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Need a Critique of Page: Childrens Product

by twright
8 replies
The Website was just redone and I need for some people to critique the page to see if we are Catching the Parents Eyes. I am partial to the product as stated before so I can't be too objective. Parents / Toddlers.. Probably Mom/WAHM/SAHM/WAHD and Family Friendly Gaming is our markets..


http://tinyurl.com/l7bphg


Thanks for your assistance in reviewing this, I have received some great information from Warriors and hope to continue learning~
#childrens #critique #page #product
  • Profile picture of the author Collette
    The graphics are beautiful, but the purpose of the product is unclear.

    After poking around a bit, I'm thinking that this is a game you load on to your computer so your kids can play with the computer without you worrying that they may get into something they shouldn't? Or accidently erase your files?

    Or is this supposed to be a parent/child interactive bonding experience?

    Or is the process of playing this game going to enhance my kid's skills/learning abilities in some way?

    Seriously, I'm not sure. The game looks cool, though. I think you just have to give a little more information on the landing page.

    So it's difficult to say whether or not you're reaching your target prospect.

    And no, the copy on your video doesn't really clarify anything. Some of the language is a bit techie for the non-techie.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    I had to click a couple of times to find out what the
    price of the product is. Why that choice? It's not
    expensive so I would sell what a great value it is.

    With software I think it's a good idea to have
    extremely concentrated copy, like you would have
    on the box if it were in a store.

    I'm not saying that for business or marketing
    software long-format salesletters don't have a
    place - but for games the selling message should
    answer:

    Who it's for
    What it does
    Why that person who it's for should have it
    How much it costs to get it and start having fun.

    Put all that stuff right up front so there is
    no ambiguity.

    That's just my style. What you are doing is okay.
    Is it making you money?
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  • Profile picture of the author redfc
    First look, it gives me a professional and comfortable kinda feel and it does capture my attention. Its clear you're selling product for toddler.

    Your main page has a PR. I guess its been around for a while.

    It looks okay for me as parent, how about having prices for each software up front. I don't know the price until the last click.

    I wonder what other catagories of software you have like vocabulary building, introduction to Alphabet, numbers.
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    • Profile picture of the author jukeboxhero
      If I were you I would ad some sales speak to your video explaining the product and what goes on with it, what's it for, why theres nothing else like it.

      The site looks pretty though...
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      If Copywriting Legends Like John Carlton, Gary Halbert and Even Franky Kern Recommend

      >>>> This <<<<

      Shouldn't You Pay Attention
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  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    Wow, fantastic site, awesome looking product, good luck!

    I agree with Loren, short copy should work just fine for this product.

    The main points that I'd hammer home is...

    -It's fun.

    -It's educational.

    -It's safe.

    -It safeguards the computer.

    And maybe if there's been a study or anything done that talks about computers aiding toddlers in developing hand eye coordination or motor skills early on in life you could mention something along those lines.

    I really do like the site and the product, looks great.

    -Scott
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    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

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  • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
    First impress is "what are you selling?" What am I on the page for?

    You need a clear CALL TO ACTION. In other words, what do you want the visitor to do now you have their attention.

    Good job tho!
    Signature
    I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
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  • Profile picture of the author Keeslover
    When I got to the page, I wasn't sure what to look at or where to go until the video started, then it loaded so slowly that I clicked away. (I have DSL.) Your customer wants to be led to the sale, but you only have about 3 seconds to grab his or her attention. Keep it simple and put your biggest benefit right up front so he or she sees it right away.
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  • Profile picture of the author twright
    Thank you for all of the feedback. Yes, the product is selling(just redesigned website) and I am taking all of your comments into consideration for changes and clear communication on the website. We Ported to Mac and are building out for expansion packs to the product..

    Again, Thank you for your feedback.. This is my first time asking for Copywriters assist and appreciate the responses from everyone..

    Cheers to Everyone's Success!

    Tim
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