Help me With My Headline

29 replies
Dear warriors,

I plan to release a WSO soon and I'm having trouble creating a winning headline. I am about to release a product about how to launch a successful WSO.

I want to include the following ingredients in the headline:

- it could take only 2 hours to create a successful WSO
- it will make you thousands of dollars (5 figure paydays) the first time you apply it.

Here are 3 headline versions that I came up with so far:

Version #1
How To Launch A Successful WSO That Could Only Take 2 Hours To Create And Make You Thousand Of Dollars The First Time You Apply It!

Version #2
How To Launch A Successful WSO And Reach Up To 5 Figure Paydays The First Time You Apply It!

Version #3
How To Launch A Successful WSO That Could Only Take 2 Hours To Create And Get Up To 5 Figure Paydays The First Time You Apply It!

The version #3 is my best so far. Can you beat that?

Thank you for your your help! I really appreciate it. And by the way if anyone wants a review copy, I am planning on giving away 20 review copies if you promise to make an effort and post a review on my WSO thread once it's released.
#headline
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Better read the new rules for launching WSO'S.

    If you make income claims you will be asked to show proof by the administraters.

    http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...me=warriornews

    Best,
    Doctor E. Vile

    P. S. These change in rules may affect the value
    of what you've got for sale too.
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    • Profile picture of the author iMassMarket
      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      Better read the new rules for launching WSO'S.

      If you make income claims you will be asked to show proof by the administraters.

      http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...me=warriornews

      Best,
      Doctor E. Vile

      P. S. These change in rules may affect the value
      of what you've got for sale too.
      The latest is no income claims period.

      How about...

      Get My Super Simple Seven Step Secret System For Launching Super Successful WSO's For Seven Measly Bucks Starting Sunday!

      This Super Simple Seven Buck System Works Like Gangbusters For Creating Super Successful WSO's At Lightening Speed...

      Did you hear me say it was Super AND Super Simple? Because it is! Here's why:

      -----------------------------------------------------------------------

      Seriously... I just wanted to see how many "S's" I could use. Good luck on your WSO.
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      • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
        Those are good suggestions but I want to write a headline which reflects the truth as I perceive it and in my opinion there is no super simple system for launching a successful WSO. If it was super simple everybody would do it! Thank you for your input!

        Originally Posted by iMassMarket View Post

        The latest is no income claims period.

        How about...

        Get My Super Simple Seven Step Secret System For Launching Super Successful WSO's For Seven Measly Bucks Starting Sunday!

        This Super Simple Seven Buck System Works Like Gangbusters For Creating Super Successful WSO's At Lightening Speed...

        Did you hear me say it was Super AND Super Simple? Because it is! Here's why:

        -----------------------------------------------------------------------

        Seriously... I just wanted to see how many "S's" I could use. Good luck on your WSO.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9784788].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
      Thank you for warning me. No income claims then

      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      Better read the new rules for launching WSO'S.

      If you make income claims you will be asked to show proof by the administraters.

      http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...me=warriornews

      Best,
      Doctor E. Vile

      P. S. These change in rules may affect the value
      of what you've got for sale too.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9784804].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author wrcato2
    I don't know about either of those headlines. They all look the same in the wso's. If I were you I would try to swipe a good headline from an old magazine.
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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    How to launch your first wso within 24 hrs and Crush it!

    I would avoid all claims personally.
    Best,
    WD
    Signature

    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"
    Coming Soon http://graphicsdon.com

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    • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
      I really like your headline but it's too short and you should add some more meat to it. You're on the right path. Also I don't want to create this WSO exclusively for those who haven't launched one yet.

      Originally Posted by WD Mino View Post

      How to launch your first wso within 24 hrs and Crush it!

      I would avoid all claims personally.
      Best,
      WD
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  • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
    I looked at my headlines again and they're lame, I know. The wording is a bit forced and awkward since English is not my native language. And I still haven't found what I'm looking for...
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  • Profile picture of the author celente
    look to use about 3 benefits in your headlines like our copywriters do.

    Pick three things that gain curiosity. Like this.

    "How To Predict A Stock Market Crash Before It happens, Using 3 Secret Techniques The Guys On Wall Street Do Not Want You To Know About! Finally The Little Guys Spills His Gut and Reveals All! "

    Its not a headline I use, I was just making a point! Hope it helps. The More you Tell in Your HEADLINE, the more you will end up selling.

