Also I don't know which traffic sources are suited best for what I have to offer. Please let me know what you think.

Here's the landing page in question:
List Building Coaching | List Building Coaching
#landing #page #rate
  • Profile picture of the author allegandro
    For me personal, I would add 2-3 pictures in it, to make it more playfull.

    Just small rounded pictures, with what people think about when you want to become a millionaire.
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    • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
      Originally Posted by allegandro View Post

      For me personal, I would add 2-3 pictures in it, to make it more playfull.

      Just small rounded pictures, with what people think about when you want to become a millionaire.
      Thank you for the suggestion. I have my picture on the page to brand my name and to create more trust.

      I think adding millionaire pics would make it look phony in my opinion.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ybholy
    Its nice in that way but needs more link and another image to make it more of a reality . Have a nice day . I like that
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  • Profile picture of the author catalinmatei
    Salut Ioan

    O sa vorbesc in Romana pentru ca vad ca vorbim aceeasi limba.
    E intotdeauna o placere sa vad romani care se descurca online

    Ca sa te ajut cu pagina ta, in primul rand nu va merge cu cold traffic.

    Trebuie sa ai un follow-up de value inainte cu oamenii inainte sa le poti oferi
    coaching cu tine , chiar daca e free.

    Daca e sa ma uit decat la copywriting, spatiul unde se scrie mailul trebuie sa fie inconjurat cu un buton sau ceva de genul ca sa sara in ochi . In momentul asta este aproape nevazut.

    Body-copy-ul este destul de bun , surprinzator dealtfel , dar nu este foarte clar de primesc eu ca persoana prin bagarea mailului cu vedere la coaching-ul tau

    Mai sunt multe chestii mici ce trebuie revizuite dar ultima ar fi ca poza ta te face sa pari foarte periculos Daca ai alta ar merge super

    O zi buna

    ENGLISH :

    My friend here is a Romanian guy and so Am I ... I hope no one minds if i talk in romanian with him, it's a whole lot easier lol
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  • Profile picture of the author JensSteyaert
    This is the kind of landing page that would do really well with a 2-step opt-in.

    So if you could add a button with "Download the free report here" and when clicked an opt-in box appears.

    I would add one where the opt-in box is on top and one below the content and your landing page should convert well if you send targeted traffic.

    Good luck!
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    • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
      Originally Posted by JensSteyaert View Post

      This is the kind of landing page that would do really well with a 2-step opt-in.

      So if you could add a button with "Download the free report here" and when clicked an opt-in box appears.

      I would add one where the opt-in box is on top and one below the content and your landing page should convert well if you send targeted traffic.

      Good luck!
      Sounds like a good tip worth testing it out. I've heard about the 2-step opt in and I know that lead pages provide it but I don't want to invest in lead pages yet.
      Does anyone know how to technically make it happen and share it with me?
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        14 days isn't instant gratification today.

        Now if you offered a list of free or low cost
        tools you use to run your business, then you'll
        get more taking up the offer.

        As a general rule for first experiences with a business online,
        3 minutes to consume the content max is a great time.

        Also making it into a graphic makes it more appealing
        due to ease of "getting it".

        Best,
        Doctor E. Vile
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  • Profile picture of the author JakeStatler
    Personally, I think it would be more beneficial to shoot a quick video in your case.

    The text isn't centered. Your image in't formatted correctly and there's no major highlighted areas where the prospect or lead will actually skim to see what the offer is about.

    I'm not bashing or hatin' on the page. I honestly think a video would make it better because it builds rapport and creates a sense of authenticity. This looks more like a stock landing page.

    You may want to look into leadpages.net because they allow you to make smooth squeeze pages quickly by dragging and dropping.. it's what I use to make my funnels and squeeze pages.

    I have to give you major credit for getting this page up because 90% of marketers don't even do this step, I would just make it a little more lively so it doesn't look so basic like a stock page.

    Keep up the hard work!
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  • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
    Why would adding those pictures make it phoney?

    If they're genuine, then you should add them. People want to see proof of what you're saying. As suggested above by Jake, a video will go a long way - make sure it portrays the lifestyle you're talking about.

    However, my first instinct is that your copy is weak and very generic. We have this a thousand times, and there is no credibility ( PROOF ) on your page.

    But even if you don't change it, please make sure you post your progress here, so we can all learn from your experience.
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  • I'd rework the headline for one thing.

    The laptop lifestyle stuff is too cliche.

    How about mentioning in the headline that your offer doesnt include SEO, MLM etc - could this be a bigger hook?

