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Need help getting this one time offer to convert!

by Edwin Torres
8 replies
Hey!

I've had this one time offer for a while but I can't get it to convert the way I want it too. I've been making a lot of copy tweaks the past few days, and I want to know your input on how I can make this is a success.

Some preliminary information so you can better understand the offer.

The one time offer is shown after subscribers opt in to learn a traffic method for getting a bigger email list. You can visit that page here!

The one time offer is shown immediately after that.

Here is the link too it:

Thanks For Subscribing! (List Dissection) - Marketing Slam

If it helps, my main traffic sources are forum marketing and solo ads.

Any critiques or ideas on how I can get it to convert better?

Thanks!
#convert #offer #time
  • Profile picture of the author Tyler Hall
    You pissed me off in your first 3 lines. I just asked for information on growing my list which I probably assumed would make me more money.

    Now you want to sell me information to actually make money off the bigger list.

    I clicked off the page after I read what the upsell was.

    I would consider trying a headline more like "Want a 30% increase in your ROI? Simple process guarantees results"

    It's just my thoughts thinking as a customer.

    In your opt-in give away does it mention earning more cash anywhere? If it does your customer may feel as though they were tricked into ordering something that wont do what it says.
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    • Profile picture of the author Edwin Torres
      Originally Posted by Tyler Hall View Post

      You pissed me off in your first 3 lines. I just asked for information on growing my list which I probably assumed would make me more money.

      Now you want to sell me information to actually make money off the bigger list.

      I clicked off the page after I read what the upsell was.

      I would consider trying a headline more like "Want a 30% increase in your ROI? Simple process guarantees results"

      It's just my thoughts thinking as a customer.

      In your opt-in give away does it mention earning more cash anywhere? If it does your customer may feel as though they were tricked into ordering something that wont do what it says.
      The opt in give away mentions getting a bigger email list. It doesn't mention money at all.
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  • Profile picture of the author dmaster555
    Your whole sales funnel is gimmicky and corny.

    You have to understand copywriting is more than just using words like "strange" and "weird " to get people's attention and curiosity. Or capitalizing the first letter on the words of a headline.

    I would advise you to try for a few days to build a big list and document the problems and feelings you get along the way to better understand the people you're targeting.

    This forum is plenty of examples of people frustrated trying to build lists and make them convert.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Edwin, can you share with us the entire funnel up to the point the offer is presented? An upsell's conversion success is predicated on what came before it.

    We need specifics.

    If you do that, we can help you.

    - Rick Duris

    PS: This is my 2000th post. Yea.
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  • Profile picture of the author MatthewRHallEsq
    But what if I told you that a bigger email list doesn't necessarily mean you'll make more money from it?
    This line made me think, "Then why do I want that guide you just emailed me?"

    I get what you're doing with this, but the approach is kind of off-putting.

    Maybe put a more positive spin on it: "Now that your list is about to explode, learn how to increase conversions yada yada yada." Then you're not saying, "This thing I sent you actually isn't going to deliver what you want (but thanks for permission to spam you). What you ACTUALLY want is this other thing..."

    Like others said, your sales funnel needs to be evaluated so it doesn't fight against itself.
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    • Profile picture of the author Edwin Torres
      Originally Posted by MatthewRHallEsq View Post

      This line made me think, "Then why do I want that guide you just emailed me?"

      I get what you're doing with this, but the approach is kind of off-putting.

      Maybe put a more positive spin on it: "Now that your list is about to explode, learn how to increase conversions yada yada yada." Then you're not saying, "This thing I sent you actually isn't going to deliver what you want (but thanks for permission to spam you). What you ACTUALLY want is this other thing..."

      Like others said, your sales funnel needs to be evaluated so it doesn't fight against itself.
      Yeah I get you entirely. I had it before without that line but I added that new line today. I'll edit that to how it was.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Edwin,

    Given everything you've shared, the copy just isn't strong enough.

    From an emotional level--I'm not feeling it.

    At a proof level--it's weak.

    From an empathetic level with your story--I'm just not connecting with you.

    Then, when you go in for the close? You should to be firing on all cylinders. Working me up into a lather.

    But you're not.
    You should be ratcheting up the logic of it all, how it makes so much sense... the desire to make major money... the fear of missing out ON THE ONE THING that could turn it all around for them just a few hours from now.
    But all I'm getting from you is wimpy, wimpy, wimpy.

    So my biggest piece of advice?

    PUT SOME MUSCLE INTO IT. Sell me. And sell me hard.

    The IM market wants to be sold. They need to be sold--IF you're going to use this particular funnel strategy.

    "Show me whatcha got! And you better get to the frickn' point 'cause I'm skimmin' your ass."

    But don't be afraid to take as much time and as many words as you need to get your point across.

    Does this help? Does this make sense? I hope I've inspired you.

    - Rick Duris

    PS: This advice goes for about 70% of the critiques I do privately in the IM market. The copy just isn't strong enough to convert.

    But BE CLEAR: When I say strong enough, I'm *NOT* talking hypey.
    .
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