    I have increased sales before by 232% just by changing the headline to be more benefit driven. Hope this helps.
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    • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
      Awesome headline. I could model my headline following that structure:

      "How To Launch A Successful WSO On The Warrior Forum Using 3 Secrets Ingredients The Big Gurus Don't Want You To Know About! Finally The Little Guy Spills His Gut And Reveals All!"

      That sounds pretty, pretty good if you ask me See how easy it was to put a big grin smile on me face!

      My only concern is whether I can use the words "warrior forum" in the headline, now that the new rules came into play.

      Originally Posted by celente View Post

      look to use about 3 benefits in your headlines like our copywriters do.

      Pick three things that gain curiosity. Like this.

      "How To Predict A Stock Market Crash Before It happens, Using 3 Secret Techniques The Guys On Wall Street Do Not Want You To Know About! Finally The Little Guys Spills His Gut and Reveals All! "

      Its not a headline I use, I was just making a point! Hope it helps. The More you Tell in Your HEADLINE, the more you will end up selling.

      I have increased sales before by 232% just by changing the headline to be more benefit driven. Hope this helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author pewpewpewmonkeys
    "How To Launch A Successful WSO On The Warrior Forum Using 3 Secrets Ingredients The Big Gurus Don't Want You To Know About! Finally The Little Guy Spills His Gut And Reveals All!"

    How To Launch A Successful WSO

    Now you've limited your potential buyers to ONLY the people already personally thinking about and wondering how to launch a WSO. You've now lost all the people who may not have been thinking EXACTLY about launching a WSO, but could have been lead to the idea.

    Secrets Ingredients The Big Gurus Don't Want You To Know
    Because this has NEVER been used before.
    /sarcasm

    Finally The Little Guy
    I care nothing about little men.

    Spills His Gut
    Vomits?

    And Reveals All!
    Gets naked?!?!

    Those are good suggestions but I want to write a headline which reflects the truth as I perceive it and in my opinion there is no super simple system for launching a successful WSO.
    Then perhaps your product isn't good enough YET.

    If it was super simple everybody would do it!
    "This system is so simple anyone can do it"

    Can you claim that? No? Perhaps make a better system/product.
    Signature
    Some cause-oriented hackers recently hacked one of my websites. So I researched what they're about and then donated a large sum of money to the entity they hate the most.

    The next time they hack one of my websites I'm going to donate DOUBLE.
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    • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
      Many can criticize but not many can offer value. How little of you, little man. It looks to me like you have no clue what you're talking about; offer a solution or go somewhere else.

      I care nothing about little men.
      Well I care nothing about men like you just because you don't care about little men. And I don't want you anywhere near me or my products.

      Because this has NEVER been used before.
      /sarcasm

      You can be sarcastic about things when you have a clue what they're about but it is obvious that you have no clue and you can't provide anything that resembles value in any form or shape.

      Vomits?
      You may have a point here. That's the best thing you said so far. What about "spills the beans"? Would that be better?

      Gets naked?!?!
      Well, dirty minds have dirty mouths... You so dirty!


      Originally Posted by pewpewpewmonkeys View Post


      How To Launch A Successful WSO

      Now you've limited your potential buyers to ONLY the people already personally thinking about and wondering how to launch a WSO. You've now lost all the people who may not have been thinking EXACTLY about launching a WSO, but could have been lead to the idea.

      Secrets Ingredients The Big Gurus Don't Want You To Know
      Because this has NEVER been used before.
      /sarcasm

      Finally The Little Guy
      I care nothing about little men.


      Spills His Gut
      Vomits?

      And Reveals All!
      Gets naked?!?!


      Then perhaps your product isn't good enough YET.


      "This system is so simple anyone can do it"

      Can you claim that? No? Perhaps make a better system/product.
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        How about doing what almost nobody is doing,
        calling out who this is for.

        When everybody is screaming bigger and faster results,
        your prospects tune out, other than the raw newbies.

        I presume you don't want them as customers due to
        the time they suck up and high refunds.

        Back to calling out very specifically who this is for...

        It could be the person who has ambition to have his
        own business that can be started while working a full
        time job...as an example.

