30 replies
I have no experience in copywriting, so I have just followed a structure that I found on a website and copied a couple of other peoples sales pages but I get the feeling it's no good because I've got 20 subscribers on my list I started 2 days ago, but no sales yet.

If anyone is interested my sales page is The Cake Fixer
#page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Your kitchen is empty? I expected to see some freshly baked cakes
    on the counters. Just 20 subscribers is too early to make any decision
    about how effective your sales page is. A better word to use in your headline
    is "discover" instead of "learn".

    -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned


    Dude...a photo of a show kitchen???

    There are no redeeming features on this page. Zip. Nada. Zero. It stinks.

    And it's "compromising" not "comprimising".

    Complete unmitigated turkey.
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  • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
    That is my kitchen! Granted, it's a photo of before I moved in.
    I see what you mean though, that's a fair point.

    Do you reckon I need to have a picture of my kitchen with pots and pans and plates and stuff and a few photos of some cakes I have made?
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  • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
    What about a photo of me "in the kitchen"
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  • Profile picture of the author TjarkHartmann
    I'm curious...

    Is this a book on fixing an already made cake? Or on "How To Bake The Perfect Cake"?
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    Tjark: Pronounced like "Jacques" in Jacques Cousteau.

    www.TjarkHartmann.com

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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Keep going, John. Don't give up. It's your first steps in a long journey.
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    • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
      Originally Posted by TjarkHartmann View Post

      I'm curious...

      Is this a book on fixing an already made cake? Or on "How To Bake The Perfect Cake"?
      The book is how to fix a cake that has gone wrong, ie, you've made a cake and it's burnt or you've made a cake and it''s got stuck in the tin. This book tells you what to do instead of throwing it away.

      Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

      Keep going, John. Don't give up. It's your first steps in a long journey.
      Thanks! No plans on giving up just yet!

      I'm going to make the changes suggested and then hopefully you can all let me know what you think once i've made those changes
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      • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
        I've changed the headline.

        I'm at my 9-5 atm so I'll probably take a photo of "me in the kitchen" and replace the kitchen photo later tonight.

        Also I'll put some photos of cakes. Do you think I need to make lots of different cakes and take photos of them or do you reckon I should just use stock images?

        Don't get me wrong, I know the tips in the book work, but if I make the cakes myself, it'll take a couple of days. I could get some stock images of cakes, but is that a bit unethical? Like i'm lying to potential customers?
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  • Lol!!!!!!! That was awesome!!!! You put an empty kitchen! lol made me laugh!!!


    That reminds me of something from mad tv.


    Honestly if you want to do this right, hire a photographer. Get a black chef outfit and a white one. Take pictures of just one cake, make it black and white, cheese cake would look nice.


    Then take pics with cakes all over, different combos in color.


    lol you thought you could get away with the easy way didn't you?


    A photographer could help you with the colors. Take some with cooking tools out, a mix of cake batter out.


    There is enough room for like 12 cakes in your kitchen.


    Man, look like you mean business!!! There could be a little image of you in a black chef suite leaning against the words "and" and "Problems" in your headline with a mixer in your hand or a wooden stick.


    For your cover page on the book, maybe make it a black and white wedding cake that esthetically pleasing to the eye. That cake on there looks like it will dry my mouth with one bite. Its like eating a canister of peanut butter and flour without anything to drink.


    Or like an expired muffin. Id rather see filling outside like strawberrys and all that.


    That would be cool if you took some "in action" photos, like imagine a chef spinning pizza dough in the air, as if someones taking a pic of you while a master chef is at work.


    Have yourself surrounded by thousand dollar cakes, and pics of decorating high end cake to.


    Id suggest that
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    • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
      ok i'll do some changes later.

      you know when people tell you the modules then they say "value $27!" on each module, then they add it all up and go total $506 value!!!!

      where do they get those figures from?
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      • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
        Banned
        Originally Posted by John Zoro View Post

        where do they get those figures from?
        They pull them out of their butt.

        Is there even demand for this? Why pay you 7 clams when they can Google "how to bake a cake". Or get something off YouTube. For nothing. I think this is way too generic. You need to drill down. "How to bake a cake when off your chops"..."How to bake a cake when you haven't a clue"..."How to bake cakes like your granny". Whatever it is.

        Google "How to fix a cake" and look at the suggestions. I see "How to fix a cake that fell apart"..."How to fix a cake with too much oil"..."How to fix a cake that didn't rise" and a whole lot of others. I can't see people paying for this info. Unless you're a celebrity Chef or make an entertaining video.

        This is what you're up against - http://www.wikihow.com/Fix-Cake-Disasters

        Nobody's doing you any favors by saying "keep going". You are way off target. No-one will pay for what you are offering.
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  • Profile picture of the author kevinkt
    This is a terrible sales page. It looks like it came from 1999. It's honestly pointless to critique this because there's nothing good about it at all.

    Just redo this, and hire a designer.
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    • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      They pull them out of their butt.

      Is there even demand for this? Why pay you 7 clams when they can Google "how to bake a cake". Or get something off YouTube. For nothing. I think this is way too generic. You need to drill down. "How to bake a cake when off your chops"..."How to bake a cake when you haven't a clue"..."How to bake cakes like your granny". Whatever it is.

      Google "How to fix a cake" and look at the suggestions. I see "How to fix a cake that fell apart"..."How to fix a cake with too much oil"..."How to fix a cake that didn't rise" and a whole lot of others. I can't see people paying for this info. Unless you're a celebrity Chef or make an entertaining video.

      This is what you're up against - 11 Ways to Fix Cake Disasters - wikiHow

      Nobody's doing you any favors by saying "keep going". You are way off target. No-one will pay for what you are offering.
      Thanks for your positive feedback.

      I have done a survey and people have said they would pay $7 for it.

