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Abuse My Sales Page

by PBFDan
20 replies
Hey guys, not literally abuse but I'm looking for honest feed back on my sales page. I've gone through the guidelines and think I've done everything correct, but I might be blind to my our work.

It's for a product called "How To Get 100,000 Visitors In 2015 And More"

Ultimate Guide To 100000 Visitors — Profit Blog Formula

Thanks guys!
#abuse #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    How are you going to compete with
    Yaro Starak...http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...m-eastern.html

    Digital Marketer and their training on building profitable blogs?

    They come with a whole lot more credibility than you.

    That's only 2.

    Heard of CopyBlogger?

    There's more.

    I think you get the point.

    Best,
    Doctor E. Vile
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    • Profile picture of the author Tina Golden
      Disclaimer: I am NOT a copywriter.

      I can tell you what I see as a consumer, however.

      First, you need to have this proofed and edited to at least fix the grammatical errors. It would be hard for anyone to believe that you are such a great blogging expert with your sales copy sprinkled with such basic errors as using 'your' when it should be 'you're'.

      Second, you have other elements that really damage your credibility, such as the (TM) by the title in at least one spot on the page. You should know the difference between copyright and trademark if you are really an expert. You're asking $10 for a supposedly $97 report (red flag), then your copy says something about charter memberships that are supposedly worth $295 - where did that come from? No other mention of a membership or what that entails. Makes it feel like you simply edited (and not very well) a sales page you either copied or acquired PLR to.
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Outside of the copywriting itself, the major challenge you are facing is that
    the offer is not believable. There is not enough PROOF that you can deliver
    what you are claiming, and if you did the PRICE is too low for what you are
    offering. You did try to justify the price, which is good, but this is still not
    enough. You may get some "curiosity" sales, but if you can really deliver
    what you promise you need to show more evidence than a few testimonials.

    -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    The copy and as Tina said the grammar can be improved but the structure is more or less there - meaning you did do as you said and took the time to study the techniques.

    Now, do what Ray said - and heap on tons and tons of proof (more, more and even more).

    Imagine you are in the supreme court and under penalty of 100 years in the clink for the grievous crime of "having no sales" you have GOT to prove your case. Give all the indisputable evidence.

    Any doubts, objections and "problems" must vanish.

    Making sure the readers can't help but believe you and trust you.


    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    My blog gets 30,000 visitors a month. More or less. Free traffic, mostly from search engines...



    I built this up over the last year. I've helped other people with their blogs as well. I can help you with yours if you want.

    Normally, I charge $150 an hour. But if you want to do it yourself, I'll give you my blueprint. Just click the button below.

    This blueprint is the same blueprint that's generated millions of visitors a month for my private clients.

    Here's what some of my customers say...

    If you want thousands of people visiting your blog a month and you don't want to pay my fees, my blueprint is the next best thing.

    It's only $10. Yeah, I admit, it's dirt cheap.

    Don't let the price fool you. The methods are the same ones I use to generate all the free targeted traffic I need for myself and my clients.

    There's no risk. I guarantee three things:

    1. You've never seen these methods before. They're eye opening.
    2. You'll hit AT LEAST 10,000 a month in FREE targeted traffic within the next 12 months.
    3. You'll be completely satisfied.

    If not, just hit me up for a refund. I'm good for it.

    PS: If you think this is rehashed Yaro, Copyblogger or Digital Marketer info, think again. But act fast, because unlike these other marketers, my offer comes down soon.

    PPS: Just so we're clear on what you can expect when you get my blueprint and apply my methods, here's my traffic over the last 12 months:



    I'm not anyone special. You can do this, too. Or you can hire me. It's up to you.
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    • Profile picture of the author perryny
      Ha.

      I just read Rick's post and I was looking for the buy button before I realized this ^^^ was a response to the OP and not a new report Rick is offering.

      I don't have nor will be writing a blog anytime soon, but I was ready to buy anyway.

      Either that's really good copy (which is good for the OP), or I just trust Rick and would buy whatever he puts out (which is also a helpful lesson for the OP.)
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      • Profile picture of the author PBFDan
        Originally Posted by Tina Golden View Post

        Disclaimer: I am NOT a copywriter.

        I can tell you what I see as a consumer, however.

        First, you need to have this proofed and edited to at least fix the grammatical errors. It would be hard for anyone to believe that you are such a great blogging expert with your sales copy sprinkled with such basic errors as using 'your' when it should be 'you're'.

