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Sales Page Critique?

by ahakimi
7 replies
Hi all,

Just looking for some feedback on my Sales Page.

Both copy, design, offer, etc. Feedback on all of it would be even more highly appreciated.

It's right here

Thanks!

PS. I think design definitely needs work, but I'm kinda having trouble finding a designer who is great at marketing as well (both design and marketing aspect).
#critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Originally Posted by ahakimi View Post

    Hi all,

    Just looking for some feedback on my Sales Page.

    Both copy, design, offer, etc. Feedback on all of it would be even more highly appreciated.

    It's right here

    Thanks!

    PS. I think design definitely needs work, but I'm kinda having trouble finding a designer who is great at marketing as well (both design and marketing aspect).
    Looks like you're promising me massive strength gains AND a lean, ripped physique?

    I like the sound of that. Been working on it for years.

    Unfortunately, I had to dig through a ton of rubble to find the promise. "Mutually Exclusive?" Please. Just tell me I can have both and get on with the letter.
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  • Profile picture of the author Member8200
    Originally Posted by ahakimi View Post

    Hi all,

    Just looking for some feedback on my Sales Page.

    Both copy, design, offer, etc. Feedback on all of it would be even more highly appreciated.

    It's right here

    Thanks!

    PS. I think design definitely needs work, but I'm kinda having trouble finding a designer who is great at marketing as well (both design and marketing aspect).
    Hmmmm. Your Goal was there, The only thing i wanna say is some viewers hate to read long articles, and your page is too long.
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    • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
      Originally Posted by Member8200 View Post

      Hmmmm. Your Goal was there, The only thing i wanna say is some viewers hate to read long articles, and your page is too long.
      *Ducks and covers*
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    • Profile picture of the author Michael De La Nuez
      Originally Posted by Member8200 View Post

      Hmmmm. Your Goal was there, The only thing i wanna say is some viewers hate to read long articles, and your page is too long.
      What's your perspective on people read what's interesting to them?

      I'd think doesn't matter how long the copy is long as you're reaching out to the right target market.
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by Member8200 View Post

      Hmmmm. Your Goal was there, The only thing i wanna say is some viewers hate to read long articles, and your page is too long.
      Please, not another "long copy vs short copy" debate.

      Are you newbies ever going to learn?
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      • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
        Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

        Please, not another "long copy vs short copy" debate.

        Are you newbies ever going to learn?
        It's probably Mark Andrews, and fifty different accounts.
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  • Profile picture of the author chillheart
    ■ Everything at the top looks like something for a squeeze page... then it goes straight into a sales pitch from there. One or the other, brother.

    ■ Next up is this thing...
    Brace yourself for a heartbreaking, tear-jerker story, about-
    wut?

    Exhibit #458 of ignoring the "Show, don't tell" principle. Don't tell them what they're about to feel. Make them feel it.

    ■ In the very next paragraph, the story is interrupted by a disclaimer.


    There's more, but eh...
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