Give me your expert opinion on these two headlines

21 replies
Hi folks!

Can you please take a look at these two headlines and tell me which one you think would do better? The product is an Amazon WordPress plugin.

HEADLINE 1:

Discover How To 'Crack The Code' Of Multiple Daily Sales On Amazon, Building Up To SERIOUS MONEY Virtually On Autopilot Even If You’re A Complete Newbie

HEADLINE 2:

Simple WordPress Plugin Creates High-Ranking Sites in 49 Seconds. Autopilot Amazon Affiliate Income. Even if You Are a Complete Newbie

HEADLINE 3 (Just added, based on feedback):

Simple WordPress Plugin Creates Amazon Money Sites in 49 Seconds - Even if You Are a Complete Newbie...

I appreciate your help and feedback!

George

PS. If you give me feedback and would like a copy of the plugin, please PM me, and I'll hook you up! :-)
#expert #give #headlines #opinion
  • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
    George, are these for the same product? The first one doesn't even mention that it's a WP plugin, so if it is, that's pretty important to mention.

    Neither of them are great.
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    • Profile picture of the author EzraWinter
      Yeah, both are way too long and complicated. You need something shorter like:

      "Daily Sales on Amazon? Even Newbies can do it with this new Wordpress plugin."

      Sidenote: Obv. I'm not a lawyer but you may want to consider the legal issues of having "Amazon" and "Wordpress" prominently in your headline.
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      • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
        Originally Posted by Cam Connor View Post

        George, are these for the same product? The first one doesn't even mention that it's a WP plugin, so if it is, that's pretty important to mention.

        Neither of them are great.
        Yes, they are for the same product.

        Originally Posted by EzraWinter View Post

        Yeah, both are way too long and complicated. You need something shorter like:

        "Daily Sales on Amazon? Even Newbies can do it with this new Wordpress plugin."

        Sidenote: Obv. I'm not a lawyer but you may want to consider the legal issues of having "Amazon" and "Wordpress" prominently in your headline.
        I'm no lawyer either. These words do get used all the time in salesletters and headlines.

        I do see your point about the headlines being long though.

        Thanks!

        George
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        • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
          George,

          #2 is better by far.

          "Building up to" and "Virtually" take the punch out of #1. Plus #1 reads a bit awkwardly.

          Put ellipses between the two sentences in #2 instead of the period.

          Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author The IM Institute
        Originally Posted by EzraWinter View Post

        Yeah, both are way too long and complicated. You need something shorter...
        This was my exact thought even before reading the comments of others.

        They both just kind of 'miss', and don't really read very well.

        My thoughts.
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  • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
    Thanks guys. I have added a third headline in my first post, based on your feedback.

    Let me know what you think.

    Thanks!

    George
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  • Profile picture of the author yragcom1
    Yeah, I like #2, but I'd change the word "autopilot" to "automatic". My two cents.
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    • Hi Guys,

      Despite what's been said here, it's educational to see the real heavy hitters in the copy writing world, such as Dan Kennedy and John Carlton, both use long headlines.

      Dan Kennedy's sales letters, for which he charges a cool $100k a pop, consistently has over 20 words

      And one of the most legendary letters of all: John Carlton's 'One-Legged Golfer' letter has a 29 word headline.

      And I notice that the headline on my sales letter - which has been #1 best seller in its category on ClickBank for about four years - ALSO has a 29 word headline.

      So perhaps '29' is the magic number for headline writing success!

      Warmest regards,

      Paul
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  • Profile picture of the author mikhailblaze
    Dude, those are wayyyy too long and pretty complicated. I suggest editing them to make them sound simpler and easy to understand. Remember, users love shorter and easy to digest content nowadays.

    That being said, the first headline sounds better, though you're better off picking the third one.
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    Click here at www.seoexpertpage.com if you need an SEO consultant!

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  • Profile picture of the author chrisnos
    Your headline itself is good, the only problem with it is that it's vague. People want to know when they land on the page exactly what benefits they're going to get from reading it, and why it's worth their time to read.