      Originally Posted by kevinkt View Post

      This is a terrible sales page. It looks like it came from 1999. It's honestly pointless to critique this because there's nothing good about it at all.

      Just redo this, and hire a designer.
      Thanks for the constructive feedback.
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  • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
    @Copy Nazi - I've got some other ideas about products I can make, this is just the first one. My next ideas, there definetly is a demand for because i've done some market research by means of a survey and checking google trends.
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  • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
    I reckon the reason I haven''t made any sales yet, is the sales page not the product.

    Surely if it was the product that was crap, i would make loads of sale but get lots of refund requests, whereas if my sales page isn't any good then i just won't make any sales....
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Good for you, John.

    Again, keep going. There are reasons why I say that which I won't get into.

    But let me give you one clue. Images REALLY matter in this market. Even more than the copy.

    They can be amateur. But they have to really get to the heart of the matter.

    Images with people in them matter more.

    Good luck.

    - Rick Duris
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  • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
    Thanks for the encouragement Rick!

    The Cake Fixer

    I've put some photos up on this page of a tiffin cake and a victoria sponge.

    I've also changed the "what's included" section
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by John Zoro View Post

      Thanks for the encouragement Rick!

      The Cake Fixer

      I've put some photos up on this page of a tiffin cake and a victoria sponge.

      I've also changed the "what's included" section
      That is the saddest looking Victoria Sponge Cake I've ever seen. Google it and you'll see what I mean. That shot looks like some dried up piece of God-knows-what from a school canteen.

      But whatever. Seems all you want to hear is words of encouragement not the truth. Good luck with that.
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  • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
    OK Mr Nazi, I've removed my photos i made of the tiffin cake and the VS.

    I've replaced them with a collage of some stock photos.

    What do you reckon?

    http://thecakefixer.com/index2.html
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  • Profile picture of the author TjarkHartmann
    I admire your persistence and how quickly you try to use the advice here.

    That being said, I think you need to re-do the whole page... IF there is even a market for this, like sir copy nazi said. But if you've done your homework and you are convinced people will buy your product, I don't see any harm in trying it -- at the very least it's good practice.

    You need pictures that don't look like stock photos. Make the pictures personal. Give them life! And you need better copy -- either write it yourself (be prepared for many more failures with this route) or hire a copywriter who knows this market.

    If you want to go down the path of most resistance and go at it alone, really think about why people bake cakes... how they want to feel... what they want to happen... what issues do they have when the cake turns out to be crap... how do they react and feel... how can your product solve this? What separates you from the free information out there? More convenient? Detailed?

    Hope this helps.
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    Tjark: Pronounced like "Jacques" in Jacques Cousteau.

    www.TjarkHartmann.com

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    • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
      I did look at getting a copywriter, but the one that was recommended was $3000, so i'd have to sell a lot of $7 ebooks to pay that one!

      Plus, I don't have 3 g's.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    I agree, the page needs a rewrite. The question I have is who's going to help him?

    John, I know you're ambitious, I know you're new and learning, but as is, this entire thing needs a ton of work. You're miles away.

    You might want to consider going to the Warrior for Hire forum and finding a copywriter in your budget range who can collaborate with you.

    Ask them to help you write it. They don't have write all of it. Tell them exactly what you're trying to accomplish. Personally, professionally, etc.

    Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
      I never said I was an expert. In fact, in my first post, I said I have no experience.

      Can I do a post in the "Warriors For Hire" forum requesting a copywriter or do I have to search for one?
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      • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
        Originally Posted by John Zoro View Post

        I never said I was an expert. In fact, in my first post, I said I have no experience.

        Can I do a post in the "Warriors For Hire" forum requesting a copywriter or do I have to search for one?
        We know, we understand. Everybody starts somewhere. You're starting here.

        We admire your desire to learn, try things, your ability to follow through and your initiative.

        The thing to do is to tell people here to PM you or email you and go from there.

        You can make posts in existing threads in Warriors for Hire, or make your own post here: Wanted - Members Looking To Hire You

        Obviously, since budget is a factor in your decision, make that known in your post. Tell people your budget and don't pussy foot around it.

        You also want references and samples of their work. People who have written in the cooking market should be given much more weight. It's a unique market.

        Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
    Thanks Rick. I've posted a thread in the wanted forum.
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    • Profile picture of the author Complex
      [DELETED]
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      • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
        Originally Posted by Complex View Post

        You've got a chapter. A module. Maybe a bonus report. Not a standalone product. Don't waste your money on a copywriter. You are still in R&D phase. But, there's always someone there to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
        What do you mean?
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  • Profile picture of the author trobo
    One thing I can't help notice is the headline. Man, it's way, way too long! Try to condense what you're trying to say to maybe half that length. A headline needs to be powerful, but also somewhat on the short side, too

    Also, when you're listing the benefits, try using simple bullet points instead of a small picture of the book every time. It will take up less space and appear to flow much better..
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    • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
      Originally Posted by trobo View Post

      One thing I can't help notice is the headline. Man, it's way, way too long! Try to condense what you're trying to say to maybe half that length. A headline needs to be powerful, but also somewhat on the short side, too

      Also, when you're listing the benefits, try using simple bullet points instead of a small picture of the book every time. It will take up less space and appear to flow much better..
      I don't think the headline is too long, i've seen a few sales pages and they all seem about that length.

      Every sales page I have seen has the what's included section with an image of some dvd's or the cover of the ebook then the section or module.

      They do have a checklist of

      "This is for you if..."

      - you have no experience
      - you have no idea
      - you have no.....
      blah blah blah
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  • Profile picture of the author John Zoro
    I've made a sale!

    I've got 50 subscribers on my list and made 1 sale, so that's a 2% conversion!

    Wahey £4.06!
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