Critique my NEW sales page

Calisthenics can be found on Google.

You are teaching people to do something
that's the same as others (how it appears).

Are you taking the best, combining parts of it
with parts of other types of exercise to create
faster results?

The reader who knows about Calisthenics
will want to know.

As more people hear about it and understand
what it is, then you are going to get left behind
because you have nothing new.

Best,
Doctor E. Vile

Basically all of the advice you got in the other thread still applies. What you've got here isn't going to cut it in a hyper-competitive market.

What's different about your product from anything else out there? What is your unique selling proposition?

I can't see anything you're offering that I couldn't get by watching some free YouTube videos. What makes your product worth paying for? What is the mechanism that gets results where everything else fails? Your hook can't simply be that calisthenics is the answer, as this is nothing new or unique.

How well do you know your market? Skinny guys don't really want to get shredded, they want to get jacked. Fat guys want to get shredded. So the headline is pretty weak and the arrows underneath look spammy.

You're going to have a tough time getting this to convert well. You could spend months continually reworking it and still not figure it out, or you could hire a pro who knows what they're doing.

P.S. The testimonials are horrible and that whole page looks crap. People want to see what kind of results your customers got, ideally with pictures. What you've got currently couldn't be any more vanilla and vague.

Sorry to say this mate, but a redesign is in order. I think a white background will work good. Will also need to work on making the pics look good. Here is a resource i found earlier today (not mine). Maybe You'll find it helpful too. Good luck !

First thing I noticed is the site design looks really unprofessional. Use a plugin like ProfitsTheme, OptimizePress or InstaBuilder to create a more professional looking sales page.

Another thing...as others above pointed out...whats your hook? What makes me look at this and be like "shit I gotta get this ASAP".

Maybe try coming up with a cool name for your system. Sorta like how P90 invented "Muscle Confusion" where you trick your body into getting results quicker...you can find a unique angle for your program.

Also, try a different headline.

Something like: "You're About To Discover How To Cancel Your Gym Membership For Good And Finally Get The Body You've Always Dreamed Of Without Having To Lift A Single Weight!"

or "How To Go From Skinny To Shredded In Under 90 Days Without Having To Lift A Single Weight Or Go To The Gym!"

Just some ideas

Headline isn't good no offense. We're trying to stop people in their tracks when they see the page. I like the layout, not really a fan of the gradient background you chose. Could use some work. All the best!

Hi Glacierice,

not going to comment on the layout. Other than to say, get rid of those horrible arrows at the top. Also, I dont like the red on black, it looks yuk. Sorry.

And that funny pic with the woman pointing with her head completely blacked out. Don't use it.

A few points about the copy text. It reads odd. For example:

Don't talk about prison and prisoners, unless that's your market. Yes I know the point you're making, people in confined space, no room, no equipment. But it still sounds odd.

"don't f**k with me".

"they look like fat pigs"

"if you have some weird congenital disease" ?!?!

"Google up some images right now". Yes boss. Whatever you say.

And so on...

Don't say any of this.

"Here's a Bonus For Taking Me Up On My Offer". No no no.

You are looking at it from your own point of view. The bonus should be with your customers in mind - not Me and My Offer.

"Still not convinced?".... It sounds weak and unsure. Introduce your testimonials with pride and conviction. Convince them in the copy, then you dont need to say "still not convinced".

And don't pepper the copy with semi-colons ; Don't use semi-colons at all.

Added a video intro. Check it out!

I hope you didn't have to pay that British robot too much.

There's something strange about the headline. It doesn't flow.

I think your hook here can be how prison inmates get jacked. Or maybe how you can do it all in a limited space (all you need is a 2m^2 mat or something). Or maybe just imply it by saying "just using bodyweight". Just shooting blind here.

You need to get them to visualize HOW ripped at the start. Do you have clearer camera angles on how it's done? There are people looking for different results. Show them the pictures up-front. If it's a video, make it such that the unplayed video shows the frame where the results can be visualized immediately.

Attention comes first, cleverness later.

Too much white space between the video and headline... on my screen the video is cut off from the fold.

Not sure how that layout would convert for you - kind of reminds me of the Apple sales page lol. You could split test one with linear layout and one with that current layout and see how it goes for sales.

I'd also split-test autoplay videos. I mean, movement's the first thing the prospect's going to see, it's human nature.

The grey background on black text does not work. It's bad.

- James