    What I mean here is, when you land on the pager going to think one of two things:

    1) this person wants to try and sell me something ( especially marketers, where trained in the stuff, so we're able to recognize this type of tactic a mile away whereas many people won't)

    2) this page is going to offer me useful advice, and is worth staying on the page to read.

    For example, if I write a headline that says, "discover how to lose ten pounds of weight in fifteen days"

    Or...

    "on this page, you're going to learn a step-by-step technique for losing 10 pounds in fifteen 15 days"

    The differences incredibly subtle, but the difference is that instead of just offering a product, being vague, and making it look like you're going to advertise a product, you're actually promising that you're going to give them something useful by reading THAT piece of content.

    If there's no incentive for them to read that page, they're just expecting a sales letter, and don't see anything to be directly gained by reading that page without buying something, most of them are just going to leave and look for the information elsewhere for free.
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  • Profile picture of the author GomerMagtibay
    Originally Posted by George Katsoudas View Post

    Hi folks!

    Can you please take a look at these two headlines and tell me which one you think would do better? The product is an Amazon WordPress plugin.

    HEADLINE 1:

    Discover How To 'Crack The Code' Of Multiple Daily Sales On Amazon, Building Up To SERIOUS MONEY Virtually On Autopilot Even If You’re A Complete Newbie

    HEADLINE 2:

    Simple WordPress Plugin Creates High-Ranking Sites in 49 Seconds. Autopilot Amazon Affiliate Income. Even if You Are a Complete Newbie

    HEADLINE 3 (Just added, based on feedback):

    Simple WordPress Plugin Creates Amazon Money Sites in 49 Seconds - Even if You Are a Complete Newbie...

    I appreciate your help and feedback!

    George

    PS. If you give me feedback and would like a copy of the plugin, please PM me, and I'll hook you up! :-)
    Using the headline checker at Advanced Marketing Institute, I have found out that the first headline is the best. It has an Emotional Marketing Value of 60%, while the 2nd headline has 35% only.

    The 3rd headline has 38% EMV, and it is definitely better than the 2nd headline. But the best among the three is Headline #1.
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    Turn your passion into profits.
    https://gomermagtibay.com

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    • Hi Guys,

      Originally Posted by GomerMagtibay View Post

      Using the headline checker at Advanced Marketing Institute, I have found out that the first headline is the best. It has an Emotional Marketing Value of 60%, while the 2nd headline has 35% only.

      The 3rd headline has 38% EMV, and it is definitely better than the 2nd headline. But the best among the three is Headline #1.
      Which explains why the likes of John Carlton and Dan Kennedy use long headlines.

      That's because - although the purpose of a headline is to get the rest of the letter read (which a shorter headline will do) - by using a longer headline you can also immediately fire up the prospect's emotions, if it's done right.

      And a longer headline can instantly answer the unspoken objections in the mind of the prospect.

      In John C's 'One-Legged Golfer' headline, he immediately answers two objections "But I can't hit the ball like that because of my slice or my hook"

      In the case of headline #1 here, the major objection of any prospective buyer with any knowledge of Amazon is: "How can you make serious money when the commission they pay is small?"

      So, by saying: Multiple Daily Sales Building Up To SERIOUS MONEY
      you've immediately answered the major objection as well as satisfying the perennial question "What's in it for me?"

      Paul
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Originally Posted by George Katsoudas View Post

    HEADLINE 3 (Just added, based on feedback):

    Simple WordPress Plugin Creates Amazon Money Sites in 49 Seconds - Even if You Are a Complete Newbie...

