Judge My Very 1st Copy! ~IM newbie :)

Hi Aljiro,

I don't really have the time for a full-on critique. But if I wanted to do one I couldn't...

Where's the copy?

You need a helluva lot more - y'know - words than that to sell anything.

Also, slideshow software? Can't this be done for free at animoto?

Hey Matt,

Good to see you here man!

Aljiro-

Matt's totally right, you'll need way more
copy than that to effectively sell it. And
by effectively, I mean sell it AT ALL.

Maybe spend a little time over at clickbank.
Check out the marketplace, and see some
of the products there.

You'll notice most of the successful ones
have a lot more copy than your page here.

That should give you an idea of what's
necessary.

Hope that helps.

-David Raybould

As it has been said there are not enough words but the reason why is htere is not enough words is hte fact that you have not pulled any heart strings. Telling people what your product can do is not enough you have to make them dying to press that button and buy and this does not do it
La dominatrix

Thanks for the input everyone. I would like to add that the SALESPAGE/COPY is under development. What I have there now was done in like an hour. BTW its not Slideshow Software. Its a GRAPHICS PACK for SLIDESHOWS

Thanks everyone. I need a serious copywriting ebook.

I'm going to echo everyone else, and point out you need a lot more copy. You need to really connect with your reader and get them excited about your product--so much so that they eagerly pull out their credit cards and click that "buy now" button without a second's hesitation.

Here are some things to think about:

1.) Who, exactly, are you trying to target?

2.) What's their biggest problem?

3.) How can your product solve that problem?

4.)Most importantly...what are the benefits --both concrete and emotional/psychological--of solving that problem?

Once you've determined the above--in detail--write a letter that really speaks to your market's needs and wants and gives them an easy, simple way to fix their problem. AND...most importantly...put them in that place where their problem is solved. What would that FEEL like to them?

Then close. Restate your offer. Offer a guarantee. And ask for the order.

Hope that helps. If you'd like a more detailed critique, or more advice, PM me and I'll be happy to supply either--or both. No charge.

Paul

P.S.--don't forget to use a P.S.! It's the second most-read part of a sales letter after the headline.

Oh, and by the way--I think the headline and subhead are pretty solid. That's a big step towards a good sales letter.

The first sentence, though, needs work. Maybe something like:

Have you ever wanted to harness the profit-pulling power of online video? Have you been frustrated the endless filming, editing, and "tweaking" this powerful tool requires? Wouldn't it be great to have a simple, easy-to-use tool that lets you instantly create powerful video sales tools at the touch of a button?

You get the idea. Get your prospect nodding "yes" as soon as you can. Then take it from there.

One quick tip. I dont like the font. Its not very user friendly.

"Creating videos may get MESSY and CONFUSING at times"

The impression I get is that Im getting a product that is messy and confusing.

Maybe you should not bold these 2 words?

I actually have my own slide show video product (which I will not mention here) but you need to improve your headline for starters. You grammer is not quite correct