Sales Page Review - Please | Warrior Forum - The #1 Digital Marketing Forum & Marketplace

Cam Connor

10 years ago

Sorry dude, it's not really slavagable... Hire a copywriter.

Wish you the best with your WSO though.

Thanks

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LivingstoneM

10 years ago

Originally Posted by NeillMac

Hi folks, I will be launching my first paid WSO very shortly and I really would appreciate your feedback regarding my sales page at Build a List Sales Page | Build a List Cheat Sheet

As you can see the product is a list building cheat sheet "dashboard"and includes a squeeze page and giveaway rights. I am selling this for $1 and it has two OTOs - the brander for the software with resale/MRR rights at $7 and then PLR rights for the brander for £17.

I look forward to seeing your comments both good and bad.......

Neill

I have mixed feelings about this copy.

The Good

1. You justify the $1 price with reasons that seem pretty tight.

2. Benefits are sprinkled throughout the copy ("lets you see at a glance the process from start to finish"). It's not feature-driven copy IMHO, which is good.

3. The copy is personable and has a warm streak to it. Good.

Now, as for what could be improved in the copy...

Let's start with the headline.

Grab My Step-by-Step List Building Cheat Sheet App Crammed With Valuable Content, Links and Tools...

Hmm, it has a direct suggestion, which is often good. But I'm not hooked by the headline -- there is no curiosity hole that can be filled if I keep reading. It's an uninteresting headline.

And here's where the copy lacks a focus on benefits. The headline is, well, crammed with features. But no benefits. Show me that your app is actually going to do something for my life, or I'll stop reading and click on that other tab that had a powerful, compelling headline.

Moving on.

Worth at Least $47...

Really? Prove it. What makes me believe that this is worth 47x the value of what you're selling it at?

...but for a Very Limited Time…..Just $1

You never say in the copy just how much time there is left (do I have 3 minutes or 3 hours or 3 days?). The reader is left with questions -- not good.

Finally, check your copy for:

1. Proof of some kind -- even if it's testimonials from your previous clients or buyers of previous WSOs.

2. There is no guarantee. If you're so sure I'm going to be happy with your product that I'm spending this chump change on (instead of like, you know, buying a freaking Red Bull), why aren't you offering a guarantee of any kind?

3. Typos n' stuff. Check the copy for consistency with the rules and standards of good writing and grammar. Or things that just don't make sense. "And for a limited time we are going to GIVE IT ALL." Who is "we"? I thought there's just you. Now, suddenly, there's more than you. I'm confused.

I could go on and list about a couple dozen things that are missing in this copy, but hopefully the point is made.

Conclusion
What Cam Connor said.

P.S. Lemme know if you'd like some headline ideas. Might be able to crank out a couple of them just for inspiration.

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

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Have pen, will write copy.

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NeillMac 10 years ago

Wow - thanks for that - glad I hadn't submitted yet it for for approval as WSO!

Cam Conner - straight to the heart - thanks

LivingstonM - thanks for taking the time and the trouble to write down just some of the pros and cons

Back the the drawing board......................

Neill
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Jennifer Hutson

10 years ago

I also agree with Cam.

On top of the points LivingStone made, you're focusing way too much on price. The price of something should never be used as a selling point. That's what we call a "fake benefit."

Price is not helping your audience – your app that helps them build a list faster and easier IS. THAT is a real benefit.

You've filled the copy with too many "fake" benefits and not enough actual benefits. It's also riddled with grammatical errors. Scrap it and hire a copywriter or partner with someone who is.

P.S. - Whenever I see a product being sold for $1, I automatically assume it's low-quality or meant for extremely new marketers that have no idea what the basics are. If you're not trying to target total noobs, I'd definitely re-consider price point and how you're marketing it.

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NeillMac

10 years ago

Thank Jennifer,

I think you've hammered home the points made above and yes, I now realise that if this launch is to be a success, going it alone is not really an option.

The low price was decided upon as the best option to quickly build my own list. I am also giving 100% commission to affiliates throughout the funnel to promote the product. In other words, for this launch I'm not in it for the money - that can come later. The product itself could be sold for $7, $17, $27 maybe even more but that would need an excellent sales page.

As with a lot of would-be IMers in a similar position to me, money is an issue and despite the fact that I KNOW I need help with the sales page, hiring a copywriter is obviously expensive. However, I do like your suggestion of partnering with a copywriter. Fancy a job Jennifer?

Once again, thanks for your input, it is appreciated.

Neill

Thanks
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Jennifer Hutson

10 years ago

Originally Posted by NeillMac

Thank Jennifer,

I think you've hammered home the points made above and yes, I now realise that if this launch is to be a success, going it alone is not really an option.

The low price was decided upon as the best option to quickly build my own list. I am also giving 100% commission to affiliates throughout the funnel to promote the product. In other words, for this launch I'm not in it for the money - that can come later. The product itself could be sold for $7, $17, $27 maybe even more but that would need an excellent sales page.

As with a lot of would-be IMers in a similar position to me, money is an issue and despite the fact that I KNOW I need help with the sales page, hiring a copywriter is obviously expensive. However, I do like your suggestion of partnering with a copywriter. Fancy a job Jennifer?

Once again, thanks for your input, it is appreciated.

Neill

If quickly building a list is your goal, you may just be better off giving it away for free. Who knows though, you might be able to do something with $1 if you can get the copy right.

Yes, partnering is probably in your best interest if you can't afford a decent copywriter. As for me, I appreciate the offer but I'm up to my eyeballs in writing work right now (I freelance full-time).

Even if I wasn't, it's unlikely that I'd partner on such a small-scale project. Your best bet is to find someone who's just getting into the industry, but has a lot of promise and can write well. More of an entry-level copywriter with at least some experience.

You can always check Warriors for Hire to see who does copywriting and send one of them a PM asking if they'd be interested in a JV. I'm not sure what you'd be able to offer them in return though, since you're list-building for very little money and can't offer much back on revenue at only $1 per sale. I'm sure you can think of something, though

Thanks

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chillheart

10 years ago

Ya, this would need a complete makeover.

P.S. What's with the lonesome "PS" at the very bottom of the page?

Thanks

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