I need some help with my sales page

Hi Sarah

I'm sure others will be able to point out some of the things, but I took a quick look and thought...
- The opening screen doesnt grab me. The headline font and appearance is not graphically appealing. The font is too small and you've used a mix of uppercase and lowercase to begin words.

- You've not explained to me early on what your product is. I had a couple of looks and I'm still confused. So unless you make it clear what you're talking about fast, I'm not buying.

- The formatting is a little amateurish. Sorry, I dont mean to offend you but you've not used a mix of fonts, bold, underlining, images, other graphics etc to mix it up.

- Your partner does not scream 'independant proof' to me.

Look, I don't want to sound negative. There are good things in there and I'm of the opinion that there's a point at which a sales page looks and feels really professional. And I think you're close to that point so keep an eye on sales pages that work, look at how they're structured and formatted and see how you can incorporate that in your page.

Hugh

Hi Sarah,

Your comparison with the WSO is not a fair one. You are comparing
a $17 sale to a $67 sale. IF you raise the price your sales would
normally go down. (This is not always true, hence 'normally'.)

Also, when you are sitting out in cyberspace, you don't have the
same credibility that the WF offers you. In other wrods, warriors
will buy from you without even reading your sales letter if you
have a good reputation on the forum.

I think that you need a lot more copy to get a $67 sales--especially
these days. People are looking hard before they spend their money.

Here is my suggestion for the outline of the copy:

1. Start with a STORY of the discovery of the technique. Build
passion intrigue and excitement into this story.

2. Promise that you would reveal these "secrets" but not before you
tell them about all the benefits you have been enjoying. Make them
jealous!

3. Show how hard you were working BEFORE and mow AFTER you have
discovered this new techniques how your life is better.

4. List all the benefits they would get from using your strategies.

5. Share your testimonials.

6. Do a price presentation showing the money they will be making
compared to what you are asking for. Let them know WHY revealing
the secrets would not affect YOUR results. (You must answer the
question, "Why are you giving this away?"

7. Present the price and guarantee.

8. Build some scarcity through a price hike or limit the copies you sell.

9. Paint an "imaginary picture" for them using your product.

10. Close with another call to action and use your P.S. to summarize
your offer and include a 'surprise' bonus.

This should help boost your sales.

-Ray Edwards

Hi Sarah,

Ray and Loren have raised great points
as always, but there's something else
you need to consider:

There's very little copy on the page.
It's mostly bullet points and images.
You need some real copy that grabs
the reader and makes them understand
how this page applies to them.

As it is, there's no story, there's no
picture... it's just not compelling.

You need to light a fire in the reader's
belly and have them realise that their
life won't be complete without your
product.

But what you have there doesn't do
that at all.

-David Raybould

Sarah, some of the best copywriters on this forum have already volunteered some good advice... I'd just add this:

Every John Carlton ad always starts with a 'Hook'.

So, my questions would be:

Why should I buy your YouTube marketing course as opposed to all the other YouTube courses? What makes this course special? ...different? ...better?

I'll tell you what, many marketers have already tried YouTube with poor results.
To them YouTube is old hat. Can you convince them that your method overcomes TYPICAL marketer problems?

Why should they invest time with YouTube instead of article marketing or social marketing or whatever?...

Your letter has missed answering all the potential objections that a buyer would have.
(Do you even know all the objections a buyer would have?)

I actually think if you had a strong enough story and really put all the objections to bed, your price wouldn't necessarily be problem.

(Just a graphics note: all the testimonial boxes disappear on the page due to the gray screen background.)...and the testimonials are pretty weak, as well.

Scott Million gave you a good one, "After looking at your videos (big thanks btw) I found a huge gem that I can apply immediately to my marketing campaigns." ..most of the rest are yawners.

...anyway thats where I would start - good luck.

_________
Bruce Ruby