Need some help with my sales letter

by 12 replies
14
I need some help with my sales letter new - Water Gas Videos I have had over 200 visits and no sales.

Am i doing something wrong ? Is my copy OK?
#copywriting #letter #sales
  • First of all, I would at least try testing the video NOT being on auto play.

    Second of all, you do very little explaining in your copy and within the first few paragraphs, you're asking if people are STILL sceptical. If they weren't, they are now.

    I would try to find a few forums where people ask questions about Browns Gas and see what some of the less educated say about it. As a matter of fact, you might even want to entirely refocus your attention on someone who already knows a lot about it, but hasn't actually set one up...maybe in the letter say that "this is the most efficient way to set up a water / hydrogen gas system for your car!"

    Hope this helps.

    Erice:>
  • I would be curious to see what the average time spent on your site is, I'm willing to bet that most people don't get past the headline.

    Contrary to what most people think, the headlines job isn't to get people to read the copy, not really.

    Its sole purpose is to get people to read the first sentence, that's it. The first sentence the second and so on and so forth. I would recommend reading the headline and asking yourself, "does it make me want to continue reading?"

    Then read the second and ask yourself the same question.

    The headline is scary, I don't know anything about cars and I have to install this thing myself!

    How about something like:

    Water is Abundant, Stop Depending on Foreign Oil and learn




    I want you to keep in mind that no matter what advice anybody gives you on here make sure to test it!

    P.S. There is a typo in the text just under the video.
    • [1] reply
    • Greetings Sarah;

      There is something cold and technical about the site. I think a little more passion is needed. Also I wondered where I would get the fuel cells? Would I make them myself? I am a technical person so the installation didn't put me off, but I think it would deter most average folks.

      I couldn't get the first video to work which would make me wonder how the videos I'm supposed to buy would work.

      How about offering a kit with everything a person would need to do this installation?

      You'd think the customer base for this would be huge due to the cost of fossil fuel, but the base is severely reduced by the do-it-yourself nature of the deal. Maybe you could offer an installation by a certified installer for considerably more money of course. Train people to do this that live in population centers around the world :-) Restrict your advertising at first only to areas where you have a trained installer and then broaden your scope as you train others.
      Well I for one am interested, but being technical puts me in the minority in my opinion.

      Make some of the changes others have suggested and test, then if your results aren't satisfactory, make some of the more radical changes I'm suggesting.

      Best wishes for your success,
      • [1] reply



  • In your headline there is a spelling mistake. You have to at least get small things like that right. I mean the headline sucks anyway but I'm honestly not going to waste time giving headline advice when your not even getting basic stuff right.

    You gotta spend more time on this and try harder.

    Oh and BTW...who halves anything? Use words that people normally use in sales copy.
    • [1] reply
    • That's good advice.

      Your headline should be believable. To me personally, without some qualification, cutting my fuel bill in half is just not believable.

      Consider providing some hint in the headline to counter the reaction "no way!". Some hint of credible proof.
  • Give the videos away for free in order to eventually sell them the converter kits.
  • Sarah, your site is unprofessional. Colours are wrong, font is wrong, spacing is wrong, text needs work - more oomph and excitement. You are trying to sell something and the videos won't do it for you. Make a pitch, highlight the main points and focus your product rather than the videos.

    These are just a few pointers at a glance. Hope it helps
    • [1] reply
    • I have reworked the headline and put in some new copy.

      What font would you recommend and what Colours are wrong?
  • I suggest you look at some websites of the warriors toget some ideas and also look for teaches, such as Louis Allport.
    This might help you pick up on good design
Join the discussion

Next Topics on Trending Feed