Please critique my sales page

by mc9320
9 replies
Would appreciate any thoughts on my sales page.

It's only my second attempt at doing one of these and I have modelled my page using Bob Serling's Power Copy.

The page converts for presold traffic i.e. those who have signed up to my list (about 1 in 10 purchase the product)

But from cold traffic I've only made 1 sale.

The product is listed on Clickbank and while I'm not getting a lot of traffic to my sales page via affiliates, I've only made 1 sale, which I think can be improved...

I just wondered if there is anything on my page which could improve my sales conversion rate.

Thanks in advance!

Here's the link
#critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Rdelgado00384
    I would suggest to get in the mind of your audience and write it from their prospective. its not about you its about them.

    example:

    " Let's be honest.
    The majority of music teachers don't earn anywhere near as much as they'd like to.
    In fact, many struggle to pay the bills from month to month."

    I would say

    "Are you tired of earning less than what your worth?"

    See the problem from the position of the prospect. Its his need you are trying to address.

    Thank you for posting and giving us the opportunity to learn from it im anxious to read the advice of the more experienced users
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    The copy is weak to say the least.

    You should be using all of those credibility elements tucked
    away in the bottom of the letter "About the Author" at the TOP
    of the page. Think about "As Seen on ..." That's where your
    sales power really lies.

    The copy is also too short. What about a clip with you teaching
    or playing? A music site with no music--a short video would
    do well at the top.

    There's a lot more but I guess others will step in.

    -Ray Edwards
    Signature
    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Continue to build your list and presell them.

      It's working for you if you are getting 1 in 10 to buy.

      Think about what you can offer as an upsell
      to your buyers.

      Think what you could take out of your core training
      and sell it as a low price entry and offer your core training
      as an up-sell.

      Those are much bigger opportunities than trying
      to sell to cold traffic on their first exposure to you.

      Best,
      Doctor E. Vile
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    • Profile picture of the author Rdelgado00384
      Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

      The copy is weak to say the least.



      The copy is also too short. What about a clip with you teaching
      or playing? A music site with no music--a short video would
      do well at the top.

      There's a lot more but I guess others will step in.

      -Ray Edwards
      just a question about length of this copy. What makes you determine its too short? what are the tell signs?

      I agree that the testimonials should be moved down.
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      • Profile picture of the author Raydal
        Originally Posted by Rdelgado00384 View Post

        just a question about length of this copy. What makes you determine its too short? what are the tell signs?

        I agree that the testimonials should be moved down.
        A rule of thumb is that the more you tell the more you sell.
        So I expect a letter to be of a certain length for a certain
        price. so for $27 I want to see at least 5 pages of copy.
        Of course there are exception to every "rule", for example
        you may need less for a software product.

        There are a lot more selling points that he is leaving out
        and that's the main reason why I say it is too short.

        -Ray Edwards
        Signature
        The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author danny2
    Written like an article. As a consumer, I want to read something that is directly about my problem. Find a way to use the word "you" everywhere. "Are you tired of just getting by teaching music? Seeing others crushing it with their music business like, (famous example1, famous example 2) and you know there's gotta be a better way? What I'm about to share with you will.....(benefit...)"

    Also, depending on where this sales page is located, it probably should expose a good bit of what is going to be shared later. I know Frank Kern says that the copy should provide value all by it self, and I agree with that because that's how I buy (unless it's from an authority figure).

    The "who this is for" is a great idea and there could be a "who this is not for " section also

    Thank you for sharing your sales page.
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  • Profile picture of the author mc9320
    Thanks for all the feedback. Really appreciate your comments

    1) So more copy needed
    2) Testimonials further down the page
    3) 'About me' section further up
    4) More using 'you' and making it more about the prospect
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    • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
      As it's converting at 10% to your list, I'd leave that page as is and create another one for cold traffic.
      Signature

      Andrew Gould

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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Originally Posted by Andrew Gould View Post

        As it's converting at 10% to your list, I'd leave that page as is and create another one for cold traffic.
        Exactly.

        I never expanded on what to do with cold traffic,
        however I still believe his best investment in time
        and money is getting the most out of everybody
        on his list while growing it.

        This can be done through taking out one part of the
        core training and making that as the low entry price point
        then upsell them to the core training on the thank you page
        as this consistently bumps up the total number of sales of
        core product.

        Best,
        Doctor E. Vile
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