Need Landing Page Critique

7 replies
Hello fellow Warriors,

Total noob from Toronto here, promoting a fitness plan as an affiliate. I'm interested in having some critiques on my landing page. I have used the 'less-is-more' concept and removed a few text boxes from the landing page to whittle it down to what it is now making it more simple and 'to-the-point'. I have done an A/B split with Leadpages at the link below.

They are very similar right now, opt-ins now at ~22% with a fitness site with but am looking for any suggestions or improvements.

Part of my dilemma is that my opt-ins were a big fat ZERO on when using 281 keywords around 'build muscle fast' 'grow muscle' etc. My landing page was served 2,536 times with 0 opt-ins.
#critique #landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author HDRider
    I would reverse your copy, put "Add 4 Pounds Of Muscle Every 11 DAYS!" right at the top in big bold letters in a bright color. You need to get their attention fast.

    I would also add a little more copy, what are they going to get in the report? A few bullet points.

    Change learn to discover. Get rid of Free at the top, they can see it's free

    ~ Ultra Fast Product Creation - Creating your own products is where the real money is... Let me show you how in this step by step guide.

    ~ Get Your Mind Right and Everything Else is Easy! Law of Attraction States...You Attract What You Think About.

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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    There's a credibility problem here, as anyone knowledgeable about this subject knows you can't put on 4 lbs of muscle every 11 days.

    Does Pakulski actually promise this in his product? Even without the amount of steroids he's injecting he's not making those kind of gains.
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    • Profile picture of the author markies
      LoL yes he does actually claim that, but I agree it seems over the top. I'll revise it with another attractive claim
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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    I think advertising claims that are false is terrible, based on that I wouldn't promote it at all.
    But that is me.

    Not to mention anyone who has any remote idea of what working out requires will smell b.s. right away.
    Which just makes you look bad, not him. It is kind of like a skinny guy telling you how to be massive. LOL

    Aside from that the site is good. You just need to flesh it out a little. Add a bit of content below, for those who like to read. Hit some of the benefits of signing up, tips, techniques, etc.


    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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  • Profile picture of the author mellymags
    I'd recommend translating "Maximum Hypertrophy" into lay terms (2 or 3 words). Your customer probably isn't a weight lifter to begin with.
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  • Profile picture of the author mr_banks
    This sounds like total hyperbole and B.S. You're going to have to explain more about what you're offering. What is the offer? You're just spouting the same crap you can find all over the internet about muscle gain. There's nothing unique or credible about this. A visitor to this page will probably not give you their willingness to consider your offer (that is not clear).

    With all that being said if you follow this simple rule about copywriting it will improve your page. If you make any type of claim you HAVE to back it up. Don't let the reader do this themselves in their minds. For example: Add 4 pounds of muscle every 11 days.

    Since you don't elaborate on that statement and prove it, what you've done is leave it up to me to do that myself and the conclusion I come to is that it's complete bullshit. However, if you have some proof to your claim and you're not allowing me to come up with that on my own then you have taken control of my thought process and will get a better response.
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Here's the thing.

    Back in 2001 this may have worked.

    I started my muscle gain site in 2001 and learned as I went.

    But these days, 15 years later... can you imagine how much more content is out there for people?

    That page of yours may not have been "same old same old" back in 2001.

    These days, it will blend right in with the 100,000 other websites saying the same thing.

    Your page just spews mediocrity, same old same old, and people have seen what you're
    saying a million times.

    And they just yawn and click away.

    Put yourself in the mindset of a weight lifter or someone who hits the gym,
    KNOWS the gym, wants to gain muscle, knows about exercises, etc...

    To them, your ad doesn't say anything because its so damn generic and broad.

    It's like having a page targeting artists that says "Hey Artists, Here's How to Paint Good"

    To an artist, it offers nothing of value because it's not specific.

    So, you have to offer something specific and valuable to your audience.

    And as someone who has been in this muscle building niche for 14 years,
    you're not even coming close to cutting through the white noise.

    Again, put yourself in the shoes of a weight lifter and what they want.

    Sure, they want more muscle, less fat, more strength, etc...

    But they also want specifics about HOW to do it.

    Again, these days there's so much stuff online.... if you're generic or broad,
    you will not stand out.

    I always remember the squeeze page I wrote about 10 years ago or so.

    It was the same market you're in... but instead of talking generic stuff like
    "How to Gain 4 Pounds of Muscle in 10 Days"... which an experienced lifter
    will call BS on....

    Here's the headline to a squeeze page I wrote that got almost 75% opt ins
    and I tracked it and it led to over $1.3 million in sales of my muscle building ebook.

    It said something like...

    "Discover a simple but amazing tip I learned that instantly increases
    the weight on your bench press-- literally the first day! Crush your previous best
    bench press and spark new muscle growth by warming up THIS way!"

    I'm paraphrasing it a bit because it's been 10 years, but what I'm saying is,
    I'm speaking the language my audience will resonate with.

    It's so darn specific... they KNOW that I know what I'm talking about.

    Or else I wouldn't be able to be that specific... I'm reaching them in the
    language they can understand.

    Another bullet I used for a headline...

    Learn how a 30-minute window of opportunity, before and after your workout, can add up to 25 lbs. of muscle to your frame in only 12 weeks. This one simple idea gives you a ton more muscle.

    And another....

    Learn the correct way to use your legs when you lift and how a simple little "tweak" in your stance can increase the weight on your bicep curls, tricep pushdowns, and other standing lifts almost instantly! (this is something that 99.9% of people do wrong)

    See how I went from being so damn broad and generic... to speaking THEIR language.

    Boom... instant credibility booster.

    So, if you want to stick out and be noticed these days... you gotta cut through the white
    noise and you do that by being ultra specific with what you're going to show them...
    and use words they will understand and feel like you're one of them.
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