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Please critique the sales page on "How to Get Top Brands Beg to Sponsor Your Event"

by helper
7 replies
Hello great copywriters,

Please I would like you to take a critique look at the sales page of my new product that shows anyone how to organize any type of successful event and most importantly, get sponsorship with it. Click here to visit the sales page.

Many thanks in anticipation.
#critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    Hello,

    I had a look at your sales page.
    It needs to be edited for sure, all of your apostrophes are question marks

    Under where you have "Stop begging for sponsorship" take the story and move it above

    Drop the first part down below it. The story is what you want and I suspect in something like this you want them engaged immediately.

    It was painful to go through. Your letter needs work for sure.But it is a good try. You may want to just consider having someone do it. I think Shawn Lebrun is running an offer right now....

    Anyhow I wish you well.
    -WD
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    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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    • Profile picture of the author helper
      Originally Posted by WD Mino View Post

      Hello,

      I had a look at your sales page.
      It needs to be edited for sure, all of your apostrophes are question marks

      Under where you have "Stop begging for sponsorship" take the story and move it above

      Drop the first part down below it. The story is what you want and I suspect in something like this you want them engaged immediately.

      It was painful to go through. Your letter needs work for sure.But it is a good try. You may want to just consider having someone do it. I think Shawn Lebrun is running an offer right now....

      Anyhow I wish you well.
      -WD
      Thanks for the feedback. I'm looking at it for adjustment. Sorry, I dont know who Shawn is.
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      **Free Training Reveals a Simple Method that Brought In $87,750 in 4 Days for Us and How You Can Effortlessly Apply It in Minutes & Get Results Same Day!**
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  • Profile picture of the author QueenMelanie
    just had a quick skim of your page.. The start is too boring I'm afraid, it didn't catch my attention.. It needs more grabbing headers, more color and a picture or 2 at the start! ... it says your name is Olatunde Wealth? really?
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  • Profile picture of the author TjarkHartmann
    What big brands? What top companies? What kind of sponsor?
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    Tjark: Pronounced like "Jacques" in Jacques Cousteau.

    www.TjarkHartmann.com

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  • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
    A lot of problems here but I'll say that your first paragraph has a sentence that is almost 4 lines long.

    At the beginning you want short sentences.

    That get them reading.

    Down the page and into the copy.

    Right now it feels like there is a...

    BIG BLOCK OF TEXT stopping them.

    It's too much work.

    Make it easy to read.
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    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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