    You can use sub-heading lines with smaller font to get this in.

    I would not have the sign up box at the top, but only at the bottom. Yes I know it's "above the fold", but people need a chance to read what you have to say first, and when they have done that, they'll be further down where your other sign up box is anyway.

    Maybe use a more smiley picture?

    I don't like starting with "Hey" .. why not use "Hi!" instead - more friendly.

    I don't like the word "stumbled". Everyone seems to be stumbling all over the place lately.

    How about -- "I'm...and I'd like to take a few seconds to tell you about a great lifestyle changing opportunity.. "

    I don't like the "Warning: This coaching offer can be removed at any time!"

    I know you are doing this to create a limited offer statement.

    But "Warning" does not give off good positive vibes. And why can it be removed at any time - is it because Google might object, trading office regulations etc? Warnings are for things like: Smoking Kills, You Can Lose All Your Investment etc.

    In the copy you say this offer is only for a limited number of people - so you already have a good reason for scarcity. Why not use this instead of the "may be removed at any time"?
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    • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
      Originally Posted by KevinWellsMarketing View Post

      I'd rework the headline for one thing.

      The laptop lifestyle stuff is too cliche.

      How about mentioning in the headline that your offer doesnt include SEO, MLM etc - could this be a bigger hook?

      You can use sub-heading lines with smaller font to get this in.

      I would not have the sign up box at the top, but only at the bottom. Yes I know it's "above the fold", but people need a chance to read what you have to say first, and when they have done that, they'll be further down where your other sign up box is anyway.

      Maybe use a more smiley picture?

      I don't like starting with "Hey" .. why not use "Hi!" instead - more friendly.

      I don't like the word "stumbled". Everyone seems to be stumbling all over the place lately.

      How about -- "I'm...and I'd like to take a few seconds to tell you about a great lifestyle changing opportunity.. "

      I don't like the "Warning: This coaching offer can be removed at any time!"

      I know you are doing this to create a limited offer statement.

      But "Warning" does not give off good positive vibes. And why can it be removed at any time - is it because Google might object, trading office regulations etc? Warnings are for things like: Smoking Kills, You Can Lose All Your Investment etc.

      In the copy you say this offer is only for a limited number of people - so you already have a good reason for scarcity. Why not use this instead of the "may be removed at any time"?
      I totally agree with Kevin. It really needs some work. Not a total loss by any means, but you need to rework it.

      Let's look a few lines of your header:

      "Discover a cool style of marketing..."

      "Discover" makes you wonder what it's all about but "cool style of marketing" goes nowhere. Who really cares if they "look cool" marketing?

      You could try something like:

      "Discover A Profitable Marketing Strategy That Most People Miss..."
      (This is just a quick idea based on what you have, there.) Try to cut any extraneous words if you can and really focus on the MAIN BENEFIT.

      "Yet it has become the backbone of thousands of million-dollar online business doing 3 (simple) things every day and it’s always becoming more profitable."

      "Thousands of Million Dollar... doing 3..." is confusing as well as the rest of your lead.

      "Discover A Profitable Marketing Strategy Most People Miss -- So Easy To Learn You Won't Believe It!"

      (Not great lead copy, but simplified for an example.)

      So, you ought to go back through and see how you can simplify it.

      Also, a product of this nature will require more copy. If this page has all of your benefits on it, then your product isn't offering much. You need to brainstorm every benefit you can think of and lead with subheads.

      Anyway, I hope I helped you out, my friend.

      Keep up the good work and don't forget, "A LITTLE learnin' is a dangerous thing!" Ha ha !

      God Bless,

      ELMO
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  • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
    Change your photo. You look like you want to punch me, not coach me.

    --- Ross
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  • Profile picture of the author Skystar
    Needs:

    1. More graphics
    2.. A slick video
    3. Testimonials
    4. More reference to money, profit and success.

    PS: KevinWells (above) has some good comments.
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  • Profile picture of the author stephanieT
    It is nice, but in my opinion, you could make it a bit more interesting by some picture, video, testimonials... like some advice you've got.

    Especially,
    - you could focus on benefits you give your users. Give each benefit an interesting picture to describe
    - a/b testing some Call-To-Action (wording and its position on your landing page, on the top, the bottom...)
    - Give your audience some clues about what you give them, or else, something free. For example, on a landing page to sell online university course, I will offer my audience a free trial with limited features. They have to register to enjoy the full-option LMS, but a trial LMS will persuade them to go with you. A 30 second teaser could help much.
    - Do a good testimonial then it will help so much
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  • Profile picture of the author newbieleoling
    The best landing page is when you take a screenshot of your earning income record or charts and showing your name in your picture. Draw some red circle here and there to high light some main point like total income you make.

