Please critique my landing page

It lacks organization and structure...

It's not shortening it - it's about communicating a complete idea, and effective execution.

for example, the first place my eyes go, before I have context, or know why I'm here, is "I'd rather see the video", which could just be "watch the video".

This is an article from my website that might help you...

Since customers online are already looking for what you offer, the only thing stopping them from buying is an objection to one of 3 things- your content eliminates all these objections, leaving only the confidence in their purchase.

The purpose of great content is to achieve 3 objectives:

1. Engaging and maintaining their attention
2. Educate them about your product and sell it as the solution
3. Eliminate all objections that stop them from buying

Your customer mentally goes through a very specific process when making a decision, and you must understand this in order to be able to create the most powerful marketing possible.

In order to make the sale, you need to be able to communicate a complete idea, and you must overcome your customer's objections in a very specific order.

When designing content, there are 3 things your customer needs to know before they feel comfortable buying your product:

Why, what, and how.

First you need to educate your customer on why your product can help them - the benefits they're going to get, and pain they'll avoid by listening to what you have to say.

Second, you educate them on what your product is - you show them why you're qualified to teach them, and introduce the blueprint for how your product is going to deliver results.
Third, you educate them on how to go out into the world and apply this information.

Throughout this example, I'm going to pretend I'm selling you a GPS - it shows you how to get navigate roads and streets.

You don't want to buy one based on that description.

I'm going to show you a scientific formula for selling the same product with maximum persuasion.

Why

First, your customer is asking themselves:

"Why should I listen to this person? how is this content going to help me? Is this person even interested in helping me, or just trying to sell something?"

This is the salesman stage, where you're persuading them of the value of you and your product.

Your customer needs to know why they should care, or read your content, and your job is to make connections between your material, the benefit they get from taking time to read your page.

You're telling them why your product is such a miracle, all the great things they'll get, how it will erase all their fears, and what they'll move toward by learning this information.

An example of this is:

"If you don't have a map, you're not going to know how to get to your destination, get lost trying to find your way to places the fastest way possible.

Imagine missing a doctor's appointment, and having to deal with 2 hours on the phone trying to reschedule, because you took a wrong turn, or weren't able to get there on time - is it worth $50 to avoid the hassle?

Imagine the tears in your child's eyes when you miss your child's soccer game, because you couldn't find your way to the school - is that worth another $25?

Then, imagine the joy on his face when you show up smiling and show him how proud you are, all because you had a GPS"

You're selling what your customer is going to gain from your product, and what they're going to avoid by not investing in it.

What

Second, once your customer knows what your product will do for them, they want to know how it works, and how it's going to deliver the benefits they want.

This is the stage where you transition from being a salesman to showing you're a true expert, and can walk the walk on your product.

This is the super scientific stage, where you eliminate all the hype, and focus on a description of what your product is going to do for them.

This is the stage where you convince your customer of all they hype - they know you know the facts and walk the walk, and deliver on all the promises you initially made.

In this stage, you want to present charts, facts, theories, data etc. about why your product is the best to persuade their logical mind, and eliminate skepticism .
An example of this is:

"If you have a map of step-by-step directions, you can find your way anywhere instantly, imagine being able to go anywhere in the country knowing exactly what turns to take, avoiding all traffic and construction, because the computer detects traffic and makes sure you're sent on the fastest route possible."

You explain what your product is (automated verbal direction delivery system), and how your solution relates back to thewhy (you can effortlessly get anywhere you want to go as fast as possible).

Once you've grabbed their attention,the 3rd step is to show them how to go out and use the technique, and translate the product into results.

How

Third, now that you've grabbed their attention, and persuaded them of your expertise, you need to make it worth their while for reading by giving them the answer to "how do I do it?"
At this stage, your customer wants a step-by-step procedure, recipe, and process - how they can take out into the world and apply their new insights to the real world to get real result.

You're selling a small taste of how your product will benefit their life on a much larger scale if they purchase it, by giving them a real-world demonstration.

An example of this:

"Go out right now, turn left, in one km down the road turn left, take a right at the first set of lights, then arrive at your destination."

Imagine being able to go anywhere in the country knowing exactly what steps to take, and how easy it would be to get anywhere you want as fast as possible, and never get lost again.

Once you understand why your customer is buying, how to craft your headline, and how to construct incredible content, your next step is learning the biggest mistakes most marketers make, so you can make sure you avoid them.

Next, you're going to learn the secret to total mastery of anything, including the "x factor" that is the difference between a business that succeeds, and a business that fails.

Tap the arrow in the right corner to advance to the final Selling Science workshop.

I'd give you a real critique if I wouldn't be helping you scam people with a shitty pyramid scheme. Whatever happened to providing real value? I'm tired of seeing garbage being peddled to newbies. It's a damn shame.

This is like all 3 LOTR movies, only without the entire cast — apart from Gollum.

Nice clean style but this home page gives me the impression that I have arrived half way through a message. There is no clear beginning.
I think it would look better with the second line first, and make it a headline:

Recently I came across an amazing opportunity which I want to share with you.

Then: Before you read my review.................
Followed by the video ON the page.

I didn't think it was a good idea to show the video on a different page, as it takes the visitor off your site. That seems like a waste, as they might not come back. Unless you want them on the other page. It's hard to tell.

I did a quick critique video of your sales page, hope you find it helpful:

It has Scam written all over it.

You're promising all this money, but your website looks like the product of a High-School student messing around on a windows 98 computer.

If you're really sitting on such a goldmine, why don't you hire a real web designer and copywriter? If you're not, why are you telling people that you are?