If you can spare a few mins - Copy Critique Needed

Wow thanks for that. It looks like i'm going to have to start again on the actual site, I'll look in to web designers but I tend to dislike hiring other people to do things I can learn myself.

I see what you mean about the the gambling thing, Whilst I do make my living via betting I was trying to get the point across that there is no quick and easy way to get rich doing it - that people actually have to put some effort in. But I can see how that could be confusing so I'll try to make the point clearer.

Again thank you for taking the time to analyse the site in such depth, its much appreciated

I don't know where you live but in the UK the horse racing market is very much alive and kicking. There are no laws or restrictions against it.

And I've sent the actual product to the various horse racing sites and directories and all of them have said they are more then happy to feature it.


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I few people have said that the headline needs changing so I'll fiddle with that when I have the time

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"As one who has sold gambling products and bet on a lot of horses, :-) I get the feeling the book is more for rookies. The bullet points sound like that's who you're appealing to ...is that your intention?"

Thanks for bringing that to my attention. Whilst a rookie would have more to gain from the book there is still plently for more seasoned punters to use. Such as the Speed and Form Rating Software - both of which are totally unique, the pace rating method, the 3 systems that come included and how to know if your bet offers good value (a concept which few punters seem to understand never mind apply).

I'll try and make this clearer in the Re-Write.

Thanks again to everybody who has taken the time to look at the site and give your input, it's much appreciated.

Wow thanks for taking so much time to do that. I'll explore the concept of the whole story thing but I'll have to remove the american references and make it believable (that sort of thing wouldn't fool anybody who knows anything about racing)

I am a bit cautious about using those sort of claims however. Almost all the other products tell people the same sort of stuff and they never deliver. I'm selling a package that can teach people to make profit - and the fact is there really is no 'simple' secret formula to do it.

And the main problem is that because the racing market has become so saturated with crapy systems (with very good sales letters) that a lot of my target customers have developed a built in bullshit detector that makes them hit the back button when confronted with claims of instant riches and 'amazing secret formulas' (Quite frankly if there was a way to bet at a certain time and double my daily profits I would keep it very quiet)

The best selling product on clickbank for horse racing is a laying horses to lose guide that has a similar concept to my product - giving solid information and teaching people how to profit from their own selections - and the first thing his sales letter does is to tell people that they won't get instant wealth, that it's not simple and that you do have to put some effort into into it. And it's been the best seller for over a year now.

Horse racing has been my life for 9 years now, the vast majority of my friends are involved in horse racing, i've met and talked to more punters than I've had hot meals and I know for a fact that blowing smoke up their backside is the wrong way to go. All it takes is a few pissed off punters complaining on the forums that a product dosn't live up to it's hype and it's game over.

Sorry If I sound ungrateful for your help but I'm just trying to point out that copy like that probably sells well to americans but us Brits tend to be suspicious of everything. I want to build credibility and deliver a quality product to my customers - not promise them more than I (or anybody else for that matter) can deliver.

If I build a reputation for living up to my hype and selling usefull products It would be very easy for me to use that cred to lauch a tipping service or future betting products (god knows I could write a few), a model that has proven extremely profitable for those who have pulled it off.

I see what you mean about the headline and the betting account screenshot, I'll make sure to fix both those issues.

I know the fonts are bad, I'll be changing them for sure.

I see what you mean about building value before stating the price, I did actully make a note to do that when I was writing the copy but have obviously failed miserably

The sales letter is based on the number one selling clickbank product, I thought since it's very similar to mine (exept that it's about laying horses as opposed to backing them to win, sort of the polar opposite in method) that a similar sales letter would work well.

But as I said that was just a rough draft, gotta start somewhere right.

Regards

Adam