    And the top, maybe instead of saying you will remove this offer any time. You can set a specific date or like 23 slots or 19 copies left before I remove it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rory Singh
    1)The look and feel of it is nice, the colors all flow easily giving it a trustworthy feel

    2) The text at the top (headline) needs to be shortened and maybe a different font. The words are okay but something just doesn't sound right. Try to change it around a little.

    3) one picture is good and it does feel trustworthy to me

    4) Your Opt in box needs some kind of border to highlight it.And a nice looking button will surely improve your conversions.

    Hope this helps
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  • Profile picture of the author JonMills
    Originally Posted by ioan draniciar View Post

    Hey guys,

    I had this landing page created for me and I'm not sure if it's going to convert well. Also I don't know which traffic sources are suited best for what I have to offer. Please let me know what you think.

    Here's the landing page in question:
    List Building Coaching | List Building Coaching
    Get the form above the fold.

    Be more specific in your headline. It's vague.

    Where's social proof?

    Need benefits of coaching program

    Split test
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  • Profile picture of the author afakih2002
    Attraction:6/10 (needs to be more colorful and eye catching)
    Call to action: 5/10 (You need to add a button,it increases CRs by at least 12%)
    Headline: 7.5/10 (needs to be short)
    Body:6/10 (Body should be lessened)
    Overall: 6.5/10
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  • Profile picture of the author elisaP
    Really great advice provided, so won't repeat.... but maybe also consider
    A mention that email address won't be sold etc. respect privacy
    A counter showing available spots remaining and or possible end date
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  • Profile picture of the author chrisv24
    I'd suggest shortening the title. As soon as I land on the page I want to know what you are about within 3 seconds or I'll leave.

    Think of something snappy and to the point.
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    • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
      I thought about it but got nothing snappy and to the point so far. Care to share one of your amazing title ideas?

      Originally Posted by chrisv24 View Post

      I'd suggest shortening the title. As soon as I land on the page I want to know what you are about within 3 seconds or I'll leave.

      Think of something snappy and to the point.
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  • Profile picture of the author fulfilledlife
    Few things that just jumped into my eyes...

    1. I have read the whole page and to be honest I still not sure what would i get. It is all wishy-washy.

    2. Cool marketing style? Why would any one even care about it, people want to make money, have better life and many other things. But cool marketing style why would anyone want it. The offer doesn't make much sense.

    3. You talk about million dollar business using this cool marketing style, yet I don't see a single proof.

    4. You ask for too much investment from a person visiting this squeeze page (14 days course), without giving them any specific. That is a big investment, and they just not going to do it without seeing proof and what exactly it is.

    5. If you course is so good and valuable and worth it money in gold, why do you give it for free then? This is not authentic or believable offer.

    I think you either have to go with longer form of squeeze page and build better emotional connection with visitor if you want them to commit for something that is longer term.

    Or change offer to something basic and something they can consume right away.

    Just because you offer something doesn't mean people will jump on to it, it also has to make sense and be believable.
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    • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
      What investment are you talking about? I'm asking for their freakin' email and not asking them for 1 million bucks; they put in their email and they can find out what the fuss is all about; the blind copy is about getting people curious enough to sign up for FREE. Keep it to yourself if you don't know much...

      Originally Posted by fulfilledlife View Post

      Few things that just jumped into my eyes...

      1. I have read the whole page and to be honest I still not sure what would i get. It is all wishy-washy.

      2. Cool marketing style? Why would any one even care about it, people want to make money, have better life and many other things. But cool marketing style why would anyone want it. The offer doesn't make much sense.

      3. You talk about million dollar business using this cool marketing style, yet I don't see a single proof.

      4. You ask for too much investment from a person visiting this squeeze page (14 days course), without giving them any specific. That is a big investment, and they just not going to do it without seeing proof and what exactly it is.

      5. If you course is so good and valuable and worth it money in gold, why do you give it for free then? This is not authentic or believable offer.

      I think you either have to go with longer form of squeeze page and build better emotional connection with visitor if you want them to commit for something that is longer term.

      Or change offer to something basic and something they can consume right away.

      Just because you offer something doesn't mean people will jump on to it, it also has to make sense and be believable.
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  • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
    For people who suggest to add proof of income on the page, I'm sorry but you have no idea what's going on... It's a squeeze page for devil's sake and I haven't seen proof of income on any squeeze page so far, and I've been around for a long time now.
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