    "Newbie Friendly WordPress Plugin Creates Amazon Money Sites in 49 Seconds"

    -Ray Edwards
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    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

      "Newbie Friendly WordPress Plugin Creates Amazon Money Sites in 49 Seconds"

      -Ray Edwards
      Allow me to be The Grammar Nazi for a moment. Correct English is "Newbie-Friendly WordPress Plugin Creates Amazon Money Sites in 49 Seconds"
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  • Profile picture of the author misterme
    Oh shoot. The headline analyzer gave me a poor score for my headline:

    "They Laughed When I Sat Down at the Piano but When I Started to Play"
    Your Headline's EMV Score:
    20.00%
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    • Originally Posted by misterme View Post

      Oh shoot. The headline analyzer gave me a poor score for my headline:

      "They Laughed When I Sat Down at the Piano but When I Started to Play"
      Your Headline's EMV Score:
      20.00%
      That's shows the difference between a 'clever' headline and one packed with emotion. Folks buy with their emotions and only justify it later (to the wife) with logic.

      Emotional thoughts on buying: "This enormous Mercedes is a threat to the environment, (but it sure makes me feel good being seen behind the wheel). St**f the envioronment - I'm having it."

      Logical argument later: "But Honey, this is an investment - built to last and last. That economical hatchback I went out to buy will be falling to pieces in a year. In the long run, this is the better buy!"

      Paul
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  • Profile picture of the author decent432
    2 or 3. They're both direct and to the point. Discover, almost adds an extra step.
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  • Profile picture of the author daveshu
    The honest truth (if that's what you want) is that the problem with all 3 of your headlines is that you're treating your prospective clients like morons because you're trying to dress up a piece of crap and sell it to them as the holy grail of making easy money - like the other 9,999,999 similar products out there, that all say the same thing (and actually deliver the same thing - NADA).

    You're saying one thing, but the underlying message that you're really sending out is this headline:

    Hey Dickheads - Think You Can Get Rich Quick Without Doing Anything Or Knowing Anything? Good - Give Me Your Money For My Amazing Bullshit Plugin. It's Awesome!

    Honestly, some people are stuck in time warp of trying to regurgitate the same tired old crap to the same tired old people.

    Maybe it's time for a new paradigm - actually selling people things that are actually useful!

    Too difficult?

    I'll Show You How, Buy My No BS, No More BS Program And Get Rich Super Quick And Super Easy.

    It's So Super Easy Even A Woman can do it...."

    I used to be a woman, down on my luck, etc.
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  • Profile picture of the author cmthompson22
    I would probably go with the first one because it has some mystique about it, but I do agree with the others. It is a bit too long and I got bored reading them. You need to settle on one idea and just concentrate on that idea to get the customers attention. If they get bored just like me, you are going to have issues with getting people to go with you. I think it would be better to shorten this to just a small sentence to save time and get more people in.
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  • Profile picture of the author JesseGilbert1
    Originally Posted by George Katsoudas View Post

    Hi folks!

    Can you please take a look at these two headlines and tell me which one you think would do better? The product is an Amazon WordPress plugin.

    HEADLINE 1:

    Discover How To 'Crack The Code' Of Multiple Daily Sales On Amazon, Building Up To SERIOUS MONEY Virtually On Autopilot Even If You're A Complete Newbie

    HEADLINE 2:

    Simple WordPress Plugin Creates High-Ranking Sites in 49 Seconds. Autopilot Amazon Affiliate Income. Even if You Are a Complete Newbie

    HEADLINE 3 (Just added, based on feedback):

    Simple WordPress Plugin Creates Amazon Money Sites in 49 Seconds - Even if You Are a Complete Newbie...

    I appreciate your help and feedback!

    George

    PS. If you give me feedback and would like a copy of the plugin, please PM me, and I'll hook you up! :-)
    I would go for #2

    I've actually been looking for a plugin that automatically takes regular amazon urls and adds your affiliate link to them so I don't have to alter them (I have people submit product reviews on my site sometimes)
    I found a few words I would look for when looking for this product

    easy,
    stress-free,
    straightforward,
    effortless,
    uncomplicated,
    minimal,

    Little Known WordPress Plugin For Amazon Affiliate Program Creates High Ranking Sites With Minimal Work.


    Personally I'd take out the even if you're a newbie but if you want people who don't know how to add a plugin then keep it.

    I'd like a copy when it's ready. Can I read the product description?
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