        Let's look how that could look in a headline...

        -------------------------------------------------------
        For The Person Who Wants To Be The Boss
        But Hasn't Quite Found The Right Opportunity
        --------------------------------------------------------

        Then you would lead into more about his or her situation,
        so you show you understand, therefore can help.

        Example...

        "You have ambition.

        To be more than you are now.

        To have more than you have now.

        You seek out to be surrounded by the best.

        You just need the right vehicle to take you there.

        One which you can feel proud to own.

        One where you can work on once you are done
        for the day at your full-time job."

        End///

        See how if appeals to the better customer rather than
        the desperate and broke?

        This also has the effect of subtly building high value
        to your offer.

        It's romancing the reader instead going straight for the kiss.

        By taking this approach you aren't seen as needy and desperate
        like those which scream big claims with lot's of !!!!

        An alternative worth thinking about.

        Best,
        Doctor E. Vile
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        • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
          Good advice. I might use some of that in my sales copy. Thank you!

          Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

          How about doing what almost nobody is doing,
          calling out who this is for.

          When everybody is screaming bigger and faster results,
          your prospects tune out, other than the raw newbies.

          I presume you don't want them as customers due to
          the time they suck up and high refunds.

          Back to calling out very specifically who this is for...

          It could be the person who has ambition to have his
          own business that can be started while working a full
          time job...as an example.

          Let's look how that could look in a headline...

          -------------------------------------------------------
          For The Person Who Wants To Be The Boss
          But Hasn't Quite Found The Right Opportunity
          --------------------------------------------------------

          Then you would lead into more about his or her situation,
          so you show you understand, therefore can help.

          Example...

          "You have ambition.

          To be more than you are now.

          To have more than you have now.

          You seek out to be surrounded by the best.

          You just need the right vehicle to take you there.

          One which you can feel proud to own.

          One where you can work on once you are done
          for the day at your full-time job."

          End///

          See how if appeals to the better customer rather than
          the desperate and broke?

          This also has the effect of subtly building high value
          to your offer.

          It's romancing the reader instead going straight for the kiss.

          By taking this approach you aren't seen as needy and desperate
          like those which scream big claims with lot's of !!!!

          An alternative worth thinking about.

          Best,
          Doctor E. Vile
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9786649].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author surfer30
    hi
    don't use numbers, such thousands, only words to get eye attention. good headlines.
    Signature

    13 incredibly simple steps to build a healthy blog and make money online Blog Blueprint

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  • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
    I want to tune out my headline. Don't like to hype things up anyway. Here's an idea for a headline:
    "How To Launch A Successful WSO On The Warrior Forum Using 3 Simple Ingredients You're Most Likely Already Aware Of "

    You're more than welcome to improve it! You can criticize as well but please do it in a respectful manner. Thank you!
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  • Profile picture of the author italk
    "How To Launch A Successful WSO On The Warrior Forum Using 3 Simple Ingredients You're Most Likely Already Aware Of "

    Respectful criticism:

    -> How To Launch A Successful WSO On The Warrior Forum

    OK, I have heard of this before. Lemme see.

    -> Using 3 Simple Ingredients

    Hmm... interesting!

    -> You're Most Likely Already Aware Of

    Oh, I know it already? Not worth it then.

    ====> My thoughts:

    You already know so many folks hype their
    products up to gain few sales, backed with
    no proof and real benefits.

    As everyone zigs, you can zag.

    You can keep a short sentence in your headline
    like this: "Do you want to taste success?"

    That's the route I'd take in this forum as
    almost everyone is aware of the hype.
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  • Profile picture of the author dddougal
    You would be better off steering away from your how to do blah blah blah approach in my opinion. You need to make them read your copy, if you already told them in the title everything there is to know then they don't need to read your sales platter.

    Just put enough info in your title to make them curious enough about what you are going to tell them, that they can't help but read the sales patter. It works every time.

    That is what ewenmack has kind of done with the title above.

    ...For The Person Who Wants To Be The Boss But Hasn't Quite Found The Right Opportunity...

    It doesn't tell you anything about what you are going to be selling to them but it forces them to read your sales pitch to find out....And thats the point of your headline, you are only trying to get them to read your sales bollox...no selling, nothing else, just getting them to read the rest of your crap.
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Originally Posted by ioan draniciar View Post

    Dear warriors,

    I plan to release a WSO soon and I'm having trouble creating a winning headline. I am about to release a product about how to launch a successful WSO.