        Second, you have other elements that really damage your credibility, such as the (TM) by the title in at least one spot on the page. You should know the difference between copyright and trademark if you are really an expert. You're asking $10 for a supposedly $97 report (red flag), then your copy says something about charter memberships that are supposedly worth $295 - where did that come from? No other mention of a membership or what that entails. Makes it feel like you simply edited (and not very well) a sales page you either copied or acquired PLR to.
        Very good points Tina. I've gone through it a few times, but not in detail and completely forgot to recheck. Glad you noticed. Yes that charter membership part was from another one of my sales page I overlooked.

        Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

        Outside of the copywriting itself, the major challenge you are facing is that
        the offer is not believable. There is not enough PROOF that you can deliver
        what you are claiming, and if you did the PRICE is too low for what you are
        offering. You did try to justify the price, which is good, but this is still not
        enough. You may get some "curiosity" sales, but if you can really deliver
        what you promise you need to show more evidence than a few testimonials.

        -Ray Edwards
        Got it Ray. I thought that was enough, do you have a way to know when enough is enough.. in regards to proof? Could you ever overdo it?

        Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

        The copy and as Tina said the grammar can be improved but the structure is more or less there - meaning you did do as you said and took the time to study the techniques.

        Now, do what Ray said - and heap on tons and tons of proof (more, more and even more).

        Imagine you are in the supreme court and under penalty of 100 years in the clink for the grievous crime of "having no sales" you have GOT to prove your case. Give all the indisputable evidence.

        Any doubts, objections and "problems" must vanish.

        Making sure the readers can't help but believe you and trust you.


        Steve
        Great points steve, love the supreme court analogy.
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        • Profile picture of the author Raydal
          Originally Posted by PBFDan View Post

          Got it Ray. I thought that was enough, do you have a way to know when enough is enough.. in regards to proof? Could you ever overdo it?
          I'd say that the quality of proof is more important than the quantity, but it's
          like asking how much money is enough? So you are more likely to
          under-do it than overdo it. A "scientific" answer would be you stop adding
          proof when the conversion stop increasing by adding more proof.

          -Ray Edwards
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          The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author PBFDan
    Okay you guys are awesome! Some really great advice here:

    1. Proofread/ fix grammar/spelling
    2. More proof/testimonials
    3. Explain how this will beat the main competitors

    Rickduris that is a great sales letter. Really made me feel like I had to have it.

    Do you guys have some other great samples of sales copy I could check out? Preferably you're own but if not anyone will do.

    Cheers.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    Perry,

    I did exactly the same thing!

    Tried to get the Blueprint and looked for the buy button.

    Do you think Dan should seriously consider "using" Ricks copy?

    I've got a feeling it could make a lot of sales.


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author perryny
      Why do that, when there are probably so many more great samples of copy out there that he can check out and not do anything with?
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      [DELETED]
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      • Profile picture of the author perryny
        To be honest, Rick, I barely glanced at the graph. Your words sold me.

        I distinctly remember glancing at the numbers atop the graph, not really getting what they represented and not caring.

        I think I was sold right here: "I built this up over the last year. I've helped other people with their blogs as well. I can help you with yours if you want."

        Then you never gave me a reason to not want it, and the $10 was the, "Shit, why not? I don't need it, but I want to see what's in there."
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        • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
          Originally Posted by perryny View Post

          To be honest, Rick, I barely glanced at the graph. Your words sold me.

          I distinctly remember glancing at the numbers atop the graph, not really getting what they represented and not caring.

          I think I was sold right here: "I built this up over the last year. I've helped other people with their blogs as well. I can help you with yours if you want."

          Then you never gave me a reason to not want it, and the $10 was the, "Shit, why not? I don't need it, but I want to see what's in there."
          Ahhhh, the emotion of curiosity (i.e. the desire to know) strikes again.

          That's a really astute observation, Perry. That you could want something just for the sake of knowing what's inside, with the benefit being secondary to the sale.

          PS: You remember that little copywriting report I sold last year for $7? It's now up to $97 and I'm getting it. Against this traffic. Zero refunds.
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          • Profile picture of the author perryny
            I most definitely remember your "Black Friday" report. And I wouldn't have been disappointed had I paid $97.

            One of the primary reasons I wouldn't bat an eye purchasing another $10 report from you, even if I have zero current need. I have no doubt I'll be getting way more than my money's worth and I'll learn something very worthwhile.
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            • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
              That's very nice of you to say that, Perry. Thanks!
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              • Profile picture of the author PBFDan
                Hey rick, Can't thank you enough.

                Just a question outside of copywriting, what kind of upsells do you attach with your $10 report? Are they SUPER related to the report e.g. Video explanation/version of the report, or something else unrelated (in the same niche of ofcourse) e.g. $500 copywriting coaching
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                • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
                  Originally Posted by PBFDan View Post

                  Hey rick, Can't thank you enough.

                  Just a question outside of copywriting, what kind of upsells do you attach with your $10 report? Are they SUPER related to the report e.g. Video explanation/version of the report, or something else unrelated (in the same niche of course) e.g. $500 copywriting coaching
                  Thank you. You're very kind.

                  For the record:

                  There is no offer. There is no report. I have no service to help people build up their blog traffic.

                  I made that copy up whole cloth. The only thing that IS real are the graphs. Those really ARE from my blog from yesterday.

                  I wrote that post for YOU. To give you another way to look your copy. To give you some ideas. And to prove a couple of points.

                  ----

                  What are the points?

                  1. You CAN effectively and profitably compete against more well-known companies. The idea that anyone owns the market and you have to compete toe to toe against them is not the reality. So I didn't want you getting discouraged because you weren't already a well-known brand.

                  For instance, I compete in the weight loss market every single day. There are big dogs. And there are LOTS of little dogs who are very successful. I compete against myself with multiple offers out there. Some are with brands, but most are not. And they still do well.

                  2. In your situation, proof is important. I believe graphs are essential for your type of service.

                  3. What I also think makes that copy I wrote work is the subtle but effective price contrast. I put myself out there as a not unrealistic $150/hour. Then when I reveal the price, it seems like a steal. That was deliberate.

                  4. Perry's brought up the idea that at that price point, it could be more of a curiosity sale. I think that line of thinking as definite merit, although I didn't write the copy with that in mind. But it's something for YOU to consider.

                  I honestly did not try hard when I wrote that copy. I didn't credentialize myself. I didn't build up the value of the traffic. I didn't do a lot of things I could have. But imagine if you really put some muscle into it.

                  ----

                  To answer your question about upsells...

                  You want an upsell that complements the initial sale. The best converting upsells create a "piece to the puzzle" mindset in the customer.

                  In other words, you open the upsell up by creating a specific vacuum or hole to fill. And then conveniently, you introduce this one piece to the puzzle that fills the hole.

                  In your case, there are so many upsells, it boggles my mind. Just go to the WSO forum and see what other marketers are offering.

                  Good luck. Hope this helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author ryanmilligan
    Banned
    I've not seen the method or product but you are opening with a blatant lie. 15 minutes work for 1'000'00's of targeted visitors. You wouldn't be asking for help if you could do that.

    Unless the person is a complete beginner to the scene they are going to know that, that statement is totally bull. If it weren't and you were going to give that info away we would all be swimming in tens of millions.

    Personally, after about a month of IM education just reading the headline would make me leave the page. It's to good to be true. (I) as the visitor want something realistic

    To me screen shots mean nothing, easily faked with browser plug ins. Whats the bit about the lawyer in there for as well? What has that got to do with anything.

    Traffic means nothing if it doesn't convert. If you want some private help with this just PM me. Sorry to be so blatant but you asked for the bad to be pointed out.
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    • Profile picture of the author PBFDan
      Hey Ryan,

      Good points there.

      What I mean by that is it's a 15 minute read, not a 15 minute method. Like you can read how to play golf in under 15 minutes, but it'll take some work to get to where you want to be. Thanks for pointing that out. To me it makes sense but I might have to reword it.

      So these are traffic strategies that can get you 100,000s of visitors to your blog, not you can get 100,000s in 15 minutes.

      The lawyer is there as a metaphor, should I remove it?

      Not a problem mate please be blatant an honest. It gets things done quicker.
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    • Profile picture of the author PBFDan
      Originally Posted by ryanmilligan View Post


      Traffic means nothing if it doesn't convert. If you want some private help with this just PM me. Sorry to be so blatant but you asked for the bad to be pointed out.
      Sure mate i'll test this page out and see how it converts, then I'll PM you if I need some help. Appreciate it.
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