    I want to include the following ingredients in the headline:

    - it could take only 2 hours to create a successful WSO
    - it will make you thousands of dollars (5 figure paydays) the first time you apply it.

    .
    Assuming this ^ is true, your examples are using way too many words to convey a super basic end result. Try something like this...

    Start Making 5 Figure Paydays in the Next 2 Hours

    Also, when you create your opening, keep in mind that the people in the WSO section have been fleeced to the bone dozens of times by these "Create Your Own Money Making WSO" offers.

    To your reader, your offer is doing to sound like one of those ads black and white ads in the back of local print magazines which promise a sure way to make money if you just send $5 in cash along with a stamped and self-addressed envelope. In return, you get a letter, in YOUR self-addressed envelope that simply says: "Put an ad like the one you responded to in 5 print magazines."

    That's what your WSO will look like to your readers.

    What's your angle for getting around that?
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    • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
      I decided to tune out my headline; you're right, hype is a turn off; I f you want to see how my sales copy turned out check the WSO section this Sunday after 10 am EST.

      Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

      Assuming this ^ is true, your examples are using way too many words to convey a super basic end result. Try something like this...

      Start Making 5 Figure Paydays in the Next 2 Hours

      Also, when you create your opening, keep in mind that the people in the WSO section have been fleeced to the bone dozens of times by these "Create Your Own Money Making WSO" offers.

      To your reader, your offer is doing to sound like one of those ads black and white ads in the back of local print magazines which promise a sure way to make money if you just send $5 in cash along with a stamped and self-addressed envelope. In return, you get a letter, in YOUR self-addressed envelope that simply says: "Put an ad like the one you responded to in 5 print magazines."

      That's what your WSO will look like to your readers.

      What's your angle for getting around that?
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  • Profile picture of the author JDWater
    Is "Make a post in the copy writing section of the warrior forum for a free headline" In your how to make a WSO, WSO???
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    • Profile picture of the author ioan draniciar
      HA! HA! YOU SO FUNNY... NOT!
      Please be respectful to others. Try to offer a positive solution. If you don't want to help that's ok but post your funny jokes elsewhere please.

      Originally Posted by JDWater View Post

      Is "Make a post in the copy writing section of the warrior forum for a free headline" In your how to make a WSO, WSO???
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      • Profile picture of the author JDWater
        [DELETED]
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        • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
          Originally Posted by JDWater View Post

          Then why didn't he do that?

          It peaked my curiosity that he would write a WSO - about writing a WSO, and ask for help on the headline, which is the most important part. That doesn't exactly instill a lot of confidence.

          He's recommending your youtube training, that's cool but why didn't he just do that and learn to write a killer headline? That doesn't speak well of him or you.
          Dude it was a joke.

          The OP, as far as I know, has never heard of my videos, so NO he's not recommending them. So your ASSumption that they didn't help him write a killer headline speaks poorly of no one but yourself for running your trap before getting your facts right.

          This is your second troll on this post, I suggest making it your last. The next one is earning you an infraction.
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          • Profile picture of the author JDWater
            Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

            Dude it was a joke.

            The OP, as far as I know, has never heard of my videos, so NO he's not recommending them. So your ASSumption that they didn't help him write a killer headline speaks poorly of no one but yourself for running your trap before getting your facts right.

            It's not an assumption when you said he was recommending your videos - that is literally what you said, you two have been communicating back and forth in this thread more than anyone else, so it stands to reason. That point aside, there is nothing trolling about my posts, they have a point to them.

            To sum up the point - there is a fundamental flaw in the product that hes trying to market, a flaw so big I don't think a good headline will make up for it. - this flaw is based off of, of course, his target market, which is here at the warrior forum.
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by JDWater View Post

      Is "Make a post in the copy writing section of the warrior forum for a free headline" In your how to make a WSO, WSO???
      No, he's going to simply recommend that they check out my copywriting training videos on youtube.
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  • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
    My goodness, the snarkiness, backbiting, and drama that goes on here. I'm going back to the Internet Marketing posts where people are pure at heart, friendly